It was 5pm on Friday, and per tradition, it was Girls' Night at Erin and Nikki's apartment. Girls' Night had started back when Erin had moved out of the house and Madelyn was still in middle school. She desperately missed her sister, and once a month her parents let her take the train into the city to stay with Erin.
Two weeks had passed since Erin and Danny's blowout at Sunday dinner, and things had been peaceful since then. Well, relatively. Jamie had been investigated by Internal Affairs. Obviously they proved he used his weapon rightly against the perp and the situation called for it. It's Jamie. If Joe was a Saint, Jamie is like…an angel with a chip on its shoulder and an unused, very expensive law degree. Madelyn logically understood her father could not step in when Internal Affairs looked into her family. But damn was it frustrating.
"For Girls' Night, I'm thinking we do a pizza taste test from every place on your block. We'll order like 5 pizzas and go wild," Madelyn said Nikki, cell phone to her ear as she pushed open the front door of her office building and stepped into the busy streets of Manhattan.
"Oooo that sounds so good! Mom might have something to say about that though," Nikki replied.
Madelyn rolled her eyes. "Don't worry so much about your mom. I won't be your favorite aunt if I don't break a few rules here and there."
"What if I tell you that you're already my favorite aunt?"
Madelyn smiled as the crosswalk in front of her changed, pausing at the intersection. "I just won't tell Linda and your Christmas present will be extra special this year."
Nikki laughed on the other side of the phone. "Okay, well I'll make a list of the pizza places and we can order when you get here."
"Sounds good, kid. See you soon."
They hung up, and Madelyn opened up her seemingly never-ending work bag to put her phone away. As her head was down and she was digging through the bag to find some place to put the phone where she could find it later (because how many times had she lost something in this damn bag), someone bumped into her. Throwing the phone haphazardly in the bag, she looked up, intending to apologize.
Then, she lost her breath because Elliot stood before her.
Elliot, the one she had finally trusted after keeping her heart locked away, tampered down. Elliot, the one she had decided to move on with – from Ty and from the painful deaths of her mother and Joe. Elliot, the mistake she would never, ever forget…or forgive; forgive him, or herself for being stupid enough to fall for it. Elliot, the one who had cheated on her after only 4 months, and backhanded her across the face when she confronted him about it. That was the first time, but not the last.
And there he stood, dressed in what was probably a one thousand dollar suit, headed to some bar with work colleagues from his law office.
Before he had a chance to say anything, Madelyn took off, power walking ten times faster than she did in the required PE power walking course she took freshman year of college.
Oh my god, oh my god. Holy crap. I'm fine. I'm fine. Just get to Erin's. Don't look back.
10 blocks, a subway ride, and an avenue later, Madelyn finally knocked at her sister's door with slightly shaking hands, after taking a deep breath to try and calm herself down.
Nicki opened the door, ready to impress her aunt with her pizza choices. What she saw made her face fall in concern.
"Aunt Maddie, why are you crying?" She asked, grabbing her aunt's hand and slowly bringing her inside.
Crying? I'm not...Oh…I guess I am. I didn't even realize. I don't even remember the train ride here. Sheer terror and PTSD will do that to you.
"I…um. I just saw someone I didn't really want to see," Madelyn replied quietly, wiping the newly discovered tears and adding a small smile to her face. Can't scare the kid, can I?
Nicki studied her for a moment, and whatever she saw told her that this wasn't something her aunt was going to open up about. So, Nicki did the next best thing.
Suddenly, Madelyn was engulfed in a hug she sorely needed. As she held her niece tight, she tried to stop the slight shaking in her body. Best niece ever. Definitely upgrading her Christmas present. With one last squeeze, Madelyn let her niece go.
"Thanks, Nick. I didn't know how much I needed that," Madelyn stated, throwing her arm around her niece, "And now, I need the details on the pizzas."
Nicki smiled excitedly, and went into an in depth explanation about all of her pizza choices and why Ernesto's was the best in the neighborhood but she was 'willing to be convinced otherwise." As she went on and on, Madelyn realized she wasn't hearing a word.
