A/N: Sorry it took so long I was having a little writers block and so I wrote like two different stories and I finally had and break through. This chapter might not be that good because I'm still trying to think. They are a little OOC but I had to do it.
Disclaimer: I only own the story and my imagination.
Chapter 5: Is It Worth It Anymore
Ellie made it through the crowd and walked over.
"I'm right here it was hard trying to make it through the...Sean."
"El let's..." Jay tried to get her away but she wouldn't go.
"What the hell are you doing here?" That seemed to be the question of the evening.
"I invited him." Manny had a smug smirk on her face and Ellie just wanted to slap it right off but she didn't.
"No, I mean what's he doing back in Toronto?" Ellie looked confused and Manny looked the same Jay and Jimmy weren't happy either.
"He moved back duh; don't you remember he was at your house this morning?" Manny rolled her eyes and Ellie turned around and looked at her four best friends.
"What, he was there?" Ellie asked, she was just a little pissed off.
"El let me just..." He was once again cut off by Ellie.
"No, you knew he was back and you didn't tell me." The party started disintegrating down to just a few people which included Manny and the rest of the 'crowd'.
"We were waiting for the right time." This just pissed Ellie off even more. She looked around at the four of them.
"The right time, how bout the second you found out." Emma looked a little upset and Alex giggled a little causing them to look at her.
"Wow that's the second time today that I've heard that line." Ellie turned her attention back to Jay and Jimmy looked at her sternly.
"Alex." What the hell is wrong with her?
"Look El we just didn't know how to tell you." Alex tried to explain but Ellie didn't want to listen.
"How bout trying Sean's back. But whatever it doesn't matter anymore. I'm outta here." She took off walking away from them Jay started to go after her.
"El just wait, Ellie damn it, thanks a lot Manny." Jay grabbed his coat and started to take off after her, but Sean stopped her.
"Let me go Jay, I think it's time we talked. I'm the reason she's upset just let me fix it." Jay looked at Sean hesitantly and then at the others they nodded and agreed.
"Fine but if you do anything to hurt hr her..." He didn't finish he figured Sean got the point. Soon Sean took off looking for Ellie.
"Well I guess the party's over." Manny said still holding a bruised cheek.
"Yeah so get the hell out before I let Alex kick your ass some more." Manny seemed a little frightened by Jay's threat, she grabbed her things and she and Craig left.
"Well I guess we better get to cleaning up then." Jimmy smiled and started handing everyone a trash bag. An hour later they had finished cleaning when Sean returned.
"Hey how'd it go?" Emma asked sitting down and curling up on Jay.
"Couldn't find her, and I checked everywhere." They all started looking worried.
"Well we have to find her then." Alex said starting to get up.
"Don't bother I'm right here." Ellie had just walked in and everyone tried to talk.
"El where have you been, you scared the hell out of me?" Jay asked with concern in his voice not caring who heard it or not.
"No, I don't want any questions from any of you; it's my turn to talk. I went home, my old home, and I sat with my mom for a while. You know she's been drinking again, so I sat there and it was like old times. She would drink and I would pick up the empty bottles and clean the table and put the trashcan in front of her. I never understood before why she would want to get so drunk and pass out until tonight. You see her drinking was like my cutting, there's just so much hurt and pain out there in the world that you have to be numb in order to deal with all of it. After I watched her for a minute I went up to my old room. It was there the same way I left it. The same posters and covers, and even the same mess. The bathroom was the same to. I saw the towels and the rugs and even the same shampoo. But the one thing that I was really looking for was there in the same spot, my razors. It got to me the same old routine and it felt so natural just to cut." Ellie had tears falling from her eyes while Emma and Alex looked on the verge of tears.
"Ellie..." Emma tried to talk but Ellie cut her off.
