Free Talk: Sorry it has taken me so long… I had a small bout of writers block… which is gone now! Thanks to everyone who reviewed! As well to MegTao I wrote chapter eleven twice in the title but really it's supposed to be ten and eleven. Thanks for pointing that out though. - Alisabeth
Never Will We Be That Wonderful: Chapter 12
Anonymous. People write anonymous when they don't want someone to know their identity. In a story I read a few years ago a woman would send criticism and rude comments to people and sign the paper anonymous. When the people she sent them to found out who they were from she became an outcast and no longer that sweet old woman that she had portrayed herself to be.
In this case something wonderful was bought for me. Why on earth would that person not want to make themselves known to me? My first instinct is Michael. Last night he blatantly told me that 'maybe someday I would', but if that's the case how would he know that I was in love with Darien? There's no one else I could think of who could afford that painting.
I leaned the painting against my desk. It was still as beautiful as the night before. Now that I stare at it a little closer I could see how Allan thought she looked like me. Her eyes were similar to mine in color and shape, but the hair was dead on the same. The man looked shamelessly like Darien, so alike that there would be little differences to describe.
Later that day…
A knock came on my bedroom door and in walked Ami and Lita dressed in rain coats as it had been pouring outside all day.
"You're all soaked!" I giggled.
"It's not our fault were to young to drive. If it was up to us we wouldn't have walked here," complained Lita while removing her coat and hanging it on my coat rack.
"What brings you two here," I asked, still amused by their drowned rat look.
"We need to discuss a certain issue with you," explained Lita. "And see how you feel about it,"
"Well discuss away," I said looking at them both. My stomach sank, I was really hoping it wasn't about me. I've had enough problems with girls at school I didn't need my friends digging into me as well.
"It's about Minako. She's been very distant lately and always with that Hatsumi girl. Who tries to be Heather but I'm sorry you just can't go and switch to your English name this late in life!" criticized Ami.
"I agree no one even calls her Heather!" complained Lita while taking a seat in my desk chair.
"People in her grade often call her Heather. Darien refers to her as Heather. You're right though about Mina, she has been rather distant lately. She even gets mad at me saying that I'm too full of myself to make plans with her," I said dryly. It was the truth and it hurt when she said that to me.
"We're thinking of cutting her off completely. Show her that she can't just have us in the background. She either has both all the time or just one," exclaimed Ami. "I just hope she chooses the right one,"
"Has anyone said anything to her?" I questioned.
"How can we? We never see her! She's not even in the same lunch period as us anymore. She switched into Hatsumi's," shouted Lita, now getting frustrated
"In a sense I almost want to say then let her go. If she doesn't want to be friends with us that bad then I say let her go be with Hatsumi," I explained with a sad toned voice.
I didn't want to leave Minako, but she was being so rude to us.
"Serena, please! Clearly we're too selfish for that. And so is she! She's the same girl whose too busy to hang out with us on Friday night but when there's a party she's in there like a dirty shirt!" yelled Ami.
"Fine then, confront her about it," I said, getting a little irritated with the two's lack of reasoning.
"She says bad things about you behind your back you know?" stated Lita turning to face me.
"She says bad things to my face too," I replied smiling sadly.
"No it gets worse. She says that you've changed and that you've become a huge bitch ever since you got yourself a boyfriend. Plus she even accuses you of secretly wanting to be Raye this entire time," Continued Lita. I stood up in outrage.
"Why does everyone have this strange idea that I've become a bitch?" I shouted getting extremely annoyed.
"You're not, if you were we'd tell you believe me," said Lita. Her comment doesn't stop me from trying to change the subject though.
"Someone sent me a painting," I said quietly pointing to the canvas leaning against my desk.
"I was wondering about that. It's beautiful, is it of you and Darien?" questioned Ami examining it further.
"No that's just a coincidence. Allan and Mr. Witherson, Darien's father, both thought the same thing though. I just liked what it stands for. I commented on how much I loved it and the next day someone sent it to me," I exclaimed, my happy returning to me now.
"You mean you have no idea who sent you this beauty?" Said Lita while standing back from it to get a better look.
"Not a clue. Well I have a small clue; I told Mr. Witherson that I would like to own it and his reply was maybe some day you will," I explained glancing at the gorgeous painting.
