For the first time in his life, Winter felt truly alone. He'd felt emptiness like this before, all of the times he had messed up and been moved down the rankings, losing Hailstorm for the first time, but it had never been so inescapable. Because throughout all that, his world always stayed the same. He was Prince Winter, Queen Glaciers nephew, his goal was to move up the rankings as far as he could before his seventh hatching day, and he was proud to be an icewing. Now though, he didn't know. His brother was actually gone now, his sister was in prison, and soon to go on trial, and it seemed like his parents had started avoiding him, but he couldn't figure out why.
Winter gazed out of his window into the courtyard below, resting his head on his talon and drumming softly on the ice of the windowsill. He was tapping in time with his heartbeat, although he didn't realise it.
Then there was Jade Mountain. The Jade Winglet, his winglet, he wasn't sure how to feel about them at all. There was Qibli, his loud-mouth, intrusive claw-mate. That Sandwing had been so insistent on being friends with him, for some unexplainable reason, and his pitch-black eyes that made it impossible to tell what he was looking at gave Winter the creeps.
Then there was Turtle. He had expected to get along with the Seawing after finding out he was Queen Coral's son, but that dragon had no princely qualities at all. Winter had heard that Coral had many sons that she never really paid attention to, but he was surprised by how much of a defenceless puddle the Seawing was.
He squinted, trying to remember anything about Turtle's claw-mate. His name was Umber, and he was one of Clay's brothers. The Mudwing had seemed all together uninteresting to him, baring the way he would look wistfully at Qibli whenever he thought no one else was looking.
He tried not to think about Carnelian, and instead moved on to her claw-mates. Kinkajou was certainly something all right. The Rainwing was almost constantly flashing her scales in dizzying spirals of pink and yellow, and Winter doubted she was capable of thinking a single negative thing about anyone.
And then, of course, there was Moon. His heart did an odd little jump as soon as he thought her name and the speed of his claws tapping on the window sped up. She, what could he say about her? He wanted to dislike her, he was supposed to hate her, she had lied to him and spied on his thoughts, and yet. His ears drooped and he stopped his tapping, his eye-ridges furrowed in thought. He remembered how she looked at him like she didn't have grand expectations for him, that he could just be Winter and that would be enough. He thought about how hard she'd tried to speak Pyrrhian with the rest of them, while the other Nightwings stubbornly conversed amongst each other. He still felt bad about abandoning his friends alone in Possibility, but he hadn't been allowed to leave the Ice Palace since he'd arrived, and he wasn't going to abandon his position at the top of the dragonet rankings any time soon.
He wondered if he'd ever get to see all of them again, and if he wasn't, had he enjoyed being around them? They were certainly different from most Icewings he knew. He was certain the rest of his tribe would see that as a bad thing, but Winter didn't think so. Was he a bad Icewing for thinking like that? He groaned, holding his head in both talons. Why was everything so confusing now?
There was a brisk knock from his doorway, and he turned to see Lynx standing just outside his room. "Hey," she said, tilting her head to the side, "Is everything all right?" Lynx had come to visit him a few times in the two days since he'd been back from the trial, maybe she guessed how hard Winter was taking Hailstorm's death, more maybe Snowfall had just annoyed her and she was hanging around Winter to avoid her. Either way, the company was appreciated. "I'm fine," she turned back to the courtyard before adding, "thanks for asking though." "Really?" She questioned, leaning against the door frame, "because you've been sitting there staring forlornly out the window for an hour now, so I figure something's up."
He debated confiding in her, but he shook his head, "No, no, everything's all right." Winter could almost hear the scepticism radiating off of her, but she didn't push him. "Uh, okay, right. Well, I figure, since there's an hour before we have to sleep, want to go walk around the palace for a while?" He decidedly did not, however, he didn't think he could bear sitting in his room by himself for a moment longer. Perhaps the movement would help dislodge all of the traitorous thoughts from his brain.
"Sure." He dragged himself up and joined Lynx by the door. She was frowning sympathetically at him, and he had to push past her into the hallway before his mind could come up with any more ideas for what that face meant. She hurried after him, walking on his left side. "Woah, someone's in a hurry." She tried to joke, but Winter didn't give even a hint of a smile back.
They walked in silence for a while, and Winter could tell Lynx was finding it more uncomfortable by the second. "How was everyone while I was gone?" She grinned, "Positively miserable, we really don't know what to do without you." Winter frowned, and finally realising he wasn't in a particularly good mood for humour, she continued more seriously, "Snowfall has been in a better mood than usual, although I'm guessing that's to do with Icicle instead of you. Icecap and Nix go into another fight, but that's pretty unsurprising with how often they're at each other's throats. Oh, and Crystal got moved down a rank again for ditching guard duty." Winter didn't know what he'd been expecting, but it was still disheartening to hear that things had been the same as always without him. As though he wasn't important enough to miss. She continued, "I don't know, I guess it's been weird without you around. I kept expecting to see you on break during school or walking past your room to talk to you, but then I remember you're away." Well, maybe someone had missed him.
