Am… so… HAPPY! So… many… reviews:shrieks happily: and I only had to ask two people to review! W00tw00t! Now the responses.

Koizak: Cool review. Thanks for reviewing. I love reviews. Have I mentioned that? I think I have. Well it deserves to be mentioned more. REVIEWS ROCK!

nikki007: Not telling what kind o' a fic it is. Here is m'upd8, srry it's been s'long! Aaww thank u:grinz:

Alenor: np all! Yes, I tried to bring in about EVERYONE somehow or other… Jack is about 18 I belive… I put him in hi skool someone tell me if I'm wrong…

Smart is sexy: ooh! M'friend suze (phishphood, I named her suze) is always all "read sotries b'"smart is sexy" and I'm all "e-mail me a link" and she's all "I will" and then she doesn't… but ya. Hehe, yeah, but it sounds so sincere, doesn't it? But there's nothing she can be held to if she doesn't feel like going thru with it… it'd work probby in pretty much every1 except her family… esp her father, who might realize he wasn't buried… hehe…

breezie: o tyvm:grinz: I updating now, srry it took me!

PinkExplosion: Haha at first I couldn't figure out y ur review ended with "explosion" then I saw ur name hehe. Aaww ty so much! Just updated!

QuidditchMoke: Now THAT is a review! I sympathize with the AAAAAAAHHHHHHH! Thing. Hehe thanks! Remember, back then I was super-mad at Susie m'self. Why do I call her Susie? To tick her off is why! Hehe, your anger is very gratifying! Thank u!

GroovyBananas: I was all "I just can't post my next chappy yet… something is… missing…" then I realize there're two people who haven't left their reviews… aha! It is groovybananas and moovalous3! So i e-mailed catie but ur address is hidden, as uv explained, so I couldn't find u… Then when I wuz reading a fic it said "I'm doing a joint fic with groovybananas" and I was like SHE'LL KNOW HOW! And das y I left dat review. :nods sagely: np at all 4 not reviewing, that happens 2 me all de time. Hehe "so that's my life story" kaitie is currently darkprincesskate… u can find her on my favie authors list, she wrote twisted and the series with hypnotized by evil and stuff like that… if u haven't read her stuff, you totally should. If you like or dislike or are indifferent to or have never read MY stuff, ull LOVE kaitie's! ditto the people on my favorite authors/stories lists:grinz: very nice review. A perfect specimen! As for the peanut butter… I'm very happy for you. I only like it in chocolate. HURARH!

moovalous3: Actually, I didn't expect half of it either… it's all out of my hands once I start writing, u kno… I really like this chapter myself, but that's just me. I think u guyz'll like it 2, tho. TYVM 4 the review! Wasn't expecting such a quick response:beamz: ya, I h8 paul 2… but he still makes m'knees go all jelloid, ya kno? The thought of him can make me laff, or drool, or throw things really hard… for jesse it's pretty much just… no, actually, all 3 2. hehe. Ty again, YOU ALL ROCK!

Thank you to all the same people I thanked last time, the people who read, then the people who REVIEW, then the people who have me on alert, then the people who have me on favorites, you people are SO UNBLEEVABLY KOOLIO!

Now to "what happened next…"

I put my arms around his neck, and Maria de Silva Diego's knife to his throat. It had been in the sweater. I was quite possibly the most brilliant girl ever. "Anyone moves, and Slater gets it. Slater gets it, and Chambers has no chance of ever being alive. And Maria… I don't know why you're here, but I know it has something to do with Paul here. So nobody move or the knife slips in his throat. Diego, untie littlest Slater. Jack, follow me. Paul, no sudden movements. Heather, be glad I saved you from this jerk." Only I didn't say "jerk".

Paul looked disappointed, then hurt, then angry. Angry was good. Angry I could deal with. Angry made people hit, and I could hit back. But the other two almost nagged at me. Maria, muttering in Spanish, untied Jack. "You two, stay here. I'm going home." I held Paul around the neck, knife to his beautiful throat. I mean, his throat. Average throat. Kind of ugly, actually. Just a throat. Where was I? Oh yes… "Little Leon Sherman ran straight like rain." So first I would go… from the back to the front, and reversed. So rain became right, which turned into left. We exited the building, which turned out to be a closed restaurant, and went left. I kept going back through my song and switching them. In the end, I went left, right, across the street, left, street, right, right. I didn't end up quite at my place, I must've gotten a wrong turn somewhere, but by then I knew where I was, so I went home. Back at my apartment, I pondered what to do with Paul. First thing was first. I hit him on the head a few times till he was unconscious. Actually, I hit him twice and my protégé hit him a few times. I lost count, he got so into it. I beamed at him and opened Paul's eyes to make sure he wasn't faking it.

