Group chat with co writers is such fun, the plans for this story have us all very happy...

Line break represents time shift, not POV change. Co writer did many good things with this chapter and I loved watching it develop.

-HTTYD-

Unnerving as it was, the incessant rattle of her phone was not enough to make Astrid get up from her bed, the glow of the screen lighting up breaking the darkness she'd been lying in until then. The buzzing finally stopped, then a second, shorter vibration followed a minute or two later. Sighing, Astrid pushed herself into a seated position and reached over for her phone. Missed call from Hiccup, text from Eret. She erased the notifications without reading the message, let her phone clatter back down to the table before slumping back in her bed.

She didn't want to be reminded of them, tried so hard not to think of them. She knew what her heart wanted right now and it was impossible. End of story. She had to forget these fantasies. But, of course, with them always being around in some way on campus, she couldn't get rid of the constant reminders anyway...

At least they hadn't tried turning up at her dorm. Granted, that would be ridiculously obvious of them, but Astrid was still glad to not have to face them. She didn't even know what she'd say to them if they were there.

The knock at her door made Astrid's heart leap into her throat - had she somehow summoned them here with her uninterrupted pining? - but a heartbeat later Heather's voice echoed though the thin door toward her, and with a great sigh Astrid reluctantly got up to let her in.

"Hey" Heather stepped through and closed the door behind her, without giving Astrid the chance to object. "how you feeling?"

Astrid shrugged, returning to her bed and wrapping a blanket around her shoulders. It wasn't even one her mother had made her; Astrid felt too guilty to use them with all of those forbidden and impossible desires on her mind, even though she missed the comforting familiarity. Well, she missed a lot of things...

"No offence, but you look terrible. When did you last shower?"

Rubbing her face, Astrid shrugged again. She wasn't too sure.

"What day is it?"

"Thursday."

"Oh. It's been a few days then."

She should probably do something about that.

"Well when you've eaten, I'm dumping you in there."

Astrid ate obediently, mechanically; she knew Heather cooked well, but she didn't really taste it and the weight sat uncomfortably in her stomach. If Heather didn't turn up pretty much every day to feed her, Astrid doubted she'd bother all that much. She didn't really feel hungry, and often when she did she'd remember all the times she'd gone to Hiccup and Eret to share dinner, followed by long, messy nights in bed and warm cuddles in the morning, wonderfully comfortable breakfasts and all the kisses and giggles...

And that was usually enough to kill her appetite. Thoroughly.

True to her word, Heather waited for her to finish her food before dragging her to the bathroom, even hunting for clean clothes and checking there was a clean towel available. Astrid almost undressed while Heather was there, barely remembering her tattoo as she shut the door. Did it even matter anymore? She stood beneath the spray for several minutes, reluctant to reach for the sandalwood shower gel before she remembered she had new soap from a gifted bath set over the holidays. The flowery scent wasn't great, but it wasn't sandalwood and that was all she cared about.

Right from the day she'd returned to the dorm after the holidays, Heather had clearly seen Astrid was in something of a funk, and seemed to be serving as her absent self-care motivation. She had asked, once, what was wrong, but when Astrid had no answer Heather changed tack, asked if Astrid had broken up with her secret boyfriend, and while it was nothing close to the truth (could she even break up with her... brothers-with-benefits?), she made a noise Heather took as agreement and had just silently taken the forceful caring since.

She'd be fine soon, anyway. All Astrid needed to do was get over these pesky feelings that had developed. They were inappropriate and ridiculous, but they would fade with time. So long as she didn't let them grow, which was definitely the only reason she was avoiding her brothers. All she needed was a little more time to cool off, and then she'd deal with them; when her mind stopped with the stupid fantasies of the more they'd agreed their hook ups could never become.

Besides, the boys had each other. They were fine.

Right?

Astrid dressed herself with a frown, ignoring that her shirt was a little loose for the sake of brother-related-pondering. Were they alright? Sure, they'd been trying regularly to get hold of her, but they had always been big-brother concern types. They'd always said the whole sex thing was temporary, just physical. So they wouldn't be too bothered if Astrid stopped, right? Hel, they still had each other and half the campus to get through.

Hiccup would just have to live with not feeding Astrid constantly.

"Have you even gone to class this week?"

Heather asked as she braided Astrid's hair, the closest to intimacy she'd felt in a while.

"Yes!"

She'd definitely been to at least one class that week. Not that Astrid could remember which one. Her minor sad spell had her a little... forgetful. Sometimes she forgot which class she had, or when, or even that she had a class at all. Or what day it was...

Heather's arms wrapped around her shoulders, squeezing her gently.

"You know you can talk to me right?"

"Yeah, I know."

"I just hate seeing you so down."

Astrid shrugged, dislodging the friendly hold. It was more closeness than she could stomach right now. Heather didn't complain, got up and tugged the curtains on her window open so Astrid could glare at the daylight. Her phone began to buzz on the side and Heather looked toward it, forcing Astrid to move and grab it before Heather potentially saw Eret or Hiccup's names on the screen. Thankfully, it was neither, though Astrid had no real desire to answer her mothers call either.

