"With great power, comes great responsibility."
You probably heard that phrase a thousand times, right? Yeah...But it's good to be reminded that when an opportunity opens right in front of you, you gotta take it, because you might just have a split second before that opportunity closes and believe me you don't want to have regrets of missing it out.
This is my story.
Who am I?
I'm...
"A piece of shit!" Mr. Snake shouted, stopping the video he was watching on his phone, then he threw the phone to the table, bouncing on it a bit before he caught the phone with his tongue and swallowed it.
Mr. Wolf leaned on his chair, "Oh come on, respect him a bit, he's a hero."
"Fuck 'em heroes." Snake kept his stance.
"Why?" Wolf asked.
"'Cause I'm-a fucking villain!" Snake stated the obvious.
"Do you know what a hero and a villain share in common?" Wolf asked another question.
"The inevitability of death?" Snake gave his answer.
"No. Birthdays." Wolf corrected Snake.
"Yeah, that's what I said." Snake shrugged his back.
"Well, I mean..." Wolf tried to find a point, but he understood Snake had some truth in his answer, "Yeah, but, I mean a birthday is something to be celebrated."
"Birthdays are just a reminder that we're one day closer to death." Snake said, as he poured sugar into his coffee.
"Why do you have to be so down? I mean, come on, everybody loves birthdays for a reason." Snake just groaned, as Wolf started to explain his point, "You got decorations. You got balloons. You got parties and cake."
"Look, I don't need presents, I don't want decorations, and I'm-I'm not a cake guy." Snake explained his hate towards birthdays.
"Seriously, though, you don't like cake?" Wolf asked Snake, "Name one food better than cake."
"Guinea pig." Snake quickly answered, getting his tongue out, salivating from just thinking about it.
Wolf groaned, "Oh, again with the guinea pig. I bet if I blindfolded you, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a skunk and a guinea pig."
"Wrong!" Snake said as he then explained, "Snakes have impeccable taste buds. I can taste air."
"Air?" Wolf raised an eyebrow, not believing Snake.
"Yes." Snake smiled, "Air." He then started smelling the air all around him and tasting it with his tongue, "Mm. Nice."
"I don't know, they're a little cute for my taste." Wolf told his opinion about eating guinea pigs, as he leaned his back to the window.
"That's what makes them so delicious." Snake said, "You're not just eating food. You're eating pure goodness. It's not about the pig. It's about what it symbolizes on a deeper level."
A brief silence appeared, as Wolf thought about Snake's words, still uncertain. His ears hunched back as he pointed his finger to Snake, "So, you can...you can taste air?" Snake groaned from Wolf still not believing him, "What else you got?"
"Forgetaboutit." Snake looked the other way, shaking his tail.
Wolf sat up, "Wait, wait, wait." He put his hands together, ""Can you also hear color?" Snake groaned again, "Can you see sound? 'Cause we should really be capitalizing on these skills."
"Okay, all right, fine. Get it all out." Snake said, wanting Wolf to finish joking about him.
"Okay, okay." Wolf put his hands up.
Then Snake vomited a clock, as he then looked at the time on the clock, he showed the slimmy clock to Wolf, "Look at that. 4:00 pm. Now I know the exact moment our friendship died."
Wolf laughed, as he changed the subject, "Let's bounce."
Snake nodded, "Yep." He then ate the clock again.
Wolf got up from the chair as he started walking out of the cafe, Snake trailing right behind him, "Tastes like, um, you're gonna stick me with the bill...Again."
"Well, it is my birthday." Snake smirked as he looked up to Wolf.
"So now you play the birthday card?" Wolf asked, "That's interesting." Snake chuckled, as Wolf went to the counter, "Can we get a check, please, when you get a chance?" Wolf looked around for an employee but they were all hiding in the kitchen, "Hello? Checkity-check-check." But still nobody would come out, Wolf shrugged as he took a bill from his white tuxedo's pocket and put it on the counter, "We're just gonna leave the money right here, okay?" He put some more bills in the tip's jar.
"You know the one good thing about this place?" Snake asked Wolf.
"What?" Wolf asked, as they walked away from the counter.
"We never have to wait for a table." Snake answered, as everyone that came to the cafe were leaning on the wall, scared to death of Wolf and Snake.
"Well, Isn't that every place?" Wolf asked, looking back at Snake.
Snake turned his head towards the people, "Hey man. How you been? I haven't seen you in..." He then jump scared the people, "Snake attack!" He started chuckling as the people screamed, leaning more to the wall.
Snake looked to a table near him, "Oh, mints." He grabbed the cup of mints and ate it all, cup included.
"Sorry, folks. I'm switching him to decaf." Wolf talked to the people.
