A/N: This is my longest, and perhaps most disturbing chapter as of yet. Just a reminder, folks, if it isn't too obvious already- characters are OOC! Don't flame, got that?

Previously, on "Good Karma, Bad Karma"…
"YOU'RE LATE!"

Kakashi looked at the two teens with bored enthusiasm as he continued to mull over the pages of his "Icha Icha Paradise Vol. XXX".

"I was over at Hinata's-" he started.

"LIAR!" cried the duo. Why? And after all that planning, too... Sakura fumed... she could've spent the better part of yesterday afternoon spying on Sasuke... Why couldn't their sensei just admit to being lazy and flaky... and using poor Hinata as an excuse, too... Really...

"-where she managed to give Neji a makeover..."

'Neji? Did he just say Neji?' "Hinata-chan gave Neji-kun a makeover? Sugoi!" interrupted Sakura as she sighed dreamily. There were hearts in her eyes.

Inner Sakura turned into mush as she floated on Cloud Nine. 'I bet he's even more handsome than before! I can't wait to see him! SHANNARO!' (Neji was Sakura's second crush- Sakura knows how to pick 'em- cold, bastardly, #1 rookies, quiet, angry, angsty, in need of a tan…)

Kakashi continued, "and mutilate a couple of estate guards…"

Naruto stared at the silver-haired trainer in disbelief. Kakashi's lies worsened every time he saw him. Hinata mutilate someone? Heck, Hinata wouldn't even hurt a fly if she wanted to (knowing that she probably wouldn't want to offend Shino). She'd probably let a horde of mosquitoes drink every ounce of blood in her body if she knew it would make them happy…

Then the Copy-nin sent Sasuke a furtive glance (which the Uchiha caught) as he finished the last bit of his tale, "… for trying to get into her pants."

Kakashi loved spreading gossip. It was his favorite thing to do next to reading.

Sakura and Sasuke's eyes widened (actually, Sasuke's eyes nearly bugged out of his head). Naruto scratched the back of his head, confused.

"Ne, Kakashi-sensei, Hinata-chan's the type of person who likes to share. I'm pretty sure if the guards asked, she would let them try on her clothes, ne, ne?"

Kakashi almost sweat-dropped. Almost. However, he did throw Naruto a look that said, 'You're kidding, right? You've got to be smarter than that...'

Sakura punched him in the head. "It's not that they wanted to try on her wardrobe, baka…" She sighed. Sometimes Naruto was too dense for words. "How can I say this- You know… Oh! What's the one thing that Jiraiya-sama always looks for but never gets… you know… that thing…"

Sakura's face turned red as she realized she was talking about the birds and bees with him of all people. How embarrassing… Hopefully her Sasuke-kun would still think she was still sweet and innocent...

"Ero-sennin? But all he ever wants is…"

Seconds later, Naruto was on the floor, choking for air, trying to mutter out… "I… need… to change… the… Hyuugas… save Hinata-chan...Bunch of… sick-minded… freaks…" while his pink-haired teammate quickly (and none-too-gently) pounded his back, making his coughing fits even worse. By this point, Konoha's self-proclaimed #1 Ninja's face had turned a sickly shade of PURPLE. Sakura really didn't know her own strength.

Or did she?

At times Kakashi wondered if Sakura was trying to intentionally kill Naruto to have Sasuke to herself.

Speaking of which, no one (but Kakashi) had seemed to realize that Sasuke went AWOL (again- heh), leaving a shadow clone behind in his place.

"Very interesting," he murmured, laughing to himself. 'I figured this would happen...' he thought, recalling that one event...

Indeed, because Sasuke was, at that moment, running like hell to find Hinata, the girl of his wet dreams.

A/N: Yes, that's what I said! WET DREAMS. My story, I do what I want.
Quick flashback:

About a year ago- maybe two, Kakashi had coaxed Sasuke into meeting him for lunch (that the older Sharingan user had no intention of paying for, the sneaky bastard). Sasuke had wrongly assumed he was getting a free meal so when he came the two were seated at a booth; Kakashi talked (while reading- what else) while Sasuke ate.

Across the street, he saw his former classmate Hinata at an ice cream parlor by herself, eating a vanilla cone.

Now there is absolutely nothing special about a person who enjoys eating ice cream. Lots of people like ice cream. Sasuke didn't care too much for the stuff. Gave him brain freeze. And it was way too sweet for his tastes.

But for some reason, Sasuke decided that observing the eating habits of the Hyuuga would be more worthy of his time, rather than listening to Kakashi gush about Jiraiya-sama's literary accomplishments. Watching her wasn't too much of a strain on his eyes… Hinata was, by his standards, a very pretty girl. Though he would never admit it to anybody.