"Who was it?"

"Just my mom, wanting to fuss over me. Always the same after holidays, she gets a fresh surge of empty nest syndrome."

She tried to add something like light laughter, but was certain it failed miserably at convincing Heather her mood was raised.

Heather threw Astrid a sympathetic look, one Astrid understood clearly as well, you need someone to fuss over you right now, and it was something that she opted to ignore.

"If you haven't left your room by tomorrow, I will have Dagur come pick you up and carry you outside. You need the fresh air."

Astrid grimaced at the idea of being manhandled like that. It was too close to playfighting with Hiccup, or the way Eret used to just lift her up and carry her to Hiccup's bed…

"I'm fine!"

She insisted. Rolling her eyes, Heather informed her there was more food in her fridge, made Astrid a warm drink and told her to call if she needed anything. She didn't blame Heather for not wanting to stay around; Astrid was not exactly great company.

"Okay, that's it. I'm done watching you mope around like this."

Slowly, Astrid looked up from the cup of tea Heather had made her and gazed at her friend without fully understanding what she meant. Ok, maybe she was moping around, she couldn't really deny that. But she really didn't have the energy to get out of her stupor, not yet. She needed another few days, maybe a week. Surely, she'd be fine after another week, wouldn't she? She just had to stop remembering the smallest or oddest details about them all the time. Like how Eret would make her tea, too, and how Hiccup would make her eat regularly, just like Heather did now. With a soft groan, she dropped her head again and stared at the calm surface of her mug. It wasn't even steaming anymore. How long had she been staring blankly at it?

"No, no, no, you're not going to ignore me like this anymore," Heather drew her attention back to her "this has to end. Now!"

"What are you talking about?"

Astrid asked, voice barely above a whisper as she was feeling too tired to put more volume into her voice. Seriously, all she wanted was to get back in to her bed, but Heather had forced her up to at least sit on the desk chair, rather than stay buried under blankets ignoring the world.

"I'm talking about all of this. Do you even know how long this has been going on for now? It's been a month, Astrid. A month! And I'm done watching you getting more and more miserable. I was giving you time to get over your broken heart" if she were really feeling herself, Astrid might have argued "but enough is enough. Time obviously isn't working, so what you need is a distraction. Hel, some fun. Which means we're going out tonight. No, I won't accept any excuses anymore. Come on, take a shower while I see what clothes you have left and then we're going to a party. We'll dance and we'll drink. We'll laugh and maybe you'll even find someone to distract you more thoroughly. Now, move! That tea has to be too cold to taste good anymore anyway."

Astrid wanted to protest, she really did. She didn't want to go out, didn't want that kind of distraction Heather was implying, and she certainly didn't want to find somebody else. She wasn't ready for that, not yet. How could she be?

But she also didn't really have the energy to protest, and so barely an hour later she found herself in Heather's car as they drove to some party or other Dagur had invited them along to. It was a little further away than they usually ventured and too far to get there by foot, in the outskirts of the city. Some semi-private party one of Dagur's friends held in his grandparents' holiday home, or something like that. She hadn't really listened.

But this was good, she mused. If it was a more private party and further away, chances were slim that she would run into Hiccup and Eret there. Sure, Dagur and her brothers shared quite a few friends, but still… She could hope, right?

And apparently she was lucky, in that regard at least. As they entered the main party room it was already packed with people, but she could neither spot Eret's broad shoulders nor Hiccup's wild mane of hair amidst the crowd.

Not that she'd looked…

Instead, Dagur directly came to greet then, two disposable cups of something undefinable in his hands which he pushed upon the girls immediately. Astrid briefly considered saying she didn't want to stay because the cups weren't environmentally friendly, but was certain there would be recyclable bottles somewhere around there and Heather would just insist she danced more to make up for not drinking.

"Hey! It's great you made it!"

He said cheerfully before he threw his beefy arms around them both in a friendly hug. From the look he threw his sister, Dagur knew why Heather had dragged her here, but Astrid made an effort to ignore that fact rather than feel doubly pathetic. Dagur would have invited them anyway. Probably. Heather was his sister after all... oh, he was talking again.

"-and I hope you'll both enjoy yourself here. My pal Savage doesn't often throw parties but when he does it's always worth it. Plus it's all very LGBTQ friendly, so don't feel shy about talking to anyone."

He winked at them both and then excused himself before he headed over to another group, enthusiastically greeting other friends he had apparently invited.

"Hear that?" Heather nudged her in the side to get Astrid's attention again "you're supposed to enjoy yourself. Have fun. So you get started while I'll see if I can find something non-alcoholic to drink. I'm not going to get drunk when looking after you, much less when I need to drive us back. Or maybe just me back."

With a half-joking suggestive look, she pushed the cup Dagur had given her into Astrid's free hand and then left her standing there.

