Sleepless Nights

You never realized just how quiet your house could be. Normally you would hear the cold breeze blowing through the yard outside, punctuated by Asriel's snoring echoing from the other side of the room. There was a white noise you had apparently come to count on over the years, lulling you to sleep each night without too many issues.

You flip to your left side, facing a barren wall next to your bed. You poke at the hard, cold surface, tracing a line through the bumps in the paint dried so long ago.

Ever since Asriel left during the summer, sleep seemed to escape you more often than not. You missed him, more than you expected. You missed his corny jokes during dinner, obviously learned from time spent working at Dad's shop. You missed sneaking up on him and tying small knots into his fur while he was working on plans for some fantasy game he had dreamt up. You missed him waiting outside of school for you each day, making sure to stop by QC's Diner when Mom had to stay late for school meetings.

You missed looking over at him sleeping soundly, snoring away as if nothing was wrong in the world. Even when you would shoot up out of bed, heart racing from dreams of something lurking in the dark. Even when you would find yourself standing in front of the bird cage kept isolated in the dusty corner. You knew he was there, and that everything was just…normal. You were safe, no matter what.

You flip to your right side, your eyes instinctively squinting when the red light of your alarm clock paints your vision.

1 AM.

You sit up in your bed, brushing away much of your hair covering your eyes. You slowly turn to the side, dropping each leg lazily off the mattress. Most of the room was well illuminated, moonlight seeping through the curtains and casting an eerie glow over the space between beds. Peering over to Asriel's half of the room, you almost expect to see a snoring lump slowly rising and falling with each passing moment. Instead, all that rests on the opposite side of the room is a neatly made bed, pillows gently placed upright, likely collecting dust throughout the months that had passed.

You find yourself sighing, slowly pushing up off your bed and landing on the cool carpet below. You weren't going to be sleeping tonight, no reason to spend the time staring at your ceiling.

You collect some warm clothing from your closet (and floor), settling on your bed to change. Slipping into your typical combination of jeans and sweater, you fumble in the dark of your closet for a pair of woolen gloves and scarf to retain what little heat you had left. The fall air was quickly becoming colder by the day, winter approaching faster than anyone had expected. Not that the change bothered you, summer temperatures hardly supported your choice of attire.

Having tied your sneakers, you slowly make your way down the hall towards the staircase below. Using what little light shone through the upstairs window, you descend into the kitchen while avoiding the second to last step, notorious for creaking loudly enough to spoil any thoughts of escape. You loved your mother dearly, but wandering the streets past midnight wasn't a habit you expected her to readily accept. Thankfully, your mother was just as much of a heavy sleeper as she was worrier.

Unlocking the door, you're met with a blast of cold, reaffirming your choice to bury your face in a scarf. You walk out into the night air, slowly closing and locking the door behind you. This wasn't your first time leaving home during the middle of the night, especially since Asriel had gone off to college. Roaming the town at night brought a certain level of peace to whatever was raging in your mind. Arguments with Mom or Dad, school work piling up, and now having a room all to yourself. You found quieting your thoughts much easier when you could simply walk away for a bit or find a corner of the nearby forest to stare up at the sky. You had hoped for the same result now, that a small walk would help you find whatever you needed to finally sleep.

Stepping off the front of your house, you start shuffling down past your driveway, past Catti's house to the road proper. Wind cascaded through the nearby trees, shuffling leaves in such a way as to drown out much the buzzing of crickets and nearby streetlamps. You mindlessly glide down the sidewalk, simply gazing at the canopies of trees bending with the breeze, dew sparkling off each individual leaf. You guessed much of the town would be frosted by the morning, covered with small flecks of snow that carried with it the beginning of winter.

Quickly crossing the road ahead, you continued making your way into the center of town. Passing by QC's diner, you find yourself staring up at the now darkened signs lining each respective business. Not much had changed over the years, QC's diner reflecting this especially. You wince slightly, a small memory of drawing faces into the fogged windows of QC's with Asriel early in the morning before school. It didn't feel that long ago, but then you remember QC reminiscing on the times your family spent there after church as if it was a fond, far away memory. So many years had passed since then, but had anything truly changed?

You bury your face further into your scarf, continuing down the road without any goal in mind. Plenty had changed, right? By now you were a bonafide hero in another world, a savior of monsters in a land no one in town even knew about. That had to count for something, even if your actions were unknown to the rest of the world. You had stopped The Roaring from occurring for the second time now, saving Noelle in the process. Others may never find out, but you at least had your friends who knew how hard you fought.