They both leaned against the double door, "All right." Snake said, as they looked at each other and said at the same time, "Let's do this."
They walked out of the cafe, and casually walked in the street, as everyone that noticed their presence started running away for their lives. Both of them continued to just walk to the nearest bank.
"Guinea pig, huh?" Wolf asked, as he walked up to the stairs of the bank.
"It's the Rolls-Royce of rodents." Snake said, looking up at Wolf.
"Yeah, but it's still a rodent." Wolf stated, opening the bank's door letting Snake come inside and then he followed him.
Everyone inside the bank froze in place, as they looked at the both of them, Wolf greeted them, "Don't mind us, just robbing this place." They all started running away, as Wolf and Snake easily got out a large sum of money from the bank to bags and Snake even had a safe and they fled the scene, once the alarms were heard. They jumped through the large window, shattering the glass. Once landing to the ground they ran to the alleyway where their car was parked at, they went inside of it and Wolf drove them off.
They sped through the road, they looked at each other with satisfied grins on their faces, "Go bad..." Wolf started saying, showing his fist to Snake, "Or go home." Snake finished Wolf's phrase as he bumped his head with Wolf's fist. They both started laughing.
They drove a bit further, as Wolf looked to the side window, he leaned his arm on the car's door, as he started talking to...you!
"Hey, you. Get over here. Little bit close. Don't actually do it, bad for your eyes, you know? Hope you're reading this in dark mode. But I also get why you would be adamant on getting closer, you're afraid because I'm the Big Bad Wolf! I wouldn't be surprised, I am the villain in every story. Yeah, I know it's different in fanfictions, it's much less of the Big Bad Wolf! And more of the Big Bad Wolf~"
"What?" Snake asked as he looked at Wolf, wondering what the fuck he just said.
"Let's not derail the plot too much." Wolf waved his hand towards Snake, as he once again addressed you, "This, right here, is Mr. Snake. Serpentine, safe-cracking machine. Imagine Houdini but with no arms. Kind of guy who'd tell you the glass is half empty, then steal it from you. He's also my best bud." He then leaned his head near Snake, "And today's his birthday!"
"Not relevant." Snake eyed Wolf.
Wolf put his arm over Snake's neck(?) , "He's a sweetheart."
Then they heard police sirens, as they both looked up at the rear-view mirror, seeing multiple police cars starting to catch up to them, "Well, look who's here." Snake declared.
"Took 'em long enough." Wolf said as he started driving faster, right in front of them where multiple stop lights that were placed too close to each other, they all had their red light lightened up, Wolf smirked, "Watch this."
An Orange tarantula in a black hoodie with a red spider symbol on the center of it appeared behind the first stop light. She was rapidly typing on her mini laptop, and after three seconds she pressed the enter button, which made all the stop lights turn to green light.
Wolf went back to narrating, "And over here is Ms. Tarantula, our in-house hacker, our pocket search engine, our traveling tech wizard. We call her Webs. And also she's got a massive crush on you-know-who."
"Who?" Snake asked not knowing who.
"You know." Wolf didn't spoil.
Tarantula jumped out of the stoplight at the same exact moment the car passed through it, she entered the car as she put back the stop lights to red light, causing a mass of car accidents in that small area, stopping some police cars in their pursuit.
"Very slick, Webs." Wolf said, as Tarantula sat on top of Wolf's chair.
Tarantula looked back at her laptop, "I also took over the police dispatch, blurred their satellite imaging system, grounded their chopper. And one more thing..."
"You didn't." Snake looked at Tarantula, narrowing his eyes, as a delivery man drove on a scooter near the car with a birthday cake.
He looked at the people inside the car and realized they weren't people, but furries. He got scared, letting go of the cake and losing control of his scooter as the car rapidly lost distance to the delivery man, but Wolf saved the cake, giving it to Snake.
"Happy birthday, Mr. Grumpy Pants." Tarantula said.
"I think I hate you." Snake stated.
The chase continued, as Wolf drifted off to a construction site, rapidly passing through it, the police cars following them didn't have the same luxury, as bathroom cabins were dropped right in front of the cars, making them crash through the cabins.
The larger construction worker ran behind the car, and as the car was going in rounds, the construction worker revealed he was a fake as he removed his outfit to reveal a large shark.
He opened the passenger seat door, he leaned to the car's side as he proudly declared, "Guys, it's me. I was the construction worker."
Wolf talked to you again, "And this is Mr. Shark, master of disguise, apex predator of a thousand faces. His greatest trick: Stealing the Mona Lisa, disguised as the Mona Lisa. So, no more Mona Lisa's hands for you, Kira."
