A.N. Sorry for slower than usual update. New chapters might be coming out at a reduced rate for a bit, as I'm getting into clone hero and am dedicating a lot of free time into trying to get better at it. And I'm now writing and creating a konosuba mod for stardew valley, you might have seen a couple screenshots of it I posted on the konosuba reddit a while ago (There will most definitely be references to this fanfic). So that's also taking up some time.

And to answer a question that was asked, the devil king, like the one from the original story, is dead my friend. As dead as disco. Sanguine is the only being that's 'inside' Kazuma if that makes sense. So if you're confused on who was talking that one time after Kazuma killed Hanz, guess you'll just have to stick around and find out ;) Now enjoy the chapter!

When he got home from an errand, Kazuma escaped a night in the castle dungeon, just barely, thanks to Iris protesting hard. However when he thought he was home free when it was just them alone once again, he was met with-

"I can't believe you! You completely embarrassed me in front of thousands of people! And for what? Because you're jealous over some guys?"

"Jealous? I'm just being a protective bigger brother, don't you know this is the kind of thing we have to do? Don't tell me you had no idea. Some brother you had."

"I-is that really what brothers are supposed to do?"

"Yup, real brothers have to embarrass their little sisters in public. Think of it like a protecting ward, keeps stupid jerks away from her. Those ten I saw, the ultimate threat to the sibling bond we have if I've ever seen one."

"Are you sure you're not just being silly?"

Kazuma began pacing around her room.

"Silly? You call a WEEK of spending time with you silly!? There's no way I'm letting some asshole turn you against me."

"Don't tell me, is that why you were out so late? Did you sign up for the summer tourney?"

"You're goddamn right. It's my duty to keep you all to m- I mean protect you."

"You're a child! Why is my big brother a complete child!?"

"Don't be like that, with all my pow…ers. Those uh…guys are toast."

Kazuma stopped pacing, and after a good deal of eye twitching, fell down onto the ground dramatically.

'I. Don't. HAVE. MY. POWERS. I'm a complete idiot! The only spells I can use is what!? STEAL!? LURK!? SLEEP!? If I take even a single good hit, this body is a complete goner!'

"Well, on the brightside, it's for a good cause, right? Not like you want to actually have to get all buddy buddy with those lazy bastards, so I'm doing you a favor." He said in a deadpan voice.

"Will you get off the floor? And you have it completely wrong! I tried to explain it to you earlier!"

"Explain what?"

"The winner will spend a week in the castle, but we will only be actually interacting once a night in a formal dinner setting, like when we first met. And obviously you would have been there with me the whole time. So it's still me and big brother the whole day anyway."

"..."

'Why do I even bother anymore again? I guess I could just not show up to my match, but that would be a serious blow to my reputation, especially after that stunt I pulled. Iris is probably gonna be there supporting me too…'

Perhaps it's time

'For what?'

For me to show you how to fight like your namesake

'The Satou family isn't really well known for their combat prowess'

I meant being a vampire lord you buffoon

'I think i've done just fine without your help so far. Did you see my match with Sylvia!? I was like a god damn ninja'

Congratulations, you can back flip over a relatively slow moving, and easy to anticipate swath of fire. Because of your overwhelming power, you never needed to know how to truly fight as I do. You hope this so called sword will be the shortcut, the answer to your prayers. If you do not know how to move your body, if you lack instincts, that sword will be your gravestone

Kazuma wanted to retort, but thinking back to their last battle, he had a strong power advantage and yet, other than his strategic thinking at the end, he was fighting like a dumb brute when it came to his dueling ability.

Allow me to teach you a hint of what I know, and you will have the strength you desire to defeat the ten greatest combatants in this kingdom with nothing more than your poultry list of useable spells

'...alright you have a deal, but seriously. Lay off the palpatine crap!'

"Big brother? Hello? Why are you still on the floor? You better not be acting this way for tomorrow's ball!"

"A ball!? You know, this floor is feeling pretty damn comfortable."

After a day of avoiding everyone's disgusted looks after what he did during the ceremony, the first few guest of the ball finally arrived. Kazuma, never having been to a social event of this caliber before, meekly glued himself to Iris like a shy child following their mom around at a kids party.

'This is totally out of my element. Everyone looks so pompous and fake. At least if Aqua was here, we could get wasted or something!'

Kazuma realized how desperate he must be in such a situation if he was missing Aqua of all people.

"Iris, who did you say would be here again?"

