Too Close to Touch

Disclaimer/Notes: Fasten your seatbelts, ladies and gentlemen, and hold on tight, because this is going to be a bumpy ride. Only God knows what kind of crazy plot twists will happen and what strange ideas will fall from the sky. (It's sort of sad that at this point I'm not quite sure, either...) The last chapter was relatively tranquil, but I hope that things will pick up very soon. Right now, I would like to take the opportunity to thank Sugar Pill for the absolutely amazing help with the last chapter! Those thoughts for improvement were immeasurably helpful. I'd like to send a sincere thank you out to all the other reviewers, too. You guys rock!

Musical voices drifted from the kitchen, punctuated with laughter. Millie and Meryl were making some kind of big dinner. Millie did all the work, but since Meryl couldn't stand staying in her room, Millie had found a cushioned chair for her to rest in. Every time Meryl tried to help, Millie would gently mutter a motherly rebuke and push her small friend back down. "Sempai, you have to heal! Just watch, okay?"

"But Millie...I hate not being able to do anything. This is...this is...it's torture! I'm like a fifth wheel. Useless."

Millie's soft strains of laughter echoed out of the house to Vash's ears. "Silly Sempai! You can't be the one to do all the work. I'm sure I'll need some help later on and you can help me."

"Thanks, Millie." Meryl seemed to calm down a bit at the promise that she would soon have work to do. Vash gaped. Women...every last single one of them is insane! He looked out to the sky ahead of him. Morning had come too fast. Vash had returned to the house last night to find Meryl asleep in the chair. He'd carried her inside. Thank goodness she hadn't awakened in his arms; he knew she would have done something drastic.

But she hadn't, and she had not yet asked how she'd gotten back to bed, either.

Vash still sat on the porch bannister, kept up by the wooden support beam, and he let his legs stretch out to touch the next one. He stared straight forward at the town, but his eyes didn't see anything. He was too deep in thought.

Compromise...

Vash sighed and closed his eyes, wiping at his haphazard hair. Is there any way I can stay with the girls? Any way I can keep them safe? I know...they're afraid of Knives. One of these days I'll fail again and I won't be able to keep him from killing them and so many others. I have to find a way. Is there a way?

For some reason, the delicious smells coming from the kitchen didn't perk him up.

He'd have to make a choice soon.

'Vash, stop thinking, you're giving me a headache.'

Vash opened his eyes up and frowned. 'Get out of my head, Knives.'

His brother's voice was soft and just a bit condescending. 'I'm afraid that I can't. You see, I can feel your emotions right now. You remember like it was on the ship? Like that. It's extremely distracting.'

'Ignore it,' Vash grumbled, getting off the porch.

Knives laughed derisively. 'Much easier said than done. You're hard to ignore.'

Millie's clunky footsteps echoed through the house, soft laughs following them. She poked her head out the door at the same time that Vash's feet his the porch. "Dinner's ready, Mr. Vash! I'll bet Mr. Knives is awful hungry, too. You should probably bring him something. Oh! No, wait, I'll do it. You just go and sit down, okay?"

Millie took a tray piled with steaming food out of the kitchen, and Vash stepped past her. "Wait," he said feebly. "You know, I can do that..."

Millie threw a bright grin over her shoulder. "No, I'll do it!"

Vash walked into the kitchen.

"Uh-oh," he said immediately, not even thinking before the words left his lips.

Meryl, who sat at the table, looked up at him defiantly, a half-wrapped mummy with attitude. "What does that mean?" she demanded.

"Um...nothing. I was just surprised to see you here, that's all. I'm safe from the whole slap thing since you can't move your arms, right?"

Despite herself, Meryl allowed a tight smile. "We'll see about that."

Vash gulped and sat down. He looked around the table. "Aw, no donuts?"

Meryl sighed. She looked exhausted. Charcoal circles rimmed her grey-blue eyes. "Keep that up and I'll unwrap these bandages and make an exception. Eat. Millie took a long time making this."

Vash put on a pout and started eating. It was actually really good...

Millie returned in a bit, a determined and satisfied grin on her face. "I got Mr. Knives to eat! Told him I wouldn't leave until he ate something." She put her hands on her hips. "I think he didn't like it but he ate. That is so good, because I was getting worried about him. He's so stubborn, kind of like you, Mr. Vash!"

Vash hoped that their stubborn nature was the only thing that he and his brother shared. He smiled half-heartedly.

"Something the matter?" Millie asked, eyes traveling over Meryl's defensive posture and Vash's look of silent contemplation.

Vash forced a big grin to his face. "Nope! Everything's fine." He finished eating and thanked Millie and Meryl profusely for such a great dinner before he ransacked the cupboards in search of donuts. Millie grinned and finally told him that she'd hidden them in the refrigerator at Meryl's request. Meryl just buried her head in the only hand she could lift to her face.

An empty tray at his side, Knives sat on the bed, staring at the door. So far, this was the only place relatively clean of the humans' filth.

He had to get out of here.The entire house was disgusting, and Knives did not want to spend one moment more than he had to in this place. With each day that passed, he felt more tainted. His eyes had learned to ignore small imperfections, and had found himself excusing the humans' small errors. The fact that he was becoming used to sharing small things like silverware with the humans made him feel as if their essence had corrupted him.

Soon, he and Vash would have to leave. Knives wasn't sure how much of this he could take.

