As far as this chapter goes, I hope I am the first writer to portray Hiashi as, well, read on to find out!

And much like Chapter 10, this is just another very random and weird chapter. You have been warned! Actually, you could probably just skip this chapter. I swear to you that it won't make any sense.

And on another note, I don't like flames. I do appreciate CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM, but any hurtful words delivered towards me will just be deleted. So this message is for Jaques Rico, someone I'd like to consider scum of the earth. This story is written for fun, and if you, Mr. Rico, think it's pure torture to read it, well then fuck off and puh-lease read something else. Sheesh! It's that friggin' easy. And a big thank you to cheh for having my back! Lord knows this story isn't "Pride and Prejudice" or "Gone With the Wind" but I'd like to think that it has its fun moments. Bleh! Flamers suck! If you don't have anything nice or helpful to say, well... I hope you get bitten by rabid animals and go to hell.

Do I need to remind everyone that characters are OOC and that they belong to Masashi Kishimoto? I'd think that if I've already tortured you with 19 chapters you'd all know by now. Wheaties is from General Mills, I think. I'm not going to go down the cereal aisle of the supermarket just to find out... Jules is LAZY!

Hiashi was not having a good day. His whole schedule was thrown out of synch and there was only one person he could blame for it all:

Himself? Pshyeah right. It was highly doubtful.

It was all Hinata's fault. 'Damn that twit!' he thought contemptuously. His ears reddened. Hiashi was PEEVED!

This is a daily recount of what Hiashi-sama goes through on a daily basis. The Hyuugas are all about routine and sticking to them!

As per usual...

5:30am- He wakes up, brushes his teeth, and then washes his face. He brushes out his long mane of hair. Cleanliness is next to Godliness in the Hyuuga home.

5:35am- Eats his breakfast of Wheaties (because it's the Cereal of Champions, and Hiashi believes that ALL Hyuugas should be champions. And like most people of Asian descent, Hiashi enjoys his breakfasty num-nums with unsweetened soy milk because most of the Hyuugas (and 90 percent of Konoha's population) are lactose-intolerant. Of course, he will never let Hinata eat the family cereal because in his eyes she will never amount to anything. She is not a true Hyuuga. She is not a champion.).

(However, Hinata is lactose-tolerant, as she is tolerant of many, many things. And the authoress apologizes for the strange rant about cereal and milk. The authoress, if you are curious, though she knows you are not, is also Asian and lactose-tolerant. She also believes that it is difficult to speak in the third person, as she has clearly done so here. She also eats Crispix because it doesn't get soggy in milk.).

5:45am- Meditates. In reality he's just thinking of how the Hyuugas are so much better than the Aburames, the Akimichis, the Inuzukas, the Naras, the Uchihas, the Yamanakas, etc... and wondering why a Hyuuga hasn't been nominated to fill in the position of Hokage yet. And then he reminds himself that Hyuugas are too good for the position of Hokage. He has this inner battle with himself every day.

6:15am- Visits the grave of Hizashi. Pretends to pray and pay tribute to the brother who sacrificed his life in order to save his own. In actuality, Hiashi is taking a catnap, catching up on lost sleep. And Hizashi, from beyond the grave, holds his head in his hands (heh- get it?) and wonders to himself why he wasted his life for such an ungrateful aniki.

6:45am- Trains his daughters. Well, he pays more attention to Hanabi's training. In his eyes (and well, the rest of the Clan) Hanabi is well on her way to become the Heiress. Hinata is hopeless. She makes little to no errors, but that's still not good enough in Hiashi's eyes.

8:00am- Literally beats into his eldest daughter's head (that would be Hinata, of course) that she will never amount to anything and she will forever be an embarrassment to the Hyuuga name.

And the day would continue on with more clan meetings, a light lunch, even more training with Hanabi, father and daughter tea time (where Hiashi and Hanabi bark orders at Hinata who is forced to serve them their beverages), perusing the pages of guarded Clan secret documentations, another nap, a sensible dinner, and after an hour of television (Hiashi liked to watch "Dr. Phil" and sneer at all the dysfunctional families that were out there, not realizing that his family was just as dysfunctional, if not more) he has a relaxing bath in the furo before retiring for the night.

