Not Again!
By Sharan McQuack, Launchpad's wife.
With a special thanks to "Doubts and Doppelgangers" by icequeenkitty. Honest, I was THINKING of doing this BEFORE you wrote that DW story. It did help clarify what I wanted to do no end. I only read your story ONCE before writing this, so it did inspire me, I could not have copied it too much I hope.
"The quiet ones are the ones who change the Universe. The loud ones just take the credit for it." Emperor Londo Mollari of the Great Centarui Republic.
The Beagle Boys were trying an all-out assault on the Money Bin. Every Beagle not currently in jail was trying to get at Scrooge's money in the Money Bin by sheer force of numbers. Fortunely, a lot of Beagles were in jail. As usual.
However, Gizmoduck was having "fun" trying to fight off so MANY Beagles. Even with all his gadgets and gizmos, it was like trying to fight off a nest of hornets. VERY angry hornets.
Then, with a puff and and a bang that only needed the smell of brimstone to complete the image, DW appeared. I can neither remember nor tolerate his pompous and arrogrant rantings, so I'll just "translate" what he said into the Truth.
"I am the idiot whose Mother dresses him funny! I am the pompous twit Disney keeps TRYING to palm off as a hero! I am the fool they invented because they did not have the common sense to sell Launchpad! They invented Launchpad because those geeky, nerdy, pompous arrogrant glasses-wearing dorks wanted to vent their spleen again handsome, musclar men! Boy, did they get MAD when he morphed into a True Hero without permission- so mad they STILL refuse to make money off of him! I'd like to know who they THINK they are hurting besides themselves! I am Disney-is-dumb Duck!" DW "said".(1)
"Hey! This is Duckburg, not Saint Canard! Work your own side of the street, Sherlock! Besides, I'm still not convinced you're not a crook!" Giz yelled.
And they started fighting. Although only with angry words.
Meanwhile, the Beagle Boys were still trying to get at Scrooge's money. Mr. McDuck, Launchpad and various ordinary security guards were fighting off Beagles. Many more Beagles were defeated by Scrooge's multi-numberous booby traps.
Some Beagles tried to go to the side of the Money Bin by running down a hallway that led that way. But a wall slid behide them, unseen and another wall slid down behide the door at the end of the hall where they could not see it, the door was closed. Gas filled the hallway, anesthising the Beagles. Soon, they were sleeping like babies.
The smell of Mrs. Beakly's cooking distracted Burger Beagle and soon he was too busy eating to care about the Money Bin.
There were still plenty of Beagles left, but they had been whittled down quite a bit and Big Time ordered them to fall back to right outside the Money Bin to stragize. Mr. Mc Duck, Launchpad and the ordinary security guards could catch their breaths.
Launchpad saw DW and Giz STILL fighting. He listened for awhile, then shook his head.
"That's all I can stand, I can't stand any more!"(2)Launchpad said.
Ignoring such comments as "Leggo!" and "Stop!" Launchpad grabbed them. And he took both so-called superheros and picked them up, one under each arm and carried them into the conference room and shut the door.
"Look, Giz DW is NOT a crook. He fights crooks just like you do. I thought you would know that after the Justice Ducks business. DW is OK." Launchpad said.
"Hey! I don't need YOU to vouch for me! And how do I know HE'S not a crook?" DW asked.
And DW and Giz started arguing again.
Launchpad tried to calm them down, but they ignored him.
"ENOUGH ALREADY! You two are worse than Huey, Dewey and Louie! At least THEY work together!" Launchpad yelled.
"Look, I know I promised each of you, separetly, that I'd never tell anybody you secret identities, but I'm tired of you two not being able to trust each other because you're keeping secrets from each other. I'm tired of you two having "turf wars" like two hoodlums!" Launchpad said, more calmly.
"I hope you both can forgive me someday for doing this, but...Drake Mallard, otherwise known as Darkwing Duck, please meet Fenton Crankshell, otherwise know as Gizmoduck. THERE! I said it and I'm glad. You have no idea how tempted I was to do that the first time you two met, but Fenton didn't know I knew his secret back then, so I didn't feel I had the right to say anything." Launchpad said.
"You...you mean that clown you invited to stay at my house...is Gizmoduck?" DW asked.
"Why do you think I invited him to stay? I forgot for a second YOU didn't know Fenton is Gizmoduck. I thought it would be a good idea if you two learned to work together." Launchpad said.
"You mean that guy whose house I stayed at in Saint Canard is Darkwing Duck? And YOU knew that all the time?" Giz asked Launchpad.
"Of course he knew that! He was my sidekick!" DW screamed, without thinking.
"OH! You needed a sidekick, did you?" Giz said.
"Look, the Beagles will be back any minute now! You two gotta work together. What matters is the crooks are stopped, right?" Launchpad said.
"Well...there ARE an awful lot of Beagles..." Giz said.
"That's why I butted in! I saw you were badly outnumbered! I didn't expect you to thank me, but I did get mad when you called me a crook!" DW said.
"Truce?" Giz asked.
"Truce." DW replied.
But how can we defeat all these Beagles? They'll be back soon!" Giz asked.
"Maybe you can take advantage of the fact that they are dogs and we are ducks?" Launchpad suggested.
"Wait! I got a great idea! They are all dogs and we are ducks. Everybody knows dogs have much better hearing than we do. Why not take advantage of that fact?" DW said.
"Now why didn't I think of that?" Launchpad asked, ironically.
So DW rewired some of Giz's gadgets to create an ultra-high frequency sound, much too high for ducks to hear. When the Beagles came back to try again, Giz pressed the button and the Beagles howled in pain!
"My ears! Stop that horrible noise!" they yipped, before slumping over, unconscious.
None of the ducks heard a thing except the Beagles' voices.
"Good thing it's Duckworth's day off, or he'd be down for the count, too." Launchpad said.
As soon as the situation had been explained to Mr. McDuck, he called the cops and thanked Giz and DW. The cops came and carted the Beagles back to jail.
The End.
1)Not that WB is any smarter. Hasn't Disney noticed that Lunatics Unleased's Danger Duck isn't going over any better? Only WB CAN'T drag Launchpad into it, and besides, WB isn't a big enough part of my life to be worthy of "Tough Love" the way Disney is.
(2) So I like Popeye. How do you think I know I would like Launchpad even if he were stupid, which Launchpad isn't?