"Who did you go with to the art exhibit?" Questioned Ami.
"…" I hesitated this was not something I wanted to tell people but I suppose I'll have to. "Allan Debelle,"
"Allan? You mean as in the really hot guy from England?" She exclaimed.
"The very same," I replied.
"How? Why would he ask you to go? Let alone why would you go with him? You're dating Darien Chiba! Everyone knows that you don't tangle with Darien's girls unless you want the crap kicked out of you," finished Lita.
"Nothing happened. He just invited me to an art show as friends. Why would Darien care if I have a guy friend or not?" I asked. It's true Darien has loads of girl friends why does it matter if I hang out with a guy or two?
"It does matter. He will be jealous of you being friends with Allan," continued Lita.
"How do you figure? When he was dating Raye she was able to flirt and tempt other guys behind his back and pull off the 'we're just friends' story. Of all the people why would he not trust me?" I asked.
"That's just it. He never really liked Raye. He's in love with you," said Lita.
Love? He is most certainly not in love with me. If he was so infatuated then why hasn't he just come out and say it. Then again I suppose I have no idea what I would say in return to him seeing as I can't get my own feelings in order.
"He's not in love with me," I stated.
"Are you kidding? Of course he is! All he ever does is talk about you and he just constantly wants to be with you. That's love," explained Ami.
"Is it love though? Is that all there is to love? Wanting to talk about one an other and being together at all times? Is that all there is? I think love should be a lot deeper than that," I confessed.
"Are you in love with him?" Asked Ami
Pause. Since when do they care if I'm in love or not? It's not like I want to yell it at the top of the roof. Teenagers aren't really in love they merely think they are because it's a fantasy that they want to live; a fantasy they think they should live. I guarantee most will say they're in love but the moment the couple breaks up their answer changes to, 'I wasn't really in love I just thought I was'. Talk about heart shattering for the delusional.
"I'm not in love with him," I replied coming to a stand.
"You're not?" said Ami in a rather sarcastic tone of voice.
"No, I'm not. If this was love wouldn't I feel something different? I mean for god sakes he still gives me butterflies in my stomach when I go to see him. If our relationship hasn't passed that point then why would I call it love?" I defended myself.
"Or is it that you're in love that those butterflies are still there," replied Ami, as if she was some sort of love expert.
"What if Allan sent you the painting?" Said Lita suddenly looking up at me.
"Why would you say Allan?" I asked.
"This card. It says 'you're in love. Indulge your passion.' maybe Allan knows something about you that you don't," she smiled handing me the card. "Because I highly doubt Darien's father would,"
Allan? I had never even considered the possibility of it being Allan. The painting was a lot of money and unless Allan is secretly wealthy then how could he have afforded it? Then that doesn't answer why he would spend such a great amount on me. If I am in love and if I am to indulge my passion then it would be with Darien not Allan. So the question still remains the same, why?
"I'm pretty sure it was Allan then. He certainly acts as though he's attracted to you perhaps this is his way of showing it," explained Lita.
"This painting was extremely expensive how could Allan have afforded it?" I asked.
"The Debelle family is by far a very prominent family in the business world. His father is the president of an oil company. Besides, have you not seen the purse that Natsumi carries? It's a Louis Vuitton!" cried Ami while crossing her arms.
Deep down in side Ami is a brand whore. Being that she too is wealthy she receives lavish presents when her parents go away on trips in compensation for leaving her all by herself. She has received several designer bags but never has her parents brought her back something Louis Vuitton. This drives Ami insane.
"Well you would know," I said plainly.
"Of course I would. It's the only thing I ever ask my parents to bring me back and have they? No! They just bring me back the same designers as usual and when I ask why they say that they never saw a Louis Vuitton store. That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. They leave me alone half the time and they can't for once just bring back a Louis Vuitton hand bag!" She cried, her eyes were showing small tears.
This debate was no longer the fact that they didn't bring her back something Louis Vuitton, but the fact that they never brought her.
"Why is that stupid?" questioned Lita, oblivious to Ami's secret pleadings.
"There's several stores in each country," she sniffed while taking a tissue from my tissue box.
"Where are your parents right now Ami?" I asked giving her a soft hug.
