IIX. This is My Life
Journal Entry
10 October 2004
Why can't I be like Spider-Man?
Basically, I'm Peter Parker without the super spidey powers like his alter-ego. I'm facing the same problems he is: having this power and learning how to manage it; control it; use it for acts of good. If Tobey Maguire and I could trade roles for a day, we'd understand each other on a level out of reach of everyone I've ever known, even my friend Toby Isaacs. He would understand the difficulty of having to get up day after day and attend sessions with the school's guidance counselor because the entire society deems you as a weirdo with problems.
"It's good that you've summoned enough courage to talk." Says Chantel Sauvé, Degrassi's famous guidance counselor.
I nod. "Today's the day I'm ready to talk, and not feel like a mental patient going mad."
"You do realize that those are just your own feelings?" Ms. Sauvé continues, "That we can be whoever you wish to confide into: a guardian, a teacher, a counselor, or even a friend to some extent?"
"Of course I do!" I chuckle. "At least now anyway. I've been grappling with the lost of my mother for two years now." I'm surprised at how composed I am while saying this. "And with it comes this redundant nightmare." I give Ms. Sauvé a brief overview of my flashback turned horrific: a vision starting in the fall of 1994 turning into my mother convulsing in her own blood on the floor, drowning in it. I know the dream so well I could write a movie about it.
"I've already spoken with therapists and counselors in my hometown, and they've all basically told me the same thing, which is I'm not over my mother's death, and that I blame myself for what happened. Perfectly normal, I know." I exhale.
"But that's not the reason I'm here. These dreams ended two nights ago, and I haven't seen it since. Not even in a daydream."
"That's one step towards recovery." Ms. Sauvé says. "Based on the infromation you've given, you don't seem to blame yourself anymore, which is a milestone during this long period of grief."
"I would think so too." I say. "If another dream hadn't have taken its place."
"Another dream?" The counselor repeats. "What happened in this one?"
"Fortunately nothing awful", I reply, "but the ending isn't satisfying."
Nightime. Mommy and Daddy are asleep, right? Usually they are at this time. Late night cartoons await! They show more of the adult stuff at night, the things that the older kids watch, and that my parents won't allow me to. Please. Being eight is NOT a baby age! I'm not four!
I step lightly out of bed and walk quietly down the stairs, one baby step at a time. I'm trying to watch Sailor Moon at midnight, which comes on in five minutes, and it's one of those teenage shows, but while I was at Fern's house last weekend, her older sister and us watched it.
I've made it down the stairs without making a sound. Victory is (almost) mine! I creep across the floor of the living room and head for the sofa, only to hear footsteps coming from the kitchen. Oh, no. My parents aren't supposed to be awake! They have to get up early tomorrow and run errands. But it's only Vince that comes out of the kitchen, and he jumps when he sees me.
"Vivian!" he's a sharp whisper in the dark. "What are you doing up?"
"What are YOU doing up?" I fire the question back.
"Stop acting like a baby." He says.
I wish he can see me smiling in the dark. "Okay, okay." I whisper back. "I won't tell if you tell."
"Deal." Vince holds out his hand and I shake it. "Well, I guess I'll tell you why I'm down here to stop this stupid argument. I'm looking for something in the basement."
"Looking for what?" I press.
"Why do you care?" Vince walks over to the wall and dimly lights up the living room space. "You're trying to watch Sailor Moon. Aren't I right?"
"How did you know?" I say. And how is it that he's always one step ahead of me.
"It doesn't matter." Vince replies. "Anyway, you want to come with me?"
"But...Sailor Moon is about to start." I protest.
"Vivian, come on." Vince grabs my arm. "This won't take long. You'll only miss the theme song."
I moan. "Oh, okay."
"Shh!" Vince says. "Did you forget that mom and dad are sleeping?"
Like magic, we're in the basement (there's no scene that shows us actually walking down the stairs: we're just there). In the far corner of the room lies a huge black trunk.
I slide my finger over the lid. "It's so dusty." I complain.
"Well yeah." Vince says. "It's been here forever." he lifts up the latches holding the lid down and lifts it up, sending with it a cloud a dust. "See that?" he points into the trunk.
"I do." I reply although I don't see anything.
"Weird isn't it?"
"Yeah."
Usually this would be a random dream I would forget about as soon as I wake up, but, like the first dream, it came back.
"This is entirely confusing." I say. "At least in the first dream, I knew why I couldn't shake it for months, but with this dream...argh, who knows?"
"Why do you think this one comes back?" Ms. Sauvé asks.
