Losing Isabel

Chapter 3

Author's Note: Sorry it took so long to write this, but I made a huge move to TX and so now I'm free to write some more. Please R&R. I am so excited about the two stories. Have you read Lifeless? If not, please do so and tell me what you think about that one as well.

Disclaimer: See previous chapters.

Summary: They struggle through life without the precious one.

"Elliot, I can't do this." Olivia said throwing her pen down on the desk.

"Look on the bright side. I mean, at least we have visitation, it's not as if she's completely gone."

"What does that mean? You're talking as if it doesn't matter to you. If that's the way you feel, then fine, but don't feed me this bull about visitation." She jumped up suddenly furious, and went to her familiar place of solitude. She wasn't surprised when Elliot showed up minutes later. As soon as she saw him she began to apologize.

"Elliot, I'm so sorry. I know that's not how you feel. I'm sorry. It's just that it's getting harder and harder. I thought that time would help, you know, I thought that as time went by it would be easier to deal. But it's not. It just gets harder." She slowly walked towards him as she spoke.

"Liv, I know you miss her, I do to. It's just that we can't just go and take her back. I mean, we have to make the best of this. It's for Isabel's sake as well as our own." He took her into a hug.

"I don't want to go home. I can still smell her every time I open the door. I see one of her toys and my heart breaks every time. It's the same toy, same place, but a new hurt. I don't want minutes a week with her. She's my daughter." Olivia finally broke down. The stress of the past month was finally coming through.

"It's going to be alright baby I promise." Elliot stood there and comforted Olivia as she cried. He didn't even bother to wipe the tear away that had fallen from his own eye. "Why don't I make a call, and see if we can see her early this week."

"NO, no, it's her birthday. I want to see her on her birthday."

"Ok, I can work with that too. But we have to go, there's a case." They turned and headed for the door. As they walked down the stairs Olivia stopped and turned around to face Elliot.

"El, I love you. We'll make it through this. I'm sorry for what I said. Really I am."

"It's alright baby." Elliot leaned down and gave her a quick kiss before they continued to go down the stairs.

LATER THAT EVENING

Elliot and Olivia slowly made their way up the stairs to the apartment. The case was flaky. Even Olivia questioned the victim. Refusing the rape kit would only make it harder for them to do anything. When they reached the apartment door Olivia knocked instead of going through her coat for the keys. She was tired and wanted to sleep. When Kathleen opened the door she gave Olivia a quick hug and Elliot a peck on the cheek. She sensed that they were tired and took their bags. Olivia took off her coat and hung her up and then took Elliot's from him. The kids had already started dinner so they went into the kitchen. Elliot went to the cabinet to stand setting the table. Olivia did what she did every night. She went and hugged Lizzie and Dickie hugging them telling them that she loved them.

"So what do you guys have cooking for dinner?" Elliot asked from the table.

"Chicken Alfredo," Lizzie said stirring the pasta and sauce together. "Do you like you meat mixed or on top?"

"Oh honey it doesn't matter." Olivia had just turned the chicken over so she put her fork down. "Whatever's easier, I guess." She went and sat down at the table. "How was school?"

"Great." Lizzie replied from the stove.

"School was school." Dickie said placing a cup in front of Olivia.

"I would ask Kathleen, but it looks as if the phone has found its way to her ear."

"Isn't that a typical path?" Dickie quipped from the counter.

"How much longer until dinners ready?"

"I think the chickens done, so after I chop it up we should be ready to eat. Dickie has the rolls, and dad's getting the drinks, so about five minutes."

Olivia looked around the kitchen and her eyes settled on the high chair in the corner. Her eyes glazed over before she stood up and left the kitchen. Elliot's eyes followed her out. He poured juice into the last cup before returning the pitcher to the refrigerator.

"I'll be right back." Elliot said while loosening his tie. He smiled at his kids before heading to Lizzie's room. Sure enough there Olivia sat on Isabel's bed.

