Chapter 3
"Steer us closer to the Carmelita," Olaf commanded. He opened a box on the ship's deck, rummaged around, and produced a bullhorn.
"Ahoy, Lucafont and Triangle Eyes!" Olaf called. "I want to talk with you. Don't try attacking this boat with the sub's tentacles, or you'll kill the Baudelaires, too."
A hatch opened in the top of the octopus-shaped submarine; Fernald and Fiona poked their heads out cautiously. The Baudelaires brought their ship close enough to talk.
"Don't call us those dumb nicknames, Olaf" said Fernald. "We don't work for you any more. If you want to talk, you'd better talk fast. The weather report says a big storm is coming."
"Klaus, are you and your sisters all right?" Fiona asked.
Klaus nodded, unsure of his voice.
"That was a pretty clever trick, sailing away with my submarine after rowing Esme, Carmelita, and me to shore," said Olaf. "I suppose you're freelance pirates now."
"We're free, anyway," said Fiona proudly. "Aye!"
"Fernald, I have a question for you," Violet called. "Last time we spoke you said our parents had done something villainous. What was it?"
"Your parents killed Count Olaf's parents and stole his fortune," said Fernald. "I'm sorry, but that's how it is in the V.F.D. since the schism. Both sides will do anything to win"
The Baudelaire's hearts sank at this confirmation of Olaf's story, which they had hoped was a lie.
"Conflicted," said Sunny, meaning she didn't know who to trust any more.
"The V.F.D. has done some terrible things, like raising deadly mushrooms to use as weapons," said Fiona. "I found out from Fernald that Jacques Snicket and my stepfather secretly opposed that."
"They burned down Anwhistle Aquatices to try to stop the project, and they let me take the blame," said Fernald. "The V.F.D. caught me and punished me; that's how I lost my hands."
"Then I took you in, equipped you with hooks, and gave you a job in my troupe," said Olaf. "Ha! Where's your gratitude for that, Lucafont?"
"That was the one noble thing you did," said Fernald. "It was good for a while. But then the old troupe started dying off and you replaced them with people I couldn't stand."
"Well, I have a new troupe now," said Olaf. "I kicked out the freaks, Esme, and that bratty little girl she doted on, and now the Baudelaires have joined me."
"What?" gasped Fiona. "I thought they were your prisoners. Aye!"
"No, they joined me of their own free will," said Olaf. "They even helped me in a spot of arson. Together, we burned down the Hotel Denouement with most of the V.F.D. inside. Ha!"
"Is that true, Klaus?" Fiona asked.
Klaus hung his head and mumbled, "Yes, but it's more complicated than that."
Fiona looked at him in horror. "I've been crying for days because I felt despised by you for changing sides. You're worse than I ever was."
"You're attacking the Quagmires in the self-sustaining hot-air mobile home," said Violet hotly. "I'd say you're pretty bad, too."
"Only to find out what happened to our mother," said Fiona. "Our real father, Hector, is up there. He knows something, but he won't tell us. We're forcing the ship down to get him to talk. We have no intention of killing anyone."
"I can tell you about your mother," Olaf said. "She faked her death in a manatee accident to get away from Widdershins after the Anwhistle fire. The Baudelaires have met her."
"No," said Sunny. "Saw her picture. Would know."
"She hid her identity in a job where she never had to show her face," said Olaf. "She ran Heimlich Hospital by intercom."
"Babs!" said Klaus in surprise.
"But you killed Babs when you took over the hospital," accused Violet. "You threw her off a building, or something."
"I admit I intended to," said Olaf. "But Lucafont persuaded me otherwise. She didn't dare go back to the V.F.D. and reveal her identity, so I let her go."
"Fernald?" asked Fiona in a tiny voice. "You knew all along about Mother? Then why are we really here? Why are we attacking the Deus Ex Machina?""Probably for the same reason I am," said Count Olaf. "For the Quagmire sapphires!"