I run a hand through my hair. "My guess is the trunk part. Vince claims to see something, and I do too. But there's nothing inside it!" Talk about mind boggling.
"Is that an actual trunk you think?" Ms. Sauvé says.
"I actually do remember seeing it during periods of my childhood." I say. "But now...I don't know where it is."
"I want you to go looking for the trunk, if you still believe it's in your house. Then we can work from there."
"Will do." I stand up from the sofa in her office. "Thank you, Ms. Sauvé. My head's clear now that I've finally spoken about this."
"Good to hear." she nods at her door. "Have a good day. I have another person waiting for me outside."
"You too!" I say as I reach for the door.
"Oh, Vivian! Do me a favor: take one of those magazines off of the coffee table. The one that's a duplicate of the other."
"Oh...okay, thanks." I take one of the two ON magazines sitting on display that has a photo of some young girl on the front. ON...hmm; short for Ontario maybe? I leave Ms. Sauvé's office. To my astonishment, Paige is sitting beside the door.
"Hello." I say.
"Oh, hun, you too? Look, don't tell anyone I was here." Paige cautiously casts her head over her shoulder as she watches the students passing by in the hallway.
"Uh...whatever you say." Even someone like Princess Paige has her own issues too.
"Oh by the way: you look really cute today." Paige winks before she flashes past me into Ms. Sauvé's office.
"Thanks." I say to the empty spot. Maybe I've been a little too judgmental of Paige before, but she's not as stuck up as I thought.
...
With my weirdo status, which was unfortunately achieved by me on accident, leads to problems with other people. Moral of this story: learn to control your anger, and Jay won't harass you.
To kill time, I walk into the library and browse the fiction books. I challenge myself by avoiding all of the Meg Cabot, chick novels and move on to something completely different. Fantasy? Sci-Fi? I run my index finger lightly across the spines of the books on the shelves, getting lost in the jungle of fiction.
"I thought I'd find someone like you in here."
That voice. That nonchalant, monotone, dry voice. I couldn't forget it if I had amnesia.
Moaning, I turn around and face a very pissed off Jay. My heart hammers. He's usually the one with a smug, dark smirk on his face, but not this morning. He traps me against the bookshelf as he places his hands beside each of my arms, preventing me from escaping.
"Do you see my eye?" Jay's left eye is dark and swollen, but his pale blue iris pierces through it like a tiny fluorescent lamp.
"How'd you explain that to your girlfriend?" I say dryly. Am I just as dark as Jay if I feel satisfied for doing that to him? After all, he started it. I elbowed him to get away. Serves him right! I move his hand away. "Excuse me: I need to get to class." I say sharply.
"Like hell you do." Jay puts me back and moves a hand under my chin. "You and I are going to come up with an explanation of how this happened. Didn't I tell you no one gets away with pushing me around?" he runs a thumb over my lips. "Are we clear?" He moves in fast for a kiss, but I turn my head away and he catches the corner of my mouth.
"Please let me go, Jay." I say calmly.
"Kiss me and I will." Jay turns my head back.
I push his arms away and break away from him, but he grabs my arm and pulls me back, wrapping his arms tightly around my waist. I curse myself for looking at books in the back corner of the library where hardly anyone passes by.
"You're really starting to piss me off, princess." He growls into my ear.
I dig my nails into his hands. "How do you think I feel!" I grit my teeth. "You tried to take advantage of me, and you still think you own me!"
"Hey. You could've just said yes, and it would have been a great time for the both of us." Jay squeezes harder the more I struggle, and it's starting to hurt.
"Do you want another mark on your pale skin?" My hands are trembling as I dig deeper into his arms with my nails. "Let me go!" I whisper loudly.
Jay finally loosens his grip for me to break away from him, and I drop my hands right before I can cut into his skin. Big mistake. He grabs my face and kisses my mouth forcefully like at the park. I only struggle briefly before he pulls away. "I'll see you around." he says before walking away.
I glare at him, trembling all over as he winks at me before turning out of the aisle of books. How did I get caught up with him? I run my hand across my lips as if I can wipe the kiss away. I turn around and gradually walk to the very back corner of the library, biting my lip as the lump in my throat becomes bigger. Here I lean my head against the hard, cement wall and sob silently. I dig into my purse and pull out my mom's handkerchief: a pink one that belonged to my mother, but I've had for as long as I can remember.
