Trigger warning: Vomiting, Child Abuse.
It was another summer night, I had trouble sleeping, unlike Rogue who has been sleeping for hours now.
I didn't mind staying awake, I could really use a break from my nightmares.
I was watching a movie, in mute, on my laptop.
I looked away from the screen, as I saw Rogue shake, sweat running down her temple.
I set my computer at the side of my bed and I stood up.
I walked next to her, ready to shake her awake, but she shot up screaming, making me take a step back.
"No!" She screamed her eyes widening as tears streamed down her eyes.
"Rogue it's okay" I said trying to comfort her and sat on her bed.
"Kathryn," she said relieved to see me and she collapsed into my arms.
I didn't hesitate to hug her back when she placed her arms around me tightly.
"Hey, it's okay, just a bad dream, it's over," I said and her breathing was somehow going back to normal.
The door burst open and Jean walked inside with Scott.
"Rogue, what happened?" Scott asked and Rogue moved slightly away from my chest.
"I don't know, I was dreaming, those images were so sorrowful," she said still holding onto me.
"Whoa, the horror movie we saw last night is really getting to you," Jean said and Rogue moved her head negatively.
"No! It's not the first time! I had this dream before! They started when I moved to the institute," Rogue explained and moved her arms away, but I still had my hand around her shoulder.
Then Kurt and Evan walked inside.
"What's going on man? Everyone ok?" Evan asked.
"Rogue is having nightmares," I answered
"Oh, what about?" Kurt asked, walking closer.
"I am not sure, there is a castle, wolves, a fire, a forest, blood, a little girl and a baby boy, oh those poor kids. I didn't really see their faces but it seems like I know them somehow," she said and looked at me and Kurt.
I flinched away from here and hugged my chest.
Fire and a forest, well that does remind me of something. But castle and wolves? Those weren't mine or that little boy.
Could that be Kurt?
"It was you!" Rogue said at me and Kurt
"What? No way " I said trying to hide my fear, I began rubbing the back of my burned arm as anxiety rose inside of me.
"What was us? " Kurt asked in disbelief.
"I just know it was you two " she insisted.
"What are you talking about ?!" Kurt said confused.
"In the dream, there was a little boy and a little girl, there was also a woman in the dream, I didn't really see her face it was covered by a hood. She dropped the baby boy into the river, and the girl was trapped into a closet which was surrounded by flames and the women freed her, but her body was full of blood and burns, that's when I woke up," she explained and my eyes widened.
I remember that, I remember the woman.
"And why do you think it was us?" Kurt asked
"Why am I having this dream!?" Rogue said frustrated.
"Maybe the professor can help you sort this out, but let's do it in the morning, it's pretty late " Jean offered and I panicked.
They can't sort this out, I don't want them to. Not now!
"No, Jean, this is important. Rogue, Kathryn, Kurt please come to the library with Jean, the rest of you try get some sleep," the Professor said through the speakers and my eyes widen.
Can this shit get even worse?
-Time Skip-
I was sitting in an armchair in the library, Rogue and Kurt on the sofa and Kurt next to me on the hand of the armchair.
Professor sat in front of Rogue ready to examine her dream.
"I have always known that my parents adopted me, but they never said anything about me being fished out of a river," Kurt commented
"Don't worry, Kurt, we will sort this out, Rogue since it was your dream, I would like to start with you. Juts relax and try to think of the dream," the Professor instructed
"Are you sure this isn't gonna hurt?" She asked unsure.
"I am sure, just concentrate," the Professor said and closed his eyes.
A few minutes passed as professor searched Rogues mind with his telepathy.
He opened his eyes slowly and looked blankly at Rogue.
"Well, did you find anything else?" Kurt asked, snapping the Professor and Rogue back to reality.
"Apparently, your dream isn't a dream, not even your imagination," the Professor said.
"But if I am in it, why is she having it, shouldn't it have been mine?" Kurt asked and I moved uncomfortably in my seat, hugging my knees.
"Yes, Professor, what's going on?" Rogue asked out of curiosity.
"Well, I am not sure, you must have absorbed the memories of someone who truly knew what happened to Kurt and Kathryn," the Professor said and I began to feel sick.
"You touched me! The day we met, remember? And you touched Kathryn too. Maybe you got these memories from us " Kurt said excitedly.
"You were just a baby in the dream, you couldn't possibly have memories from that far back," the Professor explained and I stood up, grabbing their attention.
"Well, you said I was older than a baby in the dream, and believe me when I say I wasn't burned also, so there is nothing to talk about," I said not giving them a chance to reply and walked out.
I couldn't let them know, not now.
I am sorry.
-Time Skip-
After what happened I couldn't go back to bed.
I want to the kitchen instead, looking for something to eat and I found it.
Something I shouldn't be interested in.
Meat, chicken to be exact.
I placed it in plate, grabbed a fork and sat down.
I stared at the plate for a while, I am sure this was stupid and that I shouldn't, but I really wanted to.
She used to say it was wrong, but she isn't here anymore.
She can't control me anymore.
I thought and took a bite of the sinful piece.
I swallowed it and immediately felt the consequences of my reckless action.
I threw the fork on that table and ran to the nearest bathroom.
I didn't even bother opening the door, I just phased and fell on my knees next to the toilet and threw up.
I felt my throat burn and my stomach was on fire.
Maybe she was gone, but she was still here.
Living through me.
I thought as tears streamed down my cheeks and I kept throwing up.
-Flashback-
"I didn't do it!" I said between sobs as she dragged me by my hair deeper into the forest, where nobody could see or hear us.
