I don't own emotion, I rent. It's almost done now. Two songs, one for Mark, and one for her.

"When you were here before/Couldn't look you in the eye/You were just like an angel/Your skin made me cry/You float like a feather/In a beautiful world/I wish I was special/You're so fucking special" –Radiohead"

"Today is the greatest/Day I've never known/Can't wait for tomorrow/I might not have that long/I'll tear my heart out/Before I get out/Pink ribbon scars/That never forget/I tried so hard/To cleanse these regrets/My angel wings/Were bruised and restrained/My belly stings" –Smashing Pumpkins-

Chapter 7:

I can only describe that time as awesome, probably one of the best in my life. I loved her so much, and I no longer had to hide anything from her because she did it, too. We would spend days with our head in the clouds, and not even the snide remarks from Mark could hurt my high.

I joined another band, and April went to work at this bar we frequented instead of going back to school. She claimed she couldn't do it anymore; I know she meant she couldn't let her former friends see what she'd become. But she never told her parents, and they sent tuition checks to her religiously at the beginning of every semester that would keep us high for months.

Despite my ever tense relationship with Mark, I got along with the others who streamed in and out, especially Collins, who was always good for some kind bud when our stash got too low.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…

April lay curled up under a blanket on the sofa staring idly at the TV. She had developed a slight cough and did not feel particularly up to working at The Mudd Club. Leaning over the edge of the sofa, Roger planted a sloppy kiss on her lips, one hand clinging to his guitar. "You sure you're ok if I go?" he inquired, stroking her hair out of her face as he continued to kiss her. "I can blow 'em off…"

Smiling, she shook her head. "I'll be fine… Besides, I'm not alone, Mark's here… Somewhere. It's just a cold," she whispered, running a hand along his arm. "Go. The 'Hungarians' can't play without you." Before he could step away, she grabbed him by the hair, pulling him down for another kiss. Biting on his lip as she pulled back, she added, "Just don't be gone too long."

Grinning, he backed away. "Love you," he murmured as he slipped out the door.

She watched him disappear, a grin in the corner of her mouth, before returning to her mindless program. After a few minutes, she sighed and called out, "Mark, please don't lurk."

He walked slowly out of the kitchen with a smirk on his face. "How'd you-"

She flashed a smile at him, patting the sofa beside her. "I always know." As he folded himself onto the couch, she regarded him silently. "Mark, love, what's wrong?"

He blinked a few times, looking over at her slowly. "N-nothing's wrong, April. What makes you say that?"

"I know you're mad at me," she commented bluntly. "And I know how much you hate Roger. But, for god's sake, Mark, don't blame him."

"If it wasn't for him," he growled through clenched teeth, "you wouldn't be like this…"

"Like what, Mark? Happy? You remember what I was like before I met him..." She stared at the film maker while he examined his hands in an attempt to avoid her gaze. "Mark, it was my choice. It's always been my choice." She looked down at her own hands. "And before you judge, tell me how Maureen is better for you."

He glanced up at her open mouthed. "It's nothing like this! She'd never ask me to…"

"And neither did he. He ran away, and I couldn't deal with being here where everything smelled like him, or at my dorm where everything didn't." She put her head in her hands, racking her brain to filter all the thoughts racing inside into a sensible statement. "I know I'm different now, but honestly, I wouldn't change it Mark. If I was still sober and all collegic, we would never make it past the point where it first ended. And if you ask me if it's worth it, if he's worth it, I can't say no." She sighed softly and wrapped the blanket tighter around her arms. "And I want you to be friends."

At that, Mark scoffed unintentionally, scanning the wall across from him as he shook his head. "You can say it's worth it, and that you wouldn't have it any other way… But I miss who you used to be." After a few moments of silence, he added, "And that shit's gonna kill you."

Attempting to laugh, she coughed into her hands. "We all die sooner or later, Mark. I'd rather know before I go."

Instinctively, he reached across the sofa and started robbing her back as she continued to cough. "If you won't change the past, please be safe for the future. Go to the doctor… You've been coughing like this for weeks."

She offered him a slight smile as she got her lungs under control. "Yes, mother…" Snaking one thin arm out from the blanket, she touched his face gently. "You're too good for all this bullshit. And I'm going to bed," she finished, pushing his glasses up his long nose. Standing slowly, she walked back into Roger's corner still wrapped in the blanket, pulling the curtain shut behind herself.

Mark watch for a long minute, knowing full well that she would probably shoot up before passing out. Closing his eyes, he leaned his head back on the sofa as he listened to her cough…

He actually tried to be nice to me for a good two, three weeks before remembering how much he hated me again. I wish it could have ended differently.