"Mostly nobles with connections to my father, but since this is to commemorate the rankings and the upcoming summer tourney, the top ten will be here too."

'So they are coming after all. Guess it might be a good time to get a better feel for their power if nothing else, since I can't imagine myself actually getting along with any of those types'

You really seem to have a distaste for those who've led better lives than you

'And why shouldn't I? They should be out there doing what I'm doing. Instead of living in their cushy houses here in the capital. I bet not a single one of them even knows how it feels like to sleep in a stable'

Then consider yourself lucky

'Huh?'

If you view yourself as superior based on your past and the hardships you've gone through, then embrace those hardships

'Woah, you're like totally saying things meant to motivate me all of a sudden, is that really you in there you ashy bastard?'

I too, understand those feelings, as I have gone through my own share of hardships. Why do you think I keep a second throne in this room?

Kazuma never actually realized the empty chair in the dark corner of the room, but before he could contemplate the meaning, he was pulled out by-

"-brother? Are you really doing this again?"

"I'm awake! I'm awake."

"...Well, if nothing else i'm sure he grants you fine entertainment your majesty, hahaha!" The snorting noble wandered off to mingle elsewhere.

Kazuma wasn't exactly sure what just happened, only left with the feeling that he's been insulted somehow, although this wasn't exactly the place to lay on a beating.

"Mrrm, I know you have those weird lapses in consciousness, but I need you to focus. Everyone here thinks lowly of you, I wanna show them why they're wrong!"

'Ugh, what do I care how some nobles think of me? They're literally background characters!'

"Attention everyone! Attention! The heroes of Belzerg have arrived!"

The main doors opened, and alongside an escort of staff, ten adventurers, eight of which were dressed properly, waltzed into the ball. Some acting quite sheepish at the attention, others seemed well in their element, while others avoided social contact completely.

'Well, I guess it makes sense that a walking tree and a wolf man wouldn't actually dress up for something like this…speaking of wolfman, there isn't like, beef between us is there? Does that exist in this world?'

Kazuma took his time singling out and getting a good understanding of the newcomers and their power. From number ten, Ishii the dancer of death, to Gorou the so called walking arsenal.

'It's like I expected, they're all pretty strong for sure, but even the strongest of them, Gorou, would fold like a napkin if my REAL body was here'

Still, their power is impressive. The devil king I once knew would have great trouble battling them

'Yeah maybe if they all fought at once'

Don't underestimate them, what they lack in power, they can very well make up for in strange abilities

'Yeah right, Mitsurugi is the third strongest and his oh so called crazy power, is shooting lasers out of a sword! And speak of the devil king'

"Kazuma, what are you doing here?" The question he's been wanting to ask since hearing his name at the ceremony.

"Ah hello Mitsurugi my dear friend. Have you met my little sister yet?"

Mitsurugi frowned at the smug vampire, obviously trying to goad him into something.

"Why are you calling her that? And why is she calling you big brother? If I learn that you've put the princess under your spell I-"

"That's enough, ignore him. I am under no spell, my big brother simply refuses to act his age is all."

"But…you're still calling him big brother…Regardless, if what the princess says is true, then come on man, you're an adult, act like it." He began speaking to him less formally.

"Adult? I'm freaking sixteen!"

"Huh? Really? I've been annoyed at a teen this whole time?"

"Wait, how old are you?"

"I'm twenty three."

"WHA!? But how? I thought that, well you know. That THING. You know, the THING. Only applies to youth from Japan?"

"I was a youth from Japan. I was in highschool when I came to this uh...kingdom. That was Six years ago. You didn't think I earned my reputation in only a year did you?"

"Huh…apparently not."

'I guess that makes sense. When we first met, he said he was fighting to bring down the original devil king, so that was six years ago? That still doesn't explain why he looks so young! Damn handsome bastard!'

"Highschool!? Big brother told me all about how horrible of a place highschool is. If it is true that you also went to such a place, you have my condolences Lord Mitsurugi."

The wielder of Gram turned to give Kazuma a disappointed look.

"You told her about highschool? Better yet, what have you been telling her about highschool?"

"The truth!"

"Look your majesty, Kazuma is not exactly the most unbiased opinion on-"

"Well would you look at the time! Come along Iris! We'll continue this conversation never."

To the protest of both Princess and hero, Kazuma led her by the arm to a different part of area of the grand ball room.

