Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.K Rowling.

Chapter 18: Rulebreaker

I felt lonely. A stay with the Dursleys always went hand in hand with long stretches of time where I said next to nothing. Some days I didn't even say a single word, my aunt and uncle would just gesture at the dishes or the vacuum cleaner and I would do the chore silently.

This kind of loneliness was different. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Perhaps it was because a pretty girl I met in a park asked me to go to the movies and I declined. Perhaps it was because none of my friends said anything in their letters. Perhaps it was because I had removed something which had been part of me for as long as I could remember.

I had never really thought about the consequences of having a piece of Voldemort's soul right next to mine.

I observed myself in the mirror and stared at my reflection for a long while. The norm of the summer was me losing weight and my skin getting an almost yellow tinge to it. The man in the mirror had a tan though, one you couldn't think that someone British would have without leaving the isles. The man's hair was trimmed nicely and although it was definitely messy, it was messy in an orderly way, if that made sense. The eyes of the man were what stood out though, they shone with a light I had never observed before. I didn't want to say that they twinkled, that reminded me too much of Dumbledore, but they almost did.

I forced a smile upon my face and the man in the mirror did the same. For a moment I almost believed it was an actual smile.

I sighed and turned away from the mirror to face the mess of my room. A set of what I considered my best set of 'muggle' clothes were laid out on the bed neatly. The t-shirt was brand new and the shorts had been used just once, on one of my trips to Diagon Alleys over the summer.

The clothes weren't for any small occasion either, because in two short hours, I would meet my betrothed in a small cafe nearby. I had sent an owl to her after days of literally walking back and forth thinking what I should do. A glance towards my bin and how it was full with discarded papers told the whole story of how the process of actually writing the letter had gone.

I mean, how should I write the letter? Did she even know of the contract yet? Should I be formal? Should I tread casually?

I had no idea. I still had no idea.

One part of me, which I didn't want to admit existed, already regretted taking the bottle of blood. It forced me into a marriage. It was almost ridiculous that losing obscene amounts of money was such a little concern.

My position as a partner of Gringotts was already gone, of my own accord. My master had warned me that the Goblins wouldn't appreciate my move but I couldn't bring myself to care. Lord Voldemort was out for my blood, I really didn't want to belittle the Goblins but they were nothing next to him.

I picked the clothes up gently and carefully watched my steps as I walked over my floor. I prided myself over being a fairly tidy person, at least in comparison to my house mates, but all the additional books I had bought for the summer were too much for my shelves to store. So the floor was the only option. I didn't even want to think about how many layers of dust lay hidden beneath the books. As soon as one book was finished, it was left discarded and forgotten.

Fortunately, Dudley was at Polkin's house, or most likely beating up some local lad. This may seem like a bad thing but it meant the bathroom we shared was free to use. I carefully placed my clothes on a counter to make sure that they wouldn't get wet or dirty in any way. Why did I even care so much about them? I had thought about as much about clothes as I had thought about quadratic equations over my life.

Could I really be faulted? I mean, how many times does one meet one's future wife for the first time? Or well, 'properly meet' was the correct term. We had exchanged a word or two in classes over the four years.

I dragged my odorous t-shirt over my head in a quick movement. My eyes involuntarily drifted to the sight of my bare chest. I had stared at my body more than I wanted to admit over the summer, I didn't even know why. But I had exercised over the summer and it was just starting to show. The first four weeks had been super boring, I felt next to no progress from all the workouts I did at a local gym or all the laps I ran around the park. I didn't even know why it mattered to me, I didn't do all of the exercise simply for looking better. I did it because I needed to be in good physical condition to have a chance against Voldemort.

That was at least what I told myself.

A dry chuckle emerged from my lips. I wondered if Voldemort had ever exercised in his life? I couldn't imagine either Tom Riddle or the white abomination lifting weights or sweating profusely from running ten kilometres.

I tore my gaze away from my body and undressed to take a shower. My clothes were handled like they were worth millions as I put them on and I applied a couple of sprays from a cologne I had bought. According to the woman at a perfume shop in London, it would make all the girls swoon.

"If only it were that easy," I muttered bitterly. I stared myself in the eyes through the mirror and sighed. Part of me resented my decision, I would never get to ask out a girl on a first date. I would never get to have a crush. I would never get to have a normal time as a teenager.

I shook my head and glared at myself.

"Those things aren't meant for you," I told myself in a whisper.

