-๑-๑ஜ ๑- Chapter 6: A place to return to -๑ஜ ๑-๑-
-Shizuo´s point of view.-
Annoyed the blond stomped after the raven.
Great. Now he was annoyed.
Annoyed and guilty- that mix sucked.
It pissed him off.
It pissed him off so much.
And what did? Tch- this was all because of Izaya.
"What are you mad about? Don't tell me you are still angry at me for laughing at you?" the raven asked all of a sudden making the blond snap out of his thoughts. The frown he had already been wearing only grew that much more deeper at the question.
"I'm not angry," Shizuo responded gruff, not exactly sounding like he meant what he said. the raven only snorted in response.
"The frown on your face tells me something different." Groaning the blond ruffled through his hair-
"Okay maybe I'm angry, but not at you."
Oh? Interest piqued the raven slowed his steps down a bit to be able and walk next to the annoyed blond.
"Well that's interesting, care to share what´s getting you so mad then?" To be completely honest he didn't exactly expect the brute to actually go and tell him what was making him frown this hard, but hey, why not try?
A moment of silence followed as the raven kept walking next to the blond. Stones were kicked and he watched a few birds fly above them as Shizu-chan´s expresioned continued growing annoyed, then relaxed and annoyed again.
It was only after a few minutes of quiet walking that the blond actually raised his voice.
"Did you know," he started, pausing mid sentence, only causing Izaya´s curiosity to multiply by a thousand as he looked at the blond.
"Did you know, people call you a death reaper?"
For a second Izaya was just left to blink- partly in surprise, a bit in amazement he was just coming right out and asking about it, and lastly about how absurd it was that Shizu-chan was getting annoyed over this by himself- not to mention he was only mad now.
When could he have heard of the rumors? Back at the recruiter´s house?
Even if he heard it there, he had to have been brooding over it every since they went to the wall- even during the whole training and now he was asking about it?
Izaya couldn't help but laugh at the question.
An odd glance was thrown at him and the blond´s frown only grew at Izaya's unexpected laughter.
He just asked him about a pretty serious topic and he could do nothing but laugh about it?
What the hell.
"What's so funny about that?" Shizuo asked with a growl, regretting that he even asked in the first place.
The raven held his stomach laughing and shook his head.
"No, it's just- why are you asking me this now?"
A confused expression appeared on Shizuo's face as his frown disappeared for a moment.
"Huh? What about it?" but izaya merely shook his head.
"Nevermind," the blond wouldn´t get why he was being hilarious in the first place anyway, and after explaining it it wouldn't be as fun anymore. "Shizu-chan did you seriously think I didn't know that?"
the blond really had guts to ask him this sort of thing- he might be a monster but izaya was more agile and quick. If he really was a "death reaper" that killed his recruiters, then what did Shizu-chan expect him to do now? Tell him yes he was the one to do it and obediently go to prison?
Maybe did he expect him to fight and win?
No, Shizu-chan wasn't this smart, if anything he probably just really wanted to know and that's why he asked.
Seriously- it had been a long time Izaya met someone this… straightforward.
And maybe innocent. It was an odd combination considering how ridiculously strong the blond was. Then again, it matched his temper, ne?
"You do?" the confusion spreading across Shizu-chan´s face was really priceless and yet the raven had to sigh- to be honest he was a bit disappointed.
"Of course. How could I not?" Did he really seem like he was this stupid? People attacked him out of nowhere at times and or tried to harm him in some roundabout way, of course he knew what the people around him were thinking.
He was almost offended by the question. His body growing tense as he didn't know what Shizu-chan was having in mind now he waited- waited for the blond to attack his or something along these lines, except, he didn´t.
"Then tell them that you aren't killing anyone on the missions!" was the only angry reply he received, completely and utterly catching him by surprise.
Flabbergasted he could only look at the blond for what felt like an eternity, but it only were a couples of seconds that passed until a pretty intelligent, "What?" left Izaya's lips.