Just keep breathing. I'm safe. I'm here with Nicki. He can't hurt me, not anymore. Madelyn continuously squeezed her hands into fists and released them, trying to keep it together.
"…Are you ready to order, Aunt Maddie?"
Shaking her head a bit to bring herself back to the moment, Madelyn sat on the couch and looked up at Nicki.
"Yeah, let's do it. I have no where to be and a ton of pizzas to eat."
"What pizza do we want to go with from each to test them out?"
At this point, just give me a bottle of wine and whatever greasy pizza you can find. I'm fine. Stay in the moment. Pizza – right.
Madelyn tilted her head to the side in thought, doing her best to keep herself mentally present, before perking up with enthusiasm. "How about we get a plain cheese from each so we can make this a fair and proper taste test? Ooo, and then we get maybe a few specialty pizzas and review those…could even tackle the whole pineapple on pizza debate? Honestly, I should just quit my job and do this - sounds way more fun."
Nicki just laughed at her Aunt, happy to see that the haunted look had faded from her eyes…and also impressed with her commitment to the cause.
"I'm down. See this is why you're my favorite Aunt."
Madelyn grinned at her, leaning back on the couch, finally relaxing. "And that is why you're my favorite niece."
Nicki rolled her eyes, chuckling. "Because I told you that you're my favorite Aunt?"
"Well, no. You do have other redeeming qualities," Madelyn started, her tone sarcastic, "But telling me that I'm your favorite? Definitely can't hurt."
Nicki started whacking her with a pillow, giggling as she did so.
"Hey! Hey!" Madelyn shouted, a smile in her voice as she tried to deflect the hits with her arms. "See if I upgrade your Christmas present now, heathen!"
"Oh please, you will regardless."
The pillow fight slowed, as Madelyn chuckled. "Okay fine, maybe I will, but don't act like you know that."
"Hm, okay fine I'll just act like you love Sean, Jack, and me equally."
Madelyn snorted at her niece. "I do love you all equally! Just because you and I have a closer relationship does not mean I don't care about them. That, and you're sort of like the little sister I begged my parents for and then ultimately decided I didn't want because I realized attention would be taken off of me."
"Imagine how I felt when you were born then," Erin said, entering the apartment with a bottle of wine in hand.
"Overjoyed? Jubilant? Elated?"
Erin raised a brow at her. "Buy a new thesaurus today, did we?"
Madelyn's lips quirked up in a grin. "That's fine, you don't have to acknowledge that my birth was the one thing you waited for forever. I have the Christmas letters you wrote to Santa to prove it."
Nicki's eyes widened as just bent over, laughing. "She's got you there, Mom."
"Alright, I'm going to change into sweatpants and wipe work off my face. Nick, you tell your mom about the pizza plan."
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
After Madelyn changed into the sweats she always left at Erin's apartment and threw her hair up in a messy bun, she headed towards the kitchen, suddenly stopping when she heard Nicki talking to Erin in a hushed voice.
"Mom, you should've seen her. I've never seen Aunt Maddie like that. She looked…I don't know, terrified? She was just crying and really quiet."
Madelyn leaned against the wall, her head softly knocking back as she closed her eyes. A pit had settled in her stomach as the exhaustion of the last few hours finally set in. Can nothing happen in my life that doesn't have to get discussed with my older siblings? There must be a voodoo doll of me out there being poked with pins because the number of times I've had some sort of emotional issue lately has been a little too high. Definitely a voodoo doll.
She knew, though, that she would have to come clean with Erin. Damn that promise I made. Tell her every time something came up with Elliot and moving on from him? Dumb idea. The promise had been reluctantly proposed by Erin after Madelyn fervently refused to press charges against Elliot. At the time, Madelyn rationalized that she had been through enough; she was strong, but knew she did not have the bandwidth to deal with lawyers, court, and everything in between.
"I'm sure she's okay, sweetie, but thanks for telling me," Erin replied, softly.
After a pregnant pause, Madelyn walked into the kitchen with what she hoped was a convincing smile on her face. Nicki may have ratted her out to Erin, but she hated to upset her niece.
"So…pizza?"