I do not own any Blue Bloods characters or scenes from the show. The character of Madelyn is my own.
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Two nights later, the Reagan family dinner table was a lively affair. Erin and Danny were going at it about a case they were both on, the kids were interjecting with questions, and Dad was observing as Pop chimed in when he could. Overall, an average Sunday dinner. Except that on Erin's right, Jamie and Madelyn were quiet. Jamie, because he didn't want to be involved in the bickering, and Madelyn because she was stuck in her own head.
She heard her family talking around her, but her mind was elsewhere; with Chaz. The boy had been removed from his home the previous day, and it had been Madelyn that had to put through the request. It was necessary for Chaz's health and safety, but seeing the anguish on the child's face as he was separated from his mother broke her heart. Now Chaz was in a foster home, probably scared out of his mind, and she had all of this in front of her: her wonderfully dysfunctional family that she wouldn't replace for the world. And that made Madelyn angry; angry because an innocent child couldn't have the same; angry because no matter how hard she worked, sometimes it wasn't good enough; angry because she knew she was luckier than Chaz, but even so she couldn't help but miss her mom and Joe. Compared to Chaz, she had no right to complain, but today's sermon on the importance of family connections struck her harder than she had expected, and now her brain was on a never-ending rollercoaster of thoughts.
"Madelyn, what about you? How was work this week?" Dad asked, trying to de-escalate the tension at the table.
Madelyn's head shot up in surprise as the fog cleared. "Um, yeah it was okay. Nothing too exciting."
"Is that why you still have a full plate when everyone else is almost ready for dessert?" Danny asked as Linda elbowed him in the side.
"What? It's true." Linda rolled her eyes at her husband; he never ceased to amaze her with his bedside manner.
"Alright, Detective, you caught me," she replied, a slight attitude to her tone, "It's been a tough week and a tough day and I'm just really for it to be over." The words felt true in her bones. She needed some time alone.
"We've all been there, Mads. Hopefully tomorrow is better," Erin said lightly, trying to support her sister. Madelyn shot her sister a grateful look.
"But Aunt Maddie, don't you help people? Wouldn't that make you happy?" Sean inquired.
Madelyn took a deep breath, letting a bit of her tension go as she went to answer her young nephew. "I do help people, Sean, you're right. But sometimes the people I help are coming from really bad places in life, and it's very hard to see. Sometimes it gets to me, but I always keep working hard to make sure that kids in this city are safe okay? I'm just having an off day. Maybe some of the apple cake I was promised would help," she said, tilting her head and making eye contact with Danny.
"I'm on it, I'm on it," Danny said, getting up from the table.
Madelyn smirked when Nicky started giggling next to her. The women in the family knew that Madelyn had more influence on the men than the rest of them. She was the baby, the one to protect, even though she was fierce in her own right. After twenty eight years, she just decided to roll with the punches and use the extra attention to her advantage when she could, like right now.
"Thanks, Danny." The relief and sincerity in his baby sister's voice did not go unnoticed by the detective or the young officer to her right. Jamie made a mental note to stop by Madelyn's apartment after dinner to check in. He knew better than anyone that she liked to have her space, but sometimes the kid needed support even if she didn't realize it.
By the time the apple cake was devoured and the dishes were done, it was 8pm and the Reagans were set to disperse. While Danny and Linda had already left with the boys, Nicky had talked Pop, Jamie, and Madelyn into a poker game, while Erin spoke quietly with Dad about her case.
"Alright, I'm leaving. No fourteen year old should be this good at poker," Madelyn said as she stood to get her coat, ruffling Nicky's hair.
"Sorry Aunt Maddie, maybe next time!" Nicky responded with a knowing smile. "Or not…"
Jamie chuckled at the interaction, and Pop agreed with Madelyn. "Your aunt is right, whoever taught you to play really knew what they were doing."
"It was you, Pop!" Nicky replied, laughing. Henry's eyes twinkled. "Well I suppose so."
As Madelyn headed for the front door after bidding goodbye to her father and sister, she saw Jamie doing the same. "Ready for another week on the beat?"
He smiled, "I know you think I'm nuts sometimes, but I do love being a beat cop. The coffee, though…"
"Oof, yeah I don't know how you survive after all of those fancy coffee shops at Harvard. Must be a real blow."
Jamie rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah laugh it up. How do you feel about movie and beer? I'll even let you pick the movie."
Madelyn flipped her hair outside of her coat, zipping up the front. She loved Jamie, he was her best friend, but she needed space. Yes, maybe that space would involve a lot of crying, hiding under a blanket on her couch, but Madelyn was worn down and needed that cry. Tonight it would be about Chaz, Joe, and Mom.
"Maybe later this week, J? I'm tired and just want to go to bed," she replied, as lightly as possible in an attempt to ward off any of her brother's suspicions.
