Lyccae, that comment full of crying gifs is the stuff of legend and I love you for it!
This one took a while as one of the co-writers wrote the outline, and the other was very determined to write the chapter, but had a lot of Real Life happening, so I finished it up, but it was mostly both their efforts.
-HTTYD-
The holidays were definitely different that year, Hiccup thought as he bagged the last of the shopping up and doing his best to ignore the hustle and bustle of other people who, like he and Eret, had left their shopping to the last minute. It was a welcome distraction, in a way, to think about what they needed and weave in and out of the crowds of people. It was easier to think of that, instead of how they weren't driving home. Well… to their parents' house. That wasn't home anymore. Not since the whole disownment thing and all.
They were trucking on just fine though, he supposed. Both had jobs - Eret was working in sales, his natural charisma coming in handy as he charmed everyone within a half-mile radius, and Hiccup had managed to land a job in manuafacturing, which was no small feat for someone fresh out of university. It meant they could afford rent and bills and put a little bit away for...
Hiccup swallowed thickly, fishing in his pocket for his keys and unlocking the front door, balancing the shopping bags in a one handed grip and sighing in relief when the door opened. Eret didn't even turn around at first, stood out on the little balcony watching the snow come down. After a minute, he turned to look at his twin, offering Hiccup a soft smile.
"Need help?"
"Nah, you stay there and enjoy the snow."
Eret loved the snow more than anyone, and though Hiccup enjoyed it too the shopping wouldn't put itself away. Stacking tins in the cupboard, Hiccup didn't even think of asking Eret what was on his mind. Hiccup was undoubtedly thinking about the same things. It wasn't easy to block the haunting memories of last years holiday season, and of all the years before that one.
Years like those left marks under their skin.
Years of their father's voice telling yet another story, and their mother laughing as their children would complete it for him; they'd heard it so many times before that they could repeat them verbatim, but story telling was just an integral part of family time.
There was no going back to that now though.
To undo everything that had happened would have meant to go back years, back to the first moment he had felt Eret's lips on his own, and Hiccup didn't want to know what that life would have been like.
"Hey," Eret's voice made Hiccup jump "whoa, easy H."
"Sorry."
Hiccup chuckled nervously, putting down the potato he was holding on the counter. His hands found more stability resting on Eret's hips, and though his brothers lips slightly chapped because of the cold, they left Hiccup feeling very warm. Eret slid his arms around Hiccup, a comforting embrace, bolstering him.
"Right, let's put this stuff away."
With help, the vegetables were away in no time at all, and then Eret picked him up and carted Hiccup over to the sofa, depositing him down and half-lying on top of him to keep Hiccup there in a clear sign of "stay". Hiccup didn't have the energy or inclination to resist.
They hadn't spoken to their father since the... rather exposing incident in the bathroom with Astrid, where they all found out she was pregnant in the space of about five minutes. They still heard from their mother occasionally, stolen minutes of phone calls with abrupt endings. She'd visited them all of two times at their new place, but couldn't get away from Eret Sr often and they weren't going to pressure her to do more. The fact she was still willing to have anything to do with them after they'd impregnated their little sister was more than they expected anyway.
Astrid...
Thinking about Astrid was strange for them now.
They still loved her, of course they did. She was their sister, after all. And, if he let his mind wander, Hiccup could remember the spark of attraction, the love that ran a little deeper than just sibling love. There were moments when he woke and reached for Astrid out of habit, sleep-addled brain expecting to find her between them in bed. Sometimes Eret would make a half-comment, like "Astrid would-" only to cut himself off. They both still loved her romantically, at least a little, Hiccup knew.
But that love, those feelings... there was a shadow hanging over them. A shadow made of all the betrayal and pain, with a little anger rough around the edges. Hiccup understood that she was upset, and scared, and not necessarily thinking clearly when she bolted from their flat and avoided Valka's following her.
That didn't mean they could understand her going to so much trouble to cut herself off from everyone entirely, to disappear from all their lives. Even Heather, first to know Astrid was pregnant (by her brothers), only got a couple of update texts. And those texts were all the information Hiccup and Eret had about their son. Their little boy, out there somewhere, growing up without a father while they were both hurting, missing him. They didn't even know what he looked like, who he looked like. Just that Eret was the biological father, and that being half-siblings hadn't caused him any genetic disorders.
The not knowing was awful. Hiccup had had instances where he terrified himself in to thinking about awful what-if instances, like what if Astrid and the baby had died in childbirth? Eret had managed to talk him down from that - if that had happened, then Valka would have been told. And they'd spoken to their mother since Astrid must have had the baby, based on the date of conception they knew was that night. The night both brothers wished they'd not been so weak for Astrid, that they had made her talk to them.