Astrid felt completely out of place. All aound her, people were dancing and laughing, but she didn't feel like doing either. Instead she felt a mild headache overcome her; she wasn't used to loud music and so many people anymore.

And maybe that was why Heather had been right. Maybe she really did need to get used to people again. Sighing, Astrid resigned herself to her fate of staying here for a couple of hours, and maybe it would even be fun eventually. She sipped at onr of her two cups and was happily surprised to find it filled with something from a tasty fruit bowl. There was surely some strong alcohol mixed into this, but it still tasted rather good. She took another sip and then a bigger gulp, and before she knew it, the first of her cups was empty. Oh well, if nothing else, she could get drunk and at least for this one night forget her bleak thoughts and feelings. Heather was designated driver, so she'd not be left unattended too long. Astrid took several gulps of the second cup full on that thought, sulking slightly when it was empty.

With a smile and already feeling a little dizzy, she went into another room, in search of Heather and a place to get rid of her empty cup, when she spotted they were there after all. At the other end of the room, she could see Eret dancing with a cute girl that sported an almost ridiculous mane of red curls, and the way she had her entire body pressed against his left no doubts about what her hopes for the rest of the night were.

Astrid felt like someone had given her a hard punch into the stomach. With a low whimper, she stumbled backwards and hit a wall, hidden halfway behind a cupboard just as Hiccup joined them on the dancefloor as well. The redhead didn't hesitate, turned and pulled Hiccup into a deep kiss that made bile rise into Astrid's throat. What was she doing? Did she want him to swallow her tongue whole or something?

Unable to move - to get away or get closer, she didn't even know - Astrid stayed in her hiding place and watched them. But not even a minute later, they seemed to be getting ready to leave. Even over the distance, Astrid could see the look and the nod her brothers shared before Eret leant down to whisper into the girl's ear. Giggling, she nodded in return and all three turned to leave the room in the direction of the exit. That hadn't taken them long.

Astrid followed them with her eyes, biting down on her lip hard to keep herself from making any noise even though there was no chance they would hear her over the music and their... distraction. A part of her wanted to follow them, to throw herself into their arms, to push the redhead aside and beg them to take her with them instead. But of course, she couldn't do that; not in front of all these people and not when she knew it would mean something completely different to the twins than it did to her. So she stayed where she was, feeling her heart break all over again.

Yearning painfully, her eyes lingered on them until first Eret then the girl were out of her view. Before Hiccup could follow them, however, he suddenly turned, his eyes wandering over the crowded room as if he was looking for something, for someone, and all Astrid could do was quickly slip back into hiding behind the cupboard and pray to any deity who might be listening that he hadn't seen her.

With her heart hammering in her chest, she waited, unable to move and hoping that he wouldn't appear right in front of her now. She didn't want to see him, didn't want to talk to him. She still had no idea what to tell them anyway; that she wanted them to go away or to take her with them, take her home? No, no, she couldn't think like that, not now or ever again… for once, however, she was lucky. Seconds turned to minutes that passed without anyone bothering her, until she was sure that they must have left by now.

Eventually she relaxed and with an almost hysterical laugh, let her head drop back against the wood. Gods, what was she doing here? Going out to distract herself from her impossible feelings for her brothers? Hiding from those brothers to avoid talking to them? This was insane, really.

She had to go on, to forget about them - or their torrid sexual affair at least, she couldn't really forget her brothers - and get on with her life. It was what they were doing, after all. Obviously, they were doing just fine without her, and why wouldn't they? They'd been together long before she'd joined them and could pick up pretty much whoever they wanted if they were looking for variety. And it was genuinely what she wanted for them. She didn't want them to be as miserable as she was, didn't want them to hurt over her sudden reclusiveness. She wanted them to be happy and to live their lives, uninhibited by her stupid feelings. But gods, it stung. They didn't need her, were doing perfectly fine. They didn't even miss her!

All of a sudden, her laughter turned into uninhibited crying and she slid down the wall and onto the ground, her knees too weak to hold her up anymore. They didn't even miss her when the sensation of how much she missed them was ruling her every thought. She missed their touches and their smiles and the way they would tease her. She missed their kisses, both the playful and the intense ones. She missed their scent all around her, missed the heat of their skin beneath her hands, missed being filled by them and the noises and sounds they made. She missed the intensity, the closeness – everything that other girl would experience tonight in her stead.

That thought was enough to have the world tipping precariously, stomach heaving and Astrid was incredibly glad there was a bin nearby, wretching up the strong drinks and the food Heather had cajoled into her earlier. Gasping for air as she coughed and tried to breathe again, she dimly heard someone say they were getting her some water and choked a little, fresh tears on her cheeks and her head pounding, her guts twisting but none of it quite matched up to the icy pain in her chest.

Gods, why had she ever agreed to going there?

-HTTYD-

Poor Astrid. Are we mean to her, do you think? *imagine the thinking emoji here*