-๑-๑ ஜ ๑- Chapter 11: Survive, Shizu-chan -๑ ஜ ๑-๑-
-Shizuo´s point of view.-
So there he was.
6 am- sharp. And god damn this was an ungodly hour to be awake in yet. Feeling a yawn come up his throat the bond tried to suppress it as the door to the captain's room opened with a creak.
"Hoh, I'm surprised, you are actually punctual," the flea mused with a hint of amusement at the tired sight in front of his room.
"You said 6 am sharp," Shizuo mumbled, although not hostile, because after all… he was here because the flea was actually willing to help him.
Stepping into the room he noticed it wasn't much different from all the others actually- the same empty room, just one desk, a bed and a window facing the wall.
Somehow he had expected the raven to have a somewhat… special room? He had no idea what that would look like, but given that Izaya was the captain he had thought he would get something more adequate to his rank.
"Do pay attention when I put this on you, alright? I don't have as many spares of this as you might think I do," the raven suddenly said, having opened the drawer of a cupboard behind the door and pulled one of those dreaded belts out- well actually it looked like a pile of belts thrown together.
"... okay," awkward the blond shifted, wondering whether he was supposed to sit- or stand? He had caught a glance of Kadota putting the lather on, he had been doing both depending on which part he was at from these uncountable straps.
But with Izaya?
"What are you waiting for Shizu-chan?" the raven suddenly snorted, as the blond was still standing at the door, not really doing anything but staring.
Unfreezing the blond walked up to the raven, not quite sure yet whether this would be annoying, embarrassing awkward or all of the above.
Crouching down to adjust the belts starting on Shizuo´s thighs he had his answer pretty fast.
Embarassing.
"Shizu-chan, hold still," the raven scolded as the blond involuntarily shifted a bit when the raven got this close. Jerking and pulling shutting the snaps on the belts the flea was really doing nothing but put those shitty belts on him, but god damn did he have to keep glancing up at him all the time to make sure he really was paying attention.
It was awkward to say the least to have the flea crouch between his legs like this-
"Embarassed?" the raven questioned and for a second the blond feared he might have said those thoughts out loud just now.
That wasn't the case though.
"I would be too if I had to have my upper dress me up," he cooed, only causing the hint of shame Shizuo felt to increase.
Izaya wasn't even talking about the thoughts that really were racing through the blond´s mind.
"Heh, you are pretty well endowed aren't you?" And of fucking course the flea had to say shit like that while he was fixing those fucking stupid straps leading up to his hips and across his abdomen.
"Can you please just fix this shit," the blond groaned embarrassed, swearing to himself that he would get this shit right the next time so the flea would never ever have to dress him again like that.
"Shizu-chan you have to watch or else I will have to do this again," the raven sighed, getting just the slightest bit annoyed with how childish the blond was behaving.
Well then again considering that he needed to dress the blond that much was probably already given.
Not moving an inch the blond´s eyes tried to focus on the various belts- and not the flea that was touchy feely moving his hands all over his body- as the agonizing minutes passed in what seemed like hours.
"There, done", he announced, getting up again from the crouching position as he checked his own belts one more time.
"I sure hope you memorized the steps on how to take them on, I'm not going to do it for you again," he announced, looking up and down the blond to make sure he didn't forget any of the belts. Putting them on onto his own body was something he was used to, but this?
Honestly, he was wasting way too much time with the blond. But given the change of events.
"You are good to go like that for today," he mumbled, nodding to himself as if to assure his own worries.
"For today?" the blond repeated, not liking the sound of that. He made it sound as though Shizuo was going to need the belts- "We aren't going to train at the wall again are we?" he questioned remembering all too well just how long he had taken to merely get into the same spot on the wall Izaya had been in.
A soft chuckle followed as the raven shook his head.
"No, Shizu-chan I don't have that much time to spare for you, sorry," he sighed, and honestly speaking, he would have probably prefered going out to try and teach the untalented brute some things. "We are going on a mission."
Silence blackened the blond´s expression as he let the words pass through his head.
"What-" A mission? That meant going out- leaving the relatively safe inside of the wall.
"... already?" he found himself asking although he already knew the flea wouldn't have told him that sort of thing if it weren't true.
