It's official... I have lost my sanity. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HA... HA... (crickets chirp loudly)... HA...
So... did everyone enjoy pimped-out Hiashi? Hee... It's quite embarrassing that I could even come up with that... And thanks for some of your submitted ideas! I really am drawing blanks when it comes to ideas for future chapters. There is actually a poll that I hope- actually, I'm going to beg on my hands and knees- that you will participate in... just random ideas about what you want for this story! I'd be grateful if you readers can help out in any way! Thanks!
Also, on another note, I am so happy that "Good Karma, Bad Karma" has made it onto some of your favorites lists! Or maybe I should thank Hiashi... or is it pervy Sasuke, Shino, Kiba, Genma or Shikamaru that floats your boats? Or maybe it's simply the wonderful, beauteous creature that is White/Black Hinata? Heh…
And finally, thanks to all of you who submitted those beautiful reviews! KYAAAAH! I'm so happy! And the strangest review I've received by far has been from 'peanut butter jelly time'. Yes, I love Seth MacFarlane... and me, being the cuckoo person that I am... I managed to get your song in my head! Thanks a lot!
And now, on towards another meager piece of bizarre filler that I like to call Chapter 20.
"I'm very sorry. I can't allow you to come with me. Not this time."
"Please! Please let me go with you!" the man cried despondently, crawling on his hands and knees. He tugged desperately at the younger man's pants before realizing that the man standing before him wasn't phased in the slightest. He broke into a sneer. "Why? WHY? It's because of her, isn't it? ISN'T IT! TELL ME!"
The other man sighed, trying his best to blink away the rapidly forming tears. It pained him to see his mentor like this. But rules were rules, and Kakashi had made a promise to his Hinata-chan that Jiraiya would stay as far away from her as possible... And if Hinata-chan got mad at him, the chances of them making babies together and repopulating the world with beautiful Hatake children would be next to nil!
Now Kakashi knew that Sasuke had his eye on Hinata ever since he got him good with the Subliminal-Message-no-jutsu. But Sasuke be damned! Kakashi knew he was waaay more sexier than Sasuke! Besides- Konoha needed more Hatakes and less Uchihas!
The lecherous author studied his student for a moment. He couldn't believe it! Begging wasn't working on his number one fan? Kakashi NEVER said no to him before! Jiraiya thought for a moment before he finally pushed his lower lip just so, pulling out his ultimate trump card... The Guilt-Trip-no-jutsu. "Don't... don't you wuv me anymowe, Kakashiiiii...?" he pouted in his most innocent chibified voice as tears streamed down his face.
The sheer torture of it all! 'Am I a man, or am I a cold, heartless beast?' Kakashi thought to himself as he began to quake with emotion. The copy nin couldn't TAKE it anymore!
"JIRAIYA-SAMA!" he wailed, stretching his limbs out wide in a motion to take into his arms the greatest influence of his life.
"KAKASHI!" cried Jiraiya, running into Kakashi's strong, muscular body. (This is the only time where I'd actually want to be Jiraiya...)
"JIRAIYA-SAMA!"
"KAKASHI!"
And as the two light haired hentai-loving nin embraced, the sky burst into fireworks as dozens of half naked women held up the flag of Sweden, one of the most sexually promiscuous countries on the planet, waving it proudly in the air. Condoms and birth control pills rained from the heavens, promoting that the best type of sex was the protected kind, especially when you didn't want to be tied down to various women demanding child support.
And just to let you know, Kakashi and Jiraiya were the pioneers of overly dramatic hugging. Gai and Lee didn't start it, like everyone had thought.
Let us take a trip back in time, a time when Kakashi was but a wee post-pubescent lad without a Sharingan eye and the Yondaime was still alive. (Insert flashback sequence bubbles here.)
We all know that the Yondaime (cough-Naruto's dad-cough) was Kakashi's sensei, and the Yondaime was once the pupil of Jiraiya. And sometimes, Jiraiya (when he was out of money from his frequent visits to the liquor store and the whorehouses scattered around the seediest areas of town) would often drop by to check in on his former student and his impressive team (Rin, Obito, and of course, Kakashi) and offer some pointers to the impressionable Genins.
And did you know that Kakashi wasn't always cool? That he and Gai were once best friends? That Hatake Kakashi used to look even DOOFIER than Gai before Gai took pity on a once pitiful excuse for a human being and made him into something? But then Kakashi left Gai to pursue the number one girl rookie of their class?