I don't know how much time elapses when I finally decide that it's time I head to Media Immersion with Mr. Simpson. The moment I walk out of the library is when the final bell rings, and I show up two minutes late for class with my favorite teacher. On top of that, he tells me that he's disappointed with me for coming in late in an important class day. If you think you're disappointed in me now, I think bitterly, wait 'til you find out that I didn't do my homework. I was so distraught about finding Jay and my locket this past Friday I left all of my books in my locker. There they stayed the entire weekend. I could always talk to Mr. Simpson, but I wouldn't be able to avoid that special Jay situation that occurred that Friday afternoon.
I sigh and sit next to—hey, it's Rick! I turn towards him only to see not a frown (that's normal) but a sullen, downcast expression. It turns out Rick and I always share bad days.
"What's wrong?" I ask him. "You were so cheery the last time I saw you."
"Yeah, well...school happens." However droopy his face is, Rick's voice is as bitter as herbs. "One: no one still wants to associate themselves with me, and two: it's because of what I did last year."
I stifle a moan. It's still a trend to ostracize the nerd who lost his temper last year. "Did something happen just this morning?"
"It's nothing." He doesn't speak anymore, so I go about my own business.
The uncomfortable silence continues between us as Snake and I assign us as partners for the computer exercise he has for today's lesson plan. I work with Rick silently until I can't take it any longer.
"Rick." I say softly.
He faces me, no words.
I open my mouth, but also find myself at a loss of words. My hands trembling, a put one on top of his. Shockingly it's chilly. "Please, just...smile for me."
He squints, looking bewildered at what I said, but slowly a smile covers his face and he chuckles. "Sorry, Vivian. It's a little difficult to smile when you have to come to school everyday knowing everyone hates you." His smile vanishes as quickly as it appeared.
"I don't hate you." I say softly again.
The smile returns. "I know. You're what motivates me to come to school everyday."
"Just me?" I say. "What about Toby?"
Rick nods. "Him too."
This time I smile. "I'm glad."
As we stare at each other smiling, as I look into his brown eyes framed by his circular glasses, I forget about the morning I had with Jay. After all, I just made Rick feel better, and that makes me feel better in turn.
...
Friendship: it's something I've barely had coming up as a kid, but now I realize that I need it more than ever, especially while attending Degrassi. The students here can be...cold. Hard, rigid gargoyles. Statues. Capable of hurting other people, but are oblivious to their destruction. Thank goodness for friends, for the few I have. I can stand to carry on day after day, without missing her so much.
For the next exercise, we switch partners, so Toby is the next person to work with me (and he had to move seats and not me. Ha, ha). As he takes his seat, formerly Rick's, I notice a large grin on his face. It's a relief to know that he's in a good mood. I call his name so he can upload the LibreOffice Program on his computer, but he doesn't notice. "Toby? The program?" I say, and he turns abruptly and apologizes. He continues to grin to himself and sighs; a cue that he wants me to acknowledge him.
"Good weekend, I presume?" I chuckle.
"You could say that." Toby leans back in his chair. "Rick and I were playing a game, and I creamed him." He puts his hands behind his head and faces me. "He owes me a set of roll playing dice that he said he had his eye on for 'oh so long'." He mocks his friend.
"A game?" With a jolt, Rick's quote comes to mind from last Friday when we started the search for my locket. "Rick mentioned you and he were playing a game last week."
"Really?" Toby sits up. "Did you kiss him?"
"Huh?" I actually did. "Uh...yeah. On the cheek that is." What's that got to do with—oh, no.
"So that totals his kisses up to two." Toby says.
"What on earth were you doing?" Do I really want to know? The list of Rick's crushes comes to mind again, and my belly tightens.
"We were competing to see who got more girls to kiss him. Loser had to buy the dice." Toby explains. "I won, of course, with eleven girls to kiss me total." Grin larger than life. That's Toby when he's had an ego boost. "You could've been one of the girls."
"Could I?" I say sarcastically. "Sounds like you didn't need my help." Rick was competing for kisses? Did he become oblivious of the students' hatred towards his reputation from just last year? I hate myself for seeming so harsh, but...he hasn't succeeded in landing many friends.
Now for the question I'm itching to get the answer for. "So...who was the other girl who kissed Rick, or did you not see who?"
"Uh..." Toby glances over his shoulder. "Promise not to tell anyone about this."
"I won't." I lean in close. "Who was she?"
Snake hovers over us. "Discussing our work, right?"
"Uh, you bet." Toby answers.
"That's what I expected to hear from you two." Simpson walks away.
Toby watches him carefully before addressing my question. "She was some niner girl. D-Darcy, I think, but here's the thing: I payed her five bucks to do it." He whispers.