But not today. Today was drastically different from any other.

Today was the day that shit happened. Instead of beating Hinata until 8:40am, everything went ker-plunk from there on out.

For starters, his daughter, the one he was convinced was nothing more than a piteous waste of genes, the one he had always discredited, the one he believed would never become a successful kunoichi, had snapped and thrashed him pretty well at 8:03am, breaking a few of his bones and even managing to knock a few teeth out of his mouth.

When she finally left his bloodied and broken body at 8:21am, he frantically searched the courtyard for the perfectly sculpted enamels, yet they were nowhere to be found (he didn't know that Hinata had pocketed them as a souvenir). Realizing that he had to tend to his other more serious injuries, he stopped by the family medic who was able to set the bones back in place at 8:52am, but Hiashi would have a limp on his right side for a few more days. (9:24am)-Since he was never able to find his missing cuspids (the ones that Black Hinata had pocketed as a souvenir), he had to settle for fake teeth. And unfortunately, the only thing the family dentist (who happened to live outside of the compound all the way on the other side of town) had to offer were gold teeth. Sadly (and coincidentally) he was out of the right kind of plaster to make the white ones. You know, like normal teeth.

At first Hiashi had flat-out refused to take the gaudy-looking things, but tonight was corn-on-the-cob night at the Hyuuga household and it was hard to eat corn without a full set of molars. The operation was fairly quick, and Hiashi tested out his new set of chompers. They were okay, but it just wasn't the same, he told himself. To be forced to suffer this way until Dr. Acula got his order in... He sighed. Dr. Acula had also ordered him to take a few painkillers, which Hiashi downed with a fullglass of water (10:32am) and told him to go home as quickly as possible since the drugs were pretty strong and would take effect Lord knows when (1hr 02min, to be precise).

When Hiashi walked out of the dentist's office (10:33am), there was a slight chill in the air. Since it would take a while for him to return home, (10:41am) he purchased a cloak (which, unfortunately only came in one color, RED. He shuddered, as it was his least favorite color since it reminded him of the strange eyes of those damn Uchihas, his backwater relatives) and secured the polyester-knit garment around his shoulders.

The wind had picked up slightly, and because he didn't want his lovely hair to tangle, he figured he would have to purchase a hat as well. There were some new head covers in the accessories shop as he browsed the racks. He took one in his hands. The velvety hat was just slightly different from the Western-style brimmed hats he had seen lately. The shopkeeper said it was called a fedora. Strange name, he thought, as he chose one in a pristine white color with a cheetah-print band wrapped around it. It had an abnormally large frilly blue feather accent tucked behind the band, but he shrugged it off. If it was fashionable, then so be it. Maybe he'd throw the feather away later. But for now he didn't care much so long as it kept his luscious locks in place (10:59am).

As he walked, his leg began to bother him. Curse his daughter for inflicting bodily harm upon him! He had no other choice but to go into a store (11:06am) to purchase a cane. But because he was such a tall man, there was only one walking stick that had comfortably suited his needs. It was a large stick carved out of ivory (it resembled a pool stick) that had a gold ball as it's handle. It was gaudy, but it couldn't be helped. Dang, he was spending a lot of money today! It was a good thing he was rich!

(11:14am) Hiashi strolled down the streets of Konoha in his strange get-up. People stared at the ornately dressed man and would bow their respects to him. Occasionally Hiashi would say hello in place of nodding his head (since his neck hurt, too) and the sunlight would reflect off of his 14K gold half-smile and the many rings he wore on his fingers (showing off his overly-rich status). In essence, Hiashi looked like a straight-up old school mother-fucking P-I-M-P. (Insert the theme song to "Saturday Night Fever"- "Staying Alive" for added enjoyment!)