"So Suze, what were you wearing when Maria found you this morning?"

"Pajamas," I lied.

"Wow… you really are a bad liar, Suze."

"Feh." We sat on the couch for a couple of seconds, recuperating from our little adventure and trying to think of what to do with Paul. I didn't think the elevator would cut it this time.

Suddenly, Jesse materialized. He seemed preoccupied; he didn't seem to notice us on the couch. Or maybe he was still avoiding looking at that particular couch. His face was again the mix of emotions he had been wearing with the flying rocks. "Come, Spike, we're leaving now. Susannah has found a new amor."

"What?"

"Susannah?" He was clearly shocked to see me.

"I found a new what now?"

"I saw you. You called me from Claire's side only to kiss that… that…" He said something unflattering in Spanish. "In front of me! And you said, you know you've always been unattainable, but he looked vulnerable, and I hadn't acted jealous enough when you kissed him, and you thought I didn't really love you, and you said when he kissed you, you knew he loved you and that you would kiss him better than you'd ever kissed him before. And then you did."

"And then you left."

"Of course I left! I don't watch my 'girlfriend' kiss other men!"

"Which is a shame, because if you had stuck around, you'd have seen me put a knife to his throat and hold him hostage until I could get back here." Jesse looked disgusted and clearly didn't believe me. "See for yourself. There he is." Jesse finally saw Paul unconscious on the floor, with some burns and a little cut on his neck.

"Susannah, why did you do it, and why did you call me?"

"I called you before to see if you could get me out without it being necessary to sacrifice myself."

"You… really didn't…"

"No!"

"So why did you do it?"

"You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar." (A/N: MY CHALLENGE LINE!) "And did you see who else was there?"

"I wasn't exactly looking around."

"Maria Diego and Heather Chambers."

He didn't seem that surprised about Maria, since he had been fighting off her husband, but Heather's name was new. "Didn't you exorcize both of them?"

"And Felix. Paul brought them back somehow. Oh, speak of the devil's spawn and he moves." He'd started to stir. I held my fist above his head. Jack obligingly pushed it, a la the Three Stooges, and it connected beautifully. No more stirring.

"You really seemed to mean that speech. And you didn't exactly look like a martyr kissing him."

"Thanks. I'm glad you like my acting skills."

"I'm glad I have a girlfriend," Jack interjected suddenly, possibly saving my life, "because if I still had a crush on Suze, I'd be getting jealous right now. She didn't stop talking about you the whole time, Jesse." He almost did look a little jealous, but like he was trying to contain it. I was stunned for a moment. I wasn't expecting Jack, of all people, to be the hero in all this. It was totally random and not entirely true. He had no reason to say the thing about his girlfriend other than to rescue me, and I'd only been talking about little Leon Sherman the whole walk home. I knew a certain high-schooler getting something nice this Christmas. And Jesse believed it. He was a good actor, too!

"So you wouldn't mind if I made it impossible for him to kiss anyone?" Jesse tested.

"If you mean hurting him, I'm all for it. Just try not to break anything. Well, unless it's part of Paul."

Jesse wasn't kidding around anymore, as if he'd ever been. He used Maria's knife. Paul wouldn't be talking for a while either. Slash, slash, slash. His lips were almost sliced in half. Jack looked a little disgusted by the blood, but he was pretty mad at his big brother.

"Anyone up for a little internal bleeding for good measure?" I asked. The men nodded their agreement. "Banzai!" I jumped on his stomach. "Still wanna kiss me now, Paul? Still want my body?"

"What?"

"Oh… he was going to give Heather my body."

"He was going to kill you?"

"You didn't know that part and you sliced his mouth in half? Run, Paul, run! Oh wait… you can't. Too bad for you. Anyway Jesse, he wanted to put Heather in my body. That was why I had to get all… ya know… seductive. To convince him he'd rather have the original. Doubt he'd rather anymore, though. So what are we supposed to do with him now?"

"Drug him," suggested Jack.

"Kill him," suggested Jesse.

"No! I can't kill him!" Jesse stared ironically. "The last thing I need is for him to be super-strong and invisible and never there to other people and be able to get through walls, etc!" Jesse acknowledged this.

"911, then," decided Jack. Good idea.