"Hey Iris, that reminds me, so this sort of thing, with the tourney and all that, it's already happened before right? I remember you talking about how you've met and dined with other adventurers before me."

"Of course. Mitsurugi became a hero on the frontlines during the war. So I would get to see him from time to time ever since I was about seven or eight. And after my father began to spend less time here, it was up to me to formally meet with every adventurer who rose to prominence in the kingdom."

"Then what can you tell me about the others in the top ten?"

"But big brother, they're all here, why don't we just go over and talk-"

"Nope. Next idea."

"Why am I not surprised? For a vampire lord, you're as timid as they come."

"Oi, i'll show that tomboy side of yours just how timid I can be!"

"Yes big brother, you're very scary. Now which one did you want to know more about?"

Kazuma muttered his grievances under his breath. While it was true that they quickly became two peas in a pod, her increasingly tomboy attitude made him truly appreciate those moments where she would revert back to acting the shy and girly little sister trope.

"Hmm, how about that one there, Hochi whatever his name was."

"Horiuchi? Horiuchi the immortal. He's not actually immortal you see, but he has the amazing ability to regenerate his body from any wound you could possibly inflict! One time, he told me a story about his first quest in Axel! A group of goblins operating out of a cave, that turned out to actually be a group of rookie killers! He fought for over a day straight almost dying over and over again until he won through attrition alone."

'Well that's just great, he's not even top five and his divine gift makes him freaking majin buu!'

"Well, what about the katana user, Tetsuo."

Even in the ball, Tetsuo adorned his tuxedo with holsters on his legs and torso that all held a variety of blades.

"They call him the ghost blade, he has the mysterious ability to conjure magical copies of any blade he carries on his person. He does not even need to unsheathe them. This was how he defeated a horde of lizard runners by himself in an instant!"

"Pfft, yeah well I can do the same with a vampire's domain. What about the top two, those are the ones i'm really looking out for."

Kazuma noted the vast difference in their personalities. Hisoka stuck himself to the wall and seemed to refused to even look at others around him, wearing a black scarf that covered most of his face. While Gorou dwelled with the nobles, gossiping and conversing as if he was one himself.

"Hisoka and Gorou. I don't actually know much about Hisoka, when we met, he didn't say a single word. Kinda like with me, his party members spoke for him, but even they didn't say much. But apparently his special ability has to do something with darkness."

'This guy sounds like an even bigger edgelord than Megumin'

"It's strange to think about, all of them have completely unique abilities or weapons that we've never seen before, well except for Gorou."

'Yeah I wonder why'

"Wait, what do mean except for Gorou?"

"They all have advanced classes, but mostly rely on their special abilities. Gorou however, has not shown anything that we haven't seen before."

"Then how the hell is he the strongest? I heard he commands light!"

"He does! One of his spells is light of saber, and another spell he uses is flash."

"..."

Kazuma's mind was instantly filled with images of 'Solar flare! Destructo disc!'

'N-no, there's no way THAT'S how he's been winning right?'

"Big brother, he's coming this way."

Putting a more serious face on, Kazuma steeled himself as the man they spoke of waltzed over to them. Unlike the others, who wore generic tuxedos, perhaps with an accessory, or none at all in the case of the tree and wolf, Gorou wore a very expensive looking dark blue admiral uniform, complete with shoulder tassels and a round hat. The same thing he wore in the ceremony, meaning this was his adventuring outfit.

'Yeah, total main protagonist syndrome. Or main antagonist syndrome?'

"Ah, your majesty, when was it that we last met?"

"Last year Lord Gorou, after you won last years summer tourney of course. It's a pleasure to see you again."

"Ah, but the pleasure is all mine-"

Gorou attempted to kiss the Princess's hand, though Kazuma had shoved his own hand in the way.

"A kiss for me? Aw sorry buddy, I don't really swing that way."

'This guy is totally giving me the creeps! Red flags going up everywhere! Oh yeah, I definitely cannot let this guy win that tournament, no matter what'

"Ahh, the Vampire of Axel. I heard about you setting up shop in the castle with the princess here. You must feel very lucky."

"Oh I'm just peachy. Me and the princess are very close after all, so I couldn't be luckier."

Yes, he's the creepy one

'Quiet down, this is where the back and forth takes place'

"Oh? Are you another personal bodyguard paid by her father to protect her? Your reputation should put you a good deal above Claire. That is, if that reputation isn't a lie."

"Oh it's all real alright. And yeah, you can say i'm something of a bodyguard. I like to think my job is to protect her from monsters, and older weirdos."

