OK… I might have to change the rating, depending on where this goes… but for everyone out there with a brain, I'M SO SORRY! It's suze's fault! I'm mad at her cuz she's trying 2 steal my jessemoo:sobs: I miss him… so I'm getting back at him in my fan fic. Sorry, jesse. :giggles: I thought about being cruel and making this a cliffie, but I decided against it. (l8er) yesh, I did have 2 chng m'r8ing. Oh, and I figured out who DA and FL r! yay! David ackerman and froggy leseur. Interesting choices, I kno, but I wuz trying 2 fill a page. I dunno y.

Ok, I got either somewhere between at least 10 reviews. Not all of them were on the site. I wuz gonna put it up 1ce I had 8 on the site and a possible 2 off the site, but while I was bizzy, I just got another 2. so now im just gonna finish the review responses, aready!

Kaitie+Jess: I'm srry, again, even tho I still dunno 4 wut… well I didn't wanna e-mail u cuz I thought that'd make u madder, so ima w8 till u read this and really hope u talk 2 me again… eventually…

soin2jesse: hehe probby just wut u think. Question is whether he gets it. :does a dance: wow I love this rite more… yay!

desipoplover13: I kno, the shortness, but after this they get relaly long. I figured out the FL AND the DA, and I'm very shocked about the answers. R u ready? Ok: david ackerman and froggy leseur. Am I weird or wut? Hehe hope u rnt nuts nemroe… hey, ur right! It does go both ways! Omg u mustmustmust read the 1800 boox! M'friend shelly likes 'em proportionally 2 how I luv the medi8ors! But 1st, u mustmustMUST read twilite! Hehe that does sound wrong, but in a funny way. And watch how u spell "come". Just a lil tip there. And don't put it that way on google, or I bet ull regret it. HAH. And I sympathize about the logging in thing.

moovalous3: I have a friend who wants 2 kill u b/c of ur name. he thinx moo is his word, I think its mine, and m'friend shelly thinx its hers. But its really mine. Don't let the name fool u. IM SO GLAD I SURPRISED U THAT ROX! Hehe im glad 2 b the 1st. 2 paraphrase an artist on elfwood; the only pig that flies is a dead flying angel one w/ wings. That, once again, was a ROCKIN' REVIEW! Yeah, many ouchies 4 claire. Ouchies 4 almost evry1 in this story evench. Yes, I not only write jesse, I write jessejessejesse JESSE! I (heart) jessemoo, Emily de silva… but now I'm trying 2 get over jesse, so I've started writing jesse (plus) suze 4ever but I gotta put a frowny face w/ its tongue out. And I put Susannah de silva, but tehn I also put I h8 suze and suze free zone and suze sux, but then my hand takes over and puts "Jesse's face" and then I hit my hand 4 being mean 2 me. It just wants 2 torment me, really. Haha that's a gr8'n bout sacraments. Ud b surprised how strange things r when u DON'T tell 'em he's from a book. I have the BEST convos. Bout 2 find out wut paul's doing there. And I didn't turn on the elev8r music, sum idiot did. Possibly my hand. That thing has it out 4 me, I telling u.

nikki:grinsgrins:

phishphood: I wont bother responding 2 u here, since uv already read the chappy and wont b reading this now. I bribe shelly w/ chappies of m'story.

Pens in potatoes: haha ur name is the 1st that doesn't come out on spell checky. :grinsgrins: there's some "fluff" but I'm not good it, so I just.. yeah.

timydamonkey: thxy thx! Ya, tim's sad. No bus driver, she has her own car. Didn't I make that clear? Aah well, at least I have this 2 clarify. D yeah, suze gets very un4tun8 in these b/c I wuz mad her 4 stealing jesse. He was away the time, so I just start making bad things happen 2 her its sooo funny. 2 me. Oh, srry… u missed paul cuz he wuz on the floor after I'd shot him a second b4. soooo close! Thk u, I just did.

AmethystHannah: Yups. Just mean on Claire. But not nearly as mean as I am 2… o… EVRY1 ELSE! BWAHAHAHAHHA!

