Disclaimer: I don't own HP or any of these characters. That belongs to JKR, Scholastic Books, Warner Brothers, etc.
Chapter Fifteen : Dearest
Hermione nibbled half-heartedly at her salad that next afternoon. There was no time for her to take lunch so she had it delivered so she could eat and work at the same time.
She hated fighting with Harry. It always made her feel awful, as if she was most selfish, most childish person in the world to be picking a fight with him. But she couldn't stand it last night, the way he assumed she would be on call for him, birthday or no. It wasn't that much for him to ask her about doing something that weekend ahead of time. He knew when her birthday was. He had plenty of time to plan something and tell her about it. Hermione had been hurt that he had never said anything, and when Malfoy offered to take her out to dinner, she had leapt at the chance. It had come as a surprise last night when Harry suddenly told her that he had made plans for them to spend the weekend together.
She still kind of got upset when she thought of how he had taken her for granted again. Yet, when morning came, she had felt calmer and willing to admit that maybe he had a point. She probably should have known that he was going to make plans at the last minute, as that was what boys tended to do. It would have been nice if he would have dropped her some sort of a hint, but she was willing to meet him halfway. Hermione had knocked on his door that morning, but had received no response. When she had opened it, she found his room empty. He had already left for the day.
That hadn't been a very good start for her day. It had only gone downhill from there, and presently it looked as if she would have to stay a couple hours this evening, even though she didn't bother to take her lunch.
The door slamming open alerted her to the presence of Ron. He stamped into the small office that she shared with Malfoy and over to her co-worker's desk. "Leave. Now," he said, glaring at the other wizard.
"Last time I checked," Malfoy drawled, "this was my office. If anyone is going to leave, it'll be you, Weasel."
"You seem to be under the false impression that I'm giving you a choice. I'm not. Leave or else."
"Or else what?" Malfoy rose from his seat, his hand reaching for his wand.
"That's enough," Hermione said. "Malfoy, would you please let me have a few minutes to talk to Ron?"
"Good ahead. Talk."
"I'm not going to talk in front of you," Ron said scathingly.
"Have it your way then," said Malfoy as he settled back into his chair.
"Why you little—"
"Ron, stop that. Malfoy, could you please leave so I can talk to Ron alone?" She glanced at Ron, but he was ignoring her. "I'd rather you not watch this." For one long minute, Hermione thought he was going to refuse and that she'd have to break up a fight between Ron and Malfoy. Finally, Malfoy got up from his seat again and gathered his things.
"I'll leave because you asked me, Hermione," he told them. "And not for any other reason."
"Thank you," she said, heaving a sigh of relief. Today had been bad enough already without her office being the scene of a magical duel. After Malfoy had left, Ron began pacing about in the small room, never making eye contact with Hermione. She sat down and waited for him to say something.
Just when she was about to interrupt his pacing to see if he had any reason to be there, he stopped in front of her desk, looking at the wall behind her. "I had a chat with Harry earlier today," he said.
Hermione nodded. She knew what this was going to be about. She had suspected that all along.
"Seems that he was looking to get rid of a pair of tickets he had bought the other day," Ron continued, "as someone didn't want to go with him." His gaze centered on Hermione, and she could see the fury surging within his eyes. "I can't believe you told him no, after all the time and effort he had spent in planning the perfect birthday for you."
"I don't suppose Harry told you that I had already made plans?" she asked.
"Actually he didn't but I didn't credit it then. Surely, the Hermione we know and love wouldn't toss over one of her oldest friends to spend time with a ferret. Especially not with a ferret who insulted her and did his best to make her life miserable all seven years that she was at Hogwarts."
"Normally, I wouldn't, but Malfoy asked first. Girls like to be asked, you know."
"You can drop the act, Hermione. If you're going out with Malfoy instead of Harry, then I can bloody well tell that you're on a first name basis. Or have you thought up of a sickly cute nickname for him already?"
"You've gone mad. I'm not on a first name basis with him, and I don't think I ever will be. I simply appreciate being asked to go out once in a while, instead of you and Harry assuming that I'll always be there for you."
"Last time I checked, friends spent time with friends on their birthdays," he said through gritted teeth.
"I never said I wouldn't spend any time with the two of you then. Just that I had plans for the evening." She shrugged her shoulders. "We can do something in the morning. But oh . . . that's right, you're busy with inventory. Too bad."
Ron shook with anger, and for a moment, Hermione wondered if she would have to break out her wand. He took a gulp of air and started pacing again. "You know, when this mess first started, back when Harry slept with that witch, I took your side. I was incensed that Harry could be so damned insensitive. I wanted to choke him for being so blind to you, for doing that to you." He turned to glare at her. "But at this moment, the person I'm mad at is you."
"Really? I couldn't tell," she replied, her voice thick with sarcasm. "I thought you barging into my office and demanding that Malfoy leave was your way of trying to cheer me up."
"Fuck it, Hermione." He slammed a fist into her desk, causing her to jump. "Hasn't this gone far enough? Don't you think you've made your point already? What more do you want from Harry? What does he have to do to get you to forgive him?"
