Disclaimer: You know the drill, huns.

---

When can this end?
I can only heal when it's over,
and it's only over when I heal.
When can I start healing?
When will I stop falling?

A few days later, Nick found Madison in the backroom sitting on the chair at the table, hunched over with her head in her folded arms as she slept. He walked over to her and stood at her side, smiling gently at the side of her face turned to the side. She looked so peaceful with her slightly parted lips and lashes resting against her cheek. He crouched down next to her and put a hand on her back. Madison sat up, startled into wakefulness. She looked to see what had woken her and smiled to see Nick beside her.

"Hey," he said. Madison rubbed her sleepy eyes. "Sorry, didn't mean to wake you,"

"No, its okay," she said, yawning. "I guess we're even. I woke you up the other night, now you wake me up," she said, laughing. She smoothed her hair down and stood up, Nick doing the same. "I didn't get much sleep last night," she said.

"More nightmares?" He asked. Madison shook her head.

"No, I'm going to that group tonight. I guess I was just a little anxious last night and couldn't get to sleep," she said.

"Oh, right, the group," Nick said, nodding. Madison had told him about the flyer her doctor had given her.

"Yeah, Vida's driving me over to the community center, that's where it's held," she said. She looked off to the side. "I don't know. I'm having second thoughts about the whole thing," she said. Nick went over and put a hand on her shoulder. "I know I told Dr. Skype I'd give it a try, but I don't know. Telling a roomful of strangers about this just seems a little overwhelming,"

"Hey, you can do it," Nick encouraged. He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. "Vida's going to stick around the center, right?" He asked. Madison nodded. "If it gets to be too hard, just leave. I'm sure those people will understand. Just give it a try," he said. Madison sighed and nodded.

"Fine," she said.

"It'll be good for you, I promise," Nick said.

"You sound like my psychologist," Madison grumbled. Nick laughed and planted a kiss on her cheek.

"Come on, let's get back to work," he said.

---

Later that night, Madison and Vida walked into a large room in the basement of the community center. Madison paused as she saw the room. There were chairs set up in the center of the room forming a circle and a table against a wall filled with refreshments. There were women varying in age all over the room, talking together and laughing.

"I……..I changed my mind," Madison said, going to leave the room. Vida put her hands on her sister's shoulders and made her stop.

"Five minutes, Maddie, just give it five minutes," Vida pleaded. Madison sighed.

"I can't," Madison said.

"Hi there," came a voice. The girls turned to see a tall woman with short blonde hair standing by them. She looked like she was in her late 20s or early 30s.

"Uh……hi," Madison said nervously. The woman gave Madison a warm smile before sticking her hand out to her.

"I'm Lilly, the group leader, and you are?" She asked. Madison shook her hand.

"Uhm…..I……I'm actually not…….staying I….." Madison began.

"She's Madison," Vida said, interrupting her. "And I'm her sister, Vida," she said.

"Well, welcome, both of you. Would you like some refreshments? We've got some soda and one of the girls brought some homemade cookies. We'll be starting in a few minutes,"

"We were actually just about to leave," Madison said. Lilly looked at her.

"Madison, look, I understand how overwhelming this all must be. Roomful of strangers and everything. We've all been there. If you're not comfortable saying anything tonight, that's totally all right," she said. "Your sister can stay if that'd make you feel more at ease,"

"I just don't………um……….don't know what to say," Madison admitted. Lilly smiled and took the younger girl's hand, pulling her further into the room.

"Like I said, you don't need to say anything," she said. "Come on, have a seat, have something to drink," she patted Madison's hand before going to a group of women and talking to them. Vida went up to her sister.

"Do you need me to stay?" Vida asked. Madison looked at her.

"Uh……no, it's okay," she said.

"Okay. I'm just going to be at the video store a few blocks away, come find me if you want to leave, okay?"

"Okay," Madison said, nodding. Vida hugged her sister before leaving. Madison slowly went to the refreshment table, grabbing a styrophom cup and pouring herself some soda.

"Here, have a cookie, I baked them myself," said a girl who looked about Madison's age with long red hair done in a braid as she handed her a large chocolate chip cookie.

