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ஜ Chapter 20: Can´t lose you ஜ
-Shizuo´s point of view-
Softly the light of the candle was flickering, casting multiple shadows on the silver ceiling. Reflecting and retracting the light- it had something calming to it.
Eyes traveling over to Izaya he scanned the raven´s body. Due to the candle being there he could see him well enough. The coat hanging off his frame, and the dirt and blood clinging to his clothes hair and most importantly, his waist-
So much had happened in the past days... to both of them. And yet, they survived.
He saw Kasuka die, Tom, Ruri, Seiji, that crazy woman and countless other people and yet... they were alive.
Izaya and him, they survived- thinking about it now it almost seemed like a miracle.
... so far.
"... how is your wound?" It was still uncovered, bare to the air around them. Izaya really didn´t look too good.
He seemed paler than usual and the dried blood in his face didn´t make the picture any better.
A soft sigh was to be heard as Izaya glanced towards the blond.
It hurt. Pretty bad so if he had to put it onto words. He felt as though there was a fire burning away on his waist, destroying the skin with each movement. Somewhere in the back of his head there was this dreadful feeling of the wound maybe infecting itself.
In more than just one way. Be it the zombie virus somehow getting him or an infection that would give him blood poisoning-
He was scared. Scared of how much longer he was even able to survive. With all his skills and knowledge, he was pretty much doomed in a world like this, but that wasn´t even what scared him the most.
"I´m fine," he lied, his sight trailing to their source of light. There wasn´t much left of the candle´s wax, so it would diminish soon.
...
It was unfair, wasn´t it?
Shizuo couldn´t help but think that way.
He was the strong monster between the two. He should be the one doing the fighting, getting injured and attacked- and yet Izaya was the one that had to suffer.
And why? All because he never thought quite as far as Izaya did.
Silence covered the two for a few minutes and Izaya wondered if the blond had fallen asleep.
"Ne, what did that woman mean when she said having a wound is equal to being doomed?"
Seemed he hadn´t. "You... aren´t gonna die or something right?" Shizuo asked. His lips felt way to dry and weary for his taste.
Somehow Izaya knew Shizu-chan wasn´t going to leave the topic just like that.
"... it´s not because of the wound itself Shizu-chan, it´s because of the environment." And it was probably exactly this that was going to kill them one of these days... He paused, wondering for just a second if he should bring this up- and yet, it was an unavoidable topic. Especially now. "You saw it before, when we crashed with the car- I wasn´t even able to run away nor was I able to help you or anything," he mumbled, remembering fully well how his heart leaped out of his chest when the car suddenly got thrown over.
It was as if something had knocked him back to reality when he rose his head only to see Shizu-chan laying on the ground, looking as though he was already dead.
Like a brick it had hit him into the face- the possibility that Shizu-chan could actually die. He didn´t know what he had thought until that point. He knew Shizu-chan was a normal human apart from his ridiculous strength. And yet-
Somehow he hadn´t thought of him as one. Shizu-chan was like a constant. Like some sort of supernatural being like Celty. He had not once actually considered the possibility that Shizu-chan could actually die. Or rather- what it actually meant if Shizu-chan died.
It was odd considering it was him who got hurt the most and not the blond, and yet he found himself wondering how long it would be until he really had to face a dead Shizu-chan.
A Shizu-chan that died because of him. "Running around wounded in a dangerous environment like this- the probability of us both surviving slimmed drastically," he continued, trying to ease the thought out of his mind with more words.
"I won´t let anyone kill you though," Shizu-chan threw in, a frown decorating his expression.
... honestly, Izaya wished Shizu-chan would stop this kind of behavior. This way if anything really were to happen to him he would only start blaming himself. And even though Izaya couldn´t care less what the blond was worrying over, he wanted to avoid putting this kind of strain on the blond.
"You said that before and yet we had that car crash and you were out of it for a few minutes." The blond blinked, repeating the line in his head.
... that... that´s right.
Izaya was actually right-
What if something similar to this happened again? What if next time he wouldn´t wake up in time? What if Izaya didn´t find an ally next time?
The thought robbed him of the ability to breathe just like it had done when he was searching for Izaya after the crash.
"I´m not blaming you or anything, don´t get me wrong," Izaya continued, "There are just so many unpredictable things happening around us, it would be naive to say we can survive just because it´s you and me." Putting it into words like that... the words tasted bitter on his tongue.
"Ah, but don´t go blaming yourself either if I happen to take my last breath." The blond´s eyes widened at these words.
His last-
"Don´t say that."
"Shizu-chan we have to be realistic. Looking at it now and how far we came... I would say we would probably make another week or two at this rate."
... Izaya really wondered where his usual optimism went. But right now it seemed to him as though the world around them was just black and white.
Maybe he was tired, maybe he had just finally used up his last reserves, but somehow he couldn´t bring himself to see anything positive right now.
They were hiding beneath the swords of a Saika user, zombies that could tear them apart waiting for them and starting tomorrow morning they would be on their own again.
"What the hell, don´t label yourself with a fucking expiration date like that-" Izaya didn´t even need to look at the brute to know how deep the frown on his face had to be.
"I´m not, but surviving requires us both to give our best. And as you can see I´m honestly speaking only dragging you down like dead weigh. If it were just you alone you would probably survive longer than that." Honestly by now Izaya didn´t even know what he was saying anymore.
He was just rambling, talking for the sake of it, he wasn´t even really thinking what he said. And yet...
"You know I would never leave you behind, Izaya."
... he knew.
Or rather he feared. He didn´t even know what was nagging on him like this all of a sudden, and yet-
"Honestly if I just left or something you would be way better off." The words had slipped of the raven´s tongue before he could think them over once more.
The shadows in their silver tent moved hastily and before the raven could even open his mouth again to speak he found himself being trapped like an animal in a cage.
Hands to both his sides Shizu-chan was hovering over the raven locking their eyes with a glance so serious it reminded him of the times they fought, despite the missing angry glint.
"Izaya, you can´t leave-" the words were firm, but not desperate, just dead serious. The palms left and right had tightened to tense fists and the frown on Shizu-chan´s face deepened.
... Izaya wondered what had gotten into him. He almost made it sound as if he would be willing to sacrifice himself for the sake of Shizu-chan.
"I swear if you wander of like that I will search for you day and night."
Finally unfreezing from his rather surprised state he eased a smile on his face. It was no where a real one, and yet he just didn´t know what kind of expression he was supposed to show.
"Ah, I was just speaking hypothetically though." But Shizuo wasn´t going to be satisfied with just that.
"Promise me," he said, the raven blinked, the smile fading just a bit.
What was this feeling? This wasn´t being afraid of being left alone anymore.
"Promise me you will stay no matter what." He was afraid of losing Izaya. Not just anyone, not just of being left alone, but just Orihara Izaya.
He knew there were probably more people apart from them that still survived. He knew he wouldn´t end up being all alone like he had feared- and yet there hadn´t been a time he had been that distraught over the thought of losing the flea.
The thought that Izaya might just walk away or disappear on him just because he deemed their chances of surviving higher that way- it made his stomach churn in the most unpleasant way.
...
Izaya didn´t really know how to react.
... Shizu-chan seemed so serious.
Only softly his own hands tightened next to his body.
Izaya didn´t want to leave him. He didn´t even know why he said that kind of thing. Just logically speaking it would be suicide if he left Shizu-chan right now. No matter how he looked at it, for now he had to rely on the blond to survive or he could just wait to get eaten somewhere.
There was no way he would leave- and yet what he said didn´t sound ridiculous to his ears either.
He sighed. Seriously- what was he even thinking?
"I wouldn´t just leave like that, after all I want to survive too, ne?" he tilted his head, setting up his trademark smirk.
Maybe it was because of the time they spent together, maybe it had always been that way, Shizuo didn´t really care enough to differentiate the feeling, but one thing was for sure.
Izaya was someone he cared about. On a level similar to Shinra, and Celty- Shizuo knew he would do anything now to protect Izaya if necessary.
"I want you to promise me, Izaya." Maybe it was stupid to think that way, but Shizuo had the feeling Izaya was feeling the same way. He felt that right now, after all that happened, Izaya wouldn´t act like the selfish asshole he pretended to be and really leave just like that if he thought they were doomed by staying together. "Promise me you will stay with me no matter what happens."
Izaya blinked and the smile somehow slipped from his lips.
...
Shizu-chan was serious, wasn´t he...?
Those eyes accepted no excuse.
"If it makes you sleep at night, fine," he mumbled, tilting his head as he couldn´t stand looking at the blond any longer. "I promise."
Maybe it was stupid to feel that way, but somehow Shizuo wasn´t as relieved hearing these two words as he thought he would be. He felt as though he hadn´t yet gotten across what he wanted to say. But how else was he supposed to put it?
"... we are a team, okay?" he mumbled, causing the raven´s glance to travel back to him. "Even if you are injured, you aren´t dragging me down. Just think of it, how smart you are- how often you saved my ass until now." Honestly the raven had done more than he was giving himself credit for. Shizuo was pretty sure he would have ended up being bitten because of his reckless behavior on the first day they met if he hadn´t accompanied Izaya.
He had killed Kasuka and he hadn´t even been able to bear with the sole thought of that, running around like a zombie himself, trying to ignore everything around him.
If it hadn´t been for Izaya he might as well be just as dead as everyone else by now.
"You too though, not many would have actually still tried to save someone, let alone me, after being crushed by a zombie," Izaya noted, feeling as though that Shizu-chan was right.
Thinking about everything that happened so far- they would both have died along the way if it weren´t for the other.
"So no wandering off on me, okay?" Shizuo mumbled, the raven´s eyes softening just a bit. He was right after all.
"...okay." There was no point in leaving, neither for him nor for Shizu-chan.
They were fine the way they were. They managed to survive this long- and they knew how to deal with the fast zombies now.
This time Izaya felt as though Shizuo was the smart one.
The blond sighed, obviously relieved and satisfied with his answer as he let off him again, laying down on his side next to Izaya. They were both exhausted and tired.
Which was probably what caused Izaya's thoughts to escalate to what they did in the first place.
"We should sleep now, who knows what will be waiting for us tomorrow," Izaya mumbled, flinching just slightly as he rolled onto his side so he could face the blond next to him.
Shizuo was using his own arm as a cushion and nodded softly, still glancing in Izaya´s direction.
"Yeah you are right..." They had to rest. Both of them.
"Good night Shizu-chan," the raven mumbled, letting his eyes slip shut as he cradled his arms around his waist.
Glancing at the raven´s injuries the blond felt an urge to hit something. If possible he would want to hit himself. Izaya was with him, the whole time. And yet he ended up like this. He knew that it wasn´t his fault. He wasn´t blaming himself. What Izaya said was true.
But that didn´t change the fact that he hadn´t been able to protect the flea one bit.
"Izaya." The candle in the room was almost diminished, flickering as it went out. He heard a slight hum in the dark, indicating the raven was listening.
"Seriously. Don´t run away, okay?"
A soft sigh reached his ears.
"I won´t." Closing his own eyes now the blond sighed a bit relieved.
He would make sure from now on that no one managed to do anything to the flea. He would be careful, think twice about what he did and never leave his side until this whole mess was over.
-Izaya´s point of view. The next day.-
Shivering coldness greeted the raven first thing in the morning when he came to it again. Rubbing at his eyes he tried to get the sleepiness out of his system.
Honestly speaking he had thought getting a good night's sleep would help him getting better- but right now he just felt a hundred times worse than the day before...
It was almost as if the short break had shown him just how fatigued he really was. His entire body hurt, from his very bones to the actual wounds.
All in front the one the zombie gave him.
He hadn´t told Shizu-chan a single thing about how exactly he was feeling ever since the emergency operation but honestly speaking... it was almost killing him to walk around with it.
Pulling up his shirt just the slightest bit his brows knit into a deep frown. He quickly glanced over to the blond, who was still sleeping peacefully.
He didn´t want the blond to know this sort of thing.
Gritting his teeth he revealed the wound once more.
Not only was the shirt sticking to the wound in some places, the cold air hitting the skin was also far from comforting.
Blue and purple spots were coloring his chest all around the wound as he took a close look at it.
Letting his head tilt back he just closed his eyes for a second, relieved.
It hadn´t inflamed from what he could see. This was already pretty damn near a miracle in itself...
... made him think all the more that they could be dead by now.
Glancing up he faced the morning sky of Ikebukuro. He had noticed upon wakening already that the swords had withdrawn so they were now more like a fence, than a tent.
Well considering those creatures from last night couldn´t run around in the daylight it was almost logical that Kujiragi would lower her defenses.
...
... last night surely had been one hell of a night.
...
At least the blond seemed like he finally had some peace of mind. Turning his head towards the sleeping brute he wondered what he was dreaming about, having his brows furrowed even while he slept.
...
Seriously.
Why did he give that sort of promise? Not that he was the type to keep promises, but with Shizu-chan he felt sort of inclined to stick to them.
"Slept well?" Surprised the raven blinked, not having expected the voice as the swords lowered on one side of the tent, making way for Kujiragi to enter their half of the circle.
"Hm, you aren´t gonna leave without us knowing?" Izaya asked instead, ignoring the useless question, it was only meant as small talk anyway.
"That would defeat the purpose of even staying the night," Kujiragi shrugged, now lowering the swords to a degree where Izaya could actually see past them. There were none of the creatures at all. Not even the normal ones.
