1Tail Wag
The One Green Bean does not own Inuyasha or any related characters.
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Inuyasha was chewing his ramen very slowly. This was very bizarre, because, as you know, Inuyasha loves to gulp down great quantities of other people's ramen.
"Well," said Kagome, "are you going to tell me the truth or not?"
"Yeah, Inuyasha, we want to know if you like Kagome or Kikyo," piped up Shippou.
Inuyasha had run out of ramen to chew, so very slowly, he opened his mouth and said, "I like both." Then he quickly took another mouthful of noodles.
"Sit, boy," said Kagome. Inuyasha nearly choked on his ramen. "Now who do you like best?"
"I dunno," said the hapless half-demon.
"Sit! Sit! Sit!"
Miroku helped Inuyasha dig himself out. "Perhaps it was be wise to just tell Kagome you like her better."
"But I don't," said Inuyasha.
"Your back, not mine," said Miroku, and went to liberate some of his friend's chips.
Inuyasha stayed in his hole, thinking. If Kagome really liked him, she wouldn't be so mean to
him all the time. She would bring him more ramen than everybody else, and be grateful when he almost gets killed just to save her instead of trying to kill him herself with a string of five, maybe even six sits.
Yup, thought Inuyasha to himself, Kagome is really mean to me. So why do I like her anyway? He thought about Kagome being nice to Miroku and Sango by extending her hand, and bringing Shippou candy. She also was nice to other half-demons and villagers. In fact, she had room in her heart for everyone but him. Inuyasha curled up in his hole and sulked. He would show them. He wouldn't come out until Kagome was nicer to him.
Inuyasha sat in the hole through the entire meal. Then Kagome went back to her world to throw away the trash. Inuyasha crawled out and looked at the empty picnic blanket. Kagome hadn't even saved any food for him! He saw Miroku dozing under a tree. He shook the monk awake, and instructed him to bury him. That would really show Kagome!
Satisfied, Inuyasha went back into his hole and made it a bit deeper. Then he waited for Miroku to come bury him. It started to get cold, and Inuyasha was tired. He closed his eyes and curled up tighter.
When he woke up, he was nice and warm underneath the picnic blanket. Birds were chirping, and the sun was just rising. Inuyasha took the blanket off and peered out of the hole.
Kagome was leaning against a tree just a few feet away. Inuyasha's heart leaped. Kagome really did care! He got out of the hole with a big smile on his face.
"What are you so happy about, Inuyasha?" asked Miroku, who had woken up a little bit earlier.
"I woke up, and saw Kagome's back, and she gave me a blanket to keep me warm."
"Actually," said Miroku, "that was me. When you told me to bury you, I was too sleepy so I just tossed the blanket on you."
"Than what about Kagome?" Inuyasha's happy mood was darkening a bit.
"The poor thing stayed up all night in her world doing her studies. She came back just now."
Grr! Kagome cared about her studies more than him! Kagome didn't even think of the blanket. Inuyasha hated Kagome so much!
"Miroku," said Inuyasha, "I'm going on a long journey."
"Kikyo's right over there," said Miroku, pointing to a small clump of trees to his left. "Though you really shouldn't play with Kagome's emotions so."
Inuyasha ignored him. Kagome shouldn't be toying with him! After all, she had that Houjo and Kouga too. Inuyasha felt he was justified in having another woman in his life.
"Kikyo," said Inuyasha.
"Inuyasha," said Kikyo. Inuyasha ran up and hugged her. It never occurred to him that it would be strange for her to be so conveniently close.
Kikyo massaged his sore shoulders. "Kagome is cruel, abusing you like that all the time. You don't have to lie to spare her feelings."
"What do you mean?" asked Inuyasha.
"You're so silly, Inuyasha," said Kikyo, sighing and cuddling up closer. "You shouldn't tell the girl you like her next time."
"But I do like her." Inuyasha was confused.
Kikyo decided to speed up her plan.
"Let's go somewhere more private," she said, eyeing Miroku suspiciously. The monk shrugged in response, and made motions that he'd be more than happy to take over if she found Inuyasha too simple-minded.
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In the woods, it was quiet and peaceful, except the occasional scream of a dying prey animal. Inuyasha tried to ignore the fact the Kikyo smelled distressingly similar to a clay pot.
"Your hair looks nice," he offered. Kikyo threw her arms around him.
"Let's be together forever," she breathed. The pair started sinking into the ground just a little. "Come with me to hell."
"Okay." Inuyasha hoped Kikyo didn't notice that he thought her butt was a bit bigger than he remembered.
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It was an hour later and now only Inuyasha's head stuck out of the ground.
"Um, Kikyo," he started, "I've been thinking."
"That's new," said Kikyo affectionately.
"Who's going to kill Naraku when I'm in hell?"
"Now that we're together, Naraku doesn't matter. Nothing can come between us."
"But that's what you said last time, and he came between us anyway." Inuyasha started clawing his way out.
"Inuyasha? Where are you going?" cried Kikyo. "Are you leaving me again?"
"You never believed in me," Inuyasha called over his shoulder as he loped away. "You still don't." Kikyo watched him go with angry eyes.
Son of a bitch, she thought. How am I going to get out now?
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"Miroku," said Inuyasha tearfully, "All the women in my life have failed me."
"All two, you mean," corrected Miroku. "Though the hundred-some young ladies I've seen haven't been putting out much either." He sighed and wished to he could rid himself of his bothersome virginity as soon as possible.
"I think," said Inuyasha, "you're the only one for me!"
Not that soon, thought Miroku.
"You're just a little confused," he said.
"I'm thinking clearly for the first time in my life," said Inuyasha, flinging himself upon Miroku.
As he was in the process of shredding Miroku's monk robes, Kagome stepped out from behind a tree. Tears streamed down her face.
"Inuyasha…you never said . . . who you liked . . . because you're . . . gaaay!" wailed Kagome. "Now we'll never defeat Naraku, because you'll always be doing your nails and Miroku!" She sniffled some more. "Sit!"
Miroku's protests (and life) were quickly cut short by one hundred-sixty pounds of hanyou coming down hard on his spine.
"I hate you!" yelled Kagome as she hopped down the well without so much as looking back.
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Inuyasha started staggering painfully to the riverside to bathe his wounds, with only with his scabbard as a crutch. "Looks like Miroku's hell hole didn't kill him after all. Kagome did." As he was muttering he nearly tripped over Kikyo, whose head still stuck out of the ground like a bizarre gopher.
"Inuyasha," she said. "Please."
"No can do," said Inuyasha. "Got wounds to heal and people to kill. I've still got to avenge you, remember?" He stumbled on.
"I've got to avenge Miroku too," he said to himself. "But after I kill Kagome, who would avenge her? Shippo maybe."
When he reached the flowing water, he saw Sango sitting there on a rock. "Where have you been?" she asked. "And where's Miroku and Kagome?"
"Never mind them," said Inuyasha, collapsing. "Long story."
"Poor Inuyasha," she said, helping him up. Inuyasha sat gratefully beside her. She started gently rubbing him behind the ears. "What happened?"
Inuyasha just closed his eyes.
If he had a tail, it would be wagging.
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end