"In England," She cried. "I miss them so much,"
At this point Lita sat beside her and put her arm around her.
"How come it's all of a sudden bothering you now?" Asked Lita.
"It always bothers me. The fact that it hurt me I didn't think really matter all that much. I'm spoiled and rich and to my parents that should be enough to keep a daughter happy. Just like in a tell a tale movie where the spoiled daughter is lonely. It's not just a movie plot it happens in real life. My mother has never once said 'Ami I love you'. She just buggers off with my dad to some place where I'm not. You know I was an accident? They weren't even planning on having any children," She said sadly and fell into my arms.
"We knew Ami, we knew you weren't as strong as you appeared," I said while stroking her hair gently.
"You knew?" She asked lifting her head a little to look at me.
"Of course I did. It's always been your greatest lie," I replied gently. She hugged me tightly.
"Thank you," She laughed through tears. The two of us hugged her hoping to make her feel better.
What really was there for us to do? I knew one day she would break down and tell us her parent troubles. I expected it and knew that I could not push her to talk about it. She would say something when she was ready. It just so happens something so simple as a Louis Vuitton hand bag would make her explode.
The Next Day…
"Serena! Come here!" Shouted Lita as she ran towards me and grabbed my arm.
"What is it?" I asked looking at her in confusion.
"It's Raye I found out why she hasn't been here," explained Lita in a hushed down whisper. "Her Grandfather died three weeks ago and she has gone missing ever since,"
"What?" I said in disbelief.
"Apparently, he had a stroke in his sleep and Raye was the one to find him," explained Lita.
"And they have no idea where Raye could be?" I said making sure I got everything.
"Exactly. She's been missing for over three weeks now and the house has basically been abandoned. The principal told me this morning because he was wondering if I knew any location Raye could have gone," She explained. Tears were welling up in Lita's eyes.
"I know she was mean and I know she treated everyone badly but she's all alone. No one deserves this,"
"What about Natsumi?" I asked, tears now beginning to appear in my eyes too. I was feeling shameful.
"Natsumi? She's been gone for a while now. She went into home schooling," explained Lita.
"Why did she do that?" I asked
"I don't know maybe ask her brother," Said Lita while turning to go to the bathroom. "Where do you think Raye went?"
"I'm not sure," I replied while wiping the tears from under my eyes.
It was at that moment that the thought struck me, lake Oshinibi. That was the lake where I believe something happened to Raye's parents and siblings. It was the perfect place to hide as it was off season and no one would be there except for the temple priests and priestesses.
"Whore," Some girl said as she passed me.
"Excuse me?" I shouted back at her.
"You heard me bitch! Raye left because of you!" She shouted across the hallway.
"What is she talking about?" I asked to Lita.
"That's a stupid rumor going around. You apparently drove Raye away and that she was really gone a while ago and that her grandfather died of loneliness. Don't worry though most people know it's not true," She explained while turning to leave. "I've got to go though I'll see you after class,"
"How could people even say that about me? I'm not this horrible person they're all making me out to be!" I shouted out loud.
"Yes you are," I heard a familiar voice from behind me say. I turned to find Naru standing there clutching her history text book. "You've turned into what I know you used to hate,"
"What are you talking about?" I asked while I turned to face her.
"Serena want to skip the next class with me? I think we need to talk," she explained while placing her book in her hand bag.
What did I have to loose? Maybe she could help me fix this issue I've been having.
The two of us walked up the hidden staircase in the drama room that led to the roof where we leaned against the barricade. The air was cold but refreshing.
"So why are people saying such awful things about me?" I asked calmly. Naru handed me a can of orange juice.
"Because you've become so awful," She explained while taking a drink of her juice.
"What are you talking about? I've never done anything wrong to these people!" I defended myself.
"No? What about telling girls to piss off in the hallway when all they did was accidentally bump into you? What about throwing a guys bouquet of flowers at him? Serena there's a line between being innocent and a bitch you can't be both," She explained. "I don't blame just you though,"
"You sure seem like you are, who else would you put to blame here?" I stated.
"When you were friends with Raye and you belonged to that group of five you were the one bullied the most. People walked all over you and treated you horribly. It's as Lord Acton said, 'absolute power corrupts absolutely'. It's a true statement. You're mentally taking revenge because somewhere inside you, you now know that these people will not take a stand against you," she explained philosophically.
