Trigger warning: Child abuse, violence, physical assault,blood, implied pedophilia.
I was laying on my bed, my room full of darkness. The lightnings outside being my only source of light, that light with the peculiar purple shade which was followed by the booming sound of thunder.
But then I heard him.
His laughter, the one that haunts me and my dreams, has been for years now.
I couldn't move as I was petrified from his presence alone. He was staring at me from across the room, looking at me through the darkness.
"Hello Kathryn," he said cackling, and tears were already forming in my eyes.
"Aren't you gonna turn and greet me?" He asked.
Shit, I could feel him smirking at my back.
"Go away," I whispered, and he began walking towards me. Every step more torturing than the last.
I closed my eyes, causing tears to roll down my cheeks, wetting my pillow. I could feel him breathing to my neck and I took sharp breaths trying to calm myself down.
"Turn around," he whispered ominously, but I didn't obey, I couldn't move. I just couldn't.
"Turn around!" he yelled harshly and grabbed me by my neck as I gasped in fear.
He forced me up by my neck and as I fought with his grip on me, I began to feel light headed.
My eyes finally met his and I sobbed.
He was painted again with red details around his eyes and smile.
"What did you say to me?" He asked furiously and I sobbed even harder as his grip tightened.
I can't do this, I want to wake up.
I want to leave this hellhole.
"What did you say to me! " He shouted even louder than before and I flinched.
Come on Kathryn, keep yourself together. He is not actually here.
He is gone.
"I said go away!" I yelled with sudden confidence, but he laughed and cruelly threw me to the ground.
I immediately stood up and ran for the door, but before I could even reach it, he pulled me back by my ankles and I cried when I hit the floor.
"Say it again," he said and started undoing his belt . I couldn't stop bawling, feeling my prior confidence fade away and be replaced by pure fear.
"No, let go of me! " I screamed as he pulled my shirt just up my stomach and he laughed mercilessly.
"Say! It! Again!" He yelled and he slapped my stomach using the belt.
I screamed in terror and my eyes shot open.
Tears were streaming down my face, my hair was stuck on my head due to the sweat, my throat was dry and I felt my head pounding in pain.
It was over. Just another dream.
Damnit! He is gone, he is dead, but he is still here.
I tried to relax, but my tears just kept going, and so did the thunder outside.
Suddenly my door burst open and I shot up.
Logan walked inside with his claws out checking the area.
"What happened?" He asked me, concern in his voice.
When our eyes met and he saw my sore look, his expression softened. He nodded to himself and put his claws in.
"Kathryn you alright?" I heard Jean say as she and Scott walked inside.
"You, okay?" Scott asked, similarly to Jean, and I looked down.
"What the hell is going on!" Evan yelled from the hallway and walked inside as well.
As if things couldn't get any worse, I heard the familiar bamf.
"Dudes! What happened I heard a scream and fell out of my bed!" Kurt said and stood next to Scott.
I didn't know how to deal with this.
What was I supposed to tell them?
I just stayed frozen, looking down at my hands that I hadn't even noticed were clenching the sheets of my bed.
"Kids, go back to your rooms everything is alright, and you should get ready for school you going to be
late," Professor Xavier said through the speakers and I was thankful.
"If you need anything," Jean smiling sympathetically at me.
"You know we're to find us," Scott finished the sentence and they walked out.
Evan stared at me for a while but soon enough he walked out, too.
"What's wrong Katzchen ?" Kurt asked me gently and sat next to me on my bed.
"Nothing," I said trying to sound fine but my cracking voice betrayed me.
"Then why are you-," he was just about to say something, but was cut off by Logan who placed his hand on Kurt's shoulder.
"Elf, go get ready, you can talk later," Logan said in whisper.
"But-," Kurt tried to protest but Logan didn't let him.
"No buts, Elf, now," Logan said more sternly, but still quietly.
Kurt took one last look at me, but I didn't have the courage to look back. He sighed and teleported out .
Now it was only me and Logan.
He walked up to my nightstand and handed me the bottle of water I always kept next to me in case I get thirsty. It's a long way from my room to the kitchen, so I always keep one here.
"Thank you," I said, drinking some of it, and he sat on the end of my bed.
The fresh water running through me, relieved the dryness of my throat.
When I was done with it, I continued to hold the bottle in my hands inside my lap.
"You don't have to say anything, I get it. I am also haunted by old memories. Just remember whatever you are afraid of, it's in the past, it can't hurt you anymore," he said softly and stood up.
"If you need anything, don't hesitate, just tell me," he patted my back trying to comfort me but I flinched away.
I saw hurt wash over his face and I knew I screwed up.
"I am sorry," I said and looked down in shame.
"It's okay," he said softly, yet again, and walked out.
I had forgotten this side of Wolverine.
He was a big softie inside.
I thought to myself and couldn't help, but smile.
I wish that could be the case with me too.
-Time Skip-
Not much time had passed as I sat on my bed just staring at the thunder outside my window.