"Oh…….thanks….." Madison said, taking the cookie from her. The girl looked at her expectantly. "Oh," Madison said. She took a bite. "Mmm, it's good," she said. The girl smiled.

"I'm Susan," she said.

"Madison," Maddie replied.

"Don't you go to East Briarwood High?" She asked.

"No, West," Madison said.

"I thought you looked familiar…..Thought you were in my calc class……..Oh, wait, did you go to the basketball game our schools played against each other?" She asked.

"Yeah, one of my friends is on the team," she said.

"Yeah, yeah, I remember seeing you there," she said.

"Oh yeah, you do look kind of familiar," Madison said, lying slightly when in reality she had no recollection of the girl. She finished her cookie and took a sip of her soda.

"Oh, have another," Susan said. Madison smiled and took another cookie. She saw the others making their way to the chairs. "Looks like we're starting," she said. "Come on," she said. She went to join the others and Madison followed. Once they were all seated, Lilly looked at the group and smiled at everyone, adding extra warmth when her eyes fell on Madison.

"Well, ladies, let's get started," she said, addressing the group. "Is there anything anyone would like to talk about?" She asked. One of the older women sitting next to Lilly raised her hand gently. "Gretchen, yes?"

"Well, I……..I finally told my son the truth about the divorce," she said. "He…..He was upset at first……He was mad at me for not telling him sooner….then he got angry at his father…….He said he didn't want to see Michael anymore."

"I'm glad you finally told him," Lilly said, putting a hand on Gretchen's leg. "He needed to know," Gretchen nodded.

"I know, I just feel like I'm turning him against his father," Gretchen said.

"Gretchen, Michael brought that on himself after all the things he did to you," Susan said. Gretchen smiled at the young girl. "Maybe in time Mikey will forgive his dad like you have, but until then, you've just got to let him feel what he feels," she said.

"I know you're right," Gretchen said. "But, Michael and I had an agreement. I was going to have sole custody of Mikey but they could see each other on the weekends and we'd file for joint custody after he completed his anger management courses……Now, if Mikey just refuses to see him…….I don't know….It might undo Michael's progress….And I can't do that to him."

"Gretchen, he needs to accept the consequences of his actions. Those consequences don't just end at you filing for divorce," another woman said.

"I know," Gretchen said nodded. "After all is said and done, I do still care about Michael. I mean……not that I still love him or anything, but I certainly do not hate him. I'd hate to destroy his relationship with our son,"

"Your son's probably just confused right now," Madison said, speaking up, everyone looked at her. "I mean, all of his life he's probably seen his father as this perfect man. Maybe even something he wanted to strive to be someday. And now, that image is shattered and he's having a hard time dealing with all this new information," she paused as she saw everyone looking at her. "I'm sorry……I'm new here…..It's not my place to say anything about your situation or anything," Madison said, looking down.

"No, no, that's fine," Gretchen said. "You're right, thank you." Madison nodded and gave her a meek smile.

"Thank you, Madison, that was very insightful," Lilly said, giving the girl a warm smile. Susan smiled and put a hand on Madison's leg. Madison blushed at the praise and nodded. The meeting went on, with girls talking about any new successes they had reached or any setbacks that had come up in their lives. Some even re-told their stories of abuse for the sake of the newest member of their circle. Madison felt herself becoming more and more comfortable within the group, laughing with everyone and everything. "Well, girls, we're almost reaching the end for the night, is there anything anyone else would like to talk about?" Lilly asked. Madison cleared her throat. "Yes, Madison?" She asked.

"I……uh…….I just recently got out of an abusive relationship…….I mean, uh…….of course I have…..why else would I be here, right?" She said before wincing. "I'm sorry; I shouldn't have said that,"

"It's all right, dear," Gretchen said, fixing Madison with a warm gaze.