"What makes you think you're so right?" I questioned.
"I am right because I'm the outside point of view. I watched it silently from the side lines. I watched it from the moment you got the guy and people began to assume things. People assume too much," She said while setting down her juice on the ledge. "Back when you were friends with Raye you would still talk to me occasionally and complain about how much of a hypocrite Raye was. Now you're that hypocrite. You would say things like, if I ever became that popular I would never treat people how they treat me. You hated what she was like and now you've become what you hated,"
I stared at Naru intensely. She was right. I had been too self absorbed to see what I was doing. It was almost as if I had been blind for the past five months and she had just given my sight. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes but I didn't care. Naru put her arms around me and bringing me into a hug. I missed Naru. She was the only true friend I ever had.
"What am I to do Naru?" I asked while leaning on her welcoming shoulder. "I don't think I can do anything to make things right. I didn't even know I was doing this. I mean sure now looking back on it I was extremely mean to some people. I never saw any harm in it though people were always mean to me. I did the meanest thing in the world to you even. I'm sorry,"
"Two wrongs don't make a right. If you had gone about it a different way and instead of seeking revenge and just been your usual nice self I'm sure people would have reacted in a different way. You were lead by peer pressure, by what everyone expected you to be. It's the same with Raye she wanted you to get rid of me and you did," she explained.
"It's so funny, Ami and Lita said that if I was becoming a bitch they would have told me. No they wouldn't have, they never told Raye so why would they bother telling me? It's not like they're the ones having the problem with me," I stated. "Speaking of Raye have you heard what happened to her?"
"I think everyone's heard about Raye by now," She explained and she was right. "Do you know where she is Serena?"
That was how I was going to make things right. Maybe not with everyone around me but at least right with myself. I stood up and began to walk away from Naru.
"I'm going to go find her. If anyone asks Naru tell them I've gone home sick," I said slowly as I stood up and just before I left I stopped. "Thank you, for opening my eyes,"
It was getting darker out as I approached Oshinibi. The lamps at the lake's temple were being lit. The bus stopped and I walked the short distance up the dirt road to the temple. I saw her then, Raye, sitting with a blanket wrapped around her just as I knew she would be. Her knees were touching her chin and she looked lost. She was staring blankly into the lake's depths.
"Raye?" I asked as I approached her. Her head raised and I could see the tears shining in the dim light of the lamps.
"Serena? What are you doing here?" Asked Raye with a sad smile coming across her face.
"I heard what happened and I came to find you," I said slowly as I approached her. Raye couldn't hold it back anymore and the tears poured from her face as she chocked out a few sobs. She grabbed onto me crying on my shoulder.
After a while Raye calmed down. A temple priestess brought me out a blanket and us both tea. We sat gazing at the lake with the reflection of the stars on it for hours.
"My parents and brothers… They died here," She explained.
"I know," I replied while taking a sip of my tea. "I figured because you refused to come to this lake with us so often,"
"I was here when I was about eight with them. We were staying at the resort on a small family vacation. My mother and father left me with my grandfather and the temple priestesses as they went to go get my two older brothers from school. There was a thunder shower that night with heavy rains, I remember because I kept telling them to hurry back so that we could watch the lightning together. I fell asleep before they returned home so I barely got to see any of the lightening," She paused and looked over towards the dirt road. "You see where there's a small clearing near the water over there? Well that night my dad lost control of the car due to the conditions of the dirt road and their car was driven straight into the lake where they died. No one heard the car. Not one single person heard it drive into the lake. It wasn't until morning that they saw what had happened. They had no way to escape," Her face was grim now and tears were flowing down her cheeks. "I barely remember the funeral. I was kneeling beside my grandfather through the whole service. I remember lighting the incense at night time as well. There was never any question where I was to go. My grandfather took me in right away. I had no other relatives anyway. He raised me,"
I stayed silent, unsure of what to say. She then pulled out from under the blanket a picture frame.
"This is all of us, here the summer before when I was seven," She explained as she pointed to the two taller boys whose shoulders she was sitting on. "Those are my brothers, Daisuke and Kyou. I remember playing with them along the beach that summer,"
"Raye did you ever tell anyone about this?" I asked quietly while looking over the picture of the family.