Shark was sitting in the back, he gasped as he looked at Wolf, "Was that-"
"Yes, it was a Naruto or whatever reference." Snake interrupted Shark, "Now get off me, big tuna! I'm trying to work here."
"Keep it cool, baby." Shark tried to calm down Snake, he put a birthday hat to Snake's head, "Birthdays should be chill."
Wolf spoke to you again, to introduce the last character, "And round out the crew..." Inside a random police car, the driver heard some thumping on the glove box, he looked at it, as he saw a piranha coming out of it, shouting, "Surprise!" Then the piranha started attacking the police officer, Wolf continued the narration, as the Piranha jumped through the car's window, "...is Mr. Piranha. He's a loose cannon with a short fuse, willing to scrap with anyone or anything. He's brave. He's fearless. Uh, who am I kidding? He's crazy. So crazy that even Joker himself told him, "calm down, bro.""
Piranha came through the roof of the car and landed right in the middle of Snake and Wolf, "Santo cielo, that's a lot of po-po."
"Uh, Piranha, did we forget something?" Tarantula asked Piranha.
"What?" Piranha asked back.
"The present." Shark reminded.
Piranha's smile disappeared as he remembered it was Snake's birthday, "Oh, um...Of-of course, I didn't forget."
"Not like I care about gifts." Snake said, as he was trying to unlock the safe.
"Oh bueno, 'cause my present is not giving you a present, because you know, you don't like presents." Piranha chuckled nervously.
Back to Wolf's narration, "Yeah, they're a bit eccentric. But when you're born us, you don't exactly win many popularity contests. Do I wish people didn't see us as monsters? Sure, I do. But these are the cards we've been dealt, so we might as well play 'em. 'Cause with great power..."
Snake finally unlocked the safe, he opened as a large amount of bills started flowing through the car and onto the outside, "Comes great winnings!"
Wolf perfectly drifted to an alleyway, as he then stopped the car near a police station, dropping the safe right in the middle of shocked cops.
The others looked at Wolf, wondering why he stopped right in front of a police station, he was smugly leaning in the car's door, "What? I just wanted a longer car chase." He looked at you again, "It's the best part."
A massively buff woman cop kicked down the doors of the police station, the police chief glared with pure anger at the bad guys looking at her.
"Webs, hit it." Wolf told Webs to play music, she grabbed her mini phone and played music for the next chase scene.
Wolf went back to talking to you, "Yeah I know, you can't hear music on a fanfiction."
The police chief shouted to the other cops, "Get them!"
"Stop with your monologue and drive!" Snake demanded Wolf to go.
"What? I'm-a bad guy, monologues are mandatory." Wolf said, as he put his hands on the wheel and started driving off, all the cops went to their cars and started following the bad guys's car throughout the city.
While they were able to easily avoid every cop, the chief was the only one who was able to get close to them, she put her police stick into the car's right pedal so that the car wouldn't stop driving forward. She started putting the upper half of her body out of the car's side window, "I'm gonna put you guys away for so long, your fleas will have fleas."
Her car caught up with the bad guys car, as she put her hands on the car's door, stretching her body as her feet were on her car's door.
"Chief. You want some cake?" Shark tried to negotiate peace with the police chief, "You seem a little hangry." But it was a trap.
The chief looked at the cake, "Get that thing out of my face before I-"
"Excuse me, Chief." Wolf interrupted her.
"What?" The Chief asked.
Wolf pointed forward, as she looked where he pointed, she screamed and let go of the bad guys's car when she saw she was about to collide with a bus, the bad guys took the distraction as an opportunity to put distance between them and the chief, as the chief started running at the same speed as her car, still having her hand on the door.
A bit later they found themselves driving in a neighborhood farther away from the police, the bad guys were already planning to go back to base, but for a brief second Wolf noticed a white flash that quickly disappeared, it was weird, he had some memories of that sort of thing already happening before and then he understood where that flash came from, it was the flash of a camera webbed to a wall and that meant one thing.
While he was still confident, his demeanor changed to a serious one, "Guys..." Wolf declared to the group, "He's coming."
"Who's coming?" Snake asked, turning his face to Wolf.
The others understood who Wolf was talking about, especially Tarantula, her eyes shined brightly as she started jumping excitedly, "Oh yes, it's my husbando!"
"Webs, stop being such a weeb." Wolf told Tarantula to stop simping.
Seeing Tarantula's excited reaction, Snake now knew who it was, he looked in front of him narrowing his eyes, "Oh it's that guy..."
"The one that shalt not be named." Wolf said in a serious tone.
"Spider-man!" Shark announced, the others then looked at him as he looked at all of them confused as to why they were all glaring at him, "...What?"