Two women of questionable virtue began to flock towards him just as his perfect vision began to blur a bit (11:21am). He staggered and the women, thinking that if they at least tried to help the Hyuuga figurehead back to his home they would be well rewarded, offered him their shoulders for support. So now Hiashi (looking ever so much like a ghetto superstar) was pimp-walking with two hoes under each arm and he was so stupefied by the effects of the painkillers that he didn't realize that what he was doing looked... illegal. Heck, he didn't even know that these women were butt-ugly!

Pimp plus Hoes equals TROUBLE, or so that's what Ebisu (the closet pervert/jounin) thought as he saw a strangely dressed man parading his escorts around town (11:27am). He shook his head in disappointment. Didn't these people have any sense of common decency? There were children playing in the streets, for goodness sakes! He prayed fervently that his occasional ward, the Third's grandson, Konohamaru, wasn't anywhere near this part of town.

Ebisu whipped out a pad of paper and began filling out a citation. Oh yeah, whoever this guy thought he was would pay a fine for trafficking hookers! He boldly approached the strange man. "On behalf of Hokage Tsunade, you have been served for public debauchery and violating the laws within the borders of our beloved Fire Country," he announced, as he handed Hiashi the ticket (11:28am).

Hiashi, because he was unable to make out the strange words (his brain's been rendered useless because of the strong medication), he carelessly tossed the paper to the floor and walked away with the hoes. "I'm Hyuuga Hiashi, bitch," he slurred, turning towards the side so that Ebisu could hear every word. "I don't have to obey Konoha's laws. I AM THE LAW!" And then Hiashi began to laugh maniacally while the hoes giggled playfully.

'Lord Hiashi-sama? What the hell is going on? How... how dare he!' Ebisu fumed. At this point, he didn't care if Hiashi could Jyuuken his ass into next Sunday. What right did this bastard have to think he was above everyone else, let alone the commandments of the First through Fifth Hokages? Ebisu stomped up towards the arrogant Hyuuga and watched as he succumbed to one of the painkiller's side effects: drowsiness (11:34am). Hiashi fell promptly to the ground, snoring loudly and sucking lightly on his thumb.

At first, Ebisu thought this might be some sort of dirty Hyuuga trick, but after 3 minutes or so, Ebisu shrugged his shoulders (inwardly he was relieved that Hiashi was unable to put up a fight), told the hoes to scram (after giving them his phone number… Ebisu wanted some nookie later on), and hoisted Konoha's noble on his shoulders, making a mad dash towards Konoha Penitentiary (11:40am).

Ebisu also had a report typed and ready for Tsunade to read immediately (since it IS Hyuuga Hiashi who's sitting behind bars), but it had already been established that Tsunade didn't wish to be disturbed until a certain somebody was standing right before her very eyes, ready for observation.

Hiashi would wake up hours later (4:56pm) encased in a jail cell (that had a chakra-inhibitor set inside) with a splitting headache and find himself wrapped in the burly arms of an affectionate 360-lb. inmate named Bubba who was very into the idea of sodomizing the pretty man lying next to him.

And unfortunately, with Neji being reluctant to step outside of the compound (because he's embarrassed about his new look), Hanabi still suffering in the toilet with the runs (diarrhea), and most of the Hyuugas in bad shape (because of the de-habilitating effects of the Chocolate Starfish-no-jutsu), there was only one other person who could make a plea on behalf of Hiashi's innocence or fork over the bail money and set him free.

Hinata.

Hmm... It looked like Hiashi would miss corn-on-the-cob night and "Dr. Phil".

That was really strange. I gave you fair warning, didn't I? I think I'm getting dementia from just writing this story.

Anyways, I'm going to leave Hiashi's fate in your hands. I'm not all that excited about leaving him in there with Bubba, but if you think either White or Black Hinata ought to punish Hiashi, that's entirely up to you! Or do you believe Tsunade should have her way with him? (Shrugs shoulders indifferently.)

And finally, I'm loving all the ideas you guys are giving me for the story! KYAAAH! I feel like a kid in a candy store! Sankyuu!