Survival of the doomed
-๑-๑ ஜ ๑- Chapter 33: I'm sorry - -๑ ஜ ๑-๑-
-Shizuo´s point of view.-
It pierced the skin.
It did.
The needle.
Time seemed to freeze when that deadly metal disappeared beneath the surface of Izaya's arm. For a second the blond thought he was just imagining things, that he was dreaming- maybe this was another one of his nightmares he was going to wake up soon from it only to find Izaya sitting at the desk.
Except it was not.
Quicker than the blond´s brain was able to catch up with what he was doing his hand slammed into that syringe, knocking it out of the raven´s hand- crashing on the ground.
But it was too late.
With horror the blond swallowed as his eyes were fixated on a small but deadly dot.
It was red, a tiny droplet of blood collecting on top.
Collecting.
Blood.
"You broke the needle." the words sounded so surreal, so calm, way too calm considering what had just happened.
Raising his head he looked at the flea, a flea that looked so disturbingly tranquil. It was then that Shizuo finally found his voice again. Loud, barking, louder than he intended to even while his throat was constricted.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" It was a scream, a desperate wish of having a chance to revert the raven´s doings.
"Shizu-" Izaya started, but he didn't even get to finish his sentence.
"DID YOU PUT THAT INSIDE?!" The brute was yelling, it was funny, but right now he reminded him of the times back in the normal Ikebukuro, the Ikebukuro that wasn't inhabited by zombies. The Ikebukuro that they used to chase each other in- the blond after him like a bull after a red piece of fabric.
He had been screaming his name back then as well.
"Hey, calm-"
"IZAYA! ARE YOU INSANE?!" The blond didn't seem to be listening.
"Shizu-chan," Izaya repeated, but there was still no recognition visible.
"YOU WILL DIE!"
"SHIZUO!" Choking on whatever the blond was going to yell he paused for just a moment. His brows were furrowed so deep, so angry, so sad-
"It's not like we have any alternative anyway," izaya explained, calm with a steady voice, "And I am running out of ideas. You really think we will survive much longer like we are now?" There was no other choice- if this didn't work then they might as well start searching for a nice place to die in.
Fists clenching next to the raven´s body he lowered his gaze to the ground.
Why didn't Shizu-chan see it? Was he really too stupid for it?
He had gotten bitten before- sure he managed to pry that asshole of a zombie off him just in time before it could actually do irreversible damage- but didn't he notice the consequences?
Seeing as these fast monsters had only appeared after a certain time span there was no guarantee that there weren't other, different abbreviations of these monsters out there.
What if there was going to be one that could withstand the sun?
Ones that could chase them in the daylight?
just the thought made his skin crawl in a way he absolutely hated.
Shizu-chan wouldn't be able to fend them all off, and even if everything stayed just the way it was right now, they weren't going to be able to live here forever.
Food, water, they would have to go and get these things from exactly these dangerous places. Closed shops, dark houses having been left behind- a situation like today…. it could occur anytime.
And when the raven imagined that next time Shizu-chan could get bitten for real.
When he imagined that he could start to turn- to-
"That stuff. That stuff you created.. can it you know.. can it turn you into … into one of those things...?" Shizu-chan questioned, and honestly speaking Izaya couldn't bring himself to look at the blond. His throat was too constricted, tight, he felt as if he were choking.
"Yes."
No.
No, no, no-
Endlessly the term repeated inside Shizuo´s head as he stared at the flea, stared at that wrist.
Started at that cursed needle on the ground.
No-
No way... the only thing he could protect... the only human still there with him- no.
Before he knew it his hands had shot forward, grabbing the hem of Izaya's shirt as he pulled him up to his face, unknowing rage ruling his devastated mind.
"AREN'T YOU AFRAID OF DYING?!" he didn't understand, his mind didn't let him understand- he registered what the raven had been saying, he had been listening and yet-
"Shizu-chan if we are realistic then we will probably die pretty soon anyway."
He knew that!
his fist was shaking, holding onto that black fabric that was Izaya's shirt. He knew it, he understood, he really did, he even knew in the back of his mind that what Izaya was saying wasn't wrong, he knew that trying this was the best option at hand and yet-
"That's no excuse! We could try at least!" They could have! They could have just stayed in here, just like they did up until now, only get the most necessary things and do whatever the raven wanted- play theater if he had to-
Just thinking about it made his throat constrict even tighter.
Things like that- he didn't mind, childish shit that the flea enjoyed- as long as he didn't as he didn't-
"It's too late now anyway Shizu-chan. What happens, happens." his hands were trembling- the raven thought it was in anger, he already braced himself for a punch, because that was what Shizu-chan relied on the most but no, that wasn't it.
Every fiber in his body was breaking down looking at the raven.
Every part of his body was screaming at him, was burning, his eyes were stinging- as reality hit him so harsh he thought he was going to choke to death.
Izaya was going to die.