Speaking of Spider-man, he could be seen running and jumping from building to building, making one last jump on the edge of a building, putting his hand up as a long string of web was shot out of his wrist, he held on that string and started to use that string of web to swing in the air, slowly catching up to the bad guys's car.
Once he was close enough to the car, he aimed his hands down to the car, and shot two web strings to the back of the car, helping him to propel himself to the car, he landed on the car's roof as everyone in it looked back at him.
Spider-man waved at them, "Hey guys, you don't mind if I join your trip?"
Tarantula was the only one who waved him back, beyond happy to see him. On the other hand, Snake wasn't as happy, "We do."
"Oh that's too bad, but I'm sure we can talk this out, so can you just pull out?" Spider-man asked them to stop the car.
"Why don't you make us? like always." Wolf said, keeping his eyes on the road, ready to find a way to escape from Spider-man.
Spider-man nodded in agreement, "Like always."
Spider-man looked in front of him and webbed the road right in front of them, making a huge web wall that would be strong enough to stop the car or at the very least slow it down. Wolf had a few seconds to react before impact, so he drifted to a narrow set of stairs, but the high speed of the car and the sudden drift made it so it never made contact with the stairs and so the rules of fictional gravity made everyone go out of their seats, they screamed. Spider-man was able to stay still on the back of the roof, he saw a birthday cake going out of the car, he quickly caught in mid air as the car finally landed down to a road.
Everyone stood there, still shocked by what happened, they all learned the importance of seat belts and safety, so they put the seat belts on.
Spider-man broke the silence, "Whose this birthday cake for?" He asked, holding out the birthday cake.
"It's mine." Snake said, raising his tail like he was raising a hand.
Spider-man nodded, "I see, happy birthday man."
Snake sighed, "Just gimme the cake."
"I thought you didn't like cake." Shark raised an eyebrow at Snake.
"Shut up." Snake simply said, not wanting Shark to break his trap.
Spider-man handed out the cake to Snake, the moment Snake grabbed the cake he used the opportunity to launch his head towards Spider-man's arm, mouth wide open, ready to bite him. But he saw it coming, as he shot a small web, shutting Snake's mouth.
"Sorry, but I'm not your birthday present." Spider-man said, as Snake was trying to remove the web from his mouth.
"Now I know what present I want." Tarantula said, narrowing her eyes with a smile.
Spider-man noticed two bags full of money behind Wolf's seat, he shot web strings at both of them, and brought them to him.
"And these ones, I will have to return it back to the store, sorry guys." He said as he threw away the bags of money to the side of the road and webbed them.
"¡No! ¡Mi plata!" Piranha shouted as he put his hands in his head, watching the bags of money fading away in the distance.
He looked up in anger towards Spider-man, as he then jumped at him, using his small size and speed to attack Spider-man from all sides, he tried to counter-attack Piranha, but he wasn't able to get a hold of him.
Shark used that distraction, to grab Spider-man's feet and threw him off the car, Piranha jumped out of Spider-man at the last moment, landing back at his seat as Spider-man landed on the paved road, he quickly shot a web string to the back of the car and surprisingly he was able to not lose distance to the car.
Shark noticed Spider-man still following them, so he got half of his body out of the car to the car's roof, grabbed the end of the web string and tore it apart from the car, making Spider-man lose distance with the car, until he shot a web string to car again, so Shark tore it apart again, and Spider-man shot another web string, which Shark tore it apart too. And that continued for some time.
"Man, stop it." Shark said annoyed as he looked at Spider-man.
"Why don't you stop?" Spider-man asked.
"You started it!" Shark shouted.
"What do you mean? You started it." Spider-man retorted.
Seeing that they couldn't get rid of Spider-man, Wolf declared, "Alright, let's use our secret weapon."
Snake smirked upon hearing those words, "Oh hell yeah!" He then vomited a rocket launcher, which Piranha grabbed it, with some difficulty since it was slimy. He then jumped out of the car and went to Shark's back, aiming the rocket launcher towards Spider-man, who was still behind them.
"¡Hasta la vista, baby!" Piranha said, as he then shot out a rocket.
"Huh. Been a long time since I heard that one." Wolf said, looking at the side-view mirror.
Seeing the rocket going right to his direction, Spider-man let go of the 34th web string and quickly fell down to his back, avoiding being touched by the rocket. He then got up and turned back as he shot a web string to the rocket and threw it up in the air, before it made contact with ground, when the rocket was high enough he shot multiple web balls to the tip of the rocket, making it explode in the air.
Spider-man then looked back and saw the bad guys were out of sight, they had escaped. He sighed and shot a web string in the air, starting to swing away from the neighborhood, deciding to let them go for now, after all, he was sure he would find them again pretty soon.