"What?" I cover my mouth as I whisper a little loudly. "Why?" Wait: I know the answer to this question.
"Because NO one would kiss Rick." Toby answers. "It was too embarrassing to watch every girl reject him. Some girls would just avoid him altogether."
"Oh." There's nothing else to say to that.
"I felt bad that I had to bribe the niner, but even worse if Rick had ended up with no kisses, and the game was his idea."
I bite my lip. That's smarts.
"B-but at least you kissed him." Toby says. "Of your own free will, too. Good thing you're here, Vivian."
"Yeah..." My fatal attempt at a cheerful response. Suddenly the conversation I had with Rick outside Ms. Sauvé's office seems staged. No wonder he was acting all sweet! He wanted a kiss from me.
No way... I sit upright. Did he know that I would be easy to get a kiss from? Who does he think I am? I'm angry with Rick for the first time. But...he really does enjoy you as a friend. I remind myself. He followed Jay down to that park because he was worried about you. It doens't work: I'm still mad at him.
...
Nothing goes my way anymore! I can't even make up with old friends without them accusing me of being this horrible person! I tried to reconcile with Ivory, sicne we hadn't spoken in a while, but even that didn't go over so well. She's tainted with the things that everyone else says...
Rick is going to benefit working on the Whack-Your-Brain team. He's made an acquaintance in Emma and is bonding with Toby more than ever. I actually saw the three of them walking along in the hallway as I heard them discussing subjects that were to be covered on the quiz show. I couldn't believe my eyes: Emma's actually hanging out with Rick, something that I would have never expected to occur a few weeks ago.
Wait. There was just three of them earlier today. Aren't there supposed to be four team members? So where is he? Or she? I shake my head as I take notes at my committee for student council. I want to help set up the stage for Whack-Your-Brain and Marco decided to put me and another student (who's yet to show up) in charge. Our group is in the gymnasium sitting in the corner near the door, which is a hard place to concentrate given the fact that people walk in and out constantly. Or maybe it's because I'm easily distracted.
The doors open (speaking of which) and a blonde girl of about average height looks directly ata me and makes her way over. Oh: it's Heather. "Hey, sweetie! Vivian! Can I talk to your for a sec?" She sits down right next to me. I release our group as she dumps her huge black backpack on the floor. "I need you to fill my shoes. My schedule's become a little swapped with other things, and I can't fulfiill my secretary duties. Could you take over for me?"
"Nice to see you, Heather." I smile. "Well...I guess I have time to do it. I'm flattered that you would pick me."
"Oh think nothing of it. You're just the type of eager girl who cares too much, which is beyond what I can say about myself. So, the job's yours."
"What would I do about your thoughtful consideration?" I shake my head.
"Good question. Say, do you know where cause girl and geeks one and two are?"
"Huh?"
"Emma, Toby, and Freaky Ricky." Heather says, staring at me with her bright green eyes. "I'm on the team with them, and Snake says to get together and study for the show at least once a week. I've seen you eat with them in the cafeteria, so I'd thought you'd know where they are."
"Oh." Heather Sinclair is the fourth member? That's a shock. "No, I don't."
"That's a first." Heather says. "Guess Rick isn't as bad as last year, huh? I mean, since you're seeing him and all. Has he tried to hit you?"
"What are you talking about?" I say. "I'm not seeing anybody."
"Really?" Heather reaches into her bag and pulls out a banana. "That's not what I heard. Someone told me you were going steady with him."
"And who told you that?" I can't wait to meet them.
"Why, none other than your good friend Ivory." Heather answers. "I mean, now I'm good friends with her. She's just like m y sister being all strong-willed." She peels her banana and takes a bite out of it. "But, yeah. Congrats, little Vivian. I've chosen you to fill big shoes, and no worries about Marco and Alex. I've already told them about you, and they agree with me." She scoffs. "Why wouldn't they?"
"Thanks for telling me." Everything. Ivory's dead.
"Oh, did you know I'm also in charge of this committee with you? Gotta go find the geeks. Ha! Who am I kidding? I'm one now too." Heather leaves the gym.
Is she always that chatty? I stare at the double doors where Heather disappeared.
"Vivian!" Alex shouts my name and walks over to me hastily. "I need to talk to you now." Her voice is sharp like I'm her daughter, but I'll let it slide. Before I can protest, she moves towards the center of the gym where a table and two chairs are set up for her and Marco. I hurry after her. She knows about what happened. I think. Why am I following her? She's going to punch me square in the face!