GroovyBananas: Tim says hi weird computer person. Omg I do that xclam8ion mark thing allll the time! And then I start asking qs and ending them with !s neway. Like, "r u there! Hello! R u gonna answer!" hehehe u r kool. I have met so many kindred spirits on this site. :grins: yesyes, very kool. Oh, the views of sum1 crazy r even MORE valid! I AM HAPPY:REJOICES for ur lip balm: but its not as good as my cherry chapstick! Oops, i just mixed m'self up w/ suze. And then I got so mad when jesse did it…

SnurfyJoanne: OK! I'm glad u like this story! Yay! I upd8ed cuz of ur review. That makes 10 reviews al2getha!

I would like to say that this was the first time I had been alone with Paul for quite a long time. It wasn't. I'd been seeing him. I was trying not to, I really was, but then he'd just show up randomly and… well, it doesn't count. He forced me into it. I love Jesse, Jesse, Jesse… Jessaul… I mean Jesse! Oh Lord Sebastian Bartholomew… I held him off icily, because I hate him, and I fear him. I didn't let him know the second bit, though.

"Hey Suze, you know I have a PhD too." I raised my eyebrows. "Yeah, I have a Pretty huge D—"

"Shut up. What are you doing here? I'm getting Jesse. He's right there, in the other room."

He raised an eyebrow. "So you are sitting there humming and you aren't by yourself, huh?"

"No. Jesse's reading. I'm just humming," I lied. "Wait… how the hell did you know I was humming?"

He just grinned. "I saw you come in here with Jesse, and I heard through the grapevine about your cute little friend Claire. I'm really sorry. Is there anything I can… do?"

"Yes… there is… something…" I said suggestively. He grinned expectantly. "You can leave." I pushed him out the door, slammed it, and locked it. (A/N: I don't like Suze, but I'm not making her evil. No, I do like her. She's just competition. She's really cool though, and I'm being a little unfair…) I sat on the floor and leaned against the door.

"Suze, Suze, Suze. You know perfectly well that a locked door never keeps me out."

"Try explaining a broken door to Jesse, and you'll have to explain a broken nose to all your little partying friends."

"But Jesse doesn't have any friends to explain his broken nose to."

My fingers curled themselves into a fist. "Go. Away. Now!"

"You don't really want me to, do you Suze?"

"Let me think about that—yes. Yes I do. Go away."

"Why won't you look at me, then? Afraid you'll be overcome by lust?" Actually, yes, that was exactly what I was afraid of. But I wasn't about to admit it.

"In your dreams, Paul."

"And yours, Suze. Open the door and we can make them come true." I caught myself reaching for the door. I was NOT just reaching for the door! "Reaching for the door?" he asked, with that annoying habit of seeming to read my mind. "Open it. You know you want to."

"I want nothing of the sort."

"You're the one who'll be explaining the door to Jesse if I have to break it down. Remember last time?" I did. I slumped. Last time, he had broken down the door, and then kissed me. And it went on just a bit too long for me to tell Jesse about it. Then I had to make up some story about a ghost, and then he'd been worried for me, and I'd felt guilty beyond belief. "Do you want me to break it down again, Suze?"

"You wouldn't dare."

"You feel lucky?"

"You're here… so no, no I don't."

I could hear him grinning through the wall. "Let me in, then, Suze."

What could I do? I let him in. He closed the door, locked it, and, getting straight to the point, kissed me. It sent old familiar shivers down my spine. I tried to fight him off, I really did. I don't know how he got my mouth open, or my tongue in his mouth, and I have absolutely no IDEA how it ended up with me pinning him on the sofa. All I know is that this was where we were when I heard "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"

I turned around, my heart racing even faster than it had been racing a second ago, and saw… Tim. "Tim? What are you doing here?"

"Making out with Paul. Oh, wait, that's YOU!"

"Oh my god, Tim, I'm sorry, I can explain!" He stared at me. "OK, no I can't, but please, please don't tell Jesse! Please, Tim!"

