Killa Pat: Yo yo wassup, this yo boy Killa Pat. Has we speak, I'm on my way to Chicago, Illinois with my man Greed.

Greed: This yo boy Greed representin' the Devils Nest, we got a really special chapter planned for you.

Killa Pat: That's right. This week, we takin' you to the city of Chicago. Home of the Chicago Cubs and the Sears tower and a whole bunch of other shit that I forgot to say.

Greed: Also, we'll have a special guest with us. Some of you may know him has the President of the United States, others may think of him has that son of a bitch who's single handedly fucked up our great nation.

Killa Pat: You guessed it, George W. Bush!

--everybody boos and throws rotten tomatoes onto the stage. Somewhere in the audience, someone cheers. Everybody else points guns at him and shoots him—

Killa Pat: All this and more at the end of this chapter!

Chapter Eleven

It was a normal day at the office in Central. Mustang wasn't doing his work, Hawkeye had a gun to his head, and everybody else was slacking off, has usual. I yawned and stretched my arms.

"Hey Ed, Havoc got a new girl. We're betting on how long it'll last", Breda said to me.

"What's the pool?", I asked.

"Right now it's up to $60, but it'll cost you twenty to get in".

I shrugged, nothing interesting was going on anyway.

"Ok, I'll take that bet. I say the relationship will last less than a day", I said handing him the money.

At that moment Havoc walked into the office. His head hung and there was a sad expression on his face. Falman grinned when he saw this.

"Hey Havoc, why the long face?", he asked trying not to laugh.

"Shut up Falman", Havoc said plopping into a chair.

"So, what happened this time?", Fuery said.

Havoc didn't answer at first, but then said.

"Let's just say that you should never compliment a women other than your date on the size of her breasts", Havoc mumbled.

Everybody broke out into laughter after hearing this, except for Havoc of course.

"At this rate Havoc will never lose his virginity", Breda joked.

"At least he won't be the only virgin. Ed here's still got his", Falman said patting me on the shoulder.

I grinned and said, "that's what you think".

The room went silent and everyone stared at me. "Ok Ed, why did you just tell your coworkers that piece of information?", I thought to myself. I hadn't even meant to say that it had just slipped. Luckily for me, Breda started laughing and then suddenly stopped.

"You're serious aren't you?"

I nodded my head.

"You know what this means? Havocs the only one here who hasn't lost his virginity!".

Unfortunately for Havoc, Mustang and Hawkeye had heard the entire exchange. Havoc's face paled when he saw Mustang, who had his trademark grin plastered on his face. Hawkeye looked has if she was having a hard time holding herself together.

"Well that was…entertaining. I didn't think there were any girls small enough for you Ed", Roy said to me.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT YOU SMUG FACED BASTARD!", I yelled at him.

"Maybe you should cut off your other leg. That way you can get height extensions for your automail", Mustang said.

That did it. I jumped up and lunged at Mustang. Mustang took a step back and I knocked him to the floor.

"Twenty bucks says Ed kicks Mustangs ass!", Falman yelled.

"I'm in!", Breda replied.

--- --- ---

"Ed, for a short guy, you punch hard", Mustang said has he pressed the ice pack to his forehead.

"If I could lift my arm, I'd deck you", I replied.

"This oughta teach you not to fight", Hawkeye said walking into the room with some bandages.

"We were just having fun", I said sarcastically.

Hawkeye whipped out her pistol and fired and a bullet whizzed past my ear, barely missing it.

"Next time, I won't miss".

"I'll remember that when I wanna beat up on your boyfriend", I muttered loud enough for her to hear has Hawkeye left the room.

Riza's cheeks turned bright red and I grinned.

"The secret is out. Roy and Riza are officially a couple!", I said loudly.

--- --- ---

I threw up for what seemed like the hundredth time this week. Ever since Ed had left this had been happening. I hadn't told Grandma yet but I'm sure she had an idea of what was wrong. I did to, I just didn't want to believe it.

"Winry", Grandma said from behind me.

I whirled around and quickly flushed the toilet. But it was too late.

"I thought so", Grandma said with a sigh. "How long has this been going on?"

"About a month", I replied.

"You know you're going to have to tell him right?"

"I know. But I want to say it to him in person", I said back to her standing up.

Grandma nodded her head in understanding and left the bathroom. I sighed and sat down on the toilet. I put my head in my hands and cried. I wanted Ed to be here with me, to hold me.

I unconsciously rubbed my stomach. "Just think", I thought to myself, "I have a baby growing inside of me. Ed's baby".

I left the bathroom and walked into my bedroom. I got out my suitcase and started to pack. I had to see Ed, I couldn't wait for him to come home any longer, I needed to see him.

I put on a pair of jeans, a white tanktop and a jacket and picked up my suitcase. I walked down the stairs and stopped to say goodbye to Grandma. I found her in the kitchen, doing the dishes.