Kakashi knew he was being ignored. He pouted behind his mask. He casually looked into the back of a spoon to see what had diverted the young Avenger's attention.

He was surprised, to say the least, to see an upside-down fuzzy reflection of Hinata eating dessert.

He was even more surprised to realize that perhaps he had been wrong about his pupil's sexual preference. But really, it seemed like all evidence pointed to the fact that Sasuke was GAY.

1. He hated being around girls

2. He chased after Orochimaru, who preferred to cohabitate with younger men (COUGH-Kabuto-COUGH-Kimimaro-COUGH-child molester-COUGH-Jacko and Orochimaru are on each others AIM Buddy Lists and frequent the Altar Boys chat room…).

3. Multiple witnesses had confirmed that Sasuke and Naruto once had a heavy make-out session in their Academy days (as told to him by Asuma who had heard it from Yamanaka Ino, who may have over-exaggerated the whole ordeal just a tad).

Kakashi hated to be wrong. But whatever. The past was the past, and this was a PRESENT. A gift. Because…

…well, because Kakashi knew a possible hentai moment when he saw one. Being able to look underneath the underneath had its privileges. (And because Kakashi's nasty thoughts could easily make the entire porn industry look like kiddie programs on PBS.)

The cogs and gears were already turning in his perverted mind. This would be fun.

Having read the latest installment of the "Icha Icha Paradise" series titled "Icha Icha Glorious Rapture" (which had been banned in several countries because of its far-too-ecchi content, however Jiraiya had hooked him up with an autographed leather-bound copy with COLOR illustrations), Kakashi was chock full of greatly perverse ideas.

It was a good thing Sasuke was intuitive, too…

Kakashi was hoping to get the message conveyed through both of Sasuke's heads.

His weapon of choice?

Copycat Ninja Technique # 402: Subliminal Message no Jutsu. Yeah. Kakashi was all over that one. It was similar to Uchiha Itachi's Mangekyou Tsukuyomi (which Kakashi had been an involuntary recipient of when he had to fight the bastard), but tweaked a bit so that in the end, no one got seriously hurt (like he had been). Either way, in the whole scope of things, both parties got to have fun. And right now, Kakashi wanted nothing more than to watch his pupil make a total ASS of himself!

Sasuke didn't even see or hear #402 coming: the Copy-nin was too sly. The barrage of innuendos hidden in the seemingly innocent sock puppet show Kakashi performed, the colorful illustration of a butterfly that from a different angle looked like two people getting it on that was surreptitiously drawn on their table in crayon, the cheesy porn anthem that Kakashi was humming to himself…

Kakashi was a dirty bastard.

Kakashi was a friggin' genius!

His apprentice had been affected. It was working pretty darn well. Sasuke was sweating buckets and he had just torn his cloth napkin to shreds and chewing his lower lip nervously.

From his seat, Sasuke noticed the flush in Hinata's cheeks (from the balmy summer heat of Konoha), the pieces of hair that clung to her face and neck from perspiration, and the attention she was laving onto the cold indulgence. He followed her motions. Up (lick), down, up (lick), down, swirl… all the while smiling and concentrating on finishing the milky treat… some of which had dribbled onto her chin…

His throat went dry. Why did his pants feel so… constricted? Hoo boy.

Sasuke blinked. For a moment there, he didn't see an ice cream cone. He swallowed the lump in his throat.

He had imagined something… different. And for a second, he though he saw a pair of innocent cream-colored eyes staring up at him through long, lush black eyelashes from underneath the table...

Of course he was imagining things... until he actually felt something.

He looked down and saw that his hand was creeping ever so close to the stiffy in his shorts! He was in a freakin' restaurant for crying out loud! He snapped his hand away as if he had touched fire.

Sasuke thought he was going to die of a brain aneurysm right then and there. Why were all these things happening to him? He looked at Kakashi wondering if he had anything to do with this, or if he had seen anything. Kakashi was too busy flipping through the pages of his book (or so it seemed!). Sasuke quickly removed his suspicions.

He continued to watch nervously as Hinata popped the last bite of cone into her mouth and slowly licked and sucked the white, sticky gooey mess off each of her fingers.

Speaking of white gooey messes… Sasuke came to the conclusion that he had one to take care of as well. He muttered a quick, "I'll be back" and ran as fast as he could to the bathroom to do his business.

Kakashi, after seeing the damp outline of a steeple in Sasuke's shorts, went into hysterics.

#402 was the most AWESOME jutsu EVER!

When Sasuke came back to the table, he was pissed. He spent some time trying to wash out the stain on his pants in the bathroom (for obvious reasons), and he used his Katon Gokakyu no Jutsu to dry them quickly but ended up burning several holes in his shorts, revealing his bright blue boxers with red and white Uchiha fan patterns. To make matters worse, Kakashi had ditched him and left him with the tab!