"No. Not like anyone really would have cared about my life. It's tragic I left my past to mystery so it would seem more interesting. Not knowing leaves the imagination to fill gaps," She explained.
'Not knowing leaves the imagination to fill gaps.' This sentence was very true. If it wasn't for the fact that her grandfather had casually mentioned her brothers before I would have thought her to be an only child. If she hadn't of fainted or freaked out every time we tried to bring her to this lake then I wouldn't have thought any further about her parent's death. People assume too much.
"Why did you come here Serena?" Asked Raye now looking directly at me.
"Everyone was worried about you and no one knew anywhere to look for you. Being that I was so silent all these years I picked up on hints you left when talking. I knew where you would be," I smiled sadly at her.
"I'm really sorry," She smiled sadly back at me. "I've done nothing but been a terrible friend to you. You stuck through at the worst times. I made fun of you I used you and worst of all I tired to turn people against you, I'm sorry," She cried while bowing her head in shame.
"I stole your boyfriend, we're even," I replied.
"What boyfriend? Him and I were fake. I made him go out with me; our relationship was a charade. I'm not a terrible person Serena, at least, I don't mean to be a terrible person. I never had real friends until I came into high school. I became a controlling person because I was so afraid of loosing the friends I had. I made you loose your best friend because I was so scared she was going to steal you away from me. I then lost control myself and got caught up in the false world that I had created," She said through small sniffs. She had begun to cry again. "And here you are, the person whom I treated the worst, finding me because she still cares. No matter what people say about you I still know the truth. I know we can't be friends anymore Serena, it's not like I deserve your friendship anyway,"
"It's okay," I chocked out. Even I had to admit that tears were escaping my eyes now. "You know people hate me now? They started treating me like I was the new you and look what happened to me?" I began to tell Raye the entire story of my popularity. "It wasn't until today that Naru made me realize what I was doing,"
This was the Raye I liked I just now hope that she can stay this Raye. We stayed there like that for hours. Raye's not ready to come home yet, she's not ready to have friends.
The Next Day…
"Bad girl Serena, you skipped class and now you're really late for your next one,"
giggled Allan as he leaned against the locker next to mine. The hallways were already deserted.
"Sometimes you need to," I replied while pulling down my biology book from the top shelf. It's hard to stay away from him when he's always just popping up wherever I am.
"Did you like the painting?" He asked while grabbing my notebook from the top shelf in my locker and handing it to me.
"It was you! Why would you ever spend that much money on me!" I said in a very surprised tone.
"It's my parting gift to you," He said looking up at me sadly.
"What?" I asked while stopping what I was doing.
"My sister and I are moving back to England," he said slowly.
"Why?" I questioned.
"Natsumi was rejected by a guy and threw a fit saying how people here don't like her the same way they do in England. As for me I've had enough of Japan. I miss my mates and I'm dieing to have proper chips and drinks," He explained. Well at this point he was speaking English and I only had a faint clue as to what he was talking about.
"So you're leaving then?" I asked looking up at him. "Well what did your message in the card mean?"
"You're really in love with Darien. You're fighting back things that you feel and it's not right and it won't do you any good. So indulge your passion if not for your own sake then for mine. It's painful to watch!" He smiled.
He then bent down and with his lips only mere inches away from mine he said. "Kiss me good bye because you'll never see me again,"
And he gently touched his lips to mine and I fell into the kiss. I released myself and allowed him to, if anyone was watching they would probably say that I kissed back. When we finally parted he smiled at me and walked away down the hall.
Why was it that I was so sad to see him leave? This pesky boy who always teased me and made me realize things about myself that I hated. Some how though, it was as if he was me, he knew me better than I knew myself. I loved him but not as a boyfriend, as an older brother who I could rely on.
Free Talk:
Okay so there was pretty much no Darien in that chapter. Why? This story is about Serena not Darien and if I am to finish it I can't always put Darien in every single chapter. This was probably the most emotional chapter in the whole story and the most revealing. Don't worry more Darien in the next chapter. This story is actually almost finished… Only a few remaining chapters! Don't worry though I have another one in the works! Please remember to review! - Alisabeth.