In this chapter, Killa Pat has broken out of jail, and is having a standoff with Greed. Normally, I'd say something like, warning, involves violence and bad language, but I really don't give a fuck what you think.
Killa Pat: I want my show back, and my account, and my weed, and my crack, and all the other shit you took from me.
Greed: Chill out man, everythings cool. Just calm down and—
-Killa Pat pulls out a .45 Smith&Wesson and points it at Greeds head-
Killa Pat: Gimme my shit back you crazy mothafucka!
Greed: Pat you and I both know that shootin' me ain't gon' do shit. I'm the Ultimate Shield remember?
Killa Pat: God Damn it! You're right, fuck this shit man.
Greed: Can't we just go back to hanging out like we used to?
Killa Pat: Fuck no, not after what happened the last time we hung out…
Flashback from Two Months Earlier
-Killa Pat and Greed are having a night out on the town. Greed's driving his Mustang and Killa Pat's riding shotgun-
Killa Pat: You know what man, we should spend time together like this more often.
Greed: You know you're absolutely right
Killa Pat: Hey man whatchu doin' you drove past the club we was goin' too.
Greed: We aren't going to the club –smiles deviously—
Killa Pat: Oh, we gon' go get some weed? Trust me, I know all the spots.
--Greed just chuckles and keeps driving. Greed stops the car in front of a fancy nightclub, where Mustang, Lust, Armstrong, Winry, Ed, Kimbley, and Maes are all in line waiting to get into the club—
Greed: Hey Bitches!
Maes: Oh shit it's Greed!
--Greed pulls out an AK-47 and unloads on everybody, killing Maes Hughes…again—
Greed: I'm the Sin of Avarice Bitch!
--Greed speeds away. Killa Pat is in a state of shock—
Greed: What's the matter Pat? Somethin' wrong?
Killa pat: Fuck yes! You killed people you crazy motherfucker, you killed people!
Greed: Now Pat, I don't have to worry about you snitchin' do I? You ain't gon' snitch are you?
--Greed slows the car and reaches for his gun—
Killa Pat: No, I ain't gon' snitch! You ain't gotta worry about me snitchin'.
Greed: Good.
--They drive in silence for about thirty minutes—
Killa Pat: Hey man, you think we can stop at an ATM or somethin, I need some cash.
Greed: Screw ATM's, I've got something better.
--Greed pulls up to a street corner and a bunch of prostitutes walk over to the car—
Greed: Pat, sluts. Sluts, pat
Sluts: Hi Pat.
Killa Pat: Wassup bitches?
Greed: Alright, you know what I'm here for.
--The prostitutes form a line next to the drivers window and give Greed all the money they made 'working'. Then the last prostitute in line gives Greed her money…--
Greed: What is this? George Washington's lonely, there's only one of him. You only made $1? Oh my God, is Greed gonna have to choke a bitch? I can't believe I'm gon' have to get out of my car and choke a bitch.
--Greed starts to get out of the car but Killa Pat grabs his arm—
Killa Pat: Greed wait, don't. Let the bitch live a lil' longer.
Greed: --sighs—Alright. Thank Killa Pat slut.
Slut: Thanks Killa Pat.
Killa Pat: Run bitch get help!
--Greed drives away. After they're a block away from the prostitutes Greed tosses Killa Pat the money—
Greed: Here you go.
Killa Pat: No man, I can't take that.
Greed: Killa, take the money –says in a low, mean voice—
Killa Pat: On second thought, takin' hoes money was never better.
--Greed pulls out a crack pipe and a lighter—
Greed: Smoke this.
Killa Pat: Man I ain't in the mood.
Greed: Smoke it boy.
--Killa Pat grabs the pipe and lights it up—
Greed: That's crack straight from Columbia, mixed in with my own 'ingredients'.
--Killa Pat's mind is all screwed and chopped now. Random things keep popping into his head. In Killa Pat's thoughts he sees Armstrong dress up has a gypsy mind reader saying: The Chimeras love Greed so much, because he makes Roy Mustang, look like Jean Havoc. Pat passes out…--
Three Hours Later
Killa Pat: What's goin' on?
Greed: I'll do the talking –a cop has pulled them over and is getting out of his car—
Cop: Do you have any idea how fast you were going?
Greed: I'm sorry officer.
Cop: Sir I'm going to have to ask you to get out of the car.
Greed: Certainly –Greed steps out of the car--.
Cop: Can I see your ID please?
--Greed hands the cop his drivers license—
Cop: Oh my God! You're the Ultimate Shield!
Greed: Guilty has charged.
Cop: My grandma loves you. She's not going to believe I ever met you!
Greed: That's because she ain't gonna no about it bitch!
--Greed pulls out a knife and castrates the cop with it. The cop is horrified that he's lost his 'equipment' and shoots himself in the head. Greed get's back into the car and glares at Killa Pat—
Greed: So I make Roy Mustang look like Jean Havoc huh? Anyway, let's get a sandwich—
--Half an hour later Greeds parked his car and Killa Pat and Greed are sitting on the curb eating sandwhiches. Well Greed is, Pat's crying—
Greed: Gimme the sandwhich.
Killa Pat: Here you go.
Greed: Killa, go home.
Killa Pat: You mean I can go?
Greed: Yup.
--Killa Pat stands up and starts to walk away has Greed get's back into his car—
Greed: Hey Pat.
Killa Pat: What?
Greed: You forgot this!
--Greed shoots Killa Pat in the leg—
Greed: I'm the ultimate shield bitch!
--Greed drives away laughing maniacally—
End Flashback.
Greed: Has entertaining has that was, what did it have to do with our current situation?
Killa Pat: Nothing!
Greed: Then why bring it up. I mean, the sodomy must've been hell for you.
--Killa Pats eyes widened—
Killa Pat: What fucking sodomy you sick fuck?
Greed: Nothing, no sodomy there. –Greed says quickly—
--Killa Pat eyes Greed suspiciously but let's the subject go—
Killa Pat: I want my account back along with everything you stole from me, now!
Greed: Hell no.
--Killa Pat sighs and shakes his head—
Killa Pat: I didn't want to do this, but I guess I'm going to have too. Come on in Dante.
--Dante walks onto stage a look of horror passes over Greeds face—
Greed: NO! Not you, go away!
Killa Pat: Do your thing Dante!
--Dante reaches into a bag and pulls out a picture of Greed naked except for a zorro mask riding a horse—
Dante: Give Pat back his account, or else this goes all over the internet.
Greed: You wouldn't!
Dante: Actually, I just did ten minutes ago.
Greed: Nooooooooooooo!
--Greed crawls into a fetal position and cries for thirty minutes—
Killa Pat: Are you done?
Greed: You know what, FUCK YOU! Here, take the fucking account, it's yours!
Killa Pat: Thank you Greed.
Dante: Wait a second! You promised you'd pay me.
Killa Pat: And here's your payment.
--Shoot Dante repeatedly with his .45 until the clip is empty—
Killa Pat: And now we continue with my version of the Pipsqueak and the Mechanic!