Every time those thoughts came to me it felt like a great dragon was roaring inside of me, roaring for freedom. Roaring for happiness. But as I had done so many times before this summer, I imprisoned the dragon in a cage which grew stronger every time. A cage of burying myself in work to improve. A cage of accepting that a normal life wasn't for me.

I took one last glance at myself in the mirror and left the bathroom to pick up my wand. After checking my pockets that everything was with me I nodded resolutely and shut the door gently behind me, I didn't feel like getting into another argument with Uncle Vernon about slamming the door shut.

It was in the middle of August and the scorching heat of July was behind us but it was still perfectly fine to walk around in nothing but shorts and a tee. The walk to the cafe would take just south of half an hour so it gave me plenty of time to think.

Should I introduce myself? Should I appear happy? Should I appear regretful about it all?

I tried to think of other things to occupy my thoughts, it was probably for the best if I just let things play out without too much planning. My thoughts strayed to my friends; Ron and Hermione had written a lot this summer, without actually saying much.

Their letters had been long and explained in great detail how the south of France was or how Fred and George had arranged a marriage for two garden gnomes. It was too great in detail, I didn't care about how a cup of coffee was only seven euros in France. Or how the groom wore a blue tie with spots of pink, yellow and green. I wanted to know about Voldemort, about the war.

If I hadn't had so many other things on my mind and as much to do as I had, I would probably have felt abandoned. Their unforthcoming messages irked me slightly but it granted me plenty of time. The prophet hadn't been much of a help either, the constant slander amused me a little even if I always felt myself grow steadily uneasier over the complete silence from Voldemort. I almost found the prospect of no deaths or disappearances more terrifying than hundreds.

The cafe of my first meeting with Daphne was anything but grand. The cafe was a humble place in the shadows beneath an old oak. Their coffee tasted well and their pastries was like heaven, but the reason I had proposed this place to meet was that the owner's name was Abbot. A wizards' name. I had discovered that the owner was a squibb who had opened the place to make a living without his magical family who had shunned her. My wife was from one of the pureblood families, which meant that she could be a racist bigot. It was something I had contemplated a lot, and to my shame, I didn't know how she actually felt.

She was a Slytherin, which meant that the likelihood of her being at the very least disliking of muggles was high, but I was resolved to go into the date with an open mind. I didn't think that I had ever heard her speak in class, so I didn't even know what her voice sounded like. Although the fact that I was potentially marrying a racist was greatly discomforting, I found her family's ties to Voldemort equally as concerning. They had never been convicted of anything, no, they had done a 'Lucius Malfoy' and played the 'imperious curse' card. When I had read that in a public record about her family I hadn't been able to sleep for the whole night.

I breathed out to calm myself. Lucius Malfoy had escaped his fate by that claim and though I was certain that he outright lied and bribed; some people must actually have been under the curse. I held my thumbs that the Greengrass family was one of them. Based on the records, they actually seemed to be fairly good people, their names appeared as a donor on all kinds of charities.

Rose, as the owner of the cafe was called, sat me down at a small, metal table with two chairs. It was located just by the edge at the cafe so I had a perfect view of both the road approaching it and the entire cafe. The sun wasn't quite managing to pierce the clouds today which meant that it wasn't as lively as I had seen it before, but there were still a couple of people about.

I spotted a couple around my age sitting at a table at the other end of the cafe. The boy looked like he was about to pee himself in laughter as the girl explained something animatedly. I felt the dragon roar in my stomach.

I didn't want to say it. I didn't want to think it. That was what I wanted. To just be with someone you actually liked. I looked away and subdued the dragon with a couple of calm breaths. That wasn't my destiny.

I checked my watch nervously and waited in hesitant anticipation. I'd arrived early, my nervousness must have quickened my steps. I adjusted the watch around my wrist over and over again.

"Stop fidgeting! Make a good first impression!" my inner voice screamed at me but I simply couldn't contain myself. It didn't matter what I thought of, what I wanted to do. My fingers had a life of their own.

A chair scraped next to me with a harsh, metallic sound and my eyes saw a person with blonde hair sit down in the chair in front of me. Someone sat down in front of me. My wife-to-be had sat down in front of me and I hadn't said a word yet.

"Uhhh, Hello," I said weakly. I wanted to choke myself, then burn my body as I watched with glee. I didn't care how much of a paradox that was, that must be the worst introduction ever.