I was sure everyone else was already eating breakfast. So, I picked all the courage that I had left and began getting ready for the day.
I picked a pair of blue jeans and a black hoodie.
I began to undress myself starting from my shirt. I pulled it off and couldn't help but stare at my reflection in the mirror across the room.
Scars.
Scars everywhere all over my poor body. They could be seen on my belly, my chest, my arms, but the worst of all was my back.
Some were from knives, some others from burns, but most of them where from that belt.
However, what all of them had in common, they came from the same person.
Him.
He was merciless, manipulative, a hypocrite, a liar and the list went on.
But all of that only with me.
In front of other people, or my mum specifically, he was the perfect guy. He was kind, funny, honest, and thoughtful.
He was the most trustworthy person in my mum's eyes and he always used that against me.
He would always blackmail me, treat me like shit and if I ever dared to say anything to my mother he would turn it on me, finding the perfect lie to cover whatever he had done and afterwards I would have had to deal with a punishment not only from my mom, but from him,too.
I will never forget the first time it happened.
-Falshback-
I was playing outside.
Near the forest, playing with my knives, I was trying to master the trick of throwing knives.
So, I was practicing .
"Hey Kathryn," I suddenly heard someone call and turned around with my knife up in defence, but soon enough I relaxed and pulled it down.
"Oh, hi Jack, you scared me," I said laughing.
Jack, my mum's friend, his hair was brown and so were his eyes. He started working here last month as a clown, me and mum where acrobats, but despite that we were on stage at the same time.
He is so different without the clown costume and the make-up.
He was shirtless, with just a pair of blue jeans on, he was holding a bottle, it was alcohol, I think. I have seen him drink that before.
"I didn't mean to do that," he said softly,
I nodded awkwardly.
"Why don't you keep doing whatever you were doing, little one," he said smirking, and looked at me weirdly, I felt a sickening feeling in my stomach that was caused by him.
"Um, I think I will go inside, I am tired," I said uneasily.
"Hey, hey, why so fast little girl?" He said and grabbed my wrists.
"I-I just want to go to bed early , my mum doesn't like it when I am late," I stuttered, trying to find an excuse.
I was so scared.
"Oh, afraid to disobey your mum, what a good girl you are," he said condescendingly and let go off my one arm, but kept a dead grip on the other, he brushed his hand through my hair and face but I kept pulling away.
"Stop moving," he whispered in my ear and I flinched.
"Let go! I want to go!" I said and he slapped me hard on the face, I fell backwards on the wet grass with wide eyes.
I reached for my aching cheek, it burnt. He bent down on his one knee and grabbed my jaw harshly, making me look at him.
"I don't want to hear those words out of your mouth anymore, or else I going to have to hit you again, and believe me I won't hesitate. Oh, I almost forgot, you better start calling me dad," he said cheekily and I trembled in fear.
"What?" I asked in shock and he burst out laughing.
"I proposed to your mum tonight and guess what, she said yes. Apart from that, since we are going to get married, she wants me to be your legal guardian, alongside her. So, from the moment I sign those fucking papers, you are my daughter and you will do whatever the fuck I say, was I clear, dear Kathy?" He said and I felt my whole world crushing down.
"Was I clear??" He yelled, repeating himself and grabbed my throat, suddenly my eyes fell on my knives on the ground, in a slight movement I grabbed it and cut through his arm on my neck.
He flinched and let go off me I began to run for my mum's trailer
"Mum!" I screamed as loud as I could manage, but I could hear another set of running footsteps right behind me and they were getting closer and closer.
"Mum!" I cried again but this time a hand blocked my voice as it landed harshly on my mouth.
Fell down from the force and landed on Jack.
"What did I just say?? What the hell was that?" He said in a low voice.
"The hell is going on out here!?" I heard my mum's voice and hope lighten inside of me.
Jack let go of me and stood up, as my mum run towards him.
"Leah! Thank, God," he said and hugged her as I stayed on the ground breathless.
"What happened? God what happened to your arm?" My mum gasped as she looked at his bleeding arm.
"Kathryn happened," he said and my eyes widened.
"What?" My mum looked shocked.
"I told her about us getting married and she freaked out, she attacked me, telling me that I am not her father," he said, pretending to be hurt.
"No, that's not true! He hit me first! He said things to me, I attacked him to protect myself like you showed me!" I said, standing up, but my mum only glared at me.
"I can't believe you! " She screamed at the top of her lungs.
"What mum-," I began, but I was soon cut off by her grabbing my upper arm hard, pulling me back to the trailer.
"Listen here, Kathryn, you don't get to ruin my life more than you already have! Do you know how much I have lost because of your existence alone? Huh? So, I won't tolerate this kind of behaviour, you have crossed the line," she said and pushed meinside the metallic closet in the trailer, she closed it and then I heard the clock of the lock.
"Mum!" I cried
"Shut up! You don't get to get out of there until you admit all the lies that you said and apologize to Jack! You hear me?" She yelled and banged the closet hard, the sound ringing on my ear.