I dialed 911 and handed the phone to Jack. He started crying pretty convincingly. "Help me! My brother, he kidnapped me, and his friend Suze, and then he, he tried to…" Jack broke into sobs and handed the phone to me. He nicely tried not to grin since it'd mess with my concentration.

"H-hello? Please help! His name is Paul Slater! He kidnapped Jack an' me and tried to rape me, and then made my patients believe I was c-crazy and I got us home and he's u-un-unconscious on my floor and I think he's hurt but I really care about him or at least I did before—before—this! He already had broken bones, it was on the news, but now I think he tried to attack someone else too!" I sobbed into the phone, then gave them my address. They assured me that they'd be right over. Jack and I danced around the body for a while, while Jesse looked on, laughing. The doorbell rang and Jesse sat on the couch he usually avoided; Jack gave a loud sob. I opened the door and turned around, saying "It's OK now, Jack, the police are here."

"He was gonna kill Suze, officers!"

"Jack! Shh!"

"He was, he was gonna! So I hit him on the head!"

"Jack! Stop it! You're gonna get Paul in more trouble!"

"I don't care! He deserves trouble! He kidnapped us, Suze!"

This kid was good!

They picked Paul up on a stretcher. "Do you know where this cut on his neck came from?"

Think fast, Suze, they won't find the weapon. I tried to sound sheepish. "I-I bit him."

"You… bit him?"

"He-he was holding my-my head to his neck and I-I didn't know what to do, so I-I-I…" Jesse looked disgusted for a moment, but I looked at him, made a face, and shook my head. The officers, of course, totally misinterpreted my actions as my disgust at reliving the memory. They didn't even ask about his lips. "I tried to call my patient, Linda Cleary, to cancel, and I started to say I'd been kidnapped, but then he took the phone away and said I was insane and pretending to be a psychologist, but I worked for almost a decade for my license and it's not true… could you tell them he was lying? Please?"

"Don't worry about a thing, was it Suze?"

I nodded. They took Paul out on his stretcher and left. "I'm glad that's over."

"Not for me," Jack interjected. "Suuuze? I got nowhere to stay. I'm not going back to his place. Can I stay here?"

I patted his head a little harder than it looked like I was. "Of course, Jack."

"Can I sleep in your bed with you?"

"You're so funny, Jack."

"Worth a try."

I had to laugh, though. I plopped down on the couch with Jesse. "This has been a terrifying ordeal. I'd hate to have to murder such a small child."

"I am not a small child! I'm a man!" He flexed his muscles. I laughed again.

"You really know how to cheer me up, Jack. Just keep hitting on me, it's pretty funny."

"So what is it about me? My debonair charm? My rugged good looks? Is it how manly and tough I am?" I collapsed laughing.

"Alright, you can stay. But you sleep on the couch."

"Aaw!" Jack looked at Jesse intently.

"Yes, Jack?"

"How come you aren't all jealous like you are to my 'brother'?"

"What do you mean?"

"I can hit on your girlfriend all day but you don't seem the least bit threatened. Geez, I don't have to kiss her do I?"

"You are a strange boy, Jack."

Jack puckered up and leaned in.

"Cooties!" I yelled, and hit him with a pillow.

"That's why," explained Jesse.

"Oh. You spoil everything, Suze." He hit me with a pillow. Jesse brought out Al Franken's "Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them". Hardback. Jack screamed girlishly and hid under a table.

"Jack?" I called.

"What?"

"That was a joke, right?"

He came out and looked disgustedly at me.

"Well I wouldn't put it past you to sound like that. 'Oh, Suze, she kidnapped me! I'm so glad you're here, Suze!'"

Jack pouted and hit me kind of hard with his pillow. "How are you not threatened, Jesse?"

"Oh, yeah," I agreed. "Lot of competition there. Good looking, smart, funny, everything you're not, Jesse." I thought a moment. "Oh, wait, I think I have that backwards."

"Bitch," muttered Jack.

"What did you call her?"

"Umm… I called her… a charming intelligent woman?"

"That's what I thought you said."

I yawned widely and looked at the clock. Oh good lord. It was only noon.

A/N: I wrote that "'Oh, Suze, she kidnapped me…" b4 I had read "Oh, no Paul, don't Paul!" in Twilight which, btw, I quote incessantly between hysterical laffter. (rereads this line before posting and starts laffing hysterically all over again) IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK I SOUND LIKE? THAT IS NOT WHAT I SOUND LIKE! Review please, you people! My rockin' reviewers… TRALALA!