You smile to yourself, shifting the wool against your face. You had friends, people who cared about you no matter who you were inside or outside of the Dark World. You had Ralsei, Lancer, everyone in the newly formed town, even the Queen to some extent that you barely even understood.

You also had Susie. You still barely believed it yourself, but you had made friends with someone originally intent on biting into your face. Not that you held that against her anymore, she was nothing like the way she acted in front of everyone else. Underneath the bullying and petty theft was someone you found yourself truly relying on, someone that had your back in some of the worst moments. No matter how awkward you felt when actually trying to make conversation, no matter how terrified you were down in the basement of the Queen's castle, she was there. She made you feel…safe. More than that, you think to yourself. She makes you feel as if you're okay being who you are, even if you didn't always feel the same.

You stop for a moment, realizing you had wandered far enough to be at the side of the local church. Shaking away from your thoughts, you start to double back, having gone far enough away from home. The town was safe enough, especially with the frankly crazed police chief patrolling the streets each day, but you weren't exactly looking to venture deep into the forest at this time.

"Hey." Your heart dropped. No one should be out here at this time. Was it that police chief? Did she do late night patrols? Maybe it's the Father you think. Panicked, you realize that would be even worse. The last conversation you wanted to have was whether you would be coming to perform in the church's choir, something the Father had become more and more insistent upon since Asriel left home. Whoever it was, you messed up. Mom was going to find out, you'd likely be grounded for weeks, who knows if you'd even be able to leave the house and-

"Hey, freak. You okay?" Sighing in relief, you let out a breath of air you barely even realized you were holding in. For once in your life, you were thrilled to hear someone mocking you behind your back.

Turning around, you find the purple dragoness bundled in her typical thick black jacket, frayed at the ends, now buttoned up with the collar flipped upwards, covering her neck. A look of bemusement shone on her face, clearly visible through the moonlight reflecting off her scales. You see her raise an arm up, only to poke you sharply in the shoulder.

"What, did I scare you? Little Kris getting scared by monsters in the dark, huh?" Mockingly, Susie grins at you, clearly reveling in her perceived victory.

"N-no, I just thought you were someone else." Damn it, you were stuttering now. You definitely don't seem like you were about to jump out of your skin moments ago, definitely.

Susie snorts, clearly enjoying the reaction she managed to elicit from you. You'd swear she still gets a kick out of torturing people sometimes. Though you certainly couldn't complain, grabbing Noelle from under her bed once when she was in her "scared of humans" phase was a highlight growing up.

"So, what're you doing out here so late? Get kicked out by mom? Tagging some place?" Susie quickly shoved her hands back into the pockets of her jacket, a cold breeze picking back up in the distance.

"Can't sleep." That was most of the reason anyway. Looking up, you see Susie cock her head to the side, uncovering her yellow eyes often hidden behind her dark mane. "My house is just really quiet, makes it hard to sleep sometimes, I guess." That's probably a better explanation you think, just enough without delving into anything too serious.

Susie grunted quietly, "I get that. I don't have a lot going on at my place either." Nodding her head to the side for you to follow, she begins walking towards a crossing lit softly by a nearby lamp. You follow closely behind, remembering how much faster Susie's stride was than yours. Sometimes you wish you were just a bit taller.

"You have trouble sleeping too? I-I mean, if you were doing something else, that's cool too…" You still felt nervous prying into Susie's life at times. Despite all your time spent watching people in the background, you still struggled to find where a boundary was. Especially with Susie.

"Same shit as you. Can't sleep, Dad left the TV on, woke me up. Didn't feel like going back to bed after that." Susie gave a slight shrug. She turned down the road, walking on the opposite side of where ICE-E's Pezza sat, darkened windows indicating they had long ago closed up for the day. You kept following close behind, noticing your breath beginning to show in the cold air, up from below your scarf. So much for the fall weather.

You and Susie continued down past the sidewalk, pushing through a number of branches lining the path. Between the numerous orange-hued trees was a small clearing, a single log on its side serving as a centerpiece for the moonlit space. Walking over, Susie began kicking away a number of fallen branches and leaves, clearing a spot against the log. With a sudden huff, Susie dropped down against the log, placing her hands behind her head in an almost mock pose of relaxation. You couldn't help but chuckle when you realized she had managed to loosen a number of leaves atop the log, now unknowingly embedded in her hair. You'd let her know, eventually.

"Why was your Dad up so late? Does he work at night or something?" You slowly search for a spot next to the lounging dragoness, finding a space lacking too many leaves. Finally settling down, you look up to find Susie staring above the tree line, seemingly lost in thought.