"I…" Madison began, clearing her throat nervously. She cleared her throat again and closed her eyes. "We got together earlier this year………And……uh…….things were really great for a while, but……then he just started getting angry a lot………..and when he got angry……he would…." Madison took a deep breath as a few tears slipped out. She felt Susan and the girl sitting on the other side of her put their hands on her shoulders. "My friends and my sister would ask me about my…..uh….bruises and I'd make something up……and…..it just kept on happening until….this one day he was just……" Madison squeezed her eyes shut as flashes of that day entered her mind. She felt someone tuck a tissue in her hand. "Th..thanks," she whispered before patting at her eyes.

"We can stop here, if you need to," she heard Lilly said. Madison silently nodded. "Alright," Lilly said as she leaned back. Madison just sat there and forced herself to stop crying as Lilly closed the meeting and the room was filled with the sound of chairs scarping on the floor as the group members stood up. Madison opened her eyes and wiped at her tears with the already soggy tissue.

"Here, take another," Susan said, fishing a tissue from the small pack in her pocket. Madison laughed softly.

"Thank you," she said, wiping at her eyes. "I'm sorry," she said. "I make this big to-do about sharing and then just clam up in the middle of it,"

"Hey, there's nothing to be sorry about," the girl sitting on the other side of Madison said. The three of them stood up and Madison saw the other women approach her, giving her slight gentle hugs and whisper encouraging words before saying their goodbyes. Madison smiled through her subsiding tears and thanked them all as they left. Madison went to leave the room to go find Vida at the video store when Lilly's voice stopped her.

"Madison," she said as she began putting the folding chairs against the wall. Madison walked over to her and helped her with the chairs.

"Yeah?" She asked.

"Well, first of all, I wanted to say I'm happy you were able to share tonight. Not many people are able to open up like that their first time here. It's taken some of the girls months to be able to share with the rest of us,"

"Oh," Madison said. "I just…." Madison shrugged. "I just felt I should, ya know?" Madison asked. Lilly nodded. "Was there anything else?" Madison asked as they finished putting the chairs away.

"Yeah, actually, I was wondering if you wanted to go to the coffee shop down the street and talk. I usually offer to take the newcomers out, you know, give them a chance to talk to me one-on-one so they can feel more comfortable with the group as a whole," she said.

"Oh. Sure….I guess," she said. "I just need to let my sister know," she said.

----

A few minutes later, after Vida stopped in the video store to tell her what was going on, Madison found herself sitting at a mosaic tile decorated table across from Lilly as they gave their orders to a waiter. After both women had ordered and the waiter walked away, Lilly looked at Madison.

"So, how long has it been?" Lilly asked.

"What?"

"Since you and…" she said, her voice trailing off.

"Ben," Madison said. "Two months. He's…..he's gone……….I mean…..not gone gone……He's in Arizona."

"Mmmhmm," Lilly said.

"What about you?" Madison asked. "I mean……were you……uh……"

"Eight years, six months and two weeks," she said.

"Wow, that exact?" Madison asked. Lilly laughed gently.

"I see it as like……almost a birthday, the day I finally got rid of this huge weight on my chest and started a new life, a better life," she said. They sat back as the waiter returned, placing their drinks in front of them before departing again.

"Wow," Madison said. She took a deep breath. "I don't know……There are some days I feel like I'm fine, I can move on and forget about him. Then……then there's the days where I feel like I'm being crushed by something so much bigger than myself and I can't even breathe. I just don't know how I can get through this,"

"It takes some time," Lilly said. She wrinkled her nose a bit. "I know, that sucks, but its true. It took me a long time to finally feel better about myself again. For me to fully understand that what happened wasn't my fault and he was the one with the problem,"

"What happened? If you don't mind me asking," Madison said as she took a sip of her cappuccino. Lilly traced her finger along the rim of her cup.

"I was in my first year of law school," she said. "I met Elias; he was one of my professor's teaching assistants. He was sweet, kind……when he was sober……unfortunately, that wasn't incredibly often. But, by the time those sides of him started showing up; I was already in too deep in the relationship. It took me nearly two years to reach my breaking point,"

"Breaking point?" Madison asked. Lilly nodded.

