I had a long talk with my friend, the Broom Closet, and we had to agree on extending the petition to each and every one of the discriminated rooms: from now on the petition is not "The Broom Closet has to be clean and not discriminated!" anymore, now it is called "Dirty and Discriminated Rooms who fight for their Social Welfare". Dirty & Discriminated Rooms from all over the world, UNITE! If we reach a satisfactory number of signatures we could go on, I'm sure!

I have seen things that you students of Hogwarts can't even imagine. I've seen them because they make me. And I've seen so much that now I'm sick and tired. I am the Dovecot. Well, you call me Owlery, but I feel more like a Dovecot. And you know why? Because given the IQ of the animals I host, I can't honestly say they are trained owls. Do you know how many of those birds I've seen crushing against my walls because they couldn't aim for the window? Do you know how many of those stupid fowl get the letters to the wrong recipients? I have an average: four per day. You don't believe me? Then read the fanfictions! In how many of them there is a misunderstanding about who is the Real Recipient? And what about their masters! They're so intelligent that I sometimes wonder who is the real master, if them or the fowl! They get in smiling like idiots, they stomp and the owl dropping that are everywhere, they struggle to tie the letter on their chicken's leg and they tell them what to do. Usually they go like "Ok, try not to get lost. Bring it to Snuffles, ok?" WHAT THE HECK? TO SNUFFLES? And then I understand why the feathered can't get the right recipient!

I've seen with my own eyes people making proposals here. Aw, how romantic: "Cho, how about going to the Ball with me?", in a lovely smell of crap. I stick with my friend Closy for the petition for the cleaning of the less fortunate rooms. I'm full of crap, feathers and pieces of paper. Last time they cleaned me it was for the Great Ball of the Dovecots in 375 B.C…. well, at least I've been cleaned once, unlike Closy.

But I don't have a good life anyway, you know? Do you have the faintest idea what owls and doves do at night? A whole lot of very dirty stuff. My virgin eyes are tired of all this promiscuity. Please, rearrange me. I want to be a Chic room, just like the Astronomy one, or the Divination one… What do you think, I could look a hell of a lot more attractive than I am now if I had some armchairs, a fireplace…? Do you believe me if I tell you that that bitch of the Common Room of Griffyndor teases me since they put owls in me? I know you believe me, you know, every Common Room in this school is a bitch!

May I ask you something else? Please, put a balustrade to my window, you can't even imagine how many students try to kill themselves jumping off my window. There are some students who seriously worry me… every bleeding time they come, they stare like two hours out the window. And then, there are those jerks. I really wish to throw them out the window! The ones who come, look around and say "Oh my, someone should clean this place!" and then thay don't do anything about it. And don't play dumb with me, you Hufflepuff, you work just like a retired Slytherin!

I'm sick and tired to be Dirty & Discriminated. I'm sick and tired to have my walls covered in the blood of the owls who hit my walls. I'm sick and tired of the flirting little students. And anyway I could be a really kickass room, you know…I think I could be the Detention Room. All covered in studs and chains, just like a punk! but some very spineless man decided that in the XIX century there is no more need of some serious hits for teaching the students some etiquette. And so I'm covered in crap. Literally!

And you, Griffyndor Common Room, don't be a snobbish bitch, as I'm the only Dovecots around! You are just one of the other three Common Room.

Anyway sign the petition, the battle is not over yet! ALL FOR WON!

Ps. My gosh, translating is a hell of a difficult task. Anyway my native language is Italian, which is very (and I mean it) different from English

Jeez

THANK YOU FOR SIGNING! THE BATTLE KEEPS GOING ON!