Chapter 2
"All right, bookworm, make yourself useful," Count Olaf said to Klaus. "A certain triangle-eyed traitor told me you can read tidal charts and such. Here, study these maps and plot a course to the Sargasso Swatch Sea"
Klaus winced at the reference to Fiona, but he obeyed and studied the maps.
"The wind is rising and it's roughly in the right direction. With Violet and Sunny's help I can use the sails to get there quickly," Klaus said.
"You do that," said Olaf. "I'll recite poetry to inspire you to work more quickly."
Poetry can indeed be inspiring. I have often inspired myself to greater efforts for the V.F.D. by reciting "The Charge of the Light Brigade," for example. But the Baudelaires soon discovered that Olaf's idea of "poetry" consisted of nursery rhymes which he mangled by changing the last line to one in which someone was defenestrated, a word which here means "thrown out the window."
"Pussycat, Pussycat, where have you been?
I've been to London to visit the Queen.
Pussycat, Pussycat, what did you there?
I threw her out the window"
"Enfantil," said Sunny, reverting to her private language which meant "Olaf seems to be getting crazier and more childish all the time"
"Really, Count Olaf, we don't need inspiration," said Violet.
"You don't like my poetry?" Olaf said with a scowl.
"It's fine, but..." Violet trailed off without finishing.
"Then I'll tell you my great accomplishments instead. I've triumphed! I've destroyed the V.F.D. once and for all," boasted Olaf.
"Impossible," said Sunny flatly.
"That can't be true," said Klaus. "We both know that not all the V.F.D. died in that hotel fire. There's Kit, and the Quagmires and Hector in the hot-air mobile home, and probably many more"
"Not to mention that your enemies must have gotten the sugar bowl," said Violet.
"Arrgh! Stop contradicting me! I like to boast; it makes me feel better. But now you've ruined it," Olaf snarled. "Well then, back to poetry:
"Rub a dub dub,
Three brats in a tub,
And who do you think they be?
The inventor, the biter,
The reader and writer,
And if they don't stop contradicting me,
I'll forget about our truce and
Throw them out the window!"
The Baudelaires didn't dare to say any more after this, and the rest of the trip passed slowly. Olaf continued to recite more fractured nursery rhymes and chuckle at his own humor.
Finally they arrived at a large patch of seaweed in the middle of the ocean. Overhead, they saw the puffy shape of the Deus Ex Machina, Hector's self-sustaining hot-air mobile home. It was under attack by a swarm of eagles. Not far away, they also saw the octopus shape of the Carmelita, the submarine that Fiona and her brother Fernald had stolen from Count Olaf.
"Ha! We're here!" shouted Olaf. "Our victims are in sight!"
"Do you mean Fernald and Fiona?" asked Klaus.
"Or Quagmires?" asked Sunny.