Eret hadn't been table to talk Hiccup out of his other major what-if, which was what if their son did have a father? Astrid was beautiful and amazing and it was definitely possible she'd met someone new, someone who was raising their son as his own.
Sometimes that thought made Hiccup bubble over with resentment, jealousy for the missed moments - they'd missed him being born, his first breaths. As time ticked on, they'd be missing his first smile, his first laugh, his first word, his first steps.
Eret squeezed him gently, giving Hiccup a worried look. He realised he was incredibly tense and forced himself to relax, pulling at Eret until his brother crawled up his body, allowing Hiccup to hug him properly.
Hiccup used the strength he got from Eret to push those thoughts aside. Even if they had nothing else, they had each other, and that was all he needed.
Since the snow had melted not too long ago and flowers were just beginning to blossom, sunbathing was more a more welcome pasttime for Astrid now than it was going to be in a month, when the heat became more stifling. As she enjoyed the smell of grass and the soft breeze, Astrid was disturbed by a shift in the gravel, her eyes catching well-worn trainers before finding a runner standing on the path near her.
Astrid wondered if he was taking a break from his morning run, or if he had other motives.
He was staring at her; she knew it by the way he overcompensated and almost cartoonishly looked in any direction but her own. He could only have been more obvious with the cliche innocent whistling. Having a little inward giggle, Astrid went back to sunbathing, wriggling her bare toes in the grass as it tickled her feet.
Some time later she heard the crunch of gravel yet again and she instantly knew, before opening her eyes, exactly who she'd find standing in the path. This being the third time he'd stopped by to stare at her, Astrid had already known it'd be the runner.
She smiled to herself and wondered - would he finally have the courage to approach her? Astrid gave him a sidelong glance, catching his eyes fixed on her. The runner bolted the second their eyes met.
She was flattered, of course. Raising a newborn meant a lot of sleepless nights - apparently, she didn't look as tired as she felt. But she didn't have much hope there; the guy was already having a hard time gathering the confidence to talk to her; she didn't think a baby would make him any braver.
Almost as if she'd summoned them by thought alone, Heather was coming back with Henry in his pushchair.
"Hey!"
Astrid called out, standing up. Heather smiled at her.
"Hey. Little man was hungry."
"When is he not?"
Chuckled Astrid as she sat back down, fumbling with her shirt while Heather lifted her baby out of the pushchair to hand him over. Henry gurgled up at her, but his attentions were soon diverted to filling his seemingly-bottomless belly. Thankfully, he was a comfortable, easy eater, latched on happily and didn't even seem to notice Astrid moving him so she could get comfortable.
As he nursed, Heather chatted about the walk they'd taken and how Henry tried to grab a passing butterfly before she moved on to her latest family dinner. The two were laughing about Dagur's antics when Astrid heard the gravel again.
It was the runner. That time he didn't stop. Astrid caught Heather's gaze, scanning her, then looking at the runner's rapidly retreating back.
"Thank you."
Astrid said, managing to get Heather's attention again. Heather smiled, though it was faintly bemused.
"What for?"
Astrid shrugged.
"Just yanno, being in my life. I think I'd have gone a little nuts on my own."
"Oh," she chuckled "I'm your friend, Astrid. I'm happy to be here."
Astrid shrugged again, before changing the topic. They chatted about other, inconsequential things until the runner passed them once more, but it seemed he didn't need breaks anymore. Or maybe he'd found another, baby-less woman to hit on further down the path. Or, Heather joked as she ruffled Henry's soft dark hair, he was worried that they were a couple and he was barking up the wrong tree.
Astrid reflected on this as they packed their stuff. Really, she had already expected the sudden change of heart from the runner, since she'd already been in the same situation before. After all, she had already watched countless joggers, walkers, men walking down the street, baristas... just men in general who looked interested suddenly and pointedly ignoring her once they realised she had a baby.
Adjusting Henry in his baby seat while Heather folded up and placed the pushchair in the trunk, Astrid sighed.
No matter, she thought, caressing Henry's cheek, tickling his neck with her finger and smiling when he shrieked and gurgled, his little mouth tipping up at the sides. Henry was the only man in her life.
In fact, besides him and Heather, Astrid had little patience or willingness to get herself wrapped up in any other persons life, even if now she was finally starting to get almost enough sleep to function.
"Good timing."
Heather commented as they drove away from the park. It had started drizzling. That drizzle soon turned into rain, and they decided to leave the pushchair and only bring in Henry and his bag inside, laughing when they were safely inside and Astrid had already made sure Henry was dry and cozy, his face scrunching up in curiousity when a rain drop from Astrid's wet hair landed on his cheek.