"I've already forgiven him for that." She tossed her head. "I forgave him for that a long time ago."
"Okay, maybe you did. But you haven't forgotten, have you? And there's a part of you that enjoys turning him down, isn't there?" Hermione didn't say a thing, knowing that Ron wouldn't believe her if she told him that wasn't the case – and with good reason, for that would have been a lie. "Good," he continued when she didn't respond. "At least, you're not lying about that. Are you going to deny that you fancy Harry?"
"I do not—"
"I see that you are. Fine. This is how I see it." He leaned over her desk, his glare pinning her to her seat. "You're in love with Harry though you're too stubborn to admit it. You've been in love with Harry but you've not done a damn thing. You've just sat and pined and watched him as he went out with other girls. After we leave Hogwarts, you abruptly move in with him, not telling anyone why, but it's really because you miss him too much." Hermione bit her tongue. She had almost interrupted Ron to protest that she had moved in because Harry needed her and for no other reason.
"But I've forgotten something," he went on. "You do give a reason. You say that he needs you. I'm willing to agree with that sentiment. He does need you. He needed you then, though he didn't know it. He was happier when he was with you. You were happier when the two of you were together. Then one day, he had to go and sleep with another witch. And that made you mad. Oh, you say that you've forgiven him, and you've made some effort. But not really. Because that hurt. It hurt to come home that evening and here him shagging another witch."
Ron pulled away from the desk, his breath even as he appeared to have calmed down. "I can see why that would've hurt. I can understand why you'd be furious. Not that you'd have any reason to keep a grudge because you never told him how he felt for you. But you're upset and you move out . . . and when you do, that's when he realizes how much he needs you, how much he loves you. So he goes about trying to win you back. He knows he fucked up big time. He does everything he can think of to get you to give him a chance. But there's nothing he can do, nothing he can do to make you happy, because all of a sudden, you feel like being a bitch."
"What did you just say?" Hermione asked in icy tones.
"You heard me right the first time. You're being a bitch about this. You're not willing to give him a chance to prove that he loves you. At the same time, you're not willing to let him go. You lead him on, agreeing to go with him at times, while telling him now and laughing at others."
"I am not leading him on," Hermione said. "How dare you say that? I thought friends spent time with friends."
"They do. But the two of you haven't been simply friends for a long time. I've said my piece though." Ron turned to walk out of the room. "If you want to prove me wrong, if you want to show me that you've not been leading him on, then set him free. Tell him that you have no feelings for him and that you don't want him as anything other than a friend. It's better than what you're doing now. And if you say that, the fool will forgive you for lying, say it's all right, and try to move on because he loves you. But you'll be the bigger fool if you do." He strolled out, leaving Hermione alone by herself.
His words sat with her the rest of afternoon. His accusations hung in the air, and she had trouble concentrating. Before she knew it, she was left alone in the office, with everyone else having gone home for the day. Hermione tried to do her work, knowing that she had a deadline next week but it was no good. She was too worked up about what Ron had said. Finally, at nine, she gave up and made her way back home.
She trudged along the pavement, thinking of the points Ron had brought up. He was right about her having not forgotten what Harry had done. She could forgive him, but not forget how much he had hurt her, even though he probably never had an inkling of her pain. That had only made her angrier . . . and it had satisfied her to see him hurt whenever she turned him down.
She didn't think that she ever led him on, however. She hadn't thought that Harry had been trying to court her . . . but that was wrong. She had thought that a couple of times, but had always pushed that thought aside, knowing he couldn't be interested in her because he never had been before..
If he did . . . if he did fancy her, if he did feel something more than friendship for her . . . then she had been a bitch, just like Ron said. Hermione sighed. It was never easy admitting that you've been wrong and that was doubly true for her. Yet, if he did fancy her, then that would be incredible. Because she loved him, despite everything that had happened between them in the few short months since they had left Hogwarts. If he did, she had to give him a chance, because to do otherwise would be to deny herself a chance at happiness.
Even Hermione Granger wasn't that big of a fool.
When she got home, she found the flat dark. She flipped on some lights and walked towards the kitchen, hoping she would find Harry there. She had to talk to him, to apologize, to let him know that she changed her mind and she wanted to spend all of the weekend with him, if he was still wanted to do the same. The kitchen, however, was empty, with only a lukewarm pizza box on the table. She moved on to the living room, only to find it devoid of life as well.
That meant he had to be in his room.
Hermione softly knocked on his door. "Harry? Are you there?" she asked. She didn't receive a response. She tried knocking louder. "Harry? I'd really like to talk to you." When no reply came, she opened the door and stepped in. As her eyes adjusted to the dark of the room, she saw that Harry was on his bed, his knees pulled against his chest. Two glittering emeralds sparkled at her as she stared at him.
"I don't recall saying you could come in," he said bitterly.
Hermione bit her lip. She deserved that. She wasn't going to fight with him, not when she had come to apologize. "I know. I just . . . we really need to talk, Harry."
"Let me guess. You want to kick me out?"