"Freakin' bastard Kakashi..." he mumbled underneath his breath. Then the anger subsided when he made eye contact with the Hyuuga heiress across the street, who looked at him like a deer caught in headlights (only deer don't poke their fingers together when they're nervous, nor do they blush ridiculous shades of tomato red). They stared at each other for a minute before she ran away.

Sasuke, despite all appearances (burned shorts, sweaty face, odd smell) was one very happy dude.

End Flashback
Of course, Sasuke didn't know that Kakashi knew. Heck, he didn't even know Kakashi was totally responsible for all the NC-17 thoughts that ran through his mind as he was stared at Hinata.

And on top of that, Sasuke didn't know that Hinata had blushed when she got a good look at his underwear.

The only thing he did know was that since that day, Sasuke stopped having nightmares about his tragic past. Of course, he still woke up sweaty and upset…

… but that was because the nightmares had been replaced by erotic visions of a shy Chuunin that liked to have her way with him. The beautiful thing about dreams is this:

You almost always get what you want.

Which is never good unless your fantasies can be reality.

Now, revenge on the asshole brother that killed off your entire family was one thing.

A 16-year old dealing with raging hormones and sexual frustrations was something else.

Was it any wonder WHY the younger Uchiha was such a royal ASS to his teammates?

1. Sakura was not Hinata,

and worst of all,

2. Hinata liked the dobe. Dead Last...

"GAAH! DAMN HIM!" Sasuke screeched as he angrily punched a tree, showering a lovey-dovey couple enjoying their romantic picnic lunch underneath said tree with splinters. Oh yeah. That date was ruined for sure.

Hinata liked Naruto. That fact alone was enough to drive him up the wall! He had considered Chidori-ing the dimwit to Kingdom Come, but the idea of Hinata draping her body over Naruto's as she cried over his listless form squashed that thought completely.

Naruto was one of his best friends (another thing he wouldn't admit, since he sure as hell didn't act like he liked ANYBODY other than himself), but he would resurrect Hades the day Naruto and Hinata ever got together. Fortunately the blond kyuubi-container was too dense to notice his quiet beauty's efforts at catching his eye as he was still hopelessly and helplessly in love with Sakura.

Hopefully his Hinata would get the hint and move onto bigger and better things, namely himself. He figured, why get ground beef (Naruto) when you could have filet mignon (Sasuke)?

Damnit, why couldn't he be on Team 8 instead?

Going (briefly) back to Team 7…

Sakura had so many questions. "Sensei, how does Neji-kun look? What's he like now?" she asked excitedly. Her heart was fluttering wildly in her chest.

"He looks unbelievable," Kakashi said, in a deadpan voice (still reading). "Totally unreal. You're going to flip." And then when no one was looking, his eyes crinkled happily as he shook the last bit of excess laughter out of his system.

And back at the Hyuuga compound…

After properly seeing Kakashi-sensei off at the gates to her home, Black Hinata went back to the courtyard and found that several members of the Branch family had come out to give immediate medical treatment to her would-have-been rapists.

She scoffed when she heard one of her distant cousins mumble about how cruel she was for treating other members of the family in the matter that she did. She balled her hands into fists when the others agreed.

'I see,' she thought angrily. 'Rebuke the victim for fighting off her attackers?' That was taking things too far. There were nine other Hyuugas in the quad excluding those who were down for the count. 'It's time for these people to remember their place.'

She leapt down into the open space. Several pairs of eyes looked up in surprise. Standing before them were nine perfect replicas of Hinata looking none-too-pleased, tapping an impatient boot on the floor. Within milliseconds, the Hinatas were already performing the hand signs required for the jutsu that was going to seal their fate… the familiar brownish black charka seeping through their palms…

And slapping their nine hands over the original Cursed seals of her rather unlucky relatives, the Black Hinatas shouted in unison:

"CHOCOLATE STARFISH no JUTSU!"

The Hyuugas rubbed their foreheads furiously. The clones poofed once the deed had been done.

The Branch members were in an uproar. The Chocolate Starfish no Jutsu had erased all signs of their former seal, but what the hell was that left on their faces? They all looked at one another, and then glared at Black Hinata who had jumped several feet away in a fit of giggles.

"Hinata-sama," sneered one of the men. "What is the meaning of this?" He pointed angrily at the poo-hole tattooed on his head.