"He…yeah. He works late. I mean, not at night technically. He wakes up super early and is gone pretty much until night. He typically crashes on the couch watching TV afterwards, probably just fell asleep watching some lame action movie." Susie pauses for a moment, her eyes slowly closing. "He'll probably be up soon, off to work again."

You wonder what kind of work Susie's father must be doing that keeps him up so late. Maybe he works at the hospital? You shake your head. If he worked at the hospital, you probably would have seen him in your time spent playing the piano there. You knew most of the staff at this point, a dragon man would have likely stood out.

You begin to ask Susie about this, only to notice her slowly scraping into the dirt below, legs now pulled close to her chest. She looked…uncomfortable. More than that, you notice. She looks tired, as if this wasn't the first time she had trouble sleeping.

"Hey, Susie?" You had to try. Her face rose back up to meet yours, momentarily distracted from the hole her claw was beginning to form in the ground. "Are you…okay? Is there anything going on?"

Susie's gaze returned downwards, seemingly disinterested in the question posed so intrusively. Why was this always so hard to do? You could comfort any monster in the Dark World, find common ground, hell, even flirt with them if needed. Why did talking with Susie make you feel like you were always about to ruin something?

"I'm just tired. I'm…" Susie pauses, taking one last scrape into the dirt below. "I'm just worried about my Dad is all. He's trying to make shit work. With it just being us, he's working all the time, and I know he has to but…" Another pause, longer. Your mind races to find a response, something to say that would make her feel better, feel comforted. Just something that shows you-

"I just miss him. It's like you said, quiet. I know he has to work and all that shit, but I miss him being around or taking me to school. It just feels weird at home. I don't know, it feels…"

"Lonely?" You mutter softly aloud, almost to yourself.

"Yeah, that." Susie's gaze returns downwards.

Thousands of questions ring through your head. Should you ask about her father? Would you even have the courage to ask about her mother? What was it like at home? Was it always like this, with her Dad? Was there something you could do? How would you even help to begin with? Would she want help?

"My Dad does security stuff I think. He's always going out of town for jobs, like watching parking lots and shit. Mom's…she left pretty early on. Didn't really know her, Dad said she was a good person. Doesn't really bother me, it's just been the two of us for as long as I remember."

You realize Susie must have been watching your face, struggling to come up with anything in response. You once again curse how easy you were to read. The hair across your face really didn't help when you needed it to.

Susie sighed loudly, beginning to shift from her spot nestled against the log behind you. "Come on freak, we probably should get home. Don't want your Mom to start freaking out."

You messed up. One of your only friends, no, someone you truly cared about opened up to you, and you couldn't even say a word. But what could you say? You had your Mom and Dad. They may not be together anymore, but your Mom was always around, and if you ever wanted to endure another crushing hug from your Dad it would only take a small walk downtown. You missed Asriel, but he wasn't truly gone. What Susie was going through, could you even say something that wouldn't make you sound like a hypocrite?

Susie began to push herself off the ground, carrying a number of leaves still embedded in her hair. Before you even realized what was happening, you had reached out, grabbing onto the sleeve of her jacket. "Wha-"

You pulled slightly, motioning for her to sit back down. Slowly, Susie lowered herself to the ground below, back resting on the gnarled surface of the log behind you two. Closing the gap, you sat beside the purple dragoness, enough so the frayed fibers of her jacket pushed against your sweater.

"I miss my brother. I know he's just at college, and I know I still have my parents. But…it feels like everyone is moving on. Asriel is gone, Mom and Dad talk less and less, and I'm still just, here. I don't feel like I've done anything. People are nice and I know no one is upset with me, but I still feel like…like I'm barely here sometimes."

You look up at the sky, feeling Susie's gaze burning into you.

"Ever since I met you though, it feels like I'm actually doing something, being someone. I don't really know what will happen in the Dark World sometimes, or what it all means. But I know when we come back, and you're around, I feel like it's fine to not know. You're here, so I know I'm not alone. So, I don't want you to feel that way either. I'm here Susie. I'm not going anywhere, so if you need someone around or need help, I'll be there!"

You really do want to keep looking at the sky. Watching the stars hovering so far above, treetops blowing in the breeze, it's all so much simpler than looking down and seeing how Susie just reacted. Sadly, you realize that's no longer a possibility as you're pulled into an embrace, Susie's arms wrapping around you. You feel her chest shuddering behind you, emotions overwhelming her. You slowly begin to look up, only to hear a roar of laughter from above.