"Leutnant Akabayashi informed me earlier, the situation has become a bit dire so we have to head out sooner than anticipated," Izaya shrugged, "Well not like there is anything I could teach you with those balancing skills of yours." A grin was added to his expression, but somehow it dropped when he looked at the blondś face.
He didn't look all too hyped about the fact that they had to leave. Sure, Izaya hadn't exactly expected Shizu-chan to react like all the other stupid humans. Shizuo wasn't going to jump in joy hearing he had to face these monsters.
But the hint of devastation in Shizu-chan´s eyes somehow tugged at the raven in an unpleasant way.
"I'm going to die out there right?" It wasn't a question.
It was a statement. Not one of a man that had given up, no that wasn't it, Shizu-chan didn't sound like he was going to let himself be defeated easily, but it was this hint of finality, like he just knew how high his chances were against the titans.
…
Well Izaya had to admit he didn't exactly do much to give the blond any different hopes.
Dropping the smile the raven´s expression grew serious again, yet … soft.
"Not necessarily," he spoke but the blond merely snorted at that.
"Don't kid me I can't even use the maneuver gear." Shizuo already knew his chances.
Being out there, when everyone was able to fly with their gears and still didn't survive, how high could his chances be?
Right, incredibly slim.
"You think you are the only one with a flaw?" Lifting his gaze that he hadn't noticed had travelled to the ground he looked at the raven.
"I bet you don't have any at least, you are the boss of the survey corps the only one ever surviving, hell you will probably be the only one again." The flea´s arms were crossed, his expression serious, stern, as he sighed.
He had seen it too often, people getting scared, being afraid of what was to come.
There was no need to mention how these people behaved in front of the titans in an actual battle.
"Are you scared?"
"No." Surprised the raven blinked, not having expected the answer.
"No?" he repeated- wondering what that frown on the blond´s forehead meant instead as it grew deeper.
"I'm just pissed off," Shizuo announced, and hell, he was. Knowing just how useless he was going to be and what a disappointment to his brother-
A heartfelt burst of laughter made the blond snap out of his frown as he blinked.
"Pissed off at dying?" the raven repeated, his arms wrapped around his body as he shook in laughter. "That´s a first, I have never heard anyone being angry about dying," he commented, tears springing to his eyes as he tried to calm down again. but it was just too hilarious.
Really, of all the reasons someone would be appalled to go outside the walls and die, getting angry over it was none of them.
Then again it was probably understandable, it was because of his brother wasn't it?
honestly just how selfless could this guy be?
"You are really unpredictable," the raven found himself mumbling as he took a deep breath.
It was alluring to say the least. Giving up this much just to say his sibling, huh?
It was impressive- worthy of respect.
"I can't cut through the neck," Izaya announced, making the blond´s confused expression only grow even more perplexed.
"What?"
"The titans," he repeated, pointing to his own neck as if to help and visualize his word for the blond.
"What you lack in agility I lack in strength," he explained, "when I swing them at their neck I always hit them twice in the same place to actually cut through."
It was true. Aiming, running, getting from point A to point B, that was definitely his strength, but the close up fight was not.
"It's not like anyone ever noticed because I do it fast," he continued, "But in the worst case scenario that brink of a second could cost me my life."
Taking in the piece of information Shizuo had been given he could do nothing but stare at the raven for a few seconds.
"Does anyone know that?" he asked-
"Didn't you listen Shizu-chan? I said no one noticed," the snort followed, but that wasn't what the blond was so astonished about. It was the fact that Izaya had just told him that.
"The point is everyone has a flaw Shizu-chan, no one is perfect, nor does the perfect fight exist, you will always be at a disadvantage in some way against these creatures," the raven continued, his gaze serious but voice soft. "Be it the terrain or your own skill there is always a limitation. So know what you can do is your best bet to survive," he explained and placed his hand onto Shizuo´s chest.
Right above his heart-
"Trust in your strength, go with your instincts." I the middle of a battle Izaya knew it was about the best advice he could give the blond. "If you feel a titan is too dangerous to approach, don't do it, if something is odd about the situation or the titan itself, don't approach it, if you have even the slightest insecurity about attacking one of them or running into a certain direction, back off."
So many people had died because they were ordered to attack a certain titan, go up a certain tree, or stay on the ground for a certain period of time.
That's why he wasn't giving out any orders anymore. He was sick of the feeling that clutched his mind after telling a soldier to run only to have him get stomped upon by another titan.