Later on, in the evening the bad guys were driving in the city's canal, in direction to their hideout. Going through a tunnel and then going inside the elevator large enough to fit in the car, the doors of the elevator closed, as they went up.
Bad Guys by Billie Eilish was playing in the background(Obviously), as they waited for the elevator to go up it was clear the mood wasn't the highest, the bank robbery was perfect, until Spider-man came along and ruined the whole thing, they got off with some money but not all of it. It wasn't a dominant victory like they used to have.
The elevator stopped as the doors opened, revealing the bad guys's hideout. It was just one enormous room with brick walls, everything that the bad guys had stolen over the years were there.
After some setting back in, it was time to properly celebrate Snake's birthday, they all sat around the table, they all had their own gold cup and the birthday cake in front of Snake, this little celebration was enough for the mood to go up a bit, except for Snake since he hated birthdays.
"All right, Piranha, you're up." Wolf told Piranha, as Piranha got up to the table.
He started singing very closely to an unamused Snake, "Oh...Happy birt-" Snake quickly blew the candles out, interrupting Piranha's singing.
"Seriously?" Tarantula asked Snake.
"Come on, Snake. At least make a toast." Wolf told Snake, showing his gold cup. The others agreed with him.
"Okay, okay. All right. A toast." Snake reluctantly accepted, he grabbed his cup with his tail as he made his speech, "I've made a lot of enemies in my time, I mean, a lot. But out of all the people in the world, I hate you guys the least."
The others were starting to tearing up from Snake's speech.
"That was actually kind of beautiful." Piranha admitted.
"You're a poet, man." Shark was emotional about Snake's speech.
Wolf put his cup high, "To Mr. Snake and his strange dislike of birthdays." The others put their cups high too as they then all made a toast, laughing together.
After that, Wolf decided it was the best time to take a group photo, so they all went to Snake's side, as Wolf put in front of them a vintage camera.
He looked back, "Say, robbery!" They all repeated his words with a smile, except Snake, as the camera flashed and the picture started coming out of the camera shortly after.
"Oh, look at those dimples." Wolf said, fondly looking at the picture, Snake quickly took the picture as Wolf turned to Snake with a sincere smile, "Happy birthday, buddy."
"Okay. Now, dig in, fellas." Snake offered the others to eat the cake.
Piranha wasted no time to eat it all, like a maniac. While the others were trying to make Piranha stop eating the cake all by himself, Snake slithered to the fridge looking at the picture they just took, he couldn't contain the small smile escaping his lips from watching the picture, he put it beside all the other pictures they took over the years.
He then opened the freezer door, he looked inside of it and then took the last push pop, "Nice." He said out loud, as he then closed the freezer. He was about to eat it, until Shark interrupted him as he hungrily looked down at the push pop.
"Oh, wow. I forgot we had those push pops." Shark said, following Snake around as he was trying to get away from Shark, "Man, my tummy is rumbling like a kraken right now."
"Yeah. Want it?" Snake offered the push pop to Shark.
"You know he's not gonna give it to you." Webs told Shark to not fall for the trap.
"No, I believe that deep down. Snake is a kind and generous soul." Shark was about to believe anything to get the push pop.
"Why?" Tarantula asked, not agreeing with Shark.
"Here. Take it." Snake showed the push pop to Shark.
"Oh yeah!" Shark said excitedly, "Pop me, please." He opened his mouth, waiting for the push pop to come, but it didn't, as Snake unsurprisingly ate the push pop. Disappointment was written all over Shark's face.
Snake chuckled, "Sucker."
"Come on, man. Now you gonna make me get all aggressive." Shark said as he then started attacking Snake, destroying everything that was in their way.
Wolf decided to ignore the fight and just walk it off. He sat down to the couch, grabbing the remote and putting the TV on, "Let's see what they're saying about us today."
He put on the news channel, he saw a news reporter, a Caucasian man in his forties with a gray wig for some reason. The tagline of the news read as, "The bad guys escaped the spider's web, but not their pride.(And money.)" Wolf raised an eyebrow from that weird headline, he decided to hear what the reporter had to say.
"Hello everyone, it's Thierry Margoulin, BFC news. The Bad Guys have struck again..."
"Guys, guys, stop it. We're on the TV." Wolf told everyone to stop fighting. They stopped fighting and looked at the TV.
"...They are the most diabolical criminals of our time..." Thierry paused, "...Until Spider-man came in and showed them the taste of justice. So are the Bad Guys finished? Or as the French president, Emanuel Macron, would say, are the Bad Guys finito? To address this question is the newly elected governor, Diane Foxington."