The princess simply stood aside watching like a movie goer at the edge of their seat, her new 'kazuma' side hoping to see something crazy happen while her more formal side tried to think of a way to defuse this.

"Heh, Is that so? I hope you're strong for a vampire, you gotta be careful. A lot of these weirdos nowadays tend to be real good at killing vampires. I wouldn't want you to turn to ash now ya hear?"

"Don't worry about me, you have the summer tourney coming up don't you? It would be a shame if you happened to lose."

"Yes, it would, wouldn't it." His face turned something sinister. "By the way, I admit i'm surprised you weren't brought here to deal with the capital's latest thorn. Being a vampire and all, the night is your specialty is it not?"

"The capital's latest thorn? What are you-"

Kazuma noticed that Iris began to giggle like a fangirl when she deduced who they were talking about.

"Who else? The bane of all these poor nobles of course. The chivalrous thief."

Many nearby nobles froze when they heard that name. Suddenly, it seems like the entire ball began to talk about this mysterious figure.

"I haven't talked to you about the thief yet big brother? They're a mystery who stalks the homes of evil nobles in the night, stealing riches and more. The next day, orphanages run by the Eris church will see huge donations!"

"You seem to really uh, like this thief guy."

"Me? A-ah, well, being nobility myself I shouldn't really be supporting someone like him and yet…don't you think it's so cool? I think, if I had the chance, a part of me wants to be just like him."

'Oi, what the hell? What's so great about this robin hood knock off? I thought you wanted to be like me!? What's all this then?'

"Chivalrous thief huh? I don't care what it takes. I'm taking this bastard down."

Gorou reacted with very bright smile, said his goodbyes, and walked back to his group of nobles. After some words were exchanged, a ruckus began to stir.

"Is it true Kazuma? You're going to catch the thief!?"

"Leave it to the Vampire of Axel to collect yet another bounty!"

"That no good thief is done for with a vampire lord on the prowl!"

"I'm not an evil noble at all, I simply have friends who might be targets is all. Eris bless you Kazuma!"

'Woah, I suddenly got a lot more popular with the fat cats'

"Really big brother? You're really gonna try and capture the thief?"

Iris looked up at Kazuma with eyes full of wonder and amazement.

'Too cute! Oh yeah, I'm totally catching this guy now'

"Am I hearing correctly? The Vampire wishes to catch the thief? What a world we live in nowadays."

Kazuma knew that voice. He felt himself lose his good mood in an instant when he turned to see who had arrived at the party.

"You."

"Now, is that any way to greet an old friend?"

'Alderp.'

"You're not my friend."

"So it seems. And yet if I heard right, then you're the enemy of my enemy. And there's no difference in that."

Alderp messed with his mustache before leaving to enjoy himself at the party.

'Guh, I guess that's to be expected when your target is a robin hood type. The only ones supporting you are these snobby rich guys. Still, he didn't seem to be exactly happy to see me here either'

"Ah, Lord Alexei! Did you hear? Lord Kazuma has just made a declaration that he will hunt the chivalrous thief!"

'They added Lord to my name now?'

Having had his fill of the party for the moment, Kazuma and Iris resigned themselves to relax on the sidelines, giving him the go ahead to autopilot for the moment. When he opened his eyes again, he was at a camp.

The girls slept in a tent as the nearby fire crackled, its embers visible in the darkness of the night.

Kazuma himself sat nearby, without a need to sleep, he could watch over them during the night, with his energy sense and enemy detection doing roughly the same in the event he decides to sleep anyway. Without the need to rely on firewatch schedules, the girls could be fully rested each morning.

'Hey Sanguine, how does that feel for you? Ya know, the split consciousness'

It doesn't feel like anything, I can see both set of events play out at once

'Like watching two televisions huh? At first it was kind of mentally straining for me. Seeing and hearing and feeling everything all at once. I could kinda autopilot on one side or the other, but it still wasn't easy. But now, I think I got the hang of it! Almost like an advanced form of multitasking'

Something that is only possible due to your vampiric power enforcing your mind. It's original purpose to protect you from mental attacks and demonic hypnosis, it now serves to aid in this strange endeavor you've partaken in

'I gotta admit, I didn't expect things to go this way at all. But i'm kinda glad it did. It's gonna be annoying when the girls find out for sure, but for now, i'm smooth sailing'

That is unless you are 'killed' in front of everyone in the capital

'That's why you're gonna train me right? Win win scenario for us both. I get to keep other guys away from Iris, and you- hold up, what are they talking about?'

