DETECTIVE

Two cops stood before a crime scene. Rain fell in a steady, gloomy ambience directly over the officers.

"What kind of monster could do such a thing?" Tony asked.

Steve shook his head. "I've seen a lot in my career as a cop, but this? Makes me wish I retired yesterday."

Police tape cordoned off the ransacked donut shop. Chalk lines marked out circular patterns where the donuts had once rested. A minimum wage employee, bedecked with a glaze-stained apron, rocked back and forth in the store's corner.

"And right before our patrol swung by," Tony mourned. "Think this was targeted?"

"No doubt about it. Some vile villain, thinking to hammer the morality of the police force." Steve took off his hat, revealing gray hair and an old scar across his brow. "But I know my boys in blue. You can take away our donuts and coffee…"

"No, not the coffee!"

"But you'll never take away our fighting spirit!" Steve finished. "We'll get this sick, twisted bastard, and I'm not hanging up my cap until I see them behind bars!"

"Prison's too good for them. They deserve the chair."

A green squad car pulled up. Detective Tsukauchi stepped out, tightened his coat against the rain, and joined the cops.

"Got a statement from the witness?" he asked.

Tony shook their head. "Poor bloke's too shaken. Can't even get a word out of him."

"Damn. Guess we'll have to do this the old fashioned way. Dust the place for fingerprints, and get DNA samples from every strand of hair we can find."

"But that'll take weeks! The perp will be long gone by then!"

"We don't have a choice. The sooner we get cracking, the sooner we can drag this guy down to Tartarus."

Tsuakuchi's squad car blinked. It drove onto the sidewalk and examined the crime scene. "Hello officers. I am a car. Do you require assistance?"

"Back away, Midoriya," Tsukauchi snapped. "You'll contaminate the crime scene."

"Understood. I'll go see if that hero with a giant pile of donuts needs anything."

"Yeah, good work," Tsukauchi muttered distractedly while he examined a toenail with a magnifying glass. Izuku drove ten feet over, and the rain disappeared. Fat Gum shoveled donuts into his gaping mouth with one hand and carried a teetering tower of confectionery with his other arm.

"Hello Fat Gum. Do you require assistance?"

"Mmph… yeah, could you just shove all these in here?"

Izuku grabbed the pile and pushed down. Fat Gum's belly distended until he turned into a perfect sphere. "Yeah, that hit the spot. This place sells the best donuts." He wriggled his legs, but he couldn't touch the ground. "Mind giving me a push?"

Izuku nudged him. Fat Gum rolled down the street, absorbing cars and people into his fat folds. "Thanks Izuku!" he called as he bounced down a side alley.

From the donut shop, Tsukauchi gave a triumphant shout. "The cashier's thumbprints are all over the case! Book him, boys!"

497

Forgot to kill the cop who was about to retire. Oops.