"That won't be necessary. We came in here together to tell you that Claire woke up. He left immediately." Oh my god. Oh. My. God.

"No, it's not what it looks like!" His jaw dropped.

"Not what it looks like? You mean it's not true that my wife is in the hospital with your boyfriend and you're over here MAKING OUT WITH PAUL?"

"OK. Maybe it is what it looks like. There was an explanation a second ago, but now there's not. I gotta go see Jesse… I gotta… I gotta see Jesse, please, where's Jesse?"

"Presumably back at the hospital, with Claire, who was just in a near fatal car accident," his voice was rising, "with broken bones and concussions, with Jesse, who cares enough to be there!"

"You two made me leave!"

"So you could sleep! You were stressed! Not so you could come back here and—and—and do—THIS!"

I couldn't think of anything to say. There was nothing to say. "I'm glad Claire's awake." Tim turned red and dematerialized. Paul had a slightly shocked look on his face, but when I turned toward him, he started laughing! He was actually laughing! That… that… I screamed. I hauled off and slugged him. Screw him and his nose. I wasn't sure if I'd hurt him, and I didn't stick around to find out.

I ran out the door. Oh goddamnit, I'd left my wallet inside. I wasn't going back in there. I walked. Just a reasonably attractive woman, alone at night, unarmed, my pepper spray still at home, wearing… Oh. My. God. I was still in my pajamas. I was insane. I was absolutely insane. But due to my constant good luck, I got all the way there rather quickly without being tired or cold or getting attacked or at all spoken to. Hah. Haha. Hahahahahahahaha. Yeah. Right. I don't know how many people I hit on the way there. I didn't even really look at them. They just got too close. I was a woman on a mission. I was wearing sandals, and I was glad that at least I had thought to slip them on. It was freezing, though, being Halloween… actually, by now it was November 1st, and I was getting some odd looks, being in my pink fuzzy pajamas. Maybe they thought I was coming home from a costume party? Oh damn… Well, a very long story in a slightly shorter time, I walked the 5 miles to the hospital. The fact that it wasn't even farther was probably the one stroke of luck I'd had all night.

I knew I was getting close when I saw a fire hydrant 20 feet from where it was supposed to be. Water was flying everywhere, and there sat Jesse with look on his face that could only be described as "sour". Rocks were flying. I knew it was Jesse doing it because the rocks weren't hitting anyone… That was my Jesse… though whether he'd be "my" Jesse for very long, I wasn't at all sure. I walked up to Jesse, who was glaring at me, looking more sad and hurt than I'd ever seen him, but also about as angry, opened my mouth, and promptly face-planted into the cement. Of all times… I guess that's what happens when you go through a night of extreme stress, walk 5 miles, also under extreme stress, and don't drink anything. Did I mention I was wearing pink fuzzy pajamas? Thin pink fuzzy pajamas?

"Nombre de Dios, Susannah, what have you done to yourself?" All I had done to him, and he was thinking of me. And now I was crying. This wasn't happening, this wasn't happening, I would wake up soon. But judging from the way my head hurt where it had hit the ground, I was wide awake. After all this, the last thing I wanted to do was to cry. I had to stop crying. It wasn't supposed to happen! (A/N: Aaw poor Suze! I actually really feel bad for her now… maybe I'll relent… maybe)

"I'm… so… sorry!" I was sniffling and shivering like mad, and my nose seemed to be running… oh, wait, that was blood. How could Jesse not want me back? "There's no excuse! You deserve… so much better than me!" People would be staring, of course, but they'd been driven away by the rocks. "I just wish… I wish it had never happened… I wish I had never…" I trailed of, not wanting to say it out loud. What the hell had I done? Why the hell had I done it? He pulled out his MDS hanky. I cried even harder. He mopped up my tears, then my blood, and pulled me up.

"What are you wearing, and how did you get here?"

"Exactly what I was wearing when I ran out of the apartment, and I walked."

"You walked? In that?" He gestured toward my ensemble.

"I forgot my wallet. And I didn't want to go… in there."