"Come on, we haven't hung out just us in a while because we've both been so busy. I miss my kid sister, sue me."
Madelyn thought about keeping up her façade, but she was too tired. "Jamie…I just need to be alone, ok?" Her voice was soft, her eyes pleading.
"I know, and that's why I'm not going to let you be. Mads, whatever it is you're dealing with right now, something tells me that it would be better for you to not be alone. How 'bout this? We go back, do whatever you want to do, and I'll just be there for you."
Madelyn felt a deep sense of relief; she wasn't alone…even though she had wanted to be. A feeling of love and gratitude for Jamie settled in her, and she moved on it, hugging Jamie tightly around his middle, her left cheek settling on his chest. He held her tightly, her head cradled in his hand.
"Ok, let's go, you're on," Madelyn said, letting go of Jamie and opening the front door, "but you're buying me Sour Patch Watermelon too." Jamie rolled his eyes.
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Fight Club played on the TV as Madelyn and Jamie settled on the couch, Madelyn in sweats, both with beers in tow. Halfway through the film, Jamie felt a weight at his side; Madelyn had curled up next to his right arm. Proof that I was right and it was better for her not be alone. Jamie slid his arm around her shoulder, and she settled in this new position, watching the movie carefully because it was one of the best, thank you very much.
Fight Club had been Joe's favorite movie, and the moment he saw it in theaters, he corrupted his baby sister into loving it too…even though she was only ten at the time. Mary had been more than displeased with that development, but Madelyn smiled at the memory. Joe had taken her to the movies, they dumped their candy into the popcorn cup and mixed it all together, and he had given her a piggy back ride all the way home. Then, yes, she did have nightmares for a week, but it had been totally worth it to spend some quality time with her big brother who was often very busy. And now, as she watched it with Jamie, two years after Joe's death, the pain still felt as fresh as it was years ago.
Madelyn felt the tears well in her eyes, the tightening in her throat; her nails were digging into her palms. She didn't want to burden Jamie with her pain, she knew how much he missed Joe. Madelyn preferred to suffer in silence rather than hurt Jamie; she might be the youngest, but she was just as fiercely protective as her other siblings.
Jamie felt his sister stiffen beside him, and when he sneakily glanced down, he saw the red marks on her hands. Damn kid was holding her pain in, and hurting herself physically in the process. Jamie felt helpless. He had an idea what was running through his sister's head. With all she dealt with at work, thinking of family was only natural, and remembering who was missing was inevitable. Maybe he couldn't fix the situation or take away her pain, but he could talk until she was ready to talk back.
"Did I ever tell you about the time Joe got into a fight in high school?"
Saint Joe got into a fight? Oh this outta be good. A brief smile appeared on Madelyn's face. "Tell me everything."
Jamie mentally high fived himself.
"So this kid, Randy Dabrino, was hitting on Erin in the cafeteria. This was when Joe and Erin overlapped in school. So Freshman Joe sees this happening, and let's Erin handle it herself, because we all know how she is. Then out of nowhere, Randy grabs her and starts trying to kiss her, and Joe could see from when they were talking that she didn't even want to be having the conversation, let alone kissing the guy. So he ran up, clocked Dabrino straight in the face, took the kid's chocolate chip cookies, and walks away."
Madelyn could picture the scene perfectly and she started giggling. Little blonde Joe, stealing this guy's cookies after defending his big sister. She loved it.
"That's the best story ever, J." Madelyn said, still laughing. And it was, but the heaviness of it also settled over her. That person, that goofball, was gone, and he wasn't coming back.
In between her next laugh and an inhale, Madelyn let out a choked sob that Jamie had guessed was coming. He tightened his grip around his sister as tears pricked at his own eyes; he used his free hand to run his hand down his face; get it together Jamison, she needs you.
"I would give anything to talk to Joe again; anything," Madelyn said hoarsely. She could feel her heart pounding, the tidal wave of tears ready to fall, but she couldn't let them. If she broke, it would hurt like hell, and Jamie would suffer too. What kind of sister would she be then?
"Me too, Mads. I miss him everyday. There's always stuff happening on the job and I wanna pick up the phone and tell Joe about it, get his take, but I can't…and it kills me."
Madelyn's heart sunk even further. Her poor brother. She squeezed him tighter, knowing there was nothing else to be done.
"Do you need to get home to Sydney?" Madelyn asked, referring to her brother's fiancé. Please say no, please say no.
"Nah, she's with her parents tonight. We can just sit here and wallow." And that's how Madelyn and Jamie spent the rest of the night: trading stories about Joe, tearing up, holding it back, sobbing, and comforting each other. When they both finally fell asleep around 11:00pm, both felt, without the other knowing, that a small weight had been removed from their shoulders. Sometimes, Madelyn mused the next morning, you needed to run through the storm to get to the sunshine.