Vash had not healed completely, and though Knives was hesitant to admit it, his brother's interaction with the humans seemed to be helping him a lot. Knives shook his head. Vash, dear brother, you don't even know what you can do, do you? When Knives had first realized the extent of his abilities, he had taken weeks to grasp their concept. Even before Vash even knew of the existence of those abilities, he had used them unconsciously.

He had such a strong connection to his emotions... That was probably why Vash's recovery had been so precarious. Though they could also be accelerated, depending on his will, Vash's healing abilities had been compromised by the emotions of the people around him.

Another reason why emotions were the mark of the weak.

Knives sighed. He wondered if Vash would ever learn. Will you listen to me, brother? I only want to show you things that will help you. Everything...everything I've done has been for your best, whether or not you see it.

Sitting up abruptly, Knives realized what he would have to do to get Vash to leave. It was so simple.

Millie and Meryl rested across from each other in the living room, neither of them saying anything. The twin suns cast their last rays through the open window and the thin curtains covering it, making golden criss-cross cloth patterns across the walls. Knives' presence in the house made small talk awkward, so the two just sat in silence. Vash watched from the entrance to the hall, leaning against the solid wood behind him. He'd done a lot of watching since he'd arrived here. Most of the time no one even knew he was doing it.

He didn't think that Meryl of Millie knew now, either. Meryl had a book cradled in her hands, even though she didn't seem to be reading it. Millie stared at the floor as if it was the most interesting sight in the world. She had the wrinkled expression that said she was thinking deeply.

And Vash just watched, hesitant to interrupt their comfortable silence. That's what he liked so much about watching. His presence wouldn't disrupt their lives. He'd never wanted to impose problems on the two, but his presence somehow always seemed to do just that.

He stood up after a few moments, ready to head outside again. The air in here flowed thick with unspoken words, and he still had not thought of a way to protect the girls.

A fiery pain surged through Vash's arm and shoulder, and he stumbled at the very moment he stood upright. He gripped the doorway to keep from falling, but let go when the pain only got worse, sending hot agony through his whole arm like lava flowing in his veins.

He would not have minded it if the pain was not so familiar. He knew this feeling, though he had only felt it a few times before.

It was so much worse this time, though. Vash felt his arm changing, muscles altering and skin transforming. A by now familiar blade formed and slid into his hand. "Knives.."

He stood to his feet again against his own will. He couldn't stop himself. Oh God... "Knives, what are you doing to me?" A voice spoke in his head, and he was sure it wasn't his own. It was so loud and so strong, impossible to ignore. He gripped the blade by its handle and stood in the shadows, staring at the two girls who could not see him at all.

They'd be so easy to kill, right here...right now.

Vash shook his head, his entire body shaking. No! But no matter how hard his body trembled, the grip on the knife in his transformed hand never slackened.

Kill them.

It wasn't a voice, it was a command. His body responded even though his mind screamed against it. Tears stung at his eyes.

But just as quickly as the transformation had happened, his arm changed back to normal, his brother's signature blade gone. Vash stared down at himself, disgust rising inside him. He was going to be sick. I almost killed them.

Without sparing a glance at the girls, he ran past them to the porch, and sat in the dark corner, wanting to be alone for the first time in a very, very long time.

"Close call, wasn't it, brother?"

Vash looked up, his fear and tears replaced by anger. His eyes adjusted quickly to the light outside to reveal his brother's casually standing form. The careless way Knives looked down made Vash's fists clench. "Knives..." he gasped. "Why—?"

Knives answered Vash's broken question. "Because I wanted to show you how volatile your abilities really are. Even I can control then better than you can, and if I had not allowed to to stop me, your precious pets would be dead...by your own hand."

Vash glared upward and stood on unsteady legs. "Then why didn't you make me kill them? I know that you want to. You don't understand them."

"Why?" Knives echoed Vash's question with a gently solemn tone that surprised Vash. "I hate those things, but you don't. That's why, for the moment, I will leave them alone."

Vash could not think of anything to say.

Knives continued. "Let me show you how to use your powers, Vash. I can teach you many things."

"But I can't..."

"Do you want to accidentally harm the ones you care for?"

Vash clenched his teeth and did not reply.

Knives stepped out of the shadows and walked off of the porch. "Think about it. I'll talk to you later."

Vash was left alone again in the night that was no longer calm and welcome. The darkness felt alive, as if it was reaching out and whispering ominous threats in his ear.

Leave Millie and Meryl again?

Maybe this was the compromise he'd been looking for. Maybe this was the only way to keep them safe.

Vash stood up and looked back in at the comfortable silence the girls shared, and as Millie laughed softly, Vash realized that he had never felt so far away from them. The sound of her laugher stopped on a barrier that separated him from them. They were so close to him. So close...but too close to touch.

'Knives, I'll do it. As soon as I can walk an ile without passing out, I'll go with you. If you even touch the girls before then, I'll kill you.'

Knives took a while replying. 'I'm glad you saw sense. We'll head out next week.'

Author's Notes: Well, everything has to start somewhere! This is a bit of a short chapter, and not too much is going on, but a lot more will happen in later chapters. I've been going crazy with new ideas, and more likely than not, I'll implement them. Please tell me if you noticed any parts where people were out of character. If you read this far, I commend you. Thanks! Please, please leave a review and I'll be eternally grateful! It'll only take a second and it will make me so ecstatic. (Gets on knees in the mud) I BEG OF YOU!