"You're leaving aren't you?", she said not turning around.

"Yes", I replied, "I'm going to Central".

She turned around and I could see that she had tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry Grandma", I said to her, "I didn't want this to happen but—"

"I know. I was young once too you know", she said to me.

I hugged her goodbye and left for the train station.

Killa Pat: See, this is why teenagers should not be allowed to have sex. They fuck like rabbits and then BAM! The bitch is pregnant, just like that.

Greed: That's good and all, but, you're not a very good example of the whole no teen sex thing yourself Pat.

Killa Pat: …Anyway, and now here is our not so special guest, President George Bush!

--Greed presses a button and the sound of people applausing can be heard and the ol' bastard himself walks in and sits down—

Killa Pat: Now, Mr. President, what is your opinion on the war in Iraq?

George Bush: …I like ponies!

Killa Pat: Interesting view on the situation. Um, do you think that there is a good chance of apprehending Osama Bin Laden?

George Bush: He should make a sex tape. Oh, boy, I'd love to beat off to Bin Laden. Hey, I think I'll do that right now!

--Bush unzips pants and pulls out a three inch cock and starts jacking off—

Greed: Good God he's acutally doing it!

Killa Pat: I am not seeing this, I am NOT seeing this!

Greed: Try asking him another question

Killa Pat: What do you have to say about the accusations that you are a racist?

George Bush: I hate niggers and jews!

Killa Pat: You bastard! I am a nigger!

Greed: We paid the United States government $4,800 to interview this guy?

Killa Pat: We want our money back!

George Bush: You can't have that money! I need that money so that I can go to Hollywood and become a porn star.

--Bush rips off his clothes revealing a red bikini—

George Bush: Who wants some of this!

--Greed and Killa Pat look at each other very, VERY, confused—

Greed: Hey look, there's his wallet!

--Greed picks up Bushes wallet and looks through it—

Greed: God damn it! He's only got thousand dollar bills. Killa you got any hundreds?

Killa Pat: I'ma black man I ain't got any money!

Greed: Good point, let's just take it all.

--Greed and Killa Pat take the wallet and run out of the house and catch the first bus back to Amestris—

Killa Pat: I'm glad we ditched him.

Greed: Me to. George Bush is fucking crazy.

--Suddenly something bumps against the back of the bus. Greed and Killa Pat turn around to see Bush driving an ice cream truck at high speeds—

George Bush: I WANT MY MONEY BACK!

Killa Pat: Oh crap, here he comes!

Greed: Hey driver, step on it!

--The bus driver floors it. Meanwhile, at a bar in Amestris, Roy, Dante, the Homunculi, and Ed are all drinking…--

Roy: Hey Dante, how's it going?

Dante: Not fun when everyone thinks you're a bitch.

Pride: Yeah, life sucks ass doesn't it?

Wrath: So does your mom! Oh, yeah! You just got burned!

--Suddenly a bus and an ice cream truck collide outside the bar and a loud explosion can be heard. Everyone runs outside—

Greed: Run for your life before he sees you!

Envy: Before who sees us?

--George Bush emerges from the wreck beating his chest like a mad gorilla—

George Bush: Greetings aliens, I come in peace!

Ed: Dude, why the fuck is Bush wearing a bikini?

Greed: Ed that guys crazy!

Killa Pat: Yeah. He's completely out of his mind.

--Bush goes over to Sloth—

George Bush: Bow down and kiss my ass bitch!

--Bush farts all over Sloth blowing some shit with it. Bush then sees Greed and Killa Pat—

George Bush: You took my wallet!

Killa Pat: Oh yeah? Well you're fucking up my country!

George Bush: So that's how it is huh? I'll never talk! You can torture me all you want but I'll never tell you anything!

--Bush goes over to Dante and get's down on all fours—

George Bush: Go ahead, shove whatever you want up there but I'll never succumb to your torture!

Lust: Oh my God the people of America voted for this?

George Bush: You want some of this bitch?

--Bush sticks his hand up his ass and come out with what Lust hopes is a big glob of melted chocolate and rubs it all over her face—

Everyone: Eeeew!

--Suddenly a helicopter lands and secret service guys jump out and shoot Bush with a bunch of tranquilizer darts and put him in a straight jacket before putting him into an armored van and driving away—

Killa Pat: Ok, that is the last time we will ever have a white republican on our show.

Greed: Good idea. At least nobody was hurt or anything.

Lust: I have shit all over my face!

Greed: Just as I said, nobody was hurt.

Killa Pat: Except Mr. Bushes reputation.

Greed: Well until next time people, see you later! And don't forget to check out Killa Pats other stories!

Killa Pat: And review them! And remember, never interview a white republican!

Killa Pat