"No let me finish. You guys told me to trust you and that you would be there but you knew he was back and you didn't tell me. I had lost so much and maybe if I would have known he was back then I would have saw it as a sign that things would be better. But I don't think they ever can be better because I've lost to much and I've hurt to much, but it hurts more to know that the people I love and thought loved me, the same ones that told me to put my trust in them went and did this." Ellie had finished and now Emma was crying. They all knew she was right they asked her to trust them and then they lied to her.
"It's not there fault, after what happened between us and then what happened at the house, I didn't think you wanted me there or that I wouldn't be causing you more pain." Sean tried to give comforting words and take the blame away from the others, which wasn't like him.
"That doesn't make it any better Sean. You were there and it's not fair that everyone could see you and I couldn't. You were there by my side but then when it got to be too much for you you ran away from me again." She could tell that she was hitting a nerve and she didn't care she wanted him to hurt the way she was hurting.
"I never ran away from you, I just couldn't help you without helping me first. And when I came back and saw you passed out I was scared to death and just thought it would be better to wait and see you." It was like every word they said just bounced right off her she wasn't listening she was in to much pain to listen.
"You ran just like everyone else does Sean, can't you just be man enough to admit it. You never cared no one ever does." Ellie was distraught and even though she stopped crying she still had tears in her eyes.
"Ellie we all care about you." Emma tried but only failed.
"Ellie we love you and it's hurting us to see you like this." Alex failed to; Ellie wasn't listening to them at all.
"You guys don't care or you wouldn't have kept this a secret. This right here is how much everyone cares." She lifted her sleeve and exposed all the cuts on her arms. She walked in the kitchen and grabbed the knife out the draw.
"Ellie please put the knife away." Jimmy pleaded with her and now Alex was crying with Emma.
"Ellie go ahead. No guys if she wants to do it she's going to do it whether it's now or later." They all were staring at Sean as he told Ellie to do it. "I'm hurting to Ellie we all are. I lost you because of my stupid mistakes and because I was being an ass. But I will be damned if I lose you this way. I will not sit back and watch you tear yourself up, so if you want to die then just do it. But you better believe that the only place you'll make it is to a hospital, because if you have to keep hurting yourself and almost dying then that's fine, but I will be right there to save you every time." Ellie started putting the knife down and Sean saw that he was getting through to her.
"I'm sorry but I can't do it I don't want to hurt any more and I don't want you guys to have to watch me go through this." Sean started taking steps closer trying to get her to give him the knife.
"It's ok you can get through this and we'll all help you, but you have to let us help you. Everyone hurts I'm hurting over losing you and you'll hurt us even more if you keep doing this and especially if you die." The crying was dying down a little and as Sean got closer Ellie realized it. She shook her head and brought the knife back up.
"Ellie please don't do this." Emma screamed but Ellie wasn't listening.
You need to cut then go ahead do it here cut me damn it 'cause if you you're going to die then you might as well take me with you. You mean to much for me to sit back and watch you die. I'm hurting right now and this is the reason why." Jay picked up her arm and pointed to the scars. "Me losing you will hurt me more than anything; I can't lose you I love you to damn much for that. You're my little sister remember I'm suppose to protect you and you're supposed to be there to hit me when I'm doing something stupid. Who's going to look after me if you're gone? Who am I supposed to sit with and talk to when you die. I don't want to lose you, but if you insist on doing this then you might as well take me with you." Jay was crying. It was like a once in a life time thing and it was then she knew how much he cared for her.
"Take me to." Emma a got up and walked over to them.
"I'll go to." Jimmy said walking over and standing by them.
"Well if it's a group thing then I'm in." Sean walked up to her to and then they all looked at Alex.
"Do you want me to die, because I have no problem going with you? But if you don't want the people you love to die then I suggest you put down the knife or else we'll all be joining you in hell. You can't get rid of us that easy, remember were a dysfunctional family, we can't be dysfunctional with out you, it just wouldn't be the same." Alex walked over to the group and stood around Ellie.
"If I put the knife down can we stop with the sappy stuff because right now were all out of character." She smiled and even though the moment was intense they still laughed.