XXII. Avoiding (Codename) Ben from Lakehurst

"I'd rather have Jay slam me into a locker than have Vivian avoid me all day."

My day is halfway over. All I have is lunch, my remaining three classes, and then I'll be done with the day.

I was tense today during our student council meeting as I looked over at Alex. She appeared irritated at the questions that members would ask about a task that she had given. But that's a typical Alex. She didn't display any unusual behavior towards me. We addressed each other with our usual mutual respect, and even if she treated me to a snarky remark, I was always ready with my own.

During the lunch break was my moment to exhale. I have first period lunch, so that means whatever is being served is in its best condition- you know: for cafeteria food. I made conversation with Manny and Liberty Van-Zandt, a friend of hers. It was full of talks about how J.T., her recent ex, was giving her the cold shoulder since she ad ended the relationship. I asked her what went wrong- and regretted it immediately once she told me what happened with him...and the pump. I recalled a similar story while chatting with Toby the other day; he handed me the box, and pointed at the slogan. "The one that'll turn your garden snake into an anaconda." Life goals, gentlemen. Gold star.

"So, enough about my pathetic love life. Let's talk about yours, Vivian, and what's happening between you and Mr. Dreamy."

I widened my eyes upon the sudden change of subject. "Um...th-there's nothing to tell really."

"Oh, come on." Manny says. "Queenie keeps talking about how you two are sooo into each other. You sound like a good fit. Haven't you ever dated anyone before?"

The heat rushed to my face when she asked me this. "Um...no?" I replied hesitantly.

"You're adorable!" Manny practically purred, which reminded me too much of Diane's initial impression on meeting me. "It's okay: now is the perfect time to start! And I can help you out."

"Whatever you do, Vivian," Liberty rested a hand on my shoulder, "should this travesty of Manny assisting you come to past, don't allow her to transform your wardrobe. That's a sign that she has taken too much control of your life."

"Ha ha, Liberty. Don't you have a history assignment to complete for extra credit?" Manny made a playful look of disgust on her face. "But anyway, Vivian, who is this mystery guy, and how come you've never introduced me to him?"

Why didn't I forsee this coming? "Because- uh- he's really shy. Doesn't even go to this school."

"Really?" Manny's interest seemed to increase. "Who is he? Is he from that Lakehurst school?"

"Yeah." I replied immediately even though I was completely unaware of Lakehurst until this moment. "His name is Ben, but I'm not going to tell anything else." I looked over at my friend to see if she was buying into the lie. Why would I openly admit to having ties with Rick in that large cafeteria? Speaking of which, I briefly glanced around to see if I could spot him. He does have the same lunch. I didn't see him however.

"Well if you insist, Vivian." Manny sighed dramatically.

You have no idea.

Now I have to go through Miss Kwan's English class with Rick after what happened the night before. I can hardly wait.

Slowly I approach the classroom and stop right before I reach the doorway. The moment of hesitation strikes me here. I look down at my watch and see that there's still five minutes before class starts. Rick usually comes into class around this time: earlier to avoid being harassed. Suddenly my heart beat accelerates: everything from the night before plays through my mind like a horror film. Why had Rick lost control of himself? Why did he think he could eagerly help himself to my body just because I let him kiss me? Even that was him defying my instructions for him to get off of me. I can't go in there alone. Not now anyway.

Like an answer to a prayer, Emma approaches me. "What's wrong? Is there something weird going on in the classroom?"

I shake my head. "No. There's just...someone in there that I just don't want to see."

Emma gives me a look of suspicion but understanding. "Is this person who I think he is?"

I nod briskly.

"Want me to see if he's in there?" She asks me.

"That would be helpful. Yeah."

Emma scoots right by the glass window of the doorway and peers inside. After a couple of seconds, she faces me again. "He's reading a book in there. Usually if you're quiet, he won't notice you walking in."

I try and look over as well. "Who else is in there?"