"Alex," I say, "before you start, I—"
"Listen don't talk." Alex hands me a check board. "Secretary duties. Everyone needs to sign next to their names: make sure you're on top of that, and you also need to write a list of the people who aren't here."
Foot in mouth, Vivian. "Oh. No problem: I got it." I say.
"Good because I need you to do one of my jobs too." Alex continues. "I have to work double-shifts tonight, and I'll barely have enough time to do my stupid homework."
"What job is that?" I ask.
"Come up with a theme for the quiz show." She answers.
"O...kay." Why is everyone giving me the jobs they don't want?
"That should keep you busy enough. Sorry about that."
"It's fine." I say and turn to leave.
"Oh, and Vivian." Alex says.
I turn around slowly. Here it comes...
"What I hear about Rick and you dating: it better not be true." She folds her arms.
I stare at her. "Do you believe everything you hear?" I say sharply and walk away. Ivory has some nerve, and Alex too! For one, I'm not even dating Rick, and second: what if I was? Who's in charge of who's life here? I need to shift my attention to something else, like the two jobs that just got loaded on me.
Surprise, surprise: I accidentally run into Ivory with my lunch tray.
"Please watch where you're going." She says bitterly.
"Please watch what you're saying." I mock her tone.
Ivory freezes and turns around. "What?" She moves closer towards me.
"Suddenly you're deaf? I said watch what you're saying." I come closer. "About me." I glare up at my ex-bestie. "Why did you tell Heather Sinclair what you did about me?"
"Oh please, it's bound to happen!" Ivory spits. "Why else would you walk side by side with Rick everyday? Why did I see you KISS him last week?"
"Nothing's happening between us!" I say. "Why do you HATE that I hang out with him? It's not like I'm convincing YOU to hang out with Rick!"
"He's not right in the head!" Ivory raises her voice.
"You don't know his story to prove that." I say calmly but cooly.
"I don't need to!" Ivory snaps.
"Why do you claim to be such an expert on knowing how bad Rick is?" This is old news, Ivory! Let it go!
"Because!" Ivory bellows, and everyone passing by us glances over. She glares back and they mind their own business. "Because..." she says softly. "I used to date him."
I widen my eyes. What can I say?
"I know: shocker." Ivory says. "It was two years ago, and I thought it was cool to date someone in grade nine while I was in grade eight. That was a huge deal then." She looks around the cafeteria. "Let's sit at this table. I have a lot to say."
We sit and engage in a heart-to-heart chat; something that we never had even in our friendship. "Rick was charming, sweet, a little shy, very smart. I can't believe I thought he was so hot then."
"The run was great in the beginning: he was quick to hold the door open for me every chance he got, and he was good at cooking too. He made dinner for the two of us once: I was impressed."
"Understatement." I murmur.
"He was so good at making me feel special, like I was a princess or something. He was good at calling me his 'lady'."
I wince. Rick calls me that now. Don't talk.
"I was wrapped around his finger. But the moment he kissed me—" Ivory's capturing a memory through her wide green eyes. "-I flocked to him. He was so good at it: stroking my hair, the side of my face, and titling his head at just the right angle...oh, I can't believe I remember every detail of it, but I do." Her pale face is turning into a fiery red.
"You're blushing." I point out.
"Gah, I know!" Ivory covers her face with her hands. "I relived that moment non-stop in my head. He just had the power to do that to you, you know? And then his true colors showed: after a week. He said one afternoon to let him know whenever I stayed after school, and one day, I didn't."
"When I left school, Rick was out in front, and as soon as he saw me, he was like, 'Why didn't you tell me you were staying after?' And I was like, 'Rick, I'm sorry. I forgot to.' Then he was like, 'All I asked you to do was call me, and you forgot?' Then he started accusing me of not caring about his feelings."
"Did he..." I say.
"Hit me? No, that was just the first time I saw his evil side. The first time was when he pushed me up against a bookshelf when I told him to back off of my business. I was upset that my dad was in the hospital, and he prodded me with a million questions!"
Ivory leans forward. "I broke up with him, but I can't forget about him, Vivian, and the fact that that I heard about what he did to Terri just last year put me on edge. It makes me nervous being in the same room as him, the same building as him! The fact that he can be so sweet, but so deceiving at the same time plays with my mind, and I hate him for it." She grits her teeth, face as pink as a strawberry.
I look at her. "I had no idea..."
