Chapter 12-

From high in the sky a raven was looking for someone. From his friends' memories he knew the man he was looking for. His friend seemed to classify him as handsome but that was just a description of how he looked. Jet black hair, dark eyes and a reckless attitude that seemed to pair well with his optimism.

He was using the link that Maverick had with Lorenzo as if had not weakened over the years, just unused. It was also unsurprising that the crow had seemed to find the man walking away from a dive bar following another black-haired man.

Los dived for Lorenzo and managed to soften his landing right in front of the man. The raven studied him, analyzing why his friend would give him a message for someone he deemed not worth it. Lorenzo was also studying the bird with its weird behavior and intense eyes on him.

"What in the world?"

If Los could, he would have rolled his eyes. People seemed to forget the importance of birds and deemed their history as mere legends.

Lorenzo, staring at the raven, was amazed when it opened its beak and words flowed out in a voice, he hadn't heard in five years.

"Lenzo, it's Maverick. I'm using my friend Los to send you this message. He had been keeping an eye on you from afar and told me that you were stalking Damon. That is fine but if you plan on taking him too soon that's going to mess up my plans. There are things in the works that I need Damon for so do not under any circumstances get caught or hurt him in any way. See you in 3 years."

The bird closed its beak and flew off. Lorenzo was so shocked by the encounter and weird magic that only Maverick seemed to have.

Oh fuck fuck fuck. No. I was not supposed to do this. Why? How- how is he even here. And the claws and ripping out hearts! Oh god! I murdered somebody.

I covered a scream with my hands, hands that had just killed someone. Tears were coming down my face and I felt sick. I couldn't throw up anymore even if I tried. There was a large pile of bile laying next to the dead vamp that I couldn't hold in when I realised what I had done. At some point the night had gotten even quieter and I noticed the absence of animal noise now. Had they been talking earlier? Had they been trying to warn me about him?

Oh god, oh god, oh god. "FUCK!" my breathing was labored from heavy anxiety and couldn't stop squeezing my hands.

Ok. Think. You need to get rid of the body first then you can have a melt down. Matches. I need matches and new clothes.

With my thoughts in some order I raced back to my house, went up stairs and rinsed off, changed my clothes and brought them with me down stairs. I grabbed some matches out of the kitchen drawer then went back to the dead vampire. I tossed my old clothes on his body, struck a match and tossed it near his hand which instantly caught fire. I used my magic to make it burn hotter so the clothes were completely engulfed in flames. I stayed until the body and my clothes were ash.

I cried the entire time. I couldn't stop. I had literally given away the last piece of me that was still ok. That was still a good person. How could I hold Windy with these hands? How could I look any of my friends in the eyes and make them believe I was ok.

I'm not ok.

I've never been ok and this just made it fucking worse.

I had signed up to change the characters' fates, not kill. Not be the fucking executioner. I was doing good. I helped Tyler, I was preparing. I had Sheila and my friends and Vicky wasn't on drugs and Kelly was still here and things were still good.

And I fucked it up.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. I didn't-" I sobbed at the pile of ashes.

God's, was this what I was going to do to Elena's parents? Could I even- how could i take another life after this.

'Get up.' A voice said inside my head.

My stomach churned recognizing the voice. "No. I do enough for you so I will have this moment you fucking bastard." I growled.

'Get. Up.' Zephir said again.

"Why? Please tell me why? Why am I even here? Cause this, this isn't worth it if it means getting rid of myself. Getting rid of everything I stand for." I cried brokenly.

'I told you that her servants would get involved.'

I scoffed. "Is that what I am to you? A servant so devoted they'd do anything for you?"

'No. If anything you are all your own. When I saw the situation they had created I wasn't expecting you to survive." Ouch! 'But you did. You Lived. This is a hollow victory right now but in time it will be your greatest lesson. So get up, think, move, change. Don't stop trying to live because of her. Don't try and let her break you. You are stronger not because I gave you magic but because you changed it. The first of your kind and already so much better than I expected. So much waits for you but if you let this tear you down then I was wrong. You aren't who this world needs.'

"And what about what I need?" I stood up and used my magic to get back to my house. "What about the fact that I need stability? All my life I make sacrifices for the people I love and get nothing but more problems in return. What about the fact that I ruined my childhood just now? Or that for so many years I would have let my friends' parents die because I thought they were monsters. I'm one now so how can I judge?"

'And would you have rather-ed it be you?'

I froze. Would I have rather-ed it to be me? The answer is…

No. The same reasons I sometimes feel unstable are the same reasons I tried so hard to live. If I had died tonight I would have left behind Windy, Tyler, Matt, The angels, Vicky, Sheila and Petra. I wouldn't have been able to grow up and experience all those good things I had seen on the show like parties, crushes and on the rare occasion, ever-lasting love. I wanted that. So, if i could do that all over again, me or the vampire, i'd choose me. I'd always choose me.

'Good. You're too valuable to not live such a long and full life. Fate has plans for you if only you live long enough to see them.'

After I stopped talking with Zephir I continued to cry myself well into the night. I had fallen asleep as soon as the sun rose and was up at 2 in the afternoon. I didn't dream when I slept, I had no nightmares about what I had done but when I woke up it all just crashed back onto me.

I cried in the shower, I could barely eat and if I was left alone with my thoughts for too long I ended up back on the floor with tears streaming down my face. I couldn't be home right now, not by myself. Not so close to the remains of that corpse.

I packed a bag with some clothes and left for Sheila's place. I took the long way around to avoid people and than wanted to regret it as soon as I heard the animals chattering along the tree lines. It was jus like before with Tyler in the woods but I had been distracted by him. I just ignored them.

I tuned in, reaching deep for the magic that connected me to them and tuned it to hear the intentions behind their noise. I got the cold feeling of fear, the intense buzz of anger and beneath it that concern that made them want to help. Something about me that they felt the need to get a message to me. I got the intentions and pulled back my magic. My own fear was heavy in my stomach, making it hard to breathe.

Not again. Please no.

Another Vampire would soon be coming to Mystic Falls.

Hey guys, this is chapter twelve and more of a… whatever this is. Can't say fluff because this is honestly depressing and short(er than I would like). I came to tell you that my workload has doubled and chapters will be becoming more infrequent than usual. I love doing this story and will strive for more releases but if I can't just do what I love (this) without it feeling like work then I'm not going to enjoy it. If you have any solutions so I can balance this and work load and still have time to live life, let me know because I am a fucking work until I drop person.

Also, the intro for Wild-Light is out so if you're interested take the dive and read it. I can't say much but Forks is going to learn a lot from one girl.

Until next time- BigSmallWonder