Damn, it's been a long while since I've touched this story... hopefully I haven't lost the "Karma" knack...
Again, characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. I own nothing but my brain, and even now and then I have to question whether it's in working condition...
As you all know, this story is really, really weird. Plot? What plot? Me don't know…
Julie: (opens a window) Plot! Plot! Where are you? Come back! (cries)
Chapter 22: How Gai Got His Groove Back...
Maito Gai, being the Helpy Helperson he was, decided to help the Hyuugas move into their new temporary abode- the Maito residence! Really, they had nowhere else to go, and because Hiashi went AWOL all of a sudden, the Lemmings, oops, I mean, the Hyuugas, had no choice but to tag along.
Besides, Gai had a really big house and lived alone ever since his parents mysteriously disappeared and never came back.
(Insert sad melodramatic violin music here)
When Maito Cy married his childhood friend and Academy sweetheart, Oh Mai, the two had discussed plans on having a home filled to the brim with happy children. With a home that boasted 8 bedrooms, an indoor Olympic-sized swimming pool, spacious back yard and a basketball court, they got started right away with the fun activity of baby making. Twelve and a half months later, when Gai was born, the new parents were extremely overjoyed. Of course, that happiness wasn't fated to last very long. You see- Cy and Mai had no idea what raising a child of Gai's caliber would be like.
They'd learn soon enough… having a child in the house wasn't what it was cracked up to be.
Gai had turned out to be quite a handful for the new parents. So much, in fact, that poor Mai had threatened to give Cy a vasectomy if they were going to have any more problematic adolescents running around their place.
Gai would often scream in the house for no apparent reason, often about "youth's eternal springtime" or how disgusted he was of his newest rival, Hatake Sakumo's son, Kakashi. Other times he'd race around the village endlessly, or swim 10,000 laps in the pool daily, much to the dismay of his father, or doing his favorite Dainamikku Entoris into the dining room before meals, startling his nervous wreck of a mother and causing her good china to come crashing down to the floor in shambles. Because of Gai, Cy and Mai had to buy paper plates, and embarrassingly enough, they had to often resort to serving their friends or other esteemed guests with the biodegradable serving dishes.
Their son also had a fantastically unhealthy obsession with the color green, and LOVED to have his teeth cleaned by the dentist. Finally, after years of having to endure their son's wacky antics, Cy and Mai, each at their wit's end, decided to abandon their home and their 7-year old son for a new life outside of Konoha's village limits.
In the dead of the night, the couple made their escape and later became known as Jackie Chan, noted martial arts actor, and his wife, Feng, a famous Taiwanese actress. Poor Gai would never know what became of his Mum and Pop, since
1. He never watched a single minute of television,
and
2. No one had ever invited him to watch a single movie. Being a shinobi-in-training, no one really had time to catch a flick.
Because of these two reasons, he would never be able to comprehend his father's level of stardom, witness how his parents lived lavishly amongst other Hong-elite or Hollywood A-listers, meet his new siblings, or know that his pop had just signed a multi-million dollar deal as the new Diet Pepsi spokesman.
Gai was lonely, though he had never shown it, opting to hide his sadness through exorbitant amounts of training and blindingly white smiles. Even the happiest clown cries... (Dude, wtf was that?) O.o
(Cut music)
But all that was going to change now. Bring out the Styrofoam cups and the bottles of Martinelli's apple cider! Gai was finally going to have what he had missed for so long... A FAMILY! Whoopee! (Tosses streamers in the air.) Even if they were the thorny Hyuugas.
Gai wiped some excess moisture from his eyes; ever since Lee had left him for The Rock, he had been very heartbroken. Sure, he had friends (Kurenai, Asuma and Kakashi), but they only got to meet twice a week, as they were all busy with other things. Now that the Hyuugas were going to be staying for a while, he was ecstatic! No one had ever been to his house before (save for Lee) and as a child he had ALWAYS wanted to host sleepovers!
"YAY!" he clapped happily, causing 356 heads to turn his way all at once.
The Hyuugas looked at their surroundings and frowned- just how were they going to work with their current living conditions? 51 Hyuugas to a room? (No one was willing to share a room with Gai.) Absolutely not! Weirder still... why was the man always so emotional? Happy, sad, happy, sad… this man was clearly missing a few loose screws!
As the Jounin instructor read the Hyuuga's body language (what body language? They're as stiff as boards!), Gai slapped his face and yelled disparagingly, "I AM SO HORRIBLE! TO INVITE FRIENDS OVER AND NOT PREPARE SUITABLE SLEEPING ARRANGEMENTS IS UNFATHOMABLE! I KNOW WHAT I MUST DO!" His eyes were aflame as he spoke passionately which startled the already unfettered Hyuugas, some of which were desperately trying to hush the cries of the frightened Hyuuga children.
'We are SO not your friends,' the elder Hyuugas thought, trying hard to suppress their disgust.
'He's scary!' thought the Hyuuga children.
(2 hours and 42 minutes later...)
"YOU CAN SLEEP ON THESE!"
"Bunk beds?" asked former Main House resident Hyuuga Fabio.
"YEAH!" He proudly showed off his pearly white teeth.
"No way," he whispered in disbelief. Was this Gai for real?
Gai didn't hear what Fabio had said. Cupping his hand towards his ear, he screamed, "HWWW-WHAT?"
"Are you serious? Bunk beds? The majority of us aren't juvenile…"
"They're simply wonderful. I sleep on one myself," he said, in a distinguished British accent. It was true. Gai did have a bunk bed, and he slept on the bottom. When Lee came to sleep over, he'd be on top. Not like that, you perverts... Lee is so not gay!
"Really..." The Hyuugas were baffled by his sudden voice change...
"YEAH!" screeched Gai. And like that, the British accent was gone.
"Um, ri-i-i-i-ight. I guess we'll all get settled, then." 'What a strange man...'
"OKAY!" was all Gai said. And as the Hyuugas walked away to grab their things, Gai said it again causing all of them to jump in alarm. "OKAY!"
(See, this is what the authoress gets for watching Dave Chappelle's "A Day in the Life of L'il Jon" right before she works on this chapter. Gai and L'il Jon have absolutely NOTHING in common… other than blinding smiles, voices so loud your ears bleed, and goofy looks. If any of you can think of more similarities, well GOOD FOR YOU!)
The Hyuugas soon learned that life with Gai wasn't half bad. In fact, Gai was infinitely nicer than Hiashi ever had been. He cooked for them, cleaned up after them (insisting that because they were honored guests, they shouldn't have to lift a finger, though they looked down at the fact that he served them food on cheap-o paper plates). Not only that, but he also looked after their children, who were beginning to understand that housed within Gai's adult body was a lonely little child who only wanted friends. (Cough, Michael Jackson, cough.)
The honorable family was slowly beginning to accept Gai and his eccentricities. But how long could the Hyuugas keep up with Gai's happy façade? Pretty soon, the Hyuugas would get to see the dark and evil side of Maito Gai…
Or not. It depends on whether the authoress will ever explore that chapter of his life… this story IS supposed to be about Hinata!
Speaking of which...
We'll have to learn about what happened to her another time! Sorry! Disgustingly short chapter, ne? My deepest and most sincerest apologies.
In the meantime, I've been busy writing several other stories, one of my newest which is called "Onegai, Senpai", a SasuHina fic; so if you're into that pairing (and pervy Sasuke), by all means, please check it out! (And review it if you enjoy it!)
Thank you for reading! Your beloved Hinata and the rest of the crew will recapture their moments soon! Unless you love Gai and want to read more about his life with the Hyuugas... (authoress runs away...)