Missing You

Disclaimer/Notes: Trigun and its characters are not mine, though I can only hope to do them justice in this story. LOL...these disclaimers are kind of becoming a way to vent my weirdness before I start writing. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please leave your thoughts. Thanks for reading! Long live Vash! (Hopefully.)

Another day ended and another night swept over the sky. As if even the wind feared to break the precarious silence that draped the house, the regular storms stood at bay, leaving the world outside her window susceptible to every soft sound. Only Meryl's breathing echoed in the silent darkness. It was past midnight, she was sure. Sleep would not come. Her mind swam frantically with thoughts of Vash, Knives, Millie, and the admission she would soon have to make to her friend.

She sighed. Sleep was not going to come easy tonight. How could she tell Millie? How could she possibly admit that Wolfwood had, in effect, been killed by the man Millie was trying to warm up to? How could she tell Millie any of the things that Vash had told her?

Meryl closed her eyes, trying to banish the memories. If she was going to watch over Millie, she needed to get at least some sleep tonight. She rolled onto her back and stared at the dirt on the ceiling. She drew a deep breath and let it out onto her upper lip, making her black bangs ruffle. The last time she'd done that was when she had been little, when her dad told her to do something and she was too busy reading to care.

From out on the couch, she heard Millie shifting on the hard, sunken cushions. Meryl winced. Without a sound, she got up from her bed. She slid her feet into the slippers beside her bed and opened the door, making silent tracks to the living room. "Millie?"

Wide awake, the big woman sat up. "Sempai?"

Meryl tried to pretend she missed the tear trails on her friend's cheeks, but her face gave her away.

Millie looked back down, trying on a feeble smile before meeting Meryl's gaze again. "I miss him, sometimes."

Meryl looked back to her bedroom. "I should...should really..." But then she looked back to Millie. Several steps later, she stood in front of the couch. "Can I sit down here?"

Millie smiled. "Sure."

Meryl sat. Millie was silent, staring ahead into her memories. Shifting uncomfortably on the couch, Meryl wondered at the wisdom of coming out here. She was horrible at this kind of thing! Give her a troublemaker to sort out any day. She could shoot enemies' guns out of their hands, but emotion always left her at odds.

I shouldn't have come out here. I can't do this kind of thing! What am I supposed to say? What words are there to say to something like this?

"He wouldn't have wanted me to miss him, Sempai. I know that. I know that he would want me to keep moving. But it's hard sometimes, you know? I really wish he was here."

Meryl clasped her hands in her lap and pressed her nails into her knuckles, muttering a weak, "I'm sorry, Millie."

"Do you know what? That last night he was with us, he and I talked until we fell asleep. He was hurting so much inside, Sempai. He'd seen so many horrible things and he'd done so many things, and he was so afraid that he'd been wrong...and I told him that everything was okay, that I wouldn't leave him. Isn't it funny that he's the one who left?" Millie blinked her eyes and tears fell down her cheeks. "I just wish he was still here. He was a good man underneath that mask he put on, just like Mr. Vash. That night...he cried and then he turned away from me. He said there was a decision he had to make. What do you think that was, Sempai?"

Meryl felt her stomach sink. There was a hollowness that started in her belly and spread to her lungs, and she couldn't breathe. "I don't know."

"It hurt him. It's sad that people have to make decisions like that." Millie sat up and dried her eyes, looking down at the silver crosses on her sleeves. "You want to know what, though? You have to be strong for the people who can't be here, because that way they can live through you."

Meryl smiled. "Did your big big sister tell you that?"

Millie grinned in reply. "Nope, Sempai. I told me that. But it's true. I've been thinking about it ever since that day. I need to be strong for him."

Meryl nodded and looked up. "You're always strong, Millie. Stronger than anyone I know."

"Hmm?"

"Oh...nothing. It was nothing. Talking to myself, that's all!" She couldn't say it. She couldn't tell Millie about Knives. Even the strongest person could only bear so much weight before they collapsed.

Millie took the crosses from her wrists and laid them on the little table with care. Light from several moons glistened on them from all angles, lighting them up like the desolate stars that shone in the sky.

"Thanks for listening, Sempai. Sorry to wake you."

Meryl shook her head and threw her arms around Millie's waist. "You didn't wake me at all. Sleep well, okay?"

Millie settled onto the couch again, letting out a deep sigh. The sounds of sleep soon filled the house, but they didn't touch Meryl at all as she crept back to her bed.

After what seemed like centuries of waiting and memorizing the intricate patterns of filth on the ceiling, Meryl couldn't stand it anymore. She got out of bed and walked down the hall, past the entrance to the living room, until she reached the room where Millie had been sleeping for the last few months. Her slender fingers twined around the knob and slowly, slowly twisted it.

The creaks of metal and wood could have been construction workers in her ear, so loud did the small noises sound. Finally, she had eased the door open. Her eyes scanned the moonlit room, where blue and red light meshed to become an eerie purple. On the mattress beside the bed, Knives lay in a haphazard position so random it looked like he'd fallen there. Only a tiny flap of blanket covered him. His face was still and soft, unmarred by anger in his sleep.

Vash rested on the bed. Meryl took a deep breath outside of the door, afraid that she would not be able to take many more once she entered the room. She took one step inside of the door. Knives did not move.

Slowly, slowly, she continued to tiptoe, her footsteps as soundless as the aging and groaning floorboards would allow, until she stopped at Vash's bed. She looked down on him. He still looked just as worn as he had when Knives had brought him in here. His hair stuck against his forehead with his own feverish sweat, eyes moving rapidly behind closed lids. He seemed much calmer, though. Meryl prayed his dreams were good ones.

"Vash..." Meryl whispered. Her eyes flicked to Knives, but he was still sprawled in the same position. Meryl swept each of the soft rebel strands of hair away from Vash's face with the touch of her finger, then drew back, blushing. She sat by his bedside, finding his warm hand and twining hers into it. "You know, we miss you. Millie, and...well, I miss you. Wake up soon, okay? You've got a lot of slaps to catch up on, starting with one big one for taking so long to come back. Remember that night, when you said you'd stay? You didn't, so there's another one. That's two."

She tightened her grip, and was almost sure that he returned it a bit.

Why am I so afraid of what I'll say if you open your eyes right now?

Meryl leaned forward onto the bed and rested her head at Vash's side, calmed by the rhythmic sound of each slow breath drawn one after another, and the rise of his chest against her cheek. Her eyes drifted closed, inhibitions and worries forgotten. Pleasant blackness took over.

Everything faded, and the next thing Meryl heard was a steel tone that woke her from her sleep. "I thought I told you there would be consequences if you did not listen to me."

It was Knives.

Hope you enjoyed this latest chapter. If you found any problems/typos/OOCness, just let me know. I really benefit from reader feedback, and you guys just make me plain ecstatic! Thanks for being my muse support so far. More yummy cookies and all my eternal love to those who review.