The live footage changed to Diane Foxington speaking in front of a crowd, "Listen, listen. We all know how dastardly the Bad Guys are. But more than anything...I feel sorry for them. These so-called Bad Guys are really just second-rate has-beens. Behind their amateurish antics and, frankly, they can't even properly rob a bank anymore, they can't succeed in the most unoriginal and basic caper of all. At this point, it's nothing but a deep well of anger..."
"I ain't angry! You're angry!" Piranha shouted angrily.
"...Denial..." Diane continued.
"Not true!" Tarantula denied.
"...And self-loathing." She continued again.
"The only one I self-loathe is you." Snake self-loathed(?)
"And those are holes that no amount of cash or priceless art can ever fill." Diane stated.
The Bad Guys weren't expecting this kind of reaction from their bank robbery, sure, it wasn't a perfect success, but not everyone can say they have escaped Spider-man's grasp.
"What's on the food network?" Snake asked, wanting to change the channel.
"Who...who is she to judge us?" Wolf asked, then he growled at the TV.
They then focused on what Diane was talking about, "...And what could be more positive than the Annual Good Samaritan Awards, where tomorrow night I will present the Golden Dolphin to this year's goodest citizen?" It then showed the image of a statue representing a golden dolphin with a green crystal as an eye.
Wolf turned the TV off, as everyone was just angrily looking at the TV.
"I can't believe I voted for her." Tarantula said, looking at the others.
"You voted for her?" Piranha asked as he looked back at Webs.
"What? She's good on climate change." Tarantula explained.
Snake saw Wolf smirking, even after being trash talked in the news, that meant he had an idea, Snake got closer to him, "Wait. What's going on? You've got that twinkle in your eye."
Wolf got up and walked to the window as he asked, "Guys, who's up for another job?" He removed the curtains, "A big one." Which revealed a giant billboard with the image of the Golden Dolphin.
"The Golden Dolphin. Seriously?" Snake asked, raising his eyebrow.
"Oh. I thought I was the crazy one." Piranha stated, even him was unsure about stealing that statue.
Snake slithered out of the couch, "That job has broken every criminal who's tried it. The Bucharest Bandits, Lucky Jim, The Wall, Jackson "The Big Wheel" Weele, The Answer, Typeface."
"And even The Crimson Paw." Shark added.
"Actually, The Crimson Paw was never arrested." Tarantula corrected Shark.
Snake looked back at Tarantula, "Yeah, but he never stole anything again."
"Snake, what better way to wipe that smirk off the governor's fuzzy face than stealing the Golden Dolphin from right under her whiskers? This is the Holy Grail of thievery. If we pull this off, we'll cement our legacy as the greatest criminals of all time." Wolf tried to convince Snake.
"Whoa, whoa. Buddy. I thought we weren't supposed to make things personal. Besides, we've got a good thing going here. Friends, freedom, and just look at this loot." Snake wasn't still convinced.
"All right, you're right. Forget it." Wolf puts his hands up, as he then sat down on the window's stool, "The Dolphin job is off."
"Good." Snake was glad Wolf saw reason.
But Wolf had one last trick under his sleeve, "I guess the pig will get his trophy after all."
Snake started slithering back to the couch, "Yeah, I guess he would..." Snake suddenly stopped and looked back at Wolf, "What do you mean, "pig"?"
"Oh, yes, did I not mention that?" Wolf acted like he forgot, "That's weird. I thought I mentioned that it was, uh..." Then Wolf removed the other curtain, showing the other side of the billboard, revealing an anthropomorphic guinea pig in a classy suit.
"The Good Samaritan is..." Shark started to say.
Piranha finished Shark's words, "A guinea pig?"
"Why the hell is it not Spider-man?" Tarantula asked, crossing her palps.
Snake looked up at the billboard, he knew it was just an image, but damn did he want to eat that guinea pig.
"What do you say, Snakey?" Wolf asked, knowing that Snake had now a reason to join the plan, "Better than cake."
Snake groaned, knowing he just fell to Wolf's trap, "Okay, fine. But he better be delicious."
Wolf laughed then showed off his paw, "Are we all in this together?" They all put their hands together. Ready to steal the Golden Dolphin.
At the Daily Bugle, inside J. Jonah Jameson's office was...well, J. Jonah Jameson. He was sitting in his chair, cigar in his mouth, as he looked at a draft of the next journal, it just had the text, no pictures, the title read, "The Bad Guys rob another bank?! Feat. Spider-Man. Gone wrong!"
"The Bad Guys?" He asked, narrowing his eyes, "What kind of crappy unoriginal name is that? Everyone's a bad guy. We need to change it, like, er, The Furries."
His assistant put a finger up, "We can't. That's pejorative."
"Why?" Jameson asked.