The rest of the day went by in its fairly usual way in Astrid's small flat - Heather watching TV while Henry napped as Astrid got some work done, replying to her clients emails and updating her professional social media stuff. She'd been pretty lucky, all things considered. She'd managed to foster a solid relationship with her first clients, which then led to her being recommended to others, growing her customer base. Without that, things would be a financial as well as personal struggle.
There was only one bedroom, shared by Astrid's bed and Henry's baby crib, with a pull-out sofa bed often used by Heather when she came to visit, often spending the night when she did. Sometimes she stayed for the whole weekend, somehow successfully keeping Astrid from going stir-crazy in her otherwise socially nomadic life, and ensuring Astrid didn't completely burn herself out entertaining an energetic baby and managing work.
Heather managed to placate Henry for a little while after he woke up, giving Astrid time to finish up her work before she fed him. She helpfully offered to wind him while Astrid ran to the bathroom, which Astrid imagined she regretted as she recognised the sound effects even through a closed door.
Sure enough, she returned to find Henry had spewed milk all over Heather, and looked completely unashamed of the fact.
"Sorry."
"It's fine, really. Happens. And is why I bring spare clothes now. Could you..."
Heather held out the still-cheery Henry, who Astrid carefully took and cleaned up while Heather went to clean up and change. She tickled under his chin, shaking her head.
"Who's a messy little baby?"
Henry didn't have much of answer other than to wriggle happily in her arms, curling up happily against her chest when Astrid sat down again. Heather offered them a fond smile as she returned, the two adults talking dinner while Henry settled.
"Are you sure it's ok Cami meets me here?"
"Of course. I said you could invite her to stay for dinner, dolt."
Heather nodded, looking relieved. She and Cami - the helpful nurse at the hospital who boldly slipped Heather her number - had been dating pretty much ever since that day. Cami wasn't a huge fan of children herself, as she spent all day around noise and chaos and liked a little peace when home which Astrid understood, but she did say she thought Henry was cute, and didn't act as though she begrudged spending time around him when Heather was over at Astrid's. Henry didn't scream in her face, so he seemed happy enough with her too.
Their relationship seemed to be going from strength to strength, Astrid noted. When she was putting Henry down for the evening, she accidentally - and then intentionally, if she was honest - eavesdropped on a conversation they were having without her. And by the sounds of it, a conversation they'd had a couple of times before.
They were talking about moving in together, and moving somewhere convenient for both Cami's work and Heather's university would reduce how easily Heather could drop by and help Astrid. Not to mention, Cami would probably want her home more when they lived together. She didn't want to let them know she was listening in, but made a mental note to talk with Heather at some point about it.
Because Cami was right, even if she backtracked on her words when challenged by Heather.
"How long are you going to put your life on hold for her? She's an adult."
"Cami! It's complicated, alright? And Astrid's my best friend. If you're going to have a problem with her, then we are going to have a problem."
"You're right, you're right. Sorry. Just tired, and frustrated I guess."
Heather was putting her life on hold for Astrid, if she was only turning down moving in with Cami because of Astrid. Of course, Heather might just not be ready to move and was using Astrid as an excuse, but Astrid thought that very unlikely.
And so she pretended not to have heard a thing when she went back out, baby monitor in hand.
"We're gonna get going soon, unless you needed anything?"
Astrid shook her head.
"No, I'm beat, I'm just gonna become one with the sofa until dinner has settled and then go to bed."
"Alright. Call if you need me, I'll see you in a couple of days."
Heather hugged her goodbye, Cami waving as they left. Astrid meandered around for a bit, tidying up Henry's toys and the dummy he'd launched a respectable distance earlier when he was trying to get Astrid's attention. He woke for a nappy change a little later, and refused to settle back to sleep anywhere but Astrid's arms.
She didn't really mind. Holding him as he slept, sweet and peaceful with his head on her chest and a pudgy little hand holding her t-shirt, was very relaxing and helped to take the edge off her thoughts about Heather. Yes, Heather couldn't go on structuring her life around Astrid's needs, and nor should she. But it did leave Astrid wondering how her life would look when Heather wasn't around so much, or even at all (though that, she doubted; Heather doted on her little boy, and she'd been there for Astrid through so much).
And, while Heather wasn't in her life in a romantic sense (though they did have a running joke that they did everything but the physical part of a romantic relationship), those thoughts did turn Astrid's mind to the jogger that morning. He'd lost interest the second he saw Henry, and Astrid knew most men would.
In her gut, she acknowledged that that didn't matter anyway. She didn't want to meet someone new, not really. Her heart still ached for her brothers, and Astrid had to muffle a few choked sobs in a pillow - that pillow - so as not to wake her son.
Their son.
-HTTYD-
*drapes Astrid and Henry in fuzzy blanket and leaves Astrid a hot chocolate and some tissues*