"Really? Because Jack told me you did!" She said angrily and threw me to the ground by my hair.
"You are a liar," she said walking behind me.
"No! I am not! He is the liar!" I yelled and she slapped me harshly.
I just stood there frozen.
"Shut the fuck up and listen to me!" She said and grabbed the sides of my head, forcing me to look at her.
"You are a liar and a spoiled brat, that I am forced to raise. I can't wait for you to turn 18, so can throw you on the streets, but till then you listen to me, you do as I say," she said and I sobbed.
"Am I clear?!" She yelled at my face and nodded in fear.
"Speak when you are spoken to!" She screamed into my face.
"Yes," I said barely able to form words.
The only thing that I could do was sob and wail.
She let go of my head harshly and began walking away.
I thought it was over and I began taking deep breaths.
But suddenly I felt her grabbing my head from behind keeping it steady and shoved two fingers into my throat.
I gasped in fear.
I gagged but she didn't let go she pushed them farther in.
I felt like I couldn't breathe anymore, the world was spinning around me.
She finally pulled them out once I threw up to the floor, choking on my own vomit.
I felt my throat burning, aching as I coughed.
I looked at her, my eyes bloodshot from my tears.
"That's for disobeying my rules, do not eat meat, of any kind, ever. You do that again, then I'll make you throw up again and also, there is no food for you," she said and I was boiling with anger, but at the same time wanted to break down and beg for mercy.
"For how long?" I asked, my voice raspy.
"Till you admit your lies," she said and I looked at her in shock.
She grabbed by my shirt and dragged me all the way back to her trailer and into my metallic closet.
-End of Flashback-
I sat against the wall, reliving the memory in my head, while crying my heart out.
She left me in there until I admitted to the action I never did.
Me being the stubborn person I am, it took me 22 days locked in that small and dark closet without food. She'd sometimes open the door to give me a bit of water, but that was it. She wouldn't even allow me to go outside for a bathroom break.
There were times I forgot how the sun felt like, or even the breeze.
It was the worst, but at least I didn't see her and him for a long while.
Why was she so cruelling to me?
I know I wasn't the best child, but did I deserve this ?
Was I an awful daughter?
I thought and hugged my knees tightly as another sob escaped my mouth.
A knock on the door made me flinch.
"Half-pint? You alright?" Logan said and I bit my lip not to let another sob escape.
"I am fine," I answered, my voice cracking.
He opened the door and met my eyes which were full of tears.
Then with the side of his eye he saw the toilet and I looked down in shame.
"You threw up?" Logan asked even though it was obvious that he already knew the answer.
He flushed the toilet and sat next to me on the ground against the wall.
We sat in silence for a while, as I sniffed and wiped tears away, he would look at me occasionally and then turn back to stare at the white marble wall in front of us.
"Why are you here?" I finally asked, breaking the silence.
"To make sure you are okay. Any idea why you threw up?" He asked and I shifted uncomfortably.
"Probably ate something wrong," I whispered and he hummed in response.
I felt guilty of lying to him, even though I know I could trust Logan.
"Chicken maybe," he said raising his eyebrow as I fully turned to him shocked.
He knew?
"I saw the plate on the kitchen table, never imagined it was yours until I saw you here," he explained and I sigh.
I had forgotten about the plate.
"Why did you eat it? Aren't you vegetarian, fighting for animal rights or something like that?" He asked and I scoffed.
Logan turned to me confused.
"I wish," I said trying to stop more years for streaming, Logan stood there still confused.
"I am not fighting for animal rights sadly, I have been hunting in the forest with my mother more times than I can count," I explained.
"Then why are you vegetarian?" He asked and I shook my head disappointed in myself.
"I guess because my mother forced me into it," I said looking at the floor.
"You just said she taught you to hunt?" Logan said and I laughed through my tears.
"I know it doesn't make any sense, she taught me how to hunt, track, skin the animals, cook them, but never let me eat them, she told me that I would become like my father if I did, who I never got to meet," I admitted and Logan seemed mad but I knew it wasn't with me.
"One day she forced me to throw up, because her boyfriend told her I ate a rabbit I caught the previous day, but I swear I didn't! I really didn't!" I yelled in frustration and tears streamed down my cheeks.
Logan was dumfounded from my sudden outburst. He immediately pulled me close to his chest and hugged me even though I flinched, he kept me close, comforting me.
Soon enough I placed my arms around him as sods left my mouth repeatedly.
He rubbed my shoulder and back whispering softly.
"It's okay, it's gonna be okay,"
"She didn't believe me," I said heartbroken knowing that my own mother never believed me.
"I believe you," he said and I felt sudden warmth inside, I looked into his dark eyes seeing my own reflection in them, my brown hair all over the place, my eyes bloodshot, my mouth had turned into a frown, but soon enough all my features relaxed being able to see myself though his eyes.
He believed me.
"Thank you," I said as a ghost of a smile appeared in my face.
He nodded smiling back at me, Logan smiling genuinely was a rare sight and the most heartwarming.
He let me bury my face into his chest, letting my tear drops wet his shirt.
If Logan only knew I wasn't talking about that one incident, but about him, about Jack and what he did to me.
The pain he caused me but nobody believed me.
Nobody until now.
"Thank you for believing Logan," I whispered again and he rubbed my hair making me look up at him.
"I will always believe you Half-pint," he said making my smile widen wiping every last tear.
Nothing was said after that.
We just sat there as he let me relax in his embrace.