That- Izaya seriously couldn't believe what he just heard- did the blond seriously believe he didn't kill anyone? From the way he had asked and the way he had frowned and looked annoyed all the way here Izaya had been sure the brute was just this pissed because he actually believed the rumors, like everyone else he may add.
To find out that the first human to not doubt his intentions would be hm was surprising to a degree it left the raven speechless.
"What, what?" Shizu-chan grumbled, making the raven snap out of his freeze.
"No, just… you don´t believe I kill them?"
Just the mere thought of someone actually trusting him threw the raven so out of concept he actually stuttered halfway along his sentence.
"Huh? Of course not."
Of course he said, that brute, as if it were the most natural thing in the world to just trust a stranger this much after knowing him for like two days.
"How would you know?"
Izaya didn't know whether to think the blond was just stupid and naive enough to believe it wasn't him, or whether he was actually way smarter than he thought in the first place and came to that conclusion through another way.
he almost expected the blond to come up with a detailed explanation of how he reached that conclusion, but he got heavily disappointed.
"You don't," it was a simple answer, but it didn't satisfy Izaya´s curiosity at all.
"Do enlighten me, please, what gave you the impression I'm this innocent?"
It had to be something great, maybe something he said?
For a split second izaya thought the blond might have found out he knew about his brother and figured that he had only let him into the survey corps because of it. which wasn't entirely true but also not entirely wrong either.
But oh how far off from the truth he had been.
"My guts."
His guts.
"Your-" hallowing laughter left the raven´s lips as he just couldn't believe the answer he had been given. Something so primitive and illogical like this- it sent him into a laughing fit.
"Seriously you are just like a beast," he started, not exactly trying to piss the blond off, but he couldn't help but say so, "Relying on instincts instead of human logic."
Shaking his head he wiped a tear from the corner of his eyes, his stomach was hurting - that´s how hard he had had to laugh.
Seriously this guy was great.
"Whatever. I know I'm right," the man in questioned growled, probably a bit pissed off having been called a beast again.
"You know that I'm almost always the only one to return from missions?" Izaya went on. He really, really appreciated the trust Shizu-chan seemed to have in him, but responding to his surrounding with this much irrational emotion was going to be their doom one day.
"But you didn't kill them."
So the blond was stubborn as well, great.
"Then how come it's always the same result?"
No matter the mission, no matter how many people were with them, he never returned with his recruits and yet the blond wasn't suspicious at all? "You tell me."Shizu-chan didn't exactly seem like a gullible person. Naive maybe and stupid, but was he seriously not harbouring a shred of
distrust?
Momentarily at a loss of words the raven could only vice his surprise with the honest truth.
"... Honestly you are the first to ever even ask my side of the story."
Be it Shiki or Namie or pretty much anyone he had ever known, they all believed he was the reason all of these recruiters were dead.
Be it by his own hand or by some titans they were all convinced it was him and him alone.
Yet the blond didn't seem to be affected at all.
"It's high time then," he replied instead, waiting to get an answer from the flea.
To be honest izaya was a bit unwilling to share anything with well, a stranger. What did he know about the blond? So far he only kept surprising him with every word he said and action he did.
Who knew what he was going to do next?
But then again- he had never had the chance to even tell someone what really happened out there.
"They just die," he started averting his eyes, "Lack experience. Take on titans they can´t defeat. Fail on running away quick enough. What do you want to hear? We are up against a force that's so much stronger than all of humanity together, people should expect to die," really, they should. Especially when facing something as horrendous as these creatures. "And yet every single one of them believes firmly they are someone special. They are stronger than the rest. Smarter, faster. Usually it's this huge overestimation after weeks of safe training that makes them think they can take them on all at once."
Might also be the heroism, the want of becoming that one human, that special one that was going to defeat all the titans at once and be the saviour of humanity.
But he wasn't going to mention that one considering the blond had seen a real titian up close Izaya had a feeling he wouldn't understand that line of thoughts anyway.
"Could also be the adrenaline and fear rushing into them during an encounter with these beasts, but yeah same result," he continued instead, remembering all too well how some people just lost it once they encountered a titan.