"Olivia." Elliot only word had more meaning to it then just getting her attention.

"Honey I know. I just wanted to smell the pillow. I'm fine. I promise. Let's get Kath before the conversation gets to important." Olivia stood and turned the light out. She took Elliot's hand and they walked towards the living room where they could have Kathleen chatting away on the phone. She looked up and saw them and knew what it meant.

"Hey I have to go eat dinner. Can I call you back? Wow…totally… ok…great…yeah…ok bye." She hung up the phone and jumped off the couch. She had been holding Isabel's little orange pillow, and Olivia's heart tightened. Elliot felt her tense up and took her into his arms.

"I know it hurts but we're fighting. We haven't given up yet. We'll get her back. I just need you to hold on."

"I know, I know. We'll have to think of something to give her that she doesn't already have. I don't even know what she wants. Maybe I could call just to see what she wants for her birthday?"

"Liv what's happened the last 20 million times you tried to call." Olivia closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. "Yeah, she hung up or made an excuse as to why you couldn't speak to her, and then hung up."

"I know, but Elliot I still have to try."

"Ok." They picked up the receiver from the couch and Olivia dialed the familiar number. Elliot went into the hallway and picked up the other receiver.

"Hello."

"Hi, it's Olivia. It's Isabel's birthday Friday, and I have to idea what to get her, and so I wanted to know if I could talk to her and ask her." They waited a minute in silence when she came back on the line.

"Here she is. Make it quick, she had to go to bed."

"Hello," Isabel said.

"Hey baby its mommy and daddy. How are you?"

"I sad mommy. When can I come home?"

"I don't know honey. Your daddy and I are doing everything we can to get you here."

"I love you daddy." Isabel said sadly.

"I love you too baby. I can't wait to see you. By the way, what is it that you're wanting for your birthday?"

"I want to come home. It's no fun here. I want Kasheen."

"You will see Kathleen honey, but we have to wait until it's our turn. But when you see us, what would you like us to bring you?"

"I want you to tickle me daddy, and mommy to sing me that song, and Kasheen promised icequeam a long time ago." Elliot laughed.

"I remember honey. I'll make sure she gets the ice cream she promised." Elliot looked over at Olivia who had silent tears running down her face.

"Alright honey. We'll see you in a few days. Remember, we love you. Now, get ready for bed." Olivia said.

"I love you mommy, I love you daddy."

"And we love you baby." Elliot said. "Goodnight honey."

"Night, night." They waited until she hung up before they did.

A new kind of peace had come over Olivia. She knew Isabel was ok and that was enough for her at that moment. After dinner they watched a little TV. and Elliot called it a night. He reminded the kids of their bedtime before he and Olivia disappeared into theirs.

The next day at work the bags under Olivia's eyes weren't as big. She actually got some sleep that night. She was looking forward to tomorrow. Elliot and she would go shopping for a birthday gift after work today. All the detectives were in the squad room discussing the case on the white board when a call came through on Olivia's cell. She stepped away and answered it.

"Benson…when…well what's wrong? Alright, just hold on. I'll be there as soon as possible." Olivia hung up the phone and straightened out her jacket that she was putting on during the phone conversation. Everyone just stood and looked at her. When she calmed down, she realized everyone was looking at her.

"Captain it is Isabel. Can I go?" Her voice almost pleading.

"Yeah, is everything ok?"

"I don't know, Brenae said she was called by the school and no one can talk to her. She's hysterical and she's hid in something. I don't know exactly."

"Ok, call and let us know if you need anything."

"OK." She grabbed her purse and ran towards the door and then stopped. She turned around. "Elliot."

"Just go honey, call if it's an emergency, or when everything is settled." He smiled at her and that was all the encouragement she needed. She turned around and ran towards her car. She reached the door, just to realize that she didn't have her keys. She ran back upstairs, grabbed her keys, and then ran back to her car. Seconds later she was speeding across town.