Author's Note: Okay… so the last rant wasn't as good as the last two… but I'm (or at least Spongebob is) back!
You might not get some points in the points unless you know the song lyrics. If you don't know where to find it, ask me in your review for the songs, and I'll send you a link.
On wit da story!
Spongebob's Rant
Greetings fellow "me" lovers. I have called you all here for a very important topic. This is no joking matter… well, actually, it is, but it just sounds more serious that way. Anyway, a group of kids are running around doing horrible things to music. They are changing lyrics to fit the PG rating, and messing up our most favorite songs. These horrible music disgracers are known as:
THE KIDZ BOP GROUP
Now, as you all know, Kidz Bop is nothing but a group of preppy kids who think they can sing. What's so wrong with this, you may ask? I mean, some of your kids have been in a talent show, and may have sung some of these songs. Of course, your children could sing, and even they didn't get a record album; these kids did. But, of course, I'll have to explain to you all of why this is so terribly, horribly wrong…
My first point: Gorillaz lovers, pack your torches and pitchforks, 'cuz they sang "Feel Good Inc." Upon hearing this version of the song, I tried to drown myself in my own tears. Of course, I couldn't do this, because I live underwater and, of course, tears are water. But hey, it wasn't all that bad… I mean, instead of trying to blind myself like I do whenever I watch Nick Jr., this time I tried to make myself deaf. The rapping was HORRIBLE; who told these kids that they could rap? And the laughing part sent chills up where my spine would be if I had bones; but they weren't chills of fear like when I heard the original version. They were chills of PURE UNADULTERATED HORROR that they were actually singing this song. Did you guys notice that in the "windmill" part, they sing the wrong lyrics? This is a tragedy in the history of all songs.
My second point: Obsession. Hello? This song is about sex and other temptations! How the hell can a parent let these kids sing this?
My third point: She will be loved. This is a beautiful song… until, of course, little boys try to hit the high notes. You can turn this song as low as the volume can go, and you can STILL hear the high notes! And what do you guys know about love? Ya'll still think that bothering a girl will get her to love you!
My fourth point: Green Day lovers, be very afraid… because they sang "Boulevard of Broken Dreams." This song (the original version) is supposed to be surprisingly depressing, yet touching at the same time. These kids make it sound like the Boulevard is a party! I mean, it's like you don't even notice the Broken Dreams anymore. They turn the Broken Dreams into "Hey, don't worry; we can turn these broken dreams into fixed ones!" dreams.
My fifth point: My boo. Okay, I will say this a simple as possible… YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW TO "ROCK." YOU DID NOT GET YOUR FIRST KISS YET. YOU DO NOT HAVE A "BOO." I mean, you guys can't even get into PG movies without them looking at your ID card.
My sixth point: Usher, winner of the Kids Choice Awards, Vibe Awards, Grammies, and many other awards, has had his song "Caught Up" butchered by the Kidz bop group. Usher sings most of the song. The only things the kids do mostly are shout the words "Caught Up!" I can't tell if the lack of singing is for better or for worse.
My seventh point: We belong together. Only one thing to say; they left because they hate your singing.
My eight point: Yellow Submarine. This song is already hella annoying if you listen to it long enough… but it was okay until these kids sang it. But, the annoying thing isn't the point, nor is the point that they sing this song. The main point is, THEY MESSED WITH THE BEATLES!
My ninth point: I AM OUTRAGED! They messed with a classic! When I was just a little sponge, my mama introduced me to the song "Stand by me." This is it. I was angry at all the other ones, but when they mess with classics, I get mad.
My tenth point: Hell no! They messed with the Black Eyed Peas! Now, we all know the song "Let's get it started." I mean, it's a favorite… or at least, it used to be. But, after all the lyric changing they do, I'm surprised they let them say "stupid."
My eleventh point: Lose my breath. Not only did they mess with the lyrics, they messed with the overall music.
My twelfth point: Jenny from the block. Yo, where's the "From the Bronx!" part? I mean, there ain't a Jenny from the block unless there's a Bronx.
My thirteenth point: (Don't worry, this is the last one) Invisible. If I was invisible, I'd beat all these guys in their sleep. Here the kids are, changing the lyrics to make the things about drugs, violence, and other stuff more kid-friendly, but here they are, singing a song made for stalkers. If someone ever told me "I wish I was a fly so I could watch you in your room", I would chop them up into sushi and feed them to the sharks. Do they even listen to the lyrics?
There are so many other songs they did, it's not even funny. Kidz Bop has got to be the worst cd ever made. And you know what? No matter how hard we keep complaining, they keep coming out with new albums! Most of the time, it's not even the kids singing it; they have adults trying to… "help" them along. Good idea, 'cuz they need all the help they can get. And another things, the incorrect spelling of "kids" to make it seem cool? It's not cool, so stop trying. Here's a note to all you kids: the next time you THINK you can sing (key word here is "think" go over to Simon from American Idol. He'll set you guys straight. There's only one more thing I have to say: If they EVER mess with the song "Ocean Rock" (The song from the Spongebob movie soundtrack), they shall PERISH!... And now, I'm off to the Krusty Krab.
End
So, that's it. What did ya think? Please, no flames, and if you do leave a bad review, at least tell me how to get better or something.
And for all you retards who want to put "If you hate Kidz Bop so much, why did you listen to the music?" I've got something for you: If you hate this story so much, why are you reading it?
R&R pleez!