Gosh! Just like Sakura and Ino!
Just kidding. That didn't happen between Gai and Kakashi. I'm sorry I lied to you. (Bows head in shame.)
But Gai, too, was under the apprenticeship of another great Konoha sannin- and I bet you didn't know this either, but it was OROCHIMARU! And actually, Gai did have his own assigned Jonin sensei, but he wanted his own sannin mentor to be on par as Kakashi's rival. Originally, he had gone to the wonderfully boobacious Tsunade for help, but she merely flicked him away with her Super-Powerful-Flick-no-jutsu. Because two of the three sannins were unavailable, Orochimaru was the one he went to because he was the only one left. But Orochimaru didn't know this. Of course not.
And sadly, if you haven't guessed this already, I am totally pulling this out of my ass, too, but I would simply DIE if Kishimoto wrote this into his manga somewhere... I mean, 'cause really. If someone told me that Orochimaru was Gai's sensei, I'd be forced to believe it myself somehow, even though Orochimaru is all about forbidden genjutsu crap and Gai's all about the taijutsu techniques. But seriously, guys. The weirdness, the blatantly obvious hints of being into the boy on boy love, the constant need to prove that they're so much greater than everyone else, doing things in the name of glory and power- (i.e. Orochimaru's attacks on Konoha and Gai's little matches with Kakashi)? Eh? Eh? I mean, why the hell couldn't this have happened?
Anyways...
For the sake of this bizarre story, Gai and Orochimaru hated that Kakashi and Jiraiya thought they were cooler than everybody else. Why? Because it simply wasn't true! Gai, with his über-hot Konoha standard green body stocking and Orochimaru, with his wheat-colored dress with sexy slits on the side and thick purple rope belt thought they were the shizzle fo'rizzle, my dizzle! The two eccentric men thought they were absolutely STYLIN'! And nothing screamed SMEXY better than mushroom haircuts and super long femininely flowy locks. (And is it just me, or does Hanabi bear a strong resemblance to Orochimaru? Scary…)
But when Gai and Orochimaru caught Jiraiya and Kakashi in one of their affectionate embraces complete with all the special effects, it was game over for the two jealous onlookers.
(Nobody knows this, but Gai, when nobody was looking, collected as many condoms as he could, thinking that he could bed more women than Kakashi and Jiraiya COMBINED.)
(Furthermore, Gai has yet to use the rubber/latex contraption for it's rightly designed purpose... and even if he WAS fortunate enough to use one, condoms carry an expiration date, or so I've been told. Or heard on the telly. Somewhere. You see, Gai WAS the real 40-year old virgin. Only Wikipedia says he's 27. But come on! He does NOT look 27! Freakin' Asuma is 28 and he looks waaay younger than Gai! WTF? And Genma is listed as being 30. Cripes, man!)
Gai and Orochimaru looked at each other and KNEW that they had to top that. It was bad enough that they couldn't come up with snazzy comebacks to Kakashi and Jiraiya's great one-liners. The phrase, "I know you are but what am I" was getting really, really old. They had to be the best at hugging or BUST!
So the two frighteningly bizarre men met in the dead of the night to practice all different sorts of hugging positions, thus resulting in the birth of Orochimaru's little-known forbidden technique, the Kama-Sutra-no-jutsu. (Jiraiya somehow managed to watch and illustrate each form in detail, with Orochimaru sketched as a woman, of course, and sold the collection of drawings in a 64 page booklet under a different name, his first best-seller, "Icha Icha Tactics Vol 1"). (And yes, for all you technical people out there, I do know that "Icha Icha Tactics" was Jiraiya's 3rd book, written after "Icha Icha Paradise" and "Icha Icha Violence".)
Finally, the day came when Orochimaru and Gai were ready to challenge Jiraiya and Kakashi as the best dramatic huggers ever. It was a lovely day in May and Orochimaru and Gai waited for several hours before Kakashi and Jiraiya finally decided to show up (late, as per usual, too, I might add). Kakashi and Jiraiya both agreed that the contest was stupid and inane, but Gai and Orochimaru could only say that if the two men backed out now, it would mean that they were forfeiting because they knew that they were going to lose.