"It could be perceived as offensive to the furry community." The assistant answered.
Jameson shrugged, "Since when do we care about them?"
"What I mean is, we can't name a group of thieves "furries", since not all furries are bad." The assistant explained.
Jameson crossed his arms, "Tell me one furry who isn't bad?"
The assistant thought about it for a few seconds, "Diane Foxington?" He said with uncertainty.
"She's a politician, they only care about power and money." Jameson said as he then took a puff out of his giant old school golden cigar, "You know what? Fine, Furry World Order. Sounds catchy, right?" He didn't let the assistant give his feedback, "Right! Print that out."
"Sir, we don't print newspapers anymore." The assistant declared.
"Well, go print some more!" Jameson quickly retorted.
"Nobody buys newspapers anymore." The assistant pointed out.
"Since when?" Jameson asked, narrowing his eyes.
"2007." The assistant answered.
"Why wasn't I told?" Jameson pointed at himself.
"I tell you that everyday, sir." The assistant said, putting his hands together.
"So what the hell do we do now?" Jameson looked down at the journal.
"Podcasts, online newsites, cookies, twitter facts-checking, live-streams, you know, modern journalism." The assistant explained.
Jameson looked back up at his assistant, "Why wasn't I told?"
"I tell you this everyday too, sir." The assistant repeated.
"Ah shit, I've become old." Jameson said in realization, he then saw the photographer he recognized coming into his office, young man in his twenties, messy brown hair, Caucasian, dressed like shit, "Wait! I know this guy: Peter Parker, the photographer."
"It's not him." His assistant shook his head.
"Tobey Maguire?" Jameson supposed.
"Close." His assistant slightly shook his head.
"Andrew Garfield?" Jameson supposed again.
"Not close." His assistant shook his head.
"Shinji Todo?" Jameson suggested another one.
The assistant looked at the photographer and then back at Jameson, "He's not even Japanese."
"It's Angel Maguire, sir." The photographer introduced himself, even though it wasn't the first time he met Jameson.
"Did I talk to you? What do you think of me? That I'm an old guy that can't remember his own son's name? Pft! My son is...the astronaut!" Jameson shouted in anger.
"I came here to give these photos." Angel said, putting some new pictures to Jameson's table.
Jameson took the pictures, and looked at them one by one, it was pictures of Spider-man in action against the Bad Guys, "Spider-man is still popular, right?"
"Still amazing." The assistant declared with a smile.
Jameson tapped on his table, "Great! 'Cause these photos are amazingly shit. I will pay you the usual rates, now get outta here, Tom Holland." Jameson shouted to Angel to get out, Angel started to walk away, but Jameson stopped him, "No, no, no. Wait! Are you free tonight?" Angel was about to think of an answer, but Jameson stopped him again, "Of course you are! I need you to take pictures of that hippie festival or whatever, I don't care, but what I care is you taking pictures of Diane Foxington, the Governor."
"Could I ask why?" Angel asked.
"So I can put the pictures of her right on the wall in front of my bed." Jameson said casually, he then shouted, "Of course not! What do you think I am? Fatherless? Fact is, pictures of furries sell a lot, I'm no furry, I just care about what brings the money. So give me good pictures of her, but before you give them to me, make sure you clean and disinfect them."
"Yes, sir." Angel nodded.
"Good. Now what are you still doing in my office? Get the fuck out!" Jameson shouted as he pointed to the door with his cigar.
Angel got out of the office and closed the door behind him. He stood there thinking, he knew Diane Foxington, but not as she was the governor of the city, no, he knew her from way back.
Flashing back to way back when he was still in High School, here he was a younger version of himself web-swinging in New York City, while he already had his powers from a few weeks back, Spider-man still didn't exist at that time. But he still had a mask on his face, he didn't want anyone to find out about him having powers. It never ends well.
Using his webs to swing through the city was still new to him, he was having difficulty with making the right length of web, gripping the web, avoiding obstacles like the brick fence of the high school that was coming closer and closer to him, he tried to dodge it but it was too late, his legs made a sudden high velocity contact with the fence, making him lose grip of his web and making him roll inside the school and fall out to bushes.
He slowly got off the bushes, groaning, he put his hand on his back, feeling a bit of pain in there, also in his legs but that was obvious.
"My bag..." He said in realization of not feeling his bag behind his back, he looked around and saw his bag fell a bit further away in the grass. He wobbly walked to his bag, leaned forward to grab, but he heard his back cracking and a sudden sharp pain in it, "...My back."
He took his bag and put it back in his back, as he then looked around to see if anyone was around or looking at him, but nobody was there, so he removed his mask and went inside the school as if nothing happened.
