Good morning, plebeians. To my great dismay, I couldn't help but notice that the Broom Closet, that filthy peasan, dared disturb you with this nonsense. Said nonsense is a document, or even better, a petition about the rights and the dignity of discriminated Rooms. Please. Be serious: you all know that those rooms, forgotten even by the house elves, have no dignity. The most serious problem, the one that really worries me, that is taking my sleep away, is that this petition is actually going somewhere.
If I didn't feel like crying, I would laugh, because this whole thing looks like a joke to me.
And so, I, the stupendous, marvellous, wonderful, magic, incredible Common Room of Slytherin, decided to say "I've had enough of this buffoonery!"
I've had enough of this absurd Closet, who is only used by hormone-raging teenagers, who has been joined by other filthy, flea infested rooms: The Owlery and the Out of Order Girls Lavatory.
Noble Chambers, this complain is for you: help me in my threatening work towards this farce. Please, help me put this commoners back to where they belong, at the bottom of the social order. Let's hold on tight on our well deserved privileges. We shall not allow this scum to be the masters of our marvellous school! To the arms! We will ask for demolition, if it is required!
For the love of our splendid castle, please, UNITE!
I leave you, and I remino you the Noble Room Decalogus:
You're noble because you are cleaned often and with care.
You're noble because you're still in use.
you're noble becasue they use polish on you even on Sundays and durino holidays.
you're noble because your only parasites are students.
you're noble becasue you can open your doors and be sure of not letting out bad smells.
you're noble because you're design is from some really cool artist.
you're noble because students don't commit sins in you.
you're noble because the lights in you are never burned out.
you're noble because you help culture.
you're noble because internal fluids of animals and students are not on your wall and/on your floor but inside their owners.
…
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Ehm….by the way…I have a complain about a matter that seriously dishonours me….
How come that Griffyndobes is in the high clearity of the sky while me and my students are dying of claustrophobia in the basement? Why don't you give us some window? Why light has to be green?
Obviously it is chic, mind you, but I'm not a youngster anymore, and now I suffer from wet climate and rheumatism…I only ask for a little transfer during holidays, that's all…