And before the test could even begin, Sarutobi Sandaime appeared before Orochimaru and told him that he knew about the snake sannin's sketchy ploy to become immortal, having found dozens of dead Konoha shinobi in Orochimaru's mom's basement/ chem lab. And because of these dastardly deeds, Orochimaru was out of the running for the title of Hokage, and Naruto's dad became Hokage instead. (This is no lie. And if you didn't know that, then I suppose this was a spoiler to you, then! Oops!)
This greatly infuriated the hideous lizard/man/thing who then swore to get even with Konoha someday and ran off to join a ragtag bunch of missing nin known as the Akatsuki, leaving an appalled Gai all by his lonesome to face off against Kakashi and Jiraiya.
And if you're seen hugging yourself, then you only succeed in looking like the saddest motherfucker ever. Which Gai did. And it sounded a lot like this:
"GAI!"
"GAI!"
"GAI!"
"GAI!"
... but with a lot more crying. Because it truly was a pitiful sight. Naturally Gai lost, and Kakashi and Jiraiya were still known as the coolest shinobi huggers ever. That's why, in a time when Gai and Lee were still bosom buddies, Gai wept- it was because he remembered a time in his springtime of youth when there was nobody to hug.
End of flashback.
Going back to Kakashi and Jiraiya…
"So you'll let me go?"
"In the world of the ninja those who violate the rules and laws are called trash. However... those who don't take care of their comrades are worse than trash."
"Kakashi," sniffed the Ero-sannin, viciously wiping the barrage of tears from his eyes. "That... that was beautiful!"
"JIRAIYA-SAMA!"
"KAKASHI!"
"JIRAIYA-SAMA!"
"KAKASHI!"
"But still... I will not allow you to come with me. I can accept being worse than trash this one time. I'm very sorry, Sensei. Hinata-chan awaits!" And just like that, Kakashi de-materialized right before a stunned Jiraiya could do anything to stop him.
"I'll get you for this, Kakashi," muttered Jiraiya, who was going to look for Hinata despite the little restraining order. Jiraiya, like Hiashi, thinks he's above the law as well. "See if I ever give you an advanced copy of my books again, you damn bastard! YOU'RE AS DEAD TO ME AS YOUR DEAD NON-EXISTENT SISTER!"
End of chapter. And now you can CLEARLY see why I need your help- so I can stop making bullshitty chapters like these and go back to writing stories that help with the invisible plotline!
Poll: choose one letter and one number, if you please! Do not vote for more than one! And be warned... the letter and number pairing may not be what you might have expected! Letters and numbers that appear in second and third place will appear in a future chapter.
Who and what would you like to see in the next chapter?
Note: Poll will close in 5 days (Feb 1, 2006 at 5:00pm PST)
Note: I am tickled pink that I have gotten some votes in already, but I repeat- vote for ONE letter and ONE number ONLY! (Or vote anonymously... that's just the same thing, only I wouldn't be able to tell, really...)
A) Akatsuki (namely Itachi)
B) Gaara, Temari and Kankurou
C) Orochimaru and Kabuto
D) Hanabi
E) Neji and Gai
F) Bubba and Hiashi
G) The Rock and Lee
H) An update on Akamaru, Konohamaru, Moegi and Udon
I) Anko and Ibiki
J) Kurenai
K) more Shino, Kiba, Sasuke, Naruto, Genma, Shikamaru
L) Iruka
M) Kyuubi
N) Gai and Lee happy reunion
1) sleepover
2) fighting
3) kidnapping
4) a trip to a steamy onsen
5) very random game show
6) karaoke! (sorry, I get so excited about karaoke...)
7) Hinata teaches somebody a lesson
8) a wedding
9) someone gets jacked
10) someone gets hospitalized
11) the carnival comes to town (idea submitted by Amaya and Ayame-nee-san)
12) Dance Dance Revolution (another idea from the aforementioned duo)
13) strip poker. HAH! I'm kidding. geez- I'd have to change the freakin' rating, then. 13 IS NOT AN OPTION. It's like a hotel or another big building. There is no 13th floor. It jumps from 12 to 14, so 14 is really 13 by default, but because 13 is so unlucky it got renamed to 14.
14) (AKA the real #13) Black Hinata kicks her family out of the compound and interviews for new roommates
And your votes do count! Especially if you're getting sick and tired of the very random chapters and miss Hinata-chan! I'm both thankful and sorry that you read this! X3