Daphne seemingly agreed with me if the curled lip was any indication. "Good afternoon, Potter."

I sat completely still for a moment and looked her over. She had never been one to be noticed in the class, she never spoke and rarely engaged in 'pranks'. Although I did remember that she had tossed something in my cauldron last year.

For the first time in over four years we had been in the same place, I looked at her. Her long, honey blonde hair, her blue blouse, the pimples, the symmetric face.

None of those things even registered to me.

The only thing I saw were the blue eyes colder than December.

She could have been the best looking woman in the world for all I cared. Would she make me as happy as the boy at the other end of the cafe was? Her expression changed and answered that question perfectly well.

The sneer over her face didn't make her less pretty but it certainly made her look worse.

"Was your intention of bringing me here just to look at me for the entire time, Potter?" she said scathingly. She pronounced my name like it was poisonous, like saying it caused her great discomfort and hurt her just to say it.

I sighed. "Look, I asked you here so we could get to know each other. I felt that we should at least get to know each other before getting…married."

She raised her eyebrows at me mockingly. "You say it like you don't want this, like this was forced upon you." She glared at me and I almost winced at the intensity of it. "But let me remind you of something, I was forced into this, not you. I was. I'm sure you jumped at the chance to have someone who would be your slave, so you could make all your fantasies come true." At that moment, I held no doubts that Daphne would gladly kill me if she could.

"I had no choice," I said bitterly.

Daphne held her expression void of any emotion. "Of course you didn't." She shrugged. "When I find out that is a lie…I will hate you."

I raise my eyebrows. "Don't you already hate me?"

Daphne shrugged. "I get to hate you even more then."

I sighed heavily and fixed her with a tired look. "Look, Daphne…"

"Greengrass," she interrupted me angrily. "You have no right to use my first name."

My brows furrowed. "Don't you think it's for the better if we at the very least use each others' names? We can't refer to each other by surnames when we've gotten married."

Daphne…no, Greengrass gave me a long look. "We can."

I wanted to scream in exasperation. "Fine. So, Greengrass, how has your summer been?"

Daphne sat tensely in the metallic chair. "Sublime. I had the pleasure of finding out that someone had forced me to become his slave. What a dick, right?"

"If you're just going to insult me…"

I didn't get to finish the sentence when Greengrass cut me off, "You can be damn sure I will insult you. You fucking boisterous bastard."

Several heads around us turned around to look at us.

"I've never been called a ' fucking boisterous bastard' before, that was new."

"Cool," Greengrass said coolly. "How has your summer been, Potter? Murdered anyone else?" She said it so casually I didn't even register what she said at first.

When I processed the words I stood up abruptly, almost knocking the table over in anger and held a finger up warningly. I towered before her and glared at her with a burning anger. "If you ever…if you ever say something like that again Greengrass, you won't like the consequences."

Greengrass leaned away from me in her chair. She seemed so…uncomfortable in the chair. The look in her eye reminded me too much of the one I had seen in Delacour's after I had struck her with the petrification curse.

My wife and my enemy looked at me the same way. Great.

"Have a good day," I said scathingly and turned on my heel to leave.

-()-

That could have gone better. My head felt like a whirlwind of emotion when I trudged home slowly. Part of me felt ashamed at having snapped at her that quickly and aggressively. On the other hand, she had clearly only come there to insult me and wind me up. If she feared I would retribute, why would she do that?

I shivered violently as I walked, the previously warm day had cooled quickly, that left me in nothing but a tee shivering violently. The sky was already grey and edging on black, dusk had come unnaturally early today. Then I got the sensation of an ice dagger running up my spine. My hairs stood on end and I took my wand out of my pocket. This wasn't anything natural.

I slowly walked closer and closer to Privet Drive, all of my instincts at high alert. If I made it inside no one and nothing would be able to touch me. Alas, when I turned around a corner I saw them standing on the lawn of number 7. They didn't make a move, they just floated in the air eerily with their black cloaks flickering in the artificial wind.

I edged closer and that was when the voices started. That was when the world lost its colour, when happiness felt as distant as the moon.

"Expecto Patronum," I whispered resolutely. The silver stag burst from my wand with all its might and it illuminated the street previously shrouded in darkness. It charged at the dementors, antlers first, and the dementors fled the scene in fear. The pair of cloaks disappeared up in the air, taking the whispers and despondence with them.