"The moment where you realize what's going on needs to stop and you do something about it," she said. Madison nodded, giving the older woman an 'oh' face. "Mine was my 25th birthday," she said. "A bunch of my friends planned this incredible party at our house, balloons, cake, everything. We were all having loads of fun until Elias stumbled in an hour into the festivities. I tried to get him to sit down, have some coffee, and sober up. And he just lost it," Lilly took a sip of her coffee. "Thankfully, my friends were there to stop him. I don't know what could've happened if I had been alone. It took three of my guy friends to get him out of the house. That's when I realized that this had to stop. I had to stop it." There was a long period of silence after Lilly finished talking. Lilly smiled. "But I'm okay now. I ended up dropping out of law school and getting my masters in social work. I met a wonderful man few years ago and we're about to celebrate our second wedding anniversary," she said. Madison smiled.

"Wow, that…that's great," she said.

"See, there is a light at the end of this tunnel, Madison," Lilly said, placing a hand on hers. "It just might take a while to get there, but its there," she said. "And it gets easier after a while, even more so when you've got a support system, which is what I hope you might find in the group, if you decide to keep coming," Lilly said.

"I do……I mean, I want to.." Madison cleared her throat. "My friends and my sister have all been great throughout all this. They've been so supportive and everything. But…even with that, sometimes I just feel so alone. I feel like none of them can really help me because none of them have experienced this……Well, I mean, not all of them, I.." Madison's voice trailed off as she smiled gently.

"What?" Lilly asked.

"It's nothing……just……..one of my friends….he's really been there for me. He was actually the first one to suspect Ben might've been hurting me. His sister went through this when he was a kid, and he just…..knew. And….he's just such a nice guy. He just makes me feel better," she said.

"Well, that's good," Lilly said. "I'm happy you've got people there for you," she said smiling. Madison nodded. She caught sight of Vida walking into the establishment and looking around. Madison waved her over. Lilly looked back to see Vida walking over to them. She smiled at the girl as she took the empty seat at their table.

"Have fun at the video store?" Madison asked.

"Eh, nothing really caught my eye. I figured I'd join you guys," she paused and looked at Lilly. "I mean, if that's all right. If you'd prefer to be alone I'd-"

"No, no of course not, it's fine," Lilly responded. "Your sister was just telling me about how supportive you and your friends have been for her," she said. Vida looked at her sister, who gave her a smile to confirm it.

"Thanks, I only wish I had figured things out sooner. I mean, sure, Nick kind of figured things out and I started getting my suspicions, but it could've been sooner," Vida said. Vida had been blaming herself for what happened for so long. She felt, as Madison's sister and best friend, she should've seen what was happening before anyone else. It had been a topic discussed when they had all gone to family counseling and as much as the counselor, Madison and their parents tried to tell Vida there was no way she could've known, the thoughts still plagued her.

"All that matters is you did figure things out before things went too far," Lilly said.

"Before?" Vida asked, not seeing how what happened to Madison wasn't 'too far'.

"Some girls aren't lucky enough to walk out of these types of situations," Lilly pointed out. Madison and Vida understood what she meant and pursed their lips, their eyebrows raising a bit. Lilly took note of their expressions and gave them both a smile. "Thankfully, Madison was one of the lucky ones," she said. Vida nodded, looking over at Madison again. Madison was the one person in the world who knew her inside and out. Sure, she was close to Xander, Chip and Nick, but Madison was different. Vida used to joke and say that the two of them had shared a tight space—their mother's womb—for nine months, there had to be some extreme closeness. Vida couldn't imagine what she'd do if Madison was gone. She'd fall apart and there'd be slim to no chance of coming back together again. Lilly checked her watch. "Oh, I've got to go," she said. "It was great meeting you both," she said as she stood up. "Madison, I'll see you next week?" Madison nodded in response. Lilly smiled and reached in her pocket, handing Madison a card. "Here's my number. If you ever need to talk and it can't wait until next meeting, don't hesitate to call," she said. Madison took the card and nodded.

"Thanks," she said. Lilly gave the girls one last smile before going to the register at the front of the shop and paying for her and Madison's drink as she left. Vida looked at her sister.

"So, everything was all right?" She asked. Madison nodded.

"Yeah," she said. "Everyone was really nice."

"That's great," Vida said. The two sisters continued to talk as Madison finished her drink before they left for home.