He was going to turn into one of these zombies.
He was going… to be gone.
Gone.
Squeezing his eyes shut the raven prepared himself, prepared himself for a punch to his face, a painful one, one that he deserved maybe, but the surprise was just that much bigger when it wasn't a punch that met him.
No.
It were Shizu-chan´s arms. But not in the form of fists or filled with anger- they were wrapping around him sliding across the silky fabric of his black shirt only tighten behind his back.
Snapping back open his eye were barely able to catch a glimpse of blond rushing past his face as the blond had caught him in a hug.
Confused a frown made its way onto the raven´s expression- he didn't know what to make of the action instinctively he pushed at the blond´s chest, only for it to end up in the blond clinging to him even more.
"Shizu-chan-"
Tighter, tighter than he was supposed to, he wrapped his arms around the flea- as if trying to make him stay, as if holding him like this was going to keep him here, to keep him like he was to stop him from transforming into one of these monsters.
"Shizu-chan, you know, it could work. No need to get all desperate," Izaya sighed, with a mix of annoyance and seriosity. He didn't know what to make of this, what was the blond trying to do? Did he think he felt sad for what he did? Was he trying to cheer Izaya up?
He didn't get it, he really didn't .
"And if it doesn't you will turn into one of those. With white dead eyes, eating corpses, trying to eat me," the blond suddenly spoke, and the image, the clear vivid image of himself rotten, glassy white eyes was sending a shiver down the raven´s spine.
He didn't want to imagine himself as a zombie. Swallowing hard he tried to chase it away, tried to ignore what the blond was saying.
"Good thing I won't see myself, ne? I sound scary," he said, meant it as a joke, and pushed again, trying to get the blond off him- he didn't need this, he didn't-
"You will be dead. You might turn into one of those. The fast ones. You… stupid idiot-"
And then Izaya froze. Froze, not because of what the blond had said, no, it wasn't the content of his words.
It was the choking sound reaching his ears, the audible sniff and that sudden way too blatant wetness staining his shoulder- the shoulder Shizu´s face was hidden in.
"Fuck, Izaya you are so stupid-"
He swore to protect Izaya from that day on. He couldn't lose Izaya- everyone, but not him-
He swore to concentrate on him. He swore he would-
"Shizu-"
"You can't die you freaking bastard, you got that? You aren't allowed to!"
Shizu-chan, was crying.
He really was. Only now he noticed it, the slight heaving, up and down, of Shizu-chan´s chest as he gasped for quick air.
The trembling, the coldness.
"… hey…" Izaya mumbled but somehow his voice cracked up just with the mere word he managed to express. His hands lifted, traced to the blond´s back, to his neck, stroking his hair softly. It was an attempt to cam the blond to comfort him to- Izaya didn't even know what he was trying to do.
"It will take at least a day or two, okay? I´m still here."
Choked, cracked the immediate response followed.
"Shut up."
It was tearing him apart.
For the blond to …. care that much. Izaya should laugh. Laugh at a hilarious thing as this. At Shizuo crying over the possibility of him dying.
He shouldn't care. He shouldn't care this much.
Yet.. he could only concentrate on the soft hair he felt beneath his fingertips and the weird warmth that spread in Izaya´s chest. and the throat clenching as he felt a familiar sting return to his eyes.
He didn't understand it.
He wasn't crying because of himself, because Izaya had taken a decision and he had taken it fully aware of the consequences, so why?
Why was the sight- no not even the sight, just the sound- the knowledge.
Why was the knowledge of the blond crying in his shoulder making his eyes sting this badly?
"Hey, don't you have faith in what I did here? It could work you know?" the raven tried, even managed to express a quick laugh, one that was supposed to lighten the mood. After all what he was saying was the truth. What he did might as well work. "You said it yourself, I'm smart." He might as well had made himself immune just now against the zombie virus.
That was also a possibility. "So instead of dying I might never get infected. How does that sound?"
But Shizu-chan didn't seem to be convinced by his words at all.
"Like bullshit."
The words were choked, his teeth grit as he tried to deal with this wave of emotions of sorrow and pain that was making him blind and deaf.
He couldn't change a thing now.
He couldn't do anything. Nothing at all.
If Izaya really got infected just now, he would start to turn. Slowly.
He would try to convince him otherwise probably, would assure him, but one day… one day he would just stop responding.
He would stop talking to Shizuo, he would stop being the annoying shit he was.
He would only groan, trying to eat him.
And then- at that time- Izaya would already be gone. Even if the zombie Izaya was still there, the Izaya Shizuo knew, the Izaya Shizuo used to joke with to get angry at- He would be gone. Forever.
He wouldn't be able to talk to him ever again, he wouldn't be able to play theater with him, he wouldn't be able to hear his voice.
Never again.
He would be alone.
Just like before. And Izaya wouldn't be there to cheer him up- he would just-
"Don't make me regret what I did I swear," Izaya suddenly said, but it didn't diminish the pain Shizuo was feeling.