"There's..." Emma looks into the classroom again. "Eliza, Zack, Abigail and a few other students I don't know by name." She tells me. "I'm pretty sure, whatever happened between you two, that he wouldn't try to hurt you. Not now or ever." Suddenly she widens her light brown eyes. "That is...unless what happened between you was that he hurt you."

"No! That's not it." I say. Not physically anyway. "Would you mind walking in with me? I'd rather not go in alone."

"I'm taking it that you're going to sit by me today as well." Emma says. "Come on: you'll be alright."

I follow her into Miss Kwan's room and sit with her closer towards the front. I can see Rick out of my peripheral as we are walking and try my hardest not to make eye contact with him. We take our seats in the second row of tables, and I watch as Miss Kwan writes out today's lesson on the chalk board. Quickly the rest of the class begins to fill in the seats and prepare themselves for today's notes and reading.

Emma nudges me, and I face her. "What happened? You two were such good friends, more than that from what I could tell."

I shake my head. "Very long story. I'll tell you after class." I respond.

"Well then, do you know anything about the recent buzz? Concerning Queenie and Jay?"

Dang! That was fast! "Well, being Queenie's friend, I'm usually the first to know these things about her." I answer.

"She doesn't care that people in the cafeteria were calling her the 'dirty dog whore' or 'Jay's canary'?"

"Emma!" I raise my voice.

This causes Miss Kwan to turn around. "Vivian. Usually I don't have to tell you to be quiet."

Heat rushes to my face. "Sorry."

Our teacher nods curtly and faces the board again.

"I really didn't need to hear that about my best friend, Emma." I whisper.

"Neither did I, but I don't understand how she's so carefree about it." Emma shakes her head. "I'd be surprised if she actually slept with him. The two are opposites."

I arch an eyebrow. "And if she did sleep with him? Would you consider her a 'dirty dog whore'?" I don't mask the agitation filling my voice.

"That's not what I meant." Emma says. "I saw Queenie today before going to lunch, and for a person who's at the heart of a dirty rumor, she seems way too bubbly."

"I know." I reply. "I don't understand it either." Movement catches the corner of my left eye, and my heart jumps out of my chest as I recognize Rick moving towards Miss Kwan to ask her a question or what not about an assignment. I look at him as he's facing the teacher: he looks like his usual dejected self, or maybe he is a little more gloomier than usual. I look down at my notebook and bite my lip. I refuse to feel guilty about something that he did wrong! I don't care how nice he is! I tell myself this as Rick walks by me, and I pretend write in my notebook. I can see him staring at me, feel him staring at me. Ever since last night when our bodies had been in physical contact, I can always feel his presence in the room like he's somehow glued to me.

Just when I think it's safe to exhale when he walks by, I feel something small crawl down my back, and I nearly jump out of my seat. That's when I hear something, probably the same something, hit the floor beside me. Quickly I glance around the floor to find this thing: felt like a piece of paper.

"Behind you." Emma surprisingly instructs.

I follow her advice and find a balled up piece of paper on the floor; it's so tiny, but it had such a sensation as it fell down my back. I get out of my chair in order to retrieve the ball of paper. As I stand up, I can feel him again. This time I look over at him. Indeed he's staring back at me with heavy brown eyes, the ceiling lights reflecting off his round glasses. There's an expression of sheer pleading there. I hold his gaze for a moment longer, then the final bell rings, and I quickly face the front of the classroom again.

Rick's P.O.V.

I know it's my fault: I'm used to taking the blame for everything that ever happens to me. I just need for sweet Vivian to understand that what I did was truly unintentional.

I wrote her a note asking her if we could talk after school and purposely dropped the wadded piece of paper down her back so she couldn't ignore it. I watched as she searched for it and grabbed it off the floor. My heart froze in my chest once she looked at me. She and her wide, dark pretty eyes. I stared back. Not too long ago, I enjoyed what I saw twinkling back at me, which is usually pure warmth and a beautiful smile, but now, the way she looked at me before turning back around, I feel more pain than when Spinner, Jimmy or Jay attacked me in the past.