Some started screaming, some just froze up, and in really fucked up cases they started talking to the titan, asked it why it was eatin them and if it won´t stop so they could live together in peace.
Someone once even suggested offering human sacrifices if they left them in peace for exchange.
Hypocrites. Talking about safety but willing to sacrifice anyone but themselves.
"I guess I am partly at fault too," the raven had to admit, because upon the sight of these kind of humans he just lost the motivation to even do anything to save them. "I gave up screaming commands that won´t be obeyed but rather help the titan´s spot me ages ago."
Maybe they were right. He knew if he tried he could save at least one person every time they went on a mission, but like this?
"They all think they know it better. But always, right before they die, they throw me a glance, as if to say why didn't you save us? Why did you let us die?" So yeah, actually, maybe he was a death reaper. he lead them all to nothing but their end. Every single one of those recruiters.
And he knew it.
"I'm fed up with this." Pausing the raven realized he had said more than he had intended to.
Revealing this much about himself- honestly it was something he never did. Then again there was no one to tell this kind of thing to so far anyway.
"...I see," the blond responded simply without any hint of sarcasm. izaya had expected to be blamed after all he said, he had expected Shizu-chan to argue and tell him that all these things were what made him the only one at fault for everyone to die. After all if he tried to instruct them better or if he just saved one it would be enough- he expected something along these lines. And yet Shizu-chan wasn't bringing any of these arguments he had heard over the years up.
"What, not objecting? Aren't you going to say that maybe I should have prepared them better?" Maybe it was stupid to help the blond to come up with reasons to think of him as a death reaper, but somehow Izaya couldn't help but do it.
Maybe… just maybe it was because he partly did feel at fault for what happened out there.
Having someone hear all the arguments against his innocence and still believing he wasn't at fault was somewhat…. refreshing, if not to say relieving.
"I don't think anyone could prepare them for these assholes," the blond shrugged, dismissing his words right away as if they had been nonsense in the first place.
Izaya couldn't help but smile softly.
"You know, people like you, who already faced a titan are probably the only ones that even have a chance of surviving," the raven mumbled. Actually he hand´t intended for the words to reach the blond´s ears but now that he had said them out aloud he couldn't think of a reason why he shouldn't tell him.
Shizu-chan wasn't going to overestimate himself just because he said he had a higher chance of surviving.
He was refreshingly down to earth and realistic.
He had seen the terror, experienced the lack of power against these threats to humanity-
"people like you don´t act reckless anymore," he mumbled aloud, making the blond hum in realization.
Twisting his head he turned to look at the raven.
"Is that why you got me into the survey corps?" the raven blinked, surprised by the question, but now that he thought about it…. maybe. Maybe that was it.
"I guess one of the reasons, yeah."
After all, even if he would never admit it, he had sort of chosen Shizu-chan because of a feeling. A gut feeling so to say. maybe it was the stubbornness or one of his other traits, but something about the blond´s way of how he handled himself had piqued the raven´s interest ever since he first laid eyes upon him without a doubt.
"Izaya," snapping out of his thoughts the raven twisted his head towards the blond once more. "You piss me off," Shizu-chan started, making the raven think he was going to change his mind after all, but no, "but if one of them kills me I won't blame you for it."
To be honest Izaya didn't even know what to feel at that kind of statement. It would be horrid to say he was relieved, no, after all he didn't care about whether or not he was going to get blamed for someone's death after they died. But something about this whole conversation just somehow made Izaya feel like….
Home. It was stupid to put it that way maybe, but somehow Izaya felt as though he had found a place he wouldn't hate returning back to. Namely that he didn't really want to part from as well. maybe it was odd to call Shizu-chan a home, but apart from his siblings he was the first person he ever felt this at ease with.
It made the raven unable to suppress a smile that was tugging at his lips and he spoke up once more.
"I don't like you either," he mumbled, "but I would prefer if you don't get caught in the first place." The words were so calm, so, deep and downright honest Shizuo literally felt disarmed.