"Holy shit Kris, how long were you thinking that one up?" Susie's breathing struggled to keep up with the laughter wracking her body. You felt your face immediately flush, heating what was once exposed to the cold air. You instinctively begin to push out of Susie's hold, determined to try and play such a confession off as a passing joke before heading home.

That is, until you notice Susie's laughter come to a halt. You look up, unable to see much of the dragoness' expression underneath her mane. Although a grin had continued to remain on her face, you feel something had changed in the atmosphere. Susie's breathing becomes strained again, in which you feel her arms wrap tighter around your body, claws slightly digging into your dense sweater.

"Thanks Kris. I'm glad I met you too." She pushes your head closer to her as you begin to notice small darkened marks on your scarf from above, further dampened with every hitched breath in Susie's chest.

You felt warmth begin to spread across your face, slowly awakening you to the sun piercing through the trees above. You could hear birds chirping in the distance, signaling the beginning of the weekend. The start of which you had expected to wake up in your bed rather than the arms of a loudly snoring dragon close behind you.

Freezing in place so as to not disturb the slumbering dragoness, you consider your options. You could wake her, risking possible death upon Susie discovering you had somehow snuggled deeper into her arms throughout the night. You swallow a lump in your throat; not the best option admittedly. You could also try slipping out of her grasp and sitting beside her. Though with her arms wrapped tightly around you, that option seemed less than optimal. As an additional consideration, you were pretty happy where you were. Even if your face was becoming redder by the second.

"Mmph. Mornin'." The dragoness shifted behind you. Apparently, your fate would be decided earlier than anticipated.

"M-morning Susie." A weak response, but hopefully one that wouldn't draw too much ire. Slowly uncoiling her arms from around you, Susie began to stretch her legs outwards in an attempt to shake the sleep from her body. You took this opportunity to dip underneath her arm, returning to a sitting position to her side with the log brushing against your back. Much less comfortable than…nevermind.

"Shit, what time is it even?" Mumbling through a yawn, Susie began to check her phone. "Damn, almost 6:30 huh?"

Your stomach immediately found a way to tie itself into an even more detailed knot than before. Toriel was going to kill you. Your only hope was that she would be sleeping in, though you knew better than to hope for such an outcome. Maybe you could say you went to stay with Dad? That was a better excuse than any other you thought.

"Hey, Kris." You look up, Susie now beginning to stand, stretching her arms upwards to shake off any remaining sleep. "Thanks for…ya know. Being here."

"Y-yeah. Thanks for being here…too." Not exactly your best attempt at forming words, but it will have to do.

"Come on, we really should get home now. Damn it, got leaves in my hair again…"

After spending some time helping Susie pick out the half dozen leaves infesting her hair, you eventually stumbled out of the forest and back into the streets out front of ICE-E's Peeza. Looking around, most of the shops were still dark inside, frost slowly creeping upon where dew had settled. Had you slept only another hour or more, you would most certainly have to sneak past your brother's "friend". You can only imagine the questions if he had seen you stumbling out from the forest, dazed and still waking up.

Fixing your scarf back in place, you proceed to follow Susie to the street corner, the smell of coffee already wafting through the air from QC's Diner. You wondered if Susie ever drank coffee. You never saw her at QC's before, maybe you could ask her if she wanted to go and-

"Hey, I think I'm gonna head back home. Dad's probably off to work by now, I'll probably go and crash for a bit." You caught a tired smile on Susie's face, only for a moment before being buried by her usual resting frown. But that was enough to know she was at least in a better space than before. Without a thought, you found yourself smiling back at her. Susie simply rolled her eyes, pushing you in the shoulder in return.

"Alright, I'm out. You good getting back?"

"Yeah, my house isn't really that far. I just gotta figure out what to tell my Mom. She'll freak out if she sees me coming through the door right now…" You trail off, realizing it was hardly Susie's problem. You did choose to sneak out last night, you just didn't realize you would be…held up.

"Well, whatever you say, probably don't tell her you were sleeping with the school bully in the forest all night!" Before you could even react, Susie began to walk away, cackling as she left. You weren't sure how long you stood on the street corner, frozen, face redder than the sign above QC's Diner behind you.

Why couldn't it have been someone nice and normal? Why couldn't it have been Noelle, the straight A student that everyone loved and knew? Or even Ralsei, someone with manners to fit any setting and sweet as can be? Hell, even Berdly could've worked. They've got a job and…well, they have a good job.

Why did it have to be someone who eats chalk all day, someone who's known school-wide as a delinquent, someone who quite literally threatened to eat your face?

…

Why did you have to start falling in love with Susie?