"You have a pretty good intuition Shizu-chan," Izaya said, taking the hand off again, not breaking the eye contact yet though. "Given you trust it I´m actually quite convinced you have the potential to survive." The hint of a smile spreading across his expression he shrugged, "Maybe not take many titans down, but survive."
…
Shizuo didn't really know what to say- He was kinda speechless.
When Izaya was teasing him or being a sarcastic flea it was easy to brush him off or get angry and respond with rage, but when he was this straight out honest- it just reminded him that he indeed was the leader of the survey corps, despite the rumors spreading around people trying to kill him this man had seen and experienced so much more than he could even imagine.
He felt as though he was being praised, but responding with a thank you wasn't what the raven wanted to hear- he wasn't saying these things to get gratitude, he was saying them to help the blond survive.
"Running, huh?" Shizuo tried to imagine it, the things Izaya had said they sounded like he was used to do them. Run, leave the situation if it got too fishy or dangerous.
But for Shizuo…
"I don't know if I could do that," he replied honestly. "If someone were about to be eaten by a titan, I couldn't just run away just because I doubt I could beat it." There was no way he could just let them die without a care- just imagining someone screaming for his help and denying the same was a disturbingly haunting imagination.
"Then that's your decision as well." Raising his head again the blond blinked.
"What?"
Izaya didn't seem angry.
"If you can't live with the thought of having let someone die while knowing you might have saved them then it's better if you go than to cloud your mind with false regret," he said- and Izaya couldn't help but feel a hint of desperation on the back of his throat. Like a lump it was starting to form.
"I won´t tell you to abandon anyone. It's what I do and have come to terms with." He knew it, deep down, even if he told the blond to act like he wanted to, he knew that trying to save someone out there was about as much as a suicide mission.
But somehow he couldn't get his lips to move, to tell or rather order the blond to leave everyone behind- he could tell him to stay alive for his brother and yet…
Was he really this intrigued with the blond that he didn't even want to manipulate him easily like this?
He didn't want to warp the blond- heh, that was a first.
"Captain Orihara." Having startled the blond the door of the raven's room had opened with a creak.
"Sorry, Shizu-chan, that's it for today," the raven announced as the guy the blond had met before was standing in the door frame. A scar across his right eye he was looking at Shizuo again sending a shiver down his spine for some reason.
Not one of fear, however, rather one of authority.
"Meeting is in one hour at the wall," Izaya announced as he walked past the blond- noticing that he was supposed to leave the raven's room the blond quickly took some hasty steps forward out into the hallway.
Followed by the raven who locked the door it was but one more glance that Izaya threw at him before turning around to follow the scar eyed man down the corridor.
Preparing for the mission... most probably.
To be continued~ xD
hoho things are gonna get interesting now C: They are leaving the wall~! xD well almost xD depending on how far I get with the next chapter´s plot they might still be on it- or about to leave? Let's see xD But aw omg I love writing Izaya with so much authority and charisma *^***^* Lol that's why I love writing this story xDDD
On a different matter, people! I am curious!
I had the feeling the Shizaya fandom was growing smaller and I haven't been updating a lot recently so I was wondering how many of you are still reading or interested in this story/the pairing so I asked in sotd and dang xD
I was pretty surprised how many people were actually still there reading and all xD
Lol now I got curious which of my stories is the most popular at the moment C: So:
/ if YOU are reading this story/
/leave me a "Still there buddy" in the comments x'D /
I decided that the story with the most readers on both ff and Ao3 will be getting DOUBLE updates from now on! xD
On "Survival of the doomed" it were 53 people- (holy fuck?! O.O) so far
Well then, see ya in the next update on 4th February with the result~! :3
PS.: I have been thinking of starting a little doodle drawing sketch shit thing on my instagram account, (in February) so if ya wanna check that out (again in february lol there is still time till then xD)
thefeather_shirohimesstories
that's my name on there xD
Guest 2: hohohoh of course it's Celty C: xD who knows~? xD haha now worries xD Shinra will get his interesting lil romance xD awwww yes, izaya is way more bothered by it than he likes to admit C: xD hahaha poor Shizuo was embarrassed being treated like a kid/ AND having an awkward boner having the flea skittle around between his legs x'DDDDDDDDD