"Can't wait." You're an idiot Madelyn. Just invite trouble right into your apartment. Advertise it on Craigslist next time why don't you.

Madelyn had certainly not been literally speaking when she had texted Bea that she couldn't wait to discuss Ashton, but Bea had always been the more confrontational of the two. When Madelyn looked through the peephole of her apartment door and spotted her friend with a bottle of pinot grigio 4 days after their text conversation, she reluctantly opened the door.

Madelyn squinted at her friend. "You know I'm terrified to have this conversation, don't you?"

Bea chuckled as she walked into the apartment. "I like that our friendship includes a little fear. It keeps things interesting."

At that, Madelyn rolled her eyes, knowing that was all she could really do. She didn't expect Bea to know that talking about Ashton, or rather, her entire life before Joe died, wasn't just painful – it was burdensome. Discussing 'the before' brought to the surface emotions Madelyn desperately tried to keep buried; it was key to her ability to function without ending up in a puddle of tears. Bea knew her pain, she just didn't know the trauma; Madelyn, born and bred to be strong no matter the situation, never spoke about what one therapist labeled as PTSD.

Because I'm not crazy. I'm just sad, and sometimes I have nightmares but that's normal. It's normal.

I could tell Bea she's trying to unlock Pandora's Box, and maybe she'd back off. I don't want to talk about it and the words will taste like acid on my tongue, but…there's 3% of me, the old me, that is screaming to talk about it. I'm traumatized, I'm guilty, and I'm a mess, and talking about Ashton and beforewon't end well. I know it. But….

Bea poured two heavy-handed glasses of wine while Madelyn was mid-internal monologue. The two friends looked sincerely at each other as they sat at opposite ends of the couch.

Wringing her hands, Madelyn took a breath before speaking. "Why do you want to talk about this, Bea? I don't…what good could it do?"

Her friend's eyes sharpened, as if trying to decipher the meaning behind her words.

"You know I love you right?" Bea asked, avoiding the question.

Madelyn nodded tightly, bracing herself.

The last time Bea started a conversation like this, we were 17 and she was calling me out for dating Harrison Peters while having a crush on Ashton. She was….critical. Oh hell, she was sharp as a new steak knife and tore me to shreds. I guess it's happening again.

"I've been holding this in for a while now," Bea started.

Madelyn's immediately grinned, sarcasm emanating off of her. "You? Holding things in?"

Bea rolled her eyes. "Shut it," she answered with a smile. "Listen, my job as your best friend is to have your back no matter what, even if you're being an idiot. Which you are – a complete idiot."

"At least this time you didn't call me a raging bitch," Madelyn muttered.

"This time you're not 17 with a crush on your best friend just trying to figure it all out. I shouldn't have been so harsh back then – you were a kid who didn't understand that you could love your best friend like that, so you found someone else to date. It was more normal than I understood. This is different and you know it."

"But I don't know what you're talking about, B. Ashton and I have been over for a while, what gives?"

The sound of frustration that came out of Bea would have made Madelyn smile at any other time. "Because you shouldn't still be over and you know it! The fact that you hid from him in that bar says it all. If you were really over it, it wouldn't have been a big deal. You're being immature and hiding from the truth!"

Hackles raised, Madelyn defended herself, voice raising slightly. "Maybe I didn't want him to feel awkward. I hurt him and it's uncomfortable! Why put either of us in that situation?

She was met with a severe eye roll.

"Because you're not being honest with yourself and it's painful to watch. I mean, you dated that Elliot guy, who I thought was decent by the way, and all of a sudden you dropped him out of nowhere and forbid me from talking about him. You haven't been on a date since and clearly you still love Ashton. It's like you're sabotaging yourself and I love you too much to not say something."

Madelyn immediately deflated as she heard Elliot's name; the desperate need to defend herself gone. The less people that knew, the less I had to think about it, but maybe its time. She'll probably kill me for not telling her, then bring me back from the dead to hug me.

Crossing the room to her desk, Madelyn ignored Bea's confusion. She opened the bottom drawer, lifted out the craft supplies she kept to make her niece and nephews' birthday cards, and found the file she pretended did not exist.

"I don't even know how to respond to the Ashton stuff, but this should shed some light on the rest of it," Madelyn said, hoarsely, handing Bea the file.

Instead of rejoining Bea on the couch, waiting as she read the file, Madelyn went to the kitchen and started doing dishes.

"Madelyn?" Bea's shaking voice echoed through the apartment.

Madelyn returned to the living room, gripping a dish towel so tightly that her nails were piercing her skin through it. Bea had tears streaming down her face, the look of utter despair one that Madelyn had only seen on her friend's face a few times.

"What the actual fuck, Madelyn Reagan? Did Elliot…did he…the pictures! You had a bruised rib?! You better tell me everything right now I swear to God…"

"I would, if I could get a word in," Madelyn cracked back, trying to ease the tension, both in the room and in her chest. At Bea's scornful look, she continued, "Not the time for sarcasm. Got it."

"I am five seconds away from calling your brothers so they can go beat this guy's ass and we both know they don't know about this. Tell me. Now," Bea harshly replied, arms crossed.

Madelyn shook her head, answering in a soft tone. "I'm not going into details, B." Please don't make me. This is hard enough. "You have all you need to know if your hand. I just wanted you to understand. The Ashton thing…it's weird and uncomfortable, and honestly I'm not sure I can touch it with a ten-foot pole, but I'm not dating and breaking up with guys because I'm pining for him. Now you know."

Bea stared at her, quickly swiping a tear off of her cheek. "I love you."

" I know."

"I'm glad you're okay."

"I know that too."

"We'll come back to the Ashton thing another time. Right now, I'm going to hug the shit out of you and we'll do whatever you need."

Madelyn's shoulders fell in relief -relief that Bea finally knew about Elliot, relief that they were sticking a pin in the Ashton conversation, and relief that she would have another anchor in this absolute mess of a storm.