Pushing at his chest Izaya was trying to look at the blond, maybe making eye contact was going to let his words reach the blond, but no… just no.
The moment he met his glance, he just knew how badly he was hurting the blond.
So much pain was reflecting in his eyes.
Honestly, he was the one who was risking his life and yet right now he felt as though he had done the most selfish thing in the world.
And for once Izaya was speechless.
He realized that no words he was going to say were going to ease the blond's pain.
Nothing would.
And suddenly he was regretting it.
He was. Because Shizu-chan… he couldn't start to imagine what the blond had to feel like, what he was doing to him, and like this…
"... I forgot my knife downstairs."
The words were so much off topic the blond took a second to understand the meaning of them.
"What?" his voice cracked, not getting how the flea could talk about his knife now.
"When we were out." But maybe that wasn't it. His gaze was lowered to the ground. His voice so terribly void of any emotion. The sentence short, easy. "I'm gonna go get it… sorry-" and with that the blond was shoved off- but this time, Shizuo didn't keep ahold of him. He knew why the flea was going to get his knife. If he had even forgotten it.
Jacket disappearing behind the door to the library Shizuo couldn't do anything but stand there for a second. His brows were furrowed so deep it hurt, his head was too- he… honestly speaking he couldn't remember the last time he cried, he couldn't even remember if he did before.
No. He did. back then with Izaya, when he mourned Kasuka´s death and when he thought Izaya was going to die as well.
It was somewhat funny, both times he cried because he feared for izaya's life… and now…
taking a deep breath he tried to dispel the heavy feeling in his head.
And slowly, slowly he tried to let the words Izaya had said sicker into his brain.
It could work.
Maybe, just maybe Izaya didn't have to die. He said so.
There was a possibility.
It was there.
And yet, he still felt like shit- he wanted to believe it.
He wanted to believe that Izaya was going to be alright.
Almost violently the blond rose his right sleeve, wiping at his eyes to get rid of the tears leaking from them as he stepped outside of the library.
Izaya was probably downstairs, waiting for him to calm down- maybe he had just gotten fed up. Shizuo didn't know, he really didn't.
Pushing the door to the school open the sun blinded him for a second. Moments passed as he tried to get his teary eyes used to the light- and then he looked outside.
Izaya wasn't there.
He looked left and right of the school- the flea couldn't be that far, he was just getting the knife.
"Izaya-" he called- and suddenly it was there, dark, suffocating.
It was a feeling, a feeling in his guts- it was making him nauseous-
Turning around he looked towards the shop he busted up a mere couple minutes before. Izaya wasn't there.
"Sorry."
It was the last word Izaya had said. All of a sudden that exact simple word held just that much more meaning to it as the blond turned his head twisted it around, looked at the surroundings-
But there was no sight of the flea.
Izaya.
Was gone.
To be continued~
DUN DUN DUNNNNN lmao I was sobbing while writing this chapter cuz- feels! Feels! xDDD It´s so hard to hit keys with a blurry sight tho omg xD
And now this end- ahhh the drama, the pain -rubs hands evily- I love this ohohohoho xD Sorry for any typos btw xD I wrote this in the record time of one hour x'D
Well then people xD Sowy I was a bit late with the update, but hey~! Since Sotd won the double update, the next part is gonna come out tomorrow already! **0*0*0*0*0* Are you excited to find out what the flea is up to? xDDD
I am lmao, didn't even start writing the chapter yet xD
Anyway, see you tomorrow 21st February~! xD or if I happen to be late, the day after tomorrow, but I do think I can finish the chapter till tomorrow xD
See you~!
Unknown: xD well nope, that wouldn´t work no matter how strong the antidote is C: But there is an option that could make the zombies go back to being normal again- that would be the case if izaya actually survvies this and had real antibodies inside his blood that are capable of fighting the virus. Theoretically speaking if he transferred enough blood to let´s say Shizu-chan (since Izaya´s blood type is 0 he could give his blood to anyone as well) Shizu-chan´s body could take on that immunity against the virus C: hypothetically xD if izaya doesnt die trololololo xDDD shhhh you really think i´m going to tell you already who is still alive? xD haha naahhh that would be a spoiler xD
Guest 2: xD mwahahahaha omg you are evil getting excited like me xD tho this chapter i actualyl cried while writing daw, it´s been long since that happned lol xD Yep izaya was being pretty rash there and yet, logically speaking he is actually right. I mean there could always be some unforeseen event ocming along, and in case one fo them does get bitten it would be game over. And considering what happened so far they barely survived as it is xD So actualyl izaya´s decision wasn´t as insane as Shizuo believes it is. especially since taht shit actually seemed to have neutralized the virus for real- Izaya sure got some guts tho omg xD yup, that´s right, Shizu-chan would have to watch and hey, you might be able to guess why izaya left.