"Easy, dumbass," The Hyuugas gasped. They had never heard an insult, let alone a BAD WORD come out of her lips before. Black Hinata rolled her eyes. "It's quite simple, actually. I know what goes on around here. I see all the dirty looks, I know about all the trash talk. Guess what. You talk shit about me, you think shit about me, that seal gets activated. I'm through dealing with all your crap. Those fuckers," she said, pointing to the four debilitated guards, "tried to rape me. Do you have ANYTHING to say to that?"

'Yeah. You probably deserved it,' thought one.

All of a sudden, that Hyuuga began to have a seizure, and before you knew it, a steady river of BILE started to ooze from his seal. The man screamed. (Wouldn't you, too, if crap started to come out of your forehead? Give me a zit with pus any day!) The others blanched in fright.

Black Hinata smiled. The old seal, when activated, destroyed a person's brain cells. It was effective, but then it got pretty old, in her opinion. Nowadays, EVERYTHING killed brain cells. Sitting too close to the television set. Spinning around in circles. Smelling permanent marker fumes. Reading ample amounts of fan fiction too close to the computer monitor. (A/N: Hee hee! Guilty as charged!) Psh. Too much of a good thing always had to result in something bad.

Her new jutsu had upped the ante by re-routing some of the brain's nerve endings. Anything could happen whenever the seal was activated. The brain wouldn't be able to communicate with the body for a period of time. For instance, you might have the desire to pick up a pair of chopsticks, and your brain might be telling you to get your hand, move it to the table, and lift the utensils. But then all of a sudden, your big toe curls. Or you urinate all over yourself.

To make an already long story short, the new jutsu FUCKED YOU UP!

Sasuke came and saw several bloodied bodies quivering in the middle of the large expanse that made up one of the many courtyards in the Hyuuga household. 'What the fuck is going on around here?' he thought. It was almost reminiscent of the day he walked through the Uchiha compound after his aniki annihilated their kinsmen... but these people were still miraculously alive… Walking further into the area, all around him a bunch of disease-ridden people were acting as if the apocalypse had just occurred. It was absolutely disgusting watching these people writhing and retching in pain.

Unable to stand the sight any longer, Sasuke turned to look for Hinata. Surely she wasn't suffering as well? He panicked as he worried for her safety. He didn't have to look very far- standing to the side and observing the freak show was his fantasy girl, laughing and holding her aching sides.

'Holy cow, that is one hell of an outfit!' he thought, looking her over. Never in his wildest dreams would he have imagined seeing her in black leather! His lower extremities were stirring in excitement. He took a couple of deep breaths to will himself to stay calm and thought of something suave to say.

"Ohayo, Sasuke-kun!" said Black Hinata as she noticed the dark-haired visitor. It seemed like she was getting a lot of strange visitors today. (Normally only her teammates and sensei would come and see her.) She shrugged off the passing thought.

She skipped over several members of her family (as our favorite Avenger's hormones started to act up again- 'Wow, they're bigger than I had imagined,' sighed a happy Sasuke, admiring Hinata's bouncy 'friends'…) to get to where the frozen Chuunin stood. She ruffled his black locks playfully.

Sasuke nearly melted into a puddle of goo as he leaned into her touch. Actually, his legs WERE shaking (kind of like a puppy when you scratch it's sweet spot). "H-hi, H-hinata-ch-ch-chan…" he managed to mumble.

Black Hinata looked at him strangely. She had long since stopped touching him and Sasuke was still fidgeting (he was daydreaming about her hands being in other places). "Hey are you okay? Do you need to use the bathroom or something?"

Sasuke reddened as he snapped out of his reverie. ACK! HOW EMBARRASSING! To be asked something like that by the one girl you had the hots for… Where was his damn machismo when he needed it?

"Uh…" He needed to say something cool! And fast! He looked down for a moment to think of something to say, but then he ended up eyeing her chest. Again. Glancing back up quickly, he blurted out, "UhhIgottagobabyImeanmaybeI'llseeyouleatherImeanLATERImeantlateruhboobsImeanBYEHinata-chan!" and left in a flash.

When he got home (after tormenting himself over the stupid things he blabbed in front of his lady love- there were already several self-inflicted lumps on his head) he jumped into bed and relaxed himself the only way he knew how…

Then (after thoroughly petting himself, if you didn't know what he was up to) he got to thinking about how strange Hinata had been acting. Forward. Flirty. Seductive… totally unlike the Hinata he was accustomed to.

Totally unlike the Hinata he was accustomed to. He quickly sat up in his bed.

The wheels in his head began spinning uncontrollably.

"Oh, SHITFUCK!" he groused, as he flopped his head back down into his pillow in total dismay.

If Hinata was going to insist on being forward, flirty and seductive from now on…he wouldn't stand a chance against his moronic teammate!

If he wanted to have Hinata all to himself, he needed to keep Hinata away from Naruto at ALL COSTS!