"No, no." She waved her hands frantically in front of her, appalled at the suggestion. "Never that, Harry. I wanted to talk . . . and to apologize."
"Okay. Apology accepted. Feel free leave now."
Hermione closed her eyes. He wasn't going to make this easy on her. Though she supposed she had done little to merit him going easy on her now. "I'm not finished yet." She walked forward and sat at the edge of the bed. "I wanted to say that I'm sorry about last night. I was wrong. I should've expected you to do something for my birthday, and I should've asked before making other plans—"
"No, you didn't," he interrupted her. "You have a life outside of being friends with me. It's not surprise that you enjoy that more. Do what makes you happy, Hermione."
"But being with you makes me happy!" she cried, leaning forward to reach for his hands. He pulled away from her, and she found herself blinking away tears. "And I should have waited, should have known . . . but I didn't and I am so, so sorry."
"You've said that already. It's getting a bit boring the way you keep repeating yourself."
"I . . ."
"Please. If you've nothing else to say . . ."
Hermione exhaled deeply, trying to soothe her nerves. "It's hard to say what needs to be said. I saw Ron earlier today. He was steaming mad, saying that I'd been a complete . . . that I'd been so cruel the way I treated you, and he's right. So I wanted to let you know that I am . . . that I regret how I acted and that I've come to my senses and I hope you can find it in you to forgive me."
"All right," Harry said. That gave Hermione hope that perhaps he was on his way to forgiving her for the way she had acted recently.
"Do you still have those tickets? Because I'd love to go—"
"I thought you already had plans," Harry said dully.
"It doesn't matter. I'll cancel," she told him. "I'd rather be with you."
"Too bad I've got rid of them then."
"Oh." She picked at the fuzz on his blanket, not being sure of what to say next. "That is too bad. I would have loved to go . . . with you."
"Then you should have bloody well said yes last night!" Harry glared at her, and she was taken aback at how mad he was at her. "You made me feel like I was biggest git in the world with the way you accused me of always taking you for granted when the only I did was try to treat you to a nice birthday."
"I know. I said I'm sorry."
"Yeah, you did. But I remember me saying the same to you, back when you moved out, and you not accepting. No, you had to stay mad at me for the entire week after. I wonder how you'd like it if I didn't speak to you for the next two weeks. That'd make things square."
Hermione bit back a sob. He was furious with her and for good reason. She had thought maybe he felt the same way . . . and maybe she did, but she had destroyed that. Hermione cursed herself for being so stubborn. If only she hadn't pushed him so hard . . . but there was nothing she could do right now except apologize.
"I am sorry, Harry, so sorry." She stood up and walked to the door. "And I didn't come here to argue, only to apologize. I've done that and I know you don't want me here . . .so I guess I'll be leaving now." Her hand was reaching for the doorknob when suddenly she was embraced from behind.
"I never want you to leave," Harry whispered into her hair. She felt him sobbing, leading to her own wall of tears breaking loose.
"You don't?" she asked, choking on her tears.
"No, I don't. I've always wanted you with me, wanted you to stay—"
He never got to finish that thought as Hermione turned around to place
her lips firmly on his. He stiffened in surprise, before returning
the kiss and lifting Hermione up to carry her back to his bed.
Author's note: I know I usually update before now. This chapter would have been up sooner, except that ff.net had disabled its login area and so I could not update. It was ready to go however. Next chapter hopefully will be up on Friday. I hope everyone liked this one and I'd appreciate it if you could leave me a review to let me know what you thought. Also, thanks to Shawn Pickett, Star19, bamaslamma29, Shorty4Life (because it's more fun for them to be dumb ^_~), Ramy, Pinku-koneko, kyc639 (yes, it'd be very bad for him if he was going to continue to put up with it), Akshara, ILUVRONWEASLEY (hope you like this ending better), lee74 (if I classify a fic as a certain ship, it'll be that -- eventually), LeslieGlady, SunnyDae, Animagus-Steph (glad you liked, no didn't think you were being overbearing), Fatima (yes, she can and that was half the fun), sally, Wytil (I was going to do that, but decided against it), Fire-bound Heart, ears91, TheSilverLady, Aurora Rehona (thanks for the review of Wait ^_^), tOmLuVeR17, EuphoniumGurl0, malu, spacey-me90, TheWraith1, stephen, Blood57 (I think I've good reason not to show a D/Hr date this chapter), ravenclaw's heir, Harpee-Lady, Sam8, Anonymous9, Sheilalein, Irish Dancing Girl, BooksCleverness, Devinj2000, hpfanmelissa (I'll try to email this weekend -- sorry, this has been a bad week for me), avada kedavra, myman-harry526, rochele-88, TheSkeikah (thanks for the compliment, but am sorry the critique isn't making much sense, probably cause I need more sleep, otherwise I'd respond), zidane3, piper-h-99, Kage Miko, telmie, CeHsGoodGirl, Kate, Disco Duck (I see someone ought to agree with what Ron says this chapter ^_~), Megan, athipsou, Jo, minute majesty, and Leah6 (I hope this is okay) for their reviews of the previous chapter. I enjoyed reading what you all had to say.