"Figures since you're friends with him." She spits the word friends out of her mouth like venom. "I refuse to sit back and watch him hurt someone else. He's probably claimed to have changed, like the time he wanted another chance with me, but then I turn him down and he went after Terri." Ivory clenches her fist. "That could've been me. I could've been the one in a coma if I hadn't had got away from him. You need to do the same."
I look past Ivory into the distance of the cafeteria and see Rick and Toby sitting by themselves. Both of them are chatting about something they're excited about: I can tell that much from their wild grins.
But Rick isn't...I think to myself. He isn't like that now. Finally I speak. "Thank goodness you got away from him, Ivory." I say, "and sorry if Rick's return is giving you a hard time...but I really think you should...talk to him."
"Haven't you heard anything I was saying?" Ivory's wide green eyes are even wider. "He's manipulating you and Toby like he manipulated me and Terri! He hasn't changed, Vivian, I promise you that."
"Really, Miss 'I know everything?'" I fire back. "Then why would you spread that rumor about Rick and I dating? Are you really that hung up on Rick that you won't let me hear the end of it?" I lost it, but I don't care.
Ivory shrugs. "If it isn't true, then all you have to do is clear your name. Say you don't care for Rick in the way he thinks you care for him."
"That's a bunch of crap." I retort. "You clearly don't know anything about Rick now like you used to, which only makes me believe you need to talk to your ex and get some closure."
"Like hell I will." Ivory stands up. "You need to stay the hell away from him."
"You're so concerned about my well being, Ivory." I say sarcastically. "Guess I was wrong for dumping you as my friend." I stand up too, and notice that Ivory flinches from my remark. I try to ignore it and gently grab her arm. "Come on." I say softly. "We're going to go talk to Rick and leave your nose out of my business now."
She tugs her arm back. "What are you doing!?" Her eyes have widened again, more of fear than anger.
"Ivory, let's go." I say. "Look: he's about to come over now." It's true: Rick has spotted us, and he's walking over casually. I grab her arm again.
"Vivian, no." I can feel her trembling.
"Would you relax? He won't hurt you. I promise he's different than the Rick you knew."
"I-Ivory?" Here he is. I look at him and his look of disbelief.
"Please go away." Ivory retorts.
"One: I know you hate me for what I did to you, and two: I don't blame you. I'd just like to apologize."
I take a large step back towards the table where Ivory and I were sitting, but I still listen to the conversation as I pretend to check myself in my makeup mirror.
"For the millionth time, huh?" Ivory crosses her arms as I steal a quick glance up.
"I...have a problem, Ivory—had...a problem, but I'm in therapy. You have my word on that."
"I've never heard of an abusive guy say he's getting help and means it." Ivory's voice is sharp.
"Neither have I." Rick sounds sincere. "That's why I'm doing this. I'm not asking you to like me, or to be my friend, but I hope that you can...forgive me."
Slowly I glance up as Rick edges closer. "How have you been...Ivory?" He looks so nervous. He's fidgeting with his hands.
Ivory isn't so pink in the face now. "I've been great." She replies, and I relax, putting away my makeup mirror.
"Until you came back!"
Suddenly, Ivory takes her juice carton and tosses the the red liquid right into Rick's face.
I gasp. "Ivory!" I walk over. "What-"
"-Don't you DARE jump to his defense!" Ivory spits. "I can't believe you're falling for his act! Go to hell, Vivian!" She bumps past me and storms out of the cafeteria. I stare after her. That was it. Ivory and I are no longer friends. I don't think we can ever recover after this.
I remember Rick as I hear students laughing. Abruptly I turn around and see Rick wiping off his face and clothes with his hands. I reach for one of my napkins. "Here, let me help-"
"No, don't waste your time." Rick holds up his hand as an indication to stop. "I'll talk to you later." He too walks past me and leaves the cafeteria.
I stare after him. Even I'm not enough to cheer him up. Why do I watch my friend suffer day after day and fail to do anything about it? What a day.
...
If I were Tobey Maguire, I wouldn't have this problem. I would be like him: able to stop everyone from picking on me or anyone else. Well I guess it's a good thing that I don't have "Spidey Powers." or any superhero powers. Half of the school wouldn't exist. I really do hate it at Degrassi. With or without special powers, I'll stop this bullying from happening. Patience is a virtue.
-Rick Murray*
I've decided to try something a little different with the journal entry. Fun fact: there's no mention of Rick having a girlfriend before Terri in the television series; however when the actor auditioned for Rick, he (Rick) refers to having a previous relationship in the monologue. I decided that's when Ivory dated Rick. Stay tuned!