"As if! It's totally gonna be me! My family has connections to Axel, therefore it makes sense that lady dustiness should be bequeathed to me."

"Hmph, connections are meaningless in the face of real wealth. While you play with your connections, my family owns the businesses themselves."

"You both are wrong, Lady Dustiness would most definitely fall for a man of action. I once took lessons from a master swordsman, and I even used them in battle protecting an estate against a flying cabbage!"

"Don't hold your breath. The perfect man for Lady Dustiness is not in the room. She deserves someone of a much higher standard." Said Alderp.

Kazuma focused his hearing, eavesdropping from his point in the wall. Making sure that Claire didn't accidentally spot him clutching tightly to Iris, who's eyes started to droop as the night went on.

'Huh, I thought that of everyone here, Alderp would be the one guy to try and have her for himself. Maybe he realized I wouldn't let something like that happen'

"For someone of a beauty like Lady Dustiness, there is only one, yes? It should be clear by now, he who has taken the daunting task of investigating the events in Elroad and Brydle, the respectable and honorable prince Jatis."

"But what of the Dustiness estate?"

"A simple solution. They only need to have several children, the youngest can be given the Dustiness estate. Such a pairing would have the most beautiful and intelligent of offspring, don't you agree?"

The nobles all sheepishly backed down, their confidence and bravado being torn down in the face of the reality that they simply don't measure up to someone like the prince.

"Tch."

'Am I, pissed off? Why do I feel so upset all of a sudden?'

Kazuma felt a pit growing inside of him as he listened to their words.

'When Darkness was supposed to be married off to this bastards son, I wasn't even that upset over the idea of her getting married. I just didn't want him to win. But now…'

Immersing in his other body, He looked within one of the tents where Darkness peacefully snoozed away.

'This doesn't make any sense. I mean, it's not like i'm unsatisfied in anyway with Megumin. Or that I feel any sort of strong urges towards Darkness but, the idea of her getting married. Hell, even the thought of her with another guy at all. It makes me so mad it almost hurts'

Kazuma stayed by Iris's side as the party went on through the night, eventually dying down as nobles lined up to say their goodbyes to the princess. He zoned out for most of it, until a certain noble motioned him over for a conversation in private.

"What do you want?"

"Firstly, you watch your tongue vampire. I am not 'you', I am Lord Alexei. I'll keep appearances up with the princess but I demand respect."

"What makes you think you have any right to respect? You tried to have me killed!"

"You destroyed my home, you humiliated me. I know what you did. I watched as you used your own friends as puppets."

"I-"

"You have no qualms about using your powers to get your way, no matter the price. So don't try to act as if you have a moral high ground."

"What do you want?"

"I might think lowly of you, but that chivalrous thief is even more a problem than you. You see, I have, certain items of interest, that, if they were to fall into the wrong hands, would be problematic for us all. And so if you are dedicated to capturing the thief, then you will need this. Let's hope I don't have to cross paths with you again."

Alderp handed over a folded piece of paper before turning away without another word.

Kazuma realized right away what this information was. A list of nobles houses that were at risk of being targeted.

'Great, so i'm a rich vampire, which turns into a bat, solving a case like a detective while I stalk at night trying to bring down a villain…'

He briefly thought up a cunning plot to temporarily bring halloween traditions to this world for the sole purpose of putting the girls in catwoman, poison ivy, and harley quin costumes.

'Yeahhh, that's going on the list'

A.N. Sorry again for taking so long to write this. I hope that I'll be finding a better rhythm going forward. Also, what Kazuma said about not expecting events to play out this way, that's how I feel. A fun fact, none of this was originally supposed to happen. The way I had originally planned things out, was for the gang to completely ignore the Iris invitation to dinner, which would lead to pretty much all of volume 6 being skipped and going straight into the fully original/AU stuff. But in a way similar to how togashi writes sometimes, instead of forcing things to go how I originally plan, I try to immerse myself as the characters and think of how they would react in certain situations. Which sometimes leads to things getting out of hand. So I decided to have some fun with it and add an AU flare so its not just a rehash of volume 6. Kazuma and Iris's relationship being developed will also make things much better for later events in ways I had not foreseen. Anyways I hope you guys enjoy the ride cause the gang won't be reaching the eastern continent for a while. (Who knows, maybe it will be realistic and actually take six months)