He looked pained. He probably wanted really badly to dump me, but he was too nice. But all he said was "Why?"

"Because he was still in there, and—"

"No, I mean, why did you…?" He trailed off.

I shook my head. "There is no good reason. I have no idea why. Probably because the author of this fic doesn't like me for stealing you."

"You mean Emily? Yes… she does that. I should probably dump you and get back to her now. Later, what's-your-name." Oh… sorry… that last part didn't actually happen… let's go back a bit, shall we?

I shook my head. "There is no good reason. I have no idea why. I'm just an idiotic ass."

Now he shook his head. "Don't say that. Everyone makes mistakes."

I sighed. "You don't."

"I have made mistakes."

"Name one."

"Maria," he responded simply.

I was pretty touched… he avoided talking about his life at all times, usually. But here he was, voluntarily bringing it up just to make me feel better. "Things were different then, Jesse." I said, with the closest thing to a laugh I had had since the phone rang. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, that I always would and if he left me I would die. But he deserved better than me, and I didn't want to guilt him into staying with me. It wasn't fair to him. But he started it.

"I love you, Susannah." He kissed me. He did. With blood, tears, dirt, and who knows what else on my face, he kissed me. And I forgot all that had happened all night. The phone had not yet rang, and I had just asked Jesse whether he had had fun, and he had said "Yups." And he had kissed me. And that was where I was for a second, until some people started venturing toward the hospital to fix the hydrant. Jesse looked very apologetic when he remembered he had done it.

I remembered that Claire had just woken up and asked Jesse what he was doing outside. He embarrassedly informed me that after he'd left our apartment, he'd started shaking things and moving things, which was of course no good in a hospital, so he'd come outside. Jesse brought me inside the warmth of the hospital waiting room, where I got more stares. I glared back, then remembered I was in the ER waiting room and relented. I signed back in and asked if I could see Claire. The nurse said that I could, but made me pull on a hospital robe, which I was only too glad to wear.

I walked into her room. Tim glared at me so intensely, some of the inspirational pictures on the wall started to shake. He relented only somewhat when he saw whose arms were around me. I looked at the floor. Then I looked at his wife. There was still a male nurse in the room, so I couldn't say much. "So, how ya doin'?"

She looked unsure what to make of me, and I guessed (correctly, it turned out) that Tim had told her everything. "I'm… I mean… I'm… concussed…" At a loss for what to say, I asked about Monica. It turned out that she was sleeping over at a friend's house, and had been asleep before the accident. No one wanted to wake her. I stepped into my doctor role and asked how Monica was doing with her… problems. "She's doing better… you can see her sometimes trying so hard not to let Scabbers talk, she really seems to be making an effort. But sometimes she doesn't notice, and he talks anyway. But sometimes she says 'Dr. Simon says she'll make you go away,' and that seems to make her OK for a while." The mention of his daughter seemed to make Tim soften quite a bit.

We talked about Monica for a while, which surprised me, because if I had been anyone else in the room, I'd have hit me. Well, except maybe Claire, who was bedridden. Actually, that probably wouldn't have stopped me. My robe must have opened or something, because Claire just goes "What are you wearing?"

I blushed and mumbled something. Tim started laughing. I guess that was good… Suddenly I felt kind of close to collapsing again and remembered that I was probably dehydrated. I got some water and started to leave. I turned in the robe, then remembered to say goodbye to Claire. She giggled when she saw me in my pink fuzzies. The I guess I was shivering, because Jesse said something to Tim and he gave me his jacket. No one could see it, but it was warm and I thanked him. Jesse walked me home. Back at home, I went into the bathroom to wash up and change into different pajamas. I got my pink ones off and screamed.

Cliffie after all! But that wuz a long'n! I just uploaded chappy 8 and I haven't even gotten any reviews on it yet (except katie's) I think I've gotten most of my anger out on suze. My goodness, that one bit where jesse dumped her wuz fun. Even if it didn't happen… no idea where I'm going w/ this story, actually… but we'll find out 2gether:giggles: