law: quam tristis - "how sad"

They pitched through the waves for what seemed forever. Cora-san spread his coat on the floor for them to sleep on. Law didn't think he'd actually slept himself.

At dawn, Baby and Buffalo doodled pictures in the damp, salt-crusted rims of the boat, spotting glittery fish scales in the surf or what they swore was the gaping maw of a sea king. They sang rhymes and odd ditties Jora had taught them, or the riddles Senor Pink liked to occasionally frustrate them with. ("Deep as the ocean, plain as a cup, and all the king's men couldn't pull me up...")

Law listened to them sporadically, their voices drifting in and out of the white noises of the day. He stared more at Cora-san's head. The man was seated at the stern, a towering bulk of feathers and gold that moved only to adjust the sails. He'd chain-smoked through an entire carton already. Hadn't yet spoken a word.

"What keeps coming but never arrives?" Baby was asking, a giddy flash of teeth as Buffalo scratched his head, "What isn't to be judged by its size?"

Law slid off the bench. He kept his sea legs with some effort, looking towards the towering pillar before him.

"Where are we really going?"

Silence. Law climbed onto the bench beside Cora-san, peered up into his face. It was bloodless in pallor, but maybe that was only from the stark hue of the face-paint. The baking-hot tint of the sun.

"Is it a mission?"

Cora-san clamped a cigarette between his teeth, loosening the sail to catch a tangy breeze. The boat turned due west as the pulleys jimmied. Baby cried out at the sudden shift, windmilling to keep from falling overboard. A spooked fish jumped out inches from her face and she shrieked. Buffalo near convulsed with laughter. He called to Law, asked if he'd seen that. Law ignored him.

"Why'd we leave in the middle of the night?"

A bloom of smoke spilled from Cora-san's lips. He re-cinched the knots and resumed staring at nothing in particular. Law's face fell slightly in confusion. He kicked his feet for a minute, staring at the boat floor, brow scrunched carefully in thought.

"...I don't feel good."

"How so?" As soon as Cora-san turned, Law jumped on his wrist, small fingers in the sleeve.

"You weren't listening," he declared. Didn't even feel too sorry at the look of disapproval he was given.

"Don't mess around," Cora-san said, and checked Law's forehead anyway. Law squinted, rubbing his bangs out of his face as they popped loose from his hat. He returned to his hold quickly, using every ounce of energy to keep his grip.

"Where are we going?"

Cora-san didn't shake him off. Only sighed and switched his cigarette to his free hand. There was no answer for a long time.

"To find you a cure, Law."

He blinked, staring up with a puzzled frown. The look wasn't returned. No further explanation was given. Law glanced over his shoulder, where the beach of Spider Miles had long since vanished, leaving only a ray-shimmering horizon behind. He chewed his lip.

"Then...why'd we leave?"

Cora-san's mouth pressed close. It was a red, needle-thin line.

"Nothing left that way," he said softly.

Nothing left? Law thought. But the ship's that way. The Family, actual beds, food. Your brother. What do you mean nothing left that way?

But he nodded, as if he'd understood. He couldn't remain a silly little boy when he was in line to be the Family's right-hand man. He had to be an adult and this was what they did, right? Pretended to know things they had no actual clue about.

Cora-san turned from the sun.

xxx

Mid-noon, a grand swathe of paradise birds glided overhead. Baby Five and Buffalo laughed, enchanted by the colors, the golden spread of feathers and chirping. They were beautiful and they sang and Law recalled out of nowhere how Lammy had loved them at the zoos. How distraught she'd been when she learned of their clipped wings. That was why they were silent, she'd murmured, holding his hand. Because they were surrounded by limitless sky, churning and blue, but would never know more than a wrought-iron cage.

Law didn't think of his sister as often as before. It's probably why it hurt more than ever.

He drew up his legs, curled on the splash-soaked deck, as if it could help him weather the ache. But his vision prickled. His heart creaked. He wondered again if she'd suffered terribly and heat blurred the corners of his eyes.

An ankle blinked him out of the past, bumping softly against his spine.

"You like birds, kiddo?" Cora-san asked.

Law's head sunk low. He shrugged.

"They're better out here."

"What do you mean?"

"In the world," he said, "...They sing. 'Cause they're free, I guess."

Cora-san rested a hand on his head-a familiar weight by then. Oddly cool and quieting. Light as a ripple. He smelled like smoke and the sea, it occurred to Law. Not like the sweet, cloying scent of his brother, who burned with a molten-star's rage.

"Hm, that was deep."

He bucked the hand off, whipping around, hollowed cheeks stained red. "Oh, whatever! You're the one who asked!"

Cora-san chuckled, holding off the onslaught of little fists.

"I know, Law," he said, "Relax."

And then he reached down and thumbed the tears from Law's eyes. Didn't even blink when Law flinched and glanced up at him in bafflement. Just smiled and said, "You're okay."

xxx

"Keep going." I'd remember later. Months later. Years later. Then and now. Forever.

"...you've gotta keep going, Law. Don't look back. Not for anybody. You're free now, kid. Free..."

xxx

The vulture swooped out from behind a rockface. Materialized essentially from nowhere. It stalked the perimeter, midnight shade and pale wrinkled neck, unnerving in its colossal size. Baby Five gasped, but it was Buffalo who screamed.

"It's gonna eat 'em!" he yelled, with the confused voice of one split between horror and excitement. Baby hugged her skinny legs, hands crossed over her mouth. She hid her chin in the valley of her knees.

Two birds were sheared from the rest of the flock. Buffalo shouted again, practically jumped up and down and made the entire boat lean. Law watched them collide into each other in their panic and plunge towards the waves, both stunned. They spiraled in the reflection of his eyes, like pieces of crumpled gold ribbon. Air caught on the hooks of his throat. The vulture crowed and dived for them. Its gnarled talons were extended, the dusty cape spread.

A shot fired into the clouds.

All three of them jumped a mile. Almost harder than the vulture which curtailed at the noise, halting its descent. In one giant flapping arc, it fled the opposite way without pause.

Cora-san lowered his arm, the pistol loose in his hand.

The rest of the flock streamed towards their boat, the flap of their wings thudding overhead as they escaped. Buffalo was distracted immediately, clapping his hands like an infant. Cora-san reclasped the flintlock to his belt. It was the first time Law had ever seen him use it.

"Look!" Baby said and pointed towards the sloshing crests, where the two slender birds had disappeared. One burst from the water, soaked wings beating furiously and screeched. Law didn't think it could lift itself any higher, but then it climbed into the sky with a desperate, stubborn fury and raced after the flock.

"Where's the other one?" Buffalo said and they all squinted at the water, trying to make out a sign. When it still didn't surface another ten seconds later, Baby's face crumpled. She wrung her hands and asked if they should dive after it, at least try to save it somehow. It was more to herself than anyone else. She knew it was dead. They weren't the type of children who didn't know that.

"Cora-san?" she said and there was a sigh.

"You can't save what's gone," he said. Sad, but simple.

And his gaze was on the sky, instead of the sea.

xxx

The world trembled at twilight. Law was turning down Baby's offer to share a can of peaches, picking at his own provisions with meager appetite. Cora-san steered the boat. There was a crescent of land in the horizon, folding along the red sunset. The air was thicker than the open ocean and smelled vaguely of marshes.

The vulture was not the last giant animal they came across, as they traveled into the more obscure regions of the New World. Pods of island whales breached and played in the blue. The barnacle-laden snout of a bananawani drifted by, miming an absurdly long log. Shadows of sea kings hunted in the depths.

Law was mystified and beyond awed. He'd only seen such creatures in the single tome Doflamingo had had on marine life. That one book with enough pictures for Baby Five and Buffalo to fight him tooth and nail over every other night. Doflamingo must've read it to them at least three-dozen times just for some peace. It'd probably been the last thing he'd read to them too. He hadn't been in the mood for almost a year now, ever since they'd raided that Mariejois ship on the broad side of winter. Law didn't understand why.

And in his secret heart, he could admit he missed it.

It was around that quiet thought that the elephant appeared. Marching through the fog like an unearthly tank, with steps so heavy they resembled quakes and a trunk the length of a castle keep. Trilling white gulls nested in the flaps of its rough, gray skin, reclining on mossy tusks as they ploughed through the cloud columns.

Baby dropped the peach can. Syrupy juice splashed onto Buffalo's pants and the front of Law's shoes. Neither of them noticed.

"...Cora-san," Buffalo whispered, "What's that?"

There was no reply for so long that Law peeked over his shoulder just to make sure Cora-san hadn't tumbled overboard. But he was there. As pop-eyed as the rest of them, cigarette gone from his lips.

"It's Zunesha," he muttered.

"What?"

It trumpeted-a deep, barking roar that Law felt vibrate through every cell of his body. The entire ocean seemed to ripple and he fumbled for the edge of the boat, almost terrified they were going to cap-size. Buffalo yelped and Baby Five made no sound at all. She simply ran to Cora-san and took up position around his calf, pressing her face against the pantleg.

"H-Haha, you're such a girl, Baby," Buffalo said, though he was edging their way too and Law scrabbled towards the prow to at least try and keep the vessel balanced.

Closer now, he thought he could see glowing holes for eyes sunken into its fog-obscured face. The thing bellowed again. It was a sound that seemed to try and shake apart heaven. Like a message was in there. A warning.

xxx

(On the North Blue, Doflamingo sat up violently. His muscles were tight and his chest already heaving before his eye flicked open. The soft towel fell from his face without his notice.

Not when it landed in his lap. Not when it dropped on the floor as he slid off the bed, staggering for a moment and disoriented. It took him several seconds to realize he was in one of the ship's bunkrooms. Or that he'd managed to lose a whole day since the sky outside was streaked in pink. His memory was a whirlpool of stray fragments. The moon. Vergo. Baby humming with the rain. Window glass. A rose. The moon again.

Useless. Doflamingo's brow creased very slightly. Missing banks of time never boded well.

He swept from the room, passing the table top without a thought. Left the rose where it'd been gently laid. Limp and browned.)

xxx

When Cora-san started laughing, Law honestly thought he'd lost his mind.

"God, I can't believe it. It's Zunesha."

"What's a Zunesha?" Baby Five whimpered.

"That's his name, Baby," Cora-san said, a hand in his hair to brush it out of his eyes. He had that dumb grin spreading across his face and Law felt his chest loosen. He hadn't seen Cora-san really smile in a long time.

"Is it gonna kill us?" Buffalo hissed.

Cora-san shook his head. He was leaning back, more relaxed now and bringing out his smokes for the fiftieth time. "Only if we ask for it."

"Does he live in the ocean?" Baby Five said, still clinging to his leg. Her eyes were glued to the lumbering beast on the horizon. "Where's his home?"

"Doesn't have one. He's a wanderer. Legend goes he committed a terrible crime in his past and was condemned to walk the New World for eternity."

"Eternity?" they murmured, together without intention, as if they had the vaguest conception of the word.

Cora-san looked a little amused. "Eternity. And he's already been walking a long time. Even before the Void Century. His steps carved out the seabeds, made a place for every living thing that swims or crawls in the waves. His way of atoning I'm sure."

Their eyes widened and they watched Zunesha for a moment in silence. The creature was wading further out toward the Grand Line, where the sky had already bled into a lake of violet. His legs sliced methodically through the sea, summoning tidal waves that rocked their boat even with the miles in between. Baby Five and Buffalo were awed for all of twenty seconds before Zunesha trumpeted again, a sound this time like boulders splitting open. Then Baby was scurrying into Cora-san's lap, while Buffalo tried to subtly become one with his feathered coat.

Law remained. He crawled to the very edge of the prow for a better look, possessed with inexplicable curiosity.

"You're gonna fall in, Law," Baby called, nervous, as Buffalo grunted that it would serve him right for being stupid. Law paid them no mind.

There was a strange tingling in his blood, flowing through his heart like a current. He was suddenly wondering after all the other stories he'd heard from the Family-Lao G and Senor Pink's drunken fables about mermaids, Jora's paintings of giants and faeries, the intricate tales of the seas Doflamingo had a thousand of when he humored them. Now they raced through his mind.

"You know," Cora-san's voice drifted out, "There's also a story that Zunesha carries an entire civilization on his back."

Law looked back. Cora-san was flicking his lighter.

"...really?"

The lighter sparked. Cora-san sucked in a lungful of smoke while Buffalo frantically put out the flaming coat he was sheltering in.

"'s called the Kingdom of Zou. Home of the Mink tribe. Almost no one's gotten close enough to Zunesha to really document the place..."

Law blinked, turning around again to squint at the silhouette. The receding light and distance made it impossible to make out clearly, but he thought there was something on Zunesha's back-a bump or shape of some kind half-obscured by the fog. He wasn't sure if it was just his mind construing them into the roofs of buildings. If maybe he was even wishing for it.

Law was realizing for the first time just how much of the world he'd never seen. That a world could even exist beyond Flevance and the Family and be one he had yet to hate.

"...but it does exist," Cora-san said, "It is out there. Always has been. Waiting, you know? Strange as it seems."

xxx

(The giant porthole in the hall was smashed into pieces, glass across the floor glowing like star fragments under a sinking sun. Doflamingo cocked his head. He remembered now stepping from the window of his room, hurtling down the Sky Path over the sea. His vision going wobbly and blood-dark, while his brain skewered itself repeatedly on a nail. The MarinesTheMarinesTheMarines...

And Rosi.

Doflamingo's expression tightened. Wind howled through the gaping space, lifting his coat and hair. Doflamingo stalked through the shards, his steps crunching them into the floorboards with their weight. The door was shut and silent when he reached it, a mere norm at this point. The damn thing had all but replaced his brother's face.

Doflamingo's hands curled and uncurled. He could not determine why the marines had attempted an evacuation on the island. Why it seemed his arrival had been expected. Why all marine activity in general had so doggedly pursued him over the past few years with such newfound ability.

Rosi would certainly have food for thought on the matter. His brother was always capable of laying things out in a sensible manner. He would have a good and proper reason for Doflamingo. A fine and acceptable reason. So eloquent, his Rosi was, with explanations. Yes, it was crucial to obtain such input at once.

And yet for another beat, Doflamingo did nothing but linger in front of the door uncomfortably. Strange reluctance stalled his tongue. His brother was still angry with him after all, even if he was starting to lose grasp of why. The more time passed, the more justified he felt over the whole thing. What had he truly done anyway, aside from finish what had been started?

I did it for us. Some small inch of him also wanted to say. For you. Why was that wrong? Come out, look at me, say something, Rosi, it hurts...

"Doffy?"

A hand landed on his shoulder. Doflamingo whipped around like a startled beast. Nearly tore a chunk out of Vergo's face if the man had reacted a mite slower. As it happened, he stumbled back a step before immediately crowding forward again to hold Doflamingo by the forearms.

"There you are. We were searching all over the island."

His face was pinched at the corners with concern. Doflamingo frowned and shoved him away. Why did Vergo think he could touch him already after speaking so distastefully?

A wounded look flashed at him for the briefest of seconds. Vergo did not address it though. Just retracted his hands and took a compliant step backwards. "Something's happened."

Doflamingo's brow lifted. He listened to Vergo's report about the missing dinghy, Baby and Buffalo, Law...

"They ran away?" he muttered, quietly, to nothing. A mild breeze had piled broken glass along the bottom of Rosi's door. It was a larger door than it had been a second ago. Looming, stretching like a jaw. The blue disc of Doflamingo's right eye slid across it. His left eye hung still. An odd hum stirred in his skull.

Vergo opened his mouth. "Doffy, he—"

CRACK

The door snapped in half and smashed off the jamb, splintering again when it struck the room wall. Wood shards sprayed like an open artery, spattering against the already blanketed ground. Vergo went quiet. Doflamingo lowered his foot. He strode in.

The room was empty. The bunk untouched. The desk clean of strewn lighters and stuffed ashtrays. The window was shut, sealing the space into a vacuum which left the air stale and acrid. On the sill was a small square of paper.

Vergo walked over and unfolded it carefully. After a moment, he turned to Doflamingo, holding it out for him when he simply stared and made no move to take it.

Doflamingo could not comprehend what he was reading. His mind had turned, interlocking gears cycling, and he had jammed a crowbar in right away...

A full minute passed before he lifted his hand, crumpling the note beneath his shivering thumb.

"Go get them," he heard himself whisper, "We're leaving."

Vergo nodded without another word. In a click of his heels, he was down the hall, heading for the staircase leading above deck.

Doflamingo did not hear his footsteps fade. The world had vanished into a different plane for him, left it mute and airless as he stared at the note. Just two words, written in the familiar slant of Rosi's handwriting.

I'm sorry.

The crowbar twisted, humming softly.)

xxx

(Numberless leagues away, Rosinante's head shot up, the cigarette slipping from his hand into the water. A chill had riveted down his skin, so jagged and sudden that he jerked and made Buffalo and Baby blink at him.

"Cora-san?"

"We need to go," he said and was already groping for the sheet, untying the knots with his heart in his throat. Doffy had realized they were gone. Rosinante couldn't explain how, but he knew it then better than his own name. He fumbled for the sail lines, trying to force his clumsy fingers to cooperate.

Baby and Buffalo sagged with relief. A glimmer of disappointment drifted by Law's eyes.

The boy didn't protest however, only taking one final bemused glance at Zunesha, who was fanning his tattered ears. Rosinante quickly rotated the sails into the formed gales. He didn't particularly care where they were propelled then, so long as the miles kept adding. He'd get these kids out of here. Didn't matter if it was the last thing he ever did. Doffy couldn't have his way.

Should've lied in that note then, his own voice murmured at him and Rosinante stiffened.

He paused for only a moment, before turning back to work. The children watched Zunesha raise his trunk, spraying water over his back like a hose. The beast shrunk steadily into a speck on the horizon.

Shouldn't have said you were sorry.

But...he was sorry. Endlessly so.

It was only how much that he had yet to realize.)

xxx

We would travel to West Blue first and make our way up the island chains until hitting North Blue again. Cora-san didn't even bring a map. He navigated blind, based solely on a cluster of stars. Most of the time, I had no idea where we were. Looking back now, I'm not sure he did either. Maybe that was the point.

Cora-san had meant what he'd said to Baby at the beginning. The destination didn't matter so much as the distance. And because he still thought his brother as big as the world, there wasn't a place existing that was far enough away.

He really believed we were running from a monster.

It must've hurt like hell.

xxx

(They visited hospitals in the West Blue. Rosinante didn't know what he'd been expecting, his only recollection of such places being a doctor ruffling his hair and a nurse with his mother's eyes lifting him onto a cushioned table. Sengoku had been a couple feet away, holding his hand, always staying in his line of sight.

Maybe the world had changed.

The doctors and nurses took a single glance at Law. Sometimes they screeched, arms covering their mouth and nose as if the boy had polluted even the air. Sometimes, they sneered and waved their hands, asked loudly how anyone from such a godforsaken place could've survived. They told Law to never return. Told him he was going to die. Wouldn't believe Rosinante when he explained the disease wasn't contagious, wouldn't even examine Law, let alone treat him.

The prospect of a cure made them laugh. Rosinante would never forget that.

And Law took it. He stared at his feet and bore the cruelty without a sound. Sometimes, when Rosinante's temper began to fray he tugged on the hem of his shirt and asked if they could go. He didn't cry. He didn't say a word. It was so wrong. It fucking broke his heart.

"Don't give up," Rosinante said, kneeling in front of the child, hands on those tiny shoulders. "No matter what we're not giving up, okay? The next one will be better. The next one for sure, I know it. You believe me?"

Law nodded. And there were questions burning in his eyes, shining almost like tears. They were never voiced though, and Rosinante was too much a coward to address any of them either.

Why are we doing this?

Why now?

Where are we running?)

xxx

Baby and Buffalo stopped wanting to come in after the first few trips. The boredom and stench of antiseptic kept them sitting at a wall or gatepost outside. They weren't having fun anymore, growing increasingly nervous at the constant stops. Most of the kingdoms they visited were either flooded with Marines or contained a naval base. Buffalo began speculating on what the Family was eating during mealtimes, if Jora's meat pie was on the table or Lao G's fried dumplings. Baby Five was scared of every shadow or turned head. She mistook almost anything for the Marine insignia and clung to Cora-san's leg with renewed fervor.

"When do you think we'll go home?" she whispered one night, sharing a bunk with Law, as Buffalo lay in the bed across. Cora-san hardly ever slept these days and was gone from the inn rooms more times than not. When he wasn't dragging Law to every hospital and healer within radius, he was asking constantly about someone named "Barrels," scanning newspapers well into the morning. Law wondered if Cora-san was on a mission after all.

"Whenever Law stops being sick," Buffalo muttered, "So never." The resentment struck out of his tone like hot flint. Baby Five shushed him. She turned to check if Law had heard. Law stared at the wall and pretended to sleep.

xxx

(There was a boy in his dreams. Golden hair and black shades. Pale and savage-eyed and grinning. Cross-legged in an ashen valley on an alter carved for sacrifice.

"Rosi," he called, and patted the spot beside him. His feet hung still. He was wet all over, red everywhere, even in his teeth and dripping through the cracks into his mouth. Rosinante stared at a spot three inches to the left of his temple. His breath creaked and misted in the air.

"Sit down, little brother."

He sat.

The head was leaning against Doffy's side, settled there like an idle toy. Instead of speaking, his brother only hummed, playful Mariejois rhymes about setting slaves aflame.

"I saw Zunesha," Rosinante found himself saying just to make him stop, "Out on the New World sea."

His brother paused.

"That's good," he said, in that blank, indulgent croon he used when Rosinante told him something he either couldn't recall or didn't care about.

"You use to tell me the stories about him," Rosinante said, "All the time. Every night, don't you remember? Said we'd go see him for ourselves one day."

Doffy craned his head towards the inky sky, blood rolling down his matted hair and along the delicate youthful curves of his face. There was a grainy spot of light above them in the abysmal plains, like a channel of sun just visible from an ancient cradle of seabed. "We were freezing to death. I told you whatever I could think of. It was just distraction. I couldn't warm you in the way you wanted. Said I was colder than all the nights combined."

"I didn't mean that," Rosinante whispered, "You know I didn't mean that."

Doffy snickered, still smiling at the light like he found it amusing. The subject was changed.

"Oh, I'm gonna be so mad. You shouldn't have left that note. Veeery stupid of you."

"I know it was stupid."

"Suicidal too."

Doffy's smile was gone. Rosinante's shoulders slumped, too heavy to stay upright. "I couldn't leave without a word," he said, after a moment. "Didn't know how."

"Funny, I seem to remember you managed just fine the first time."

He sighed.

"I'm sorry."

"So you say." Doffy turned and something swam in the reflection of his lens. Teeth. Strands of spider silk. "But are you? Maybe you just wanted to be free of me, Rosi. Maybe you couldn't stand anymore the truth of what I am and wanted to be shut of it all. You went to have your lovely, innocent little childhood with the Marines and left me here alone. Seems a tad unfair, doesn't it?"

"Unfair?" Rosinante stared into the dark. "You're all I'm going to get and you're a monster. They made you my whole life. I don't even know if I ever had one of my own. How was that fair either?"

Doffy just shrugged. Peered at him inquisitively.

"...What do you suppose I'll do to you?"

There was a shuffling noise beyond the hazy rim of light, somewhere in the shadows. A rat creeping. Mud oozing. Rosinante didn't answer.

"Why did you leave? I was coming back for you. We were suppose to be together."

"I couldn't take it."

"Take what?" He held out the head on a strip of yellow hair. "This? My god, little brother, you're so emotional. It's just meat."

"How could you do it?"

"I am what I am."

"You killed our father. All those poor people. You made me shoot a defenseless man right in front of his child."

"Yeah, but wasn't it funny?" Doffy swung his legs, sat the head back down beside him with a 'squelch.' "They got what they deserved. You'll see. When I find you."

"If you find me."

"When I find you, Rosi." His brother smiled. "When.")