"The fast zombies are gone for sure?" he asked, just making sure one last time as he pushed himself up into a sitting position. Every bone in his body protested against the movement and screamed at him to just lay down some more, but Izaya knew he couldn't do that anyway.
"The majority. Now the slow ones are coming out again. It´s almost as if they were switching shifts," Kujiragi informed, her stare on the raven being just a bit too hard for Izaya´s taste. Made him feel as if she were looking through his masks. Then again she had quite some knowledge in medicine Izaya suspected.
She would have to know best what he was feeling like.
Glancing at their surroundings Izaya noticed that they were in the middle of a road. Cars were standing around everywhere, parked or crashed in house walls. He could spot some shops down the street and got up from the ground, his arms automatically wrapping around himself.
Today was January the 30th wasn´t it?
"… ne, Kasane-chan, could you do me a favor and stay ten more minutes?" the raven purred, setting up his usual smirk.
"You are heading out?" the woman asked, raising one brow, reminding Izaya too much of a certain secretary of his.
"There are some things I gotta get and I don´t want to wake him yet. He had a pretty rough time recently." Izaya informed, pointing at the sleeping blond on the ground. The woman seemed to be thinking, then glanced at Izaya, scanning him from head to toe.
"You think that´s a good idea, in your condition?"
Heh, he should have expected that sort of comment.
"Why, are you planning to stop me?" he asked, the smile still settled on his lips, but it had something almost sinister to it. She better not try to pull anything on him or restrict him in anyway. Izaya had never been someone to trust even a single person.
And even if the woman stayed throughout the night, he wasn´t going to forget what the cursed blade Saika could do with people´s minds.
A few seconds passed, feeling as though they lasted a century until the woman shifted her gaze away.
"No. You have ten minutes." Setting up his usual grin the raven passed the woman, as she let some of the swords disappear completely to make way for him.
"I can work with that," he chirped, and with that he disappeared down the street.
To be continued~
DUN DUN DUNNN where did Izzzy go~? C: xD Oh well xD now who else thought of a different reason why our lovely Shizzy doesn´t want Izzy to leave~? C: -whispers- chu is right~! xD I didn´t get to the most sweet part ever yet, but hey you can look forward to a scene, that´s probably the sweetest I have written so far in all my fics xD At least I consider it that way C: I will kill you with fluff x'DD
Guest 2: That´s what I love about Shizzy too, hehe C: He is actually trying to be supportive to the flea, and is in a sense, probably more than he thinks because I can very well imagine Izaya going mad all alone with no one around but zombies. I also think he realizes this himself tbh. xDD the brother bond was actually a spur of the moment thing xD i was done with the past and then I was like, ... okay what can Shizuo say now to comfort him? xDD and suddenly I remembered he is the older one to xD xD give up, from now on you are a wizard in my eyes xD what aliens? Gosh i didn´t watch it anymore after the 10 000 th filler acr but I guess i didn´t miss anything worth watching xDDDDD
Jc: thank you dear 3 Your luck helped me xD
RandomReader: dawww no worries C: starting next chapter quite the fluffy unexpected shit will be taking place for a few chapters xD
Anyway, as you can see, I HAVE RETURNED *0*00*0* Almost- in time xD I guess it is kinda midnight but oh well, do a few hours matter? xDDDD
Study month is over and from now on I can update weekly again in peace C':
I know I actually promised Ast, twtd and SD for today, buuuut somehow sotd just came flying to me xD I just love this story too much right now I swear xD
So today I´m updating Twtd, sotd and Ne,
And next week on Monday, Bcd, ast and SD will be updated, AND THE GLORIOUS "Shingeki no Shizuo" will start *0*0*0* A new story, since my other story, "No escape" ended now C':
Ah And before I forget- I´m lurking around in tumblr since a few days xDDD My favorite authors got me into it actually and I figured why not create an account xD I´m gonna post my pictures there and post random spoilers trololololo xDDD but also updates on how far I´m actually with my chapters xDDDD
If anyone wants to drop by, just search for ShirohimesShizayastories xD
Well then, bye bye~! See you my lovely cookies~! C: 3
PS.: READ "A matter of life and death" by the Snipster, on taptastic! *0*0*0*
THIS is the BEST yaoi comic I ever came across! AND she updates regularly! Usually two pages a week, sometimes even 3!
AND THE ART IS GORGEOUS
THE PLOT IS GORGEOUS
I LOVE IT
xDDDD
Go my dear readers, GO AND SPREAD YOUR LOVE! xD
Long author´s note is long, lmao, I´m sorry xDDDD