Sometimes, it's good to be late.
His legs feeling better, he decided to walk a bit faster to his class, he arrived at the door of the classroom, he then knocked at the door and opened it, hearing how the loud chatter in the class feel to a deafening silence the moment they saw him, even the teacher was glaring at him.
Angel was weirded out by the reaction, "This is the chemistry class, right?"
"No." The teacher shook her head, disappointed in how stupid this random student was.
"Oh." Angel said, looking down in realization, "Sorry." He apologized as he then closed the door. He started running to where the chemistry class was, he found the door to his class, double-checked if he was right this time, then knocked and opened the door, no silence this time, he was at the right class.
The teacher stopped writing at the board to look at him and then looked down at his watch, "15 minutes late for the first day back, that's not very promising, is it?"
"I'm sorry, sir." Angel apologized.
"Just don't do it again." He then looked back at the class, "Take a seat."
Angel looked at the class, and saw there was only one seat available, it was by the side of a student he never saw before, probably a newer student, actually, most certainly a new student since he doesn't remember a fellow non-human student.
The teacher noticed it too, he turned his head to Angel, "Or you know...you can just sit on the floor, if you want."
Angel raised an eyebrow on that, Why would he say? But he wouldn't question the teacher, never question a teacher. Never.
But he decided to sit in the last available seat, after all an old wooden chair was better than nothing for his hurting back. He walked to his seat, noticing that no one had their stuff out, no papers, no pencils or pens, nothing, all bags were closed, even the ones at the back didn't have their usual McDonald's orders right on their table, no their tables were empty.
He sat down on the chair, and put his stuff on the table, as then he gave just a quick glance to the student to his side, she was peculiar, that's all. Her orange fur seemed so fluffy, she must take good care of it, her pointy ears twitching and her emerald eyes staring right at him. Wait...Was she looking at him too? For how long? It was clear from her expression she was feeling uneasy from looking at him, he turned his head to the front as he cleared his throat from the embarrassment. Why did he stare at her for so long?
"Hey you, asshole!" Angel's flashback was interrupted when he heard a voice below him. He looked down and saw he was stepping on a guinea pig.
He quickly removed his foot and crouched down to the guinea pig, he realized it wasn't the average guinea pig since he had a suit on and could talk too. He looked like the Professor Marmalade, the guy that would receive the good Samaritan award, since he only knew one guinea pig that could talk, he supposed he was the one. "I'm so sorry, I didn't see you." Angel apologized.
Marmalade was frowning as he was cleaning his suit, after that he looked up at Angel, instantly changing his frown to a smile, he waved his hand giving a light chuckle, "Oh it's alright, it happens a lot, don't worry. Just be more careful next time, okay?"
"Okay." Angel nodded.
"Good." Marmalade said, tidying up his bow-tie, "Now, if you excuse me, I have to go help a homeless man." He said as he started walking away, looking for a homeless person, Angel was able to hear him speak to himself, "It's so difficult to find homeless people these days..."
Angel looked up and saw the sky had turned to a darker shade of blue and the sun was out of the horizon, he didn't realize how much time had moved on from just thinking about his past, but he made him wonder the strangeness of this event, normally in these moments his spider-sense would help him instinctively dodge to avoid making contact with people, so how did his sense miss Marmalade? He supposed that maybe his spider-sense felt that guinea pig wasn't dangerous or something.
Speaking of spider-sense, he felt it tingle, he looked to the left and saw two armed people in masks going inside a small shop. He wasted no time as he quickly ran to a narrow alleyway, got out of his clothes leaving only his spider-suit on, he put on his mask and started climbing up the wall until he arrived at the top of the building. He ran to the front ledge of the building and looked down seeing the two robbers getting out with money inside of plastic bags they stole from the shop.
He shot a web string to the top of the shop as he gripped the web with both hands, and then he swung off the building ready to stop and fight the robbers.
Oh hi, everyone!
This was an unexpected start in my adventure in fanfictions. This wasn't supposed to be my first story, but after watching the bad guys movie (and canceling the idea of making a crossover between The Bad Guys and Breaking Bad.) I found out I could make a story fusing the Bad Guys movie with the Spider-man ones.
You may have noticed that this is the Sam Raimi's version of Spider-man, nothing against the other Spider-men, I just felt this was the best version to fit into the crossover. Also Nostalgia.
Then you might ask why did I make an original OC, if he just looks like Tobey Maguire's Peter Parker? Well you see, there's a completely logical and factual explanation to it...
I'm very lonely.
So I hope you will enjoy this, and also the mandatory mention that English is not my first language, nor my second language. So you will definitely see grammatical mistakes here and there, so I hope you will at least have a laugh at my mistakes.