"Yes, mum," I said between sobs
"And stop crying like a cry baby, I raised you better than this," she said and I pulled my hand on my mouth, trying to silence myself, as my vision blurred in tears.
-End of Flashback-
Nine days, I stayed in there for nine days with no food, no water and no bathroom breaks, after I gave up on trying to convince her.
I did what she asked and apologized to that asshole.
After I did so, he gave me my first ever beating.
I shiver only at the thought.
I felt so humiliated and afraid at that moment.
-Flashback-
"Now, now little Kathy, I warned you this would happen. If you had just listened to me, none of this would have happened. And now I have to punish you for disobeying me," he said to me as I sat on corner of the trailer crying.
"Come here," he said softly, but I stayed in place.
He stood up, and grabbed me by my hair forcing me up, as I cried in pain.
"When I tell you to come here, you are gonna do as I say!" he yelled and hit my head against the wall.
He let go off my hair and I fell on my knees sobbing.
His hand moved down to my neck and he touched it sensitively. I slapped his hand away and tried to stand up but he pinned me back down by my shoulders. In a position that I was facing the wall and my back was on him.
"You are that stupid? Are you really going to fight back? You are just going to end up in the closet again. You don't want that now, do you?" He said smirking as he began to touch me all over the back of my shirt
"Don't move and I won't hurt you," he said and his hands left me.
I didn't dare to move, but I could hear him moving around the trailer.
Then I heard a weird metallic sound, and leather brushing against leather.
Then he ripped my shirt with his hands and let it fall to the ground.
I flinched and gasped, but he soon placed his hand on my mouth preventing me for making a sound, I cried, my tears falling on his hands.
"Sh, sh, relax, it's okay," he said trying not to laugh.
Was that funny?
I was too afraid to ask.
"I am not gonna hurt you, keep quiet " he said and stood up again.
Once he took some distance, I tried to cover my body.
"Relax Kathryn," he said strictly and let my arms fall to my knees, I took a deep breath but I just nodded.
I couldn't relax, I was scared.
He said he wouldn't hurt me but I didn't believe him.
I wanna go.
It was quiet, I didn't hear him move, or make a sound.
I didn't know what was happening.
Suddenly I felt something crush on my back, a burning sensation that wouldn't stop aching. The pain washed all over my body.
I screamed in pain and a cloth was shoved in my mouth.
I looked back at him to see him holding his belt in his hand laughing.
"You are such a fool! Did you really think I was gonna let you off that easily? You are gonna pay for this," he said laughing darkly, showing me his injured hand.
My hand reached for my back but it was soon slapped away by another hit.
I immediately retrieved my arm.
I looked at it with wide eyes it was red and bloody.
Another hit on my back followed and I sobbed.
I couldn't breathe.
The cloth made it harder for me to.
I was about to remove it with my unharmed hand but he quickly slapped me on my upper back again.
"Don't you even thing about it!" He yelled though the sound of the leather crush on my skin.
I couldn't. I felt my body go limp and he hit me again.
"Stand straight!" he shouted and I pulled myself up barely.
He slapped me again this time at the lower part and I cried harder as my vision blurred, everything hurt, I couldn't move.
But he didn't stop and through all that his laugh never stopped ringing in my ears, he was enjoying the pain he caused to me.
Once he was satisfied. He stopped
"Oh Kathy, your back looks like shit. You better hide that from your mummy," he said laughing and placed the belt away.
I was standing there emotionless.
He bent down and pulled the fabric out of my mouth.
"I will tell mum," I said in a whisper.
He laughed.
"Yeah, you can tell your mum, and then I am going to grab you from that delicate neck of yours and drag you back here, and I will do that to you again," he said smirking and waited for a comeback from me, but it never came.
I just looked down and he laughed.
"That's my little girl," he said and walked to the door but soon stopped at his tracks
"Oh! Almost forgot! Cover that shit up. You are gonna scare people," he said and walked out.
Leaving me in a shower of blood, sweat and tears.
-End of Flashback-
From that moment forward, I knew I was at his mercy.
I was just a fucking kid! I was a ten-year-old and that didn't stop him.
And why?
Because my mum was a bitch.
I can't believe she would do this to me, she didn't believe me.
I couldn't even bear to look at them.
I couldn't bear to look at myself.
Those scars have destroyed my life.
They were disgusting, ugly and terrifying .
Whenever people saw them. They were never the same. They would never act the same way they did around me.
Some pitied me, others bullied me for them and some just got scared and didn't want to do anything with me.
That's one of the reasons why I am never saying anything about them to the X-Men.
Finally, I have friends a family and I didn't want to lose it because of something someone did to me.
I took a deep breath and wiped a tear off my cheek.
I shook away the bad thoughts and was about to put my hoodie on but then I heard the bamf.
Kurt appeared in the middle of my room and I heard him gasp.
No. Not you. Not Kurt.
I swallowed hard as I had my back turned on him.
I was exposed.