She's afraid of me.

The same look was on her face when she broke away from our kiss. Fear: as if her life is in danger with me. I know what I did happened in her own house, but I can't fathom that look on her face. It's more painful than when Jay punched me in the stomach; than when Emma kicked me out of The Dot; more painful than when my best friend from last year decided to ignore me; it's even less tolerable than the "bonding moments" I have with my father.

Her look stays with me as I'm listening to Miss Kwan's lecture about the American Salem Witch Trials. All I can see of Vivian is the back of her head; with her black hair so...big, I did a double take at her initially. She looks so different with a huge bun in her head, but still beautiful. I keep finding myself looking at her; I'm closer to Spinner than I am to her, especially considering that she used to sit next to me. I knew after last night she wouldn't want to, but it still doesn't quell my yearning for her. Even more knowing that she's scared to come near me. I look beside me at the empty seat that usually belongs to Vivian.

I can still feel her from the other night, a warm, soft little creature in my arms. Then I went too far, and even though I did touch her...chest without her consent, I relished the moment. I had never wanted any girl as much (well, maybe except for Emma). And her lips...if she let me, I would have kissed them for the rest of the night.

I feel a solid hit me in the side of my head, like a pebble. Quickly I look up to see a snickering Spinner just a row ahead of me. He holds his hands up as if he's shrugging his shoulders, pretending that he doesn't know what happened.

Usually I find this act, which he does every other day, exasperating, but today I'm thankful for him: I need to think about something else, anything else, besides Vivian. I'd rather have Jay slam me into a locker than have Vivian avoid me all day.

"Richard, would you happen to know the answer?" Miss Kwan calls on me, and I just stare at her with my mouth open. The class starts laughing hysterically. I look in Vivian's direction to find that she, or Emma for that matter, still aren't looking at me. I know from the heat on my face that I'm completely red.

"How about paying attention next time? I find daydreaming in this class just as disrespectful as making noise."

"Um, my apologies, Miss Kwan." I slide my hands into my pockets.

Miss Kwan gives me a stern look and moves on to another student who's raising her hand to answer the question. This is when I see Vivian turn around to look at me. She gives me a faint smile. Even this makes me feel good about myself. I smile back at her in the same way. Maybe she read my note and is saying yes to my question.

When class is over, I make my way towards Vivian, who seems like she's already expecting me as she pauses to gather her things. Besides being pushed into the table by Spinner, I manage to reach her without much trouble.

Vivian is the first of us to speak. "Are you okay? It's so annoying that Spinner thinks he can attack you whenever he feels like it."

"I'm fine, Vivian. I always am." I respond. "What I'm not fine with is us."

"Same." Vivian says. "So...you want to talk about this after classes end, right?"

"Whatever works best for you." I answer.

"Then after school it is." Vivian says with a straight face.

"Okay." I slump my shoulders in relief. "Do you want to walk to Ms. Hatzilakos' class together? You know: after you have your choir class?"

"Oh...sorry, but I was going to meet up with Queenie and talk to her about something." I see remorse reflected in her eyes.

Disappointment strikes me like a punch in the face. "Oh. Okay. I understand." I say.

"Hey: we agreed to talk after school, remember?" Vivian nudges me. "See you in class, and watch out for those idiots." She rolls her eyes. "Will they ever stop? I still can't believe that Mr. Raditch isn't doing anything about it."

I shrug. "I don't really care about that now."

"You should." Vivian says. "Look, I'm going to meet up with Queenie now. We'll talk later okay? Be careful going to class." Briskly she walks away.

"Bye." I call after her. I feel a sudden ache in my chest. Even though Vivian was right in front of me to the point where I could smell the shampoo in her hair, she felt a million miles away.

But I'll bring her back even if it means wrapping a lasso around her and reeling her in.