I lowered my wand and smiled at my creation, Prongs looked as mighty as ever with his great antlers and muscular form. A knot of worry appeared in my gut, how and why had they been here. They hadn't even tried to attack me or everyone else, they just waited for me to fire the spell and left. It was as if they expected me to be able to defend myself. My brows furrowed. Was this a warning? From who in that case? Had the dementors defected?

One thing was clear, I had performed underage sorcery. That would bring the cauldron which was my relationship with the ministry to a boiling point. It had been shimmering just on the edge for the entire summer, but someone had just thrown some gasoline in the fire and the cauldron was boiling over.

My aunt and uncle sat in front of the television entirely unknowing of the events a few minutes ago. They wouldn't be that calm for long because just as I was walking up the stairs, a faint 'knock' could be heard from one of the windows. I paused in my step with a loud sigh and seconds later, I heard a shrill, female scream.

The living room was a mess, the owl was flying around with a large envelope in its talons and Vernon was chasing it with the television remote clutched like a…wand. How ironic.

The bird flew towards me when I appeared in the doorframe and settled on my arms. I extracted the envelope gently and ignored their angry stares as I scanned the contents quickly.

"We have talked about this, boy. I won't tolerate any owls or brooms or flying cars in my house." Vernon's face was red as a beetroot. He looked about the same way I felt.

"Expelled," I muttered angrily and scoffed. They had expelled me for underage magic. Surely, I was allowed to defend myself from a dementor.

"You'll be glad to hear that I've been expelled, then."

This time Petunia spoke up, "Expelled? Why?"

I gave her a weak smile. "Well, let's just say that two…creatures tried to break in here tonight. I fought them off with magic."

Petunia was staring at me wide eyed and Vernon's complexion had gone from red to ashen in mere seconds. "W…wha…what creatures?"

I raised my eyebrows at them. "They're called dementors, not that it helps you anything."

Now another owl burst through the open window and I saw Vernon's hand twitch violently. To his credit, he did fairly well to suppress his proclivity to hit anything magical.

This letter was much shorter and was essentially a note that Dumbledore would look into things, and that I should stay where I was, from Mr Weasley. I scoffed in irritation, why did everyone just expect me to sit around like a well trained puppy, do nothing, go nowhere. Why had Mr. Weasley sent me this note though, how on earth was he connected to this? As far as I knew, he worked in the office for the misuse of muggle artefacts or something like that. They were not involved in underage magic.

Once again, I got the impression that everyone else was together with me here, isolated. Alone.

I gave them both a long look. "You know what," I declared and slammed my hands together. "I'm leaving."

Both of them stared at me with a dumbstruck expression as I bolted up the stairs. I'd had enough, now, my newly formed plan was going into Diagon Alley to then visit the ministry myself. I was broken out of my packing by several faint 'pop's outside my window. A glance outside told me that about ten men had appeared on our driveway.

I bolted out of my room and down the stairs. Vernon and Petunia had returned to their tv-watching and they screamed when I took my wand out. They physically recoiled, as if the wand was radioactive. I took cover behind the living room wall, if I peeked out I would have a clear shot on the intruders.

Several thuds came from the front door, I shook my head at Vernon who was twitching violently. Petunia was no better and looked like she was on the verge of a panic attack. Another set of thuds came, these ones significantly harder. I took a deep breath and braced myself.

BANG!

The front door flew off its hinges and landed in the hall with a cloud of dust. I peeked from behind my cover but the spell died on my lips as I saw who it was, it was Remus. Next to him was a girl with pink hair I didn't recognise. It looked as if a whole crowd of people was waiting to get in as well. I kept my wand fixed on Remus' chest as I walked closer to him.

"Say something only Remus would know," I said seriously, cutting off his greeting.

He gave me a tired smile. "Pettigrew is alive after he escaped from us at the of your third year."

"He could have told a Death Eater that," I pointed out. I sent a wary glance at the other girl who was looking at me with an amused expression, she made no move for her wand though.

"Fair enough, your patronus is a stag and you hear your mother's last words when a dementor is close."

I lowered my wand and nodded satisfactorily. "So who are you guys? Why are you here?"

Remus stepped inside and the crowd piled in behind him, Mad Eye Moody was the last on through the door and I eyed him warily. It was strange having had that person as a teacher for a whole year without actually having spoken to the actual person.

"We're the Order of the Phoenix," Remus said cheerily. "And we've come to get you out of here."