Seriously, he was startling to feel worse and worse for just hating the raven right off the bat without any real reason. Now that he had seen what he was like and what he could act like when he wanted to, he was actually starting to take a liking to the flea.
To be continued~ xD sowy not sowy for stopping right there xDDDDD hehehe but hey C: shit is going to get serious soonish C.
So much harmony~ so much sweetness and fluff even xD
Oh ho ho ho ho
But not yet C. next chapter is gonna be a cutie one as well xD for now ho ho ho xDDDDD
Guest 2: xD erika and walker are crazy lmao xDDD ehehehe shizuo is starting to like Izaya more and more C: C: C. xDDD and that one sentence just broke the ice again ahahah daw xD See shizu? He is worreid about you, doesnt want you to die C: xD lol he may have threatened shizuo to thhrow him out ot the titans if he behaves liek a beast, but okay xDDDDD thats just izaya xDDD
lmao xD
now- SOWWWYYYY
GAHHHHH IM SORRYYYYYYY -cries forever-
I know I haven't been updating for a shit ass long time TAT None of my stories actually -bows in apology
I don't even have a good excuse geez because the reason is fairly selfish x'D
Anyway peeps, no worries xD
First off: I´m not dead, I didn't drop mah love for Shizaya, I didn't drop mah love for writing nor am I stopping any of my stories xD
The reason I'm so late is because I´m trying to fulfill a dream of mine C':
You know peeps, I allllllways ever since I first started typing little stories on a keyboard when I was 8 years old, dreamt of one day writing a book xD
My own book series to be precise C:
I´m not sure whether it´s gonna be a trilogy or more books but the thing is I have been working on the plot since 5 years ago (holy fuck that long?!)- on a plot xD Of an original book C: no fanfiction, just me and mah old brain coming up with the most fucked up fantasy/love/friendship/mystery/adventure story I could think of xD
As some of you might know from various authors notes or stuff I only started writing fanfiction stories in the first place because I wanted to train writing and get something like a writing style before I start writing down the story I came up with C:
And over the course of time over those 5 years (Fucking long time omg) lots of you lovely wonderful encouraging cookies started gradually but surely saying not only nice things about my story but also mah writing itself xD Which is like the ultimate compliment for me gosh -squeals in joy at all those encouraging words- And I myself noticed too that my writing changed and it's way easier for me today to write and describe scenes than it was 5 years ago xD
And that grew and grew and you all encouraged me so much that by now I finally gathered enough to confidence and experience to actually start writing my book C: xD (lol after 5 years xD)
So to put it simple: I started writing my book two weeks ago xD
Now I'm on chapter 6 with the whole shit and got 28.100 words so far x'D
I'm writing between 1000 and 2000 words a day, if not more because I wanna get it done before December C': Looking at the pace I´m going at, considering a book of 600 pages, counting roughly 300 words per page, roughly equals an amount of 150.000 words, I should be done with the first book of the story somewhere between October the 8th (earliest possible date lmao) and December the 17th (latest possible date) x'D -coughs- you might have noticed I like making plans and calculating shit lmao x'D -cough-
Anyway, So actually that´s the reason I'm so late with all the updates x'D C':I´m so immersed in mah book´s world and shit and working on it all day there's barely any time left for ma precious shizaya -cries-I hope you can forgive meh peeps -looks at you with puppy eyes-
If you are curious, I´m updating the word counts of all the updates everyday on my profile on fanfiction . net- also the words count of my book if anyone is interested x'D
I will also give some heads up of when approximately I will be updating which story again C': So check it out haha xD same for possible delays and shit xD
Also for all the worried cookies out there- you can see on the "profile updated:23h ago" that I´m very much alive and haven't forgotten everyone C':
Well then, I guess that´s everything for today- C': sowy again for the long ass delay TAT
Well then, that´s it for today xD
See you all again on (probs) 23rd August C: 2017 of course lmao xDD
Imma give my best to keep updating all my stories again like a good girl C: xDDDDD