They stepped out onto the courtyard at the centre of the palace, and Winter instinctually began walking towards the gift of light. "Do you think I'll be allowed to return to Jade Mountain?" "Maybe, I don't know if the Queens will be willing to give the school another shot, I mean with everything that happened..." she trailed off. He understood what she meant, but Winter was still disheartened by the thought of never seeing his winglet again. Either Lynx was incredible at understanding expressions, or she was secretly a mind-reader herself, because she answered with, "I'm sure they miss you." He sighed, picking a Moon-globe and watching it float over his shoulder, "I'm not sure about that, we didn't exactly leave off on the best of circumstances." She nudged his wing with hers, "Aw, come on, they risked their lives to help you rescue your brother, that has to mean something, right?"
He considered that. He still remembered how Moon had leapt at that Nightwing, how he been a second away from snapping her neck before Winter had jumped in to save her. He had been so panicked that doing that had allowed Pyrite to escape, but when he'd looked up after helping Moon to her feet, Qibli had been wresting with the Skywing, and he had been the one to take the enchantment off of Hailstorm. Maybe they did like him, even just a little.
He began padding towards the gift of order, and Lynx followed a few steps behind him, not sure if she should say anything. He sat before the wall, staring blankly at his name that glittered at the top of it. When he was younger he would have been ecstatic to see his name first on the dragonet rankings, but now it felt like a burden. The only way for him to get any relief from the constant borage of new attention was to hide away in his room until night when most other dragons were getting ready to sleep. His cousin Snowall's name sparkled dangerously next to his as if it were challenging him to try and steal its rightful spot for a day longer. Winter was honestly surprised she hadn't passed him already, although it wasn't as though he was doing anything the Queen could penalise him for.
The Queen
His gaze drifted to Glacier's name, standing tall and proud, all by itself. The sitting Queen's name was always separated from the rest of the rankings, placing her literally and figuratively apart from everyone else. For the first time, Winter caught himself wondering what it was like to be her. Did she ever think she was inadequate like he did? Probably not, Glacier was the best Queen in all of Pyrrhia, and besides, she had much more important things to worry about than what dragons thought of her on any given day. Did any of the other Icewing's in the palace doubt themselves? Did Hailstorm feel self-conscious while he was at the bottom of the wall before he was... removed. Winter remembered the sharp, scratching of his mother, Tundra's claws, crossing out his brother's name. He still remembered the shiver that had vibrated through his bones at that sound, and how his family had been banking on that happening to his name instead.
"We should probably head back inside." Lynx's voice cut through his thoughts, reminding him that she was there. They still had half an hour before lights out, so he guessed she just couldn't stand to see him staring at the wall in silence. "Right, of course."
They walked to Lynx's room first, her making idle conversation that Winter didn't pay much attention to. She wished him goodnight as she disappeared into her room, leaving him to make his way back to his room alone. As soon as he got back he sunk into his bed, tugging his polar bear carpet up around his shoulders. He'd been sleeping with it over the past few days, another one of his many infractions. His mind felt worn down, and yet he was far from tired. Half an hour passed, and as lights began to dim and flicker out, he was still no closer to sleep.
The spiral of worries that twisted around his brain was becoming too much to handle, so he dragged himself out of bed, twisting his moon-globe to life. With the rug still draped over his back, he sat down beside his infrequently used bookshelf. He plucked a random book from the line, flipping it over in his talons and reading the title. It was a collection of short stories, designed to warn young Icewings of the perils of the other tribes. He was surprised it was still here, he mustn't have read it since he was one year old. He scanned the pages, chuckling faintly at the inaccurate and overly dramatic depictions of the other tribes. There was something oddly charming about it though, like a small reminder of everything his life was supposed to be.
He sat there and read the surprisingly expansive book, not paying attention to the time until he heard the faint tapping of far off claws from his window. He put down his book, peering out of his window to try and see who would be up at this hour. Two ice blue shapes slipped out into the courtyard, and Winter recognised them instantly.
The first, larger shape was Queen Glacier, as regal and elegant as always. Her diamond-encrusted crown was perched precisely on her head, and she walked forwards with the kind of purpose Winter could only dream of. Behind her trailed Tundra, holding the box the crown must belong in. Their talons crunched softly in the snow, and his mother's necklace of Skywing teeth tinkled eerily in the night air. They padded over to the Gift of Order, and Glacier began moving names around. Oh, of course, this is when she organises everyone's rank. Logically it made sense, many dragons were up before the sun so the only way to make sure she could rearrange the rankings in privacy was to do it in the dead of night. Still though, it had never occurred to him that if he stayed up long enough he would be able to see her doing it.
He watched as Glacier's talon hovered briefly over his name, before moving on. It's probably difficult trying to decide exactly where every dragon is ordered. How does she keep track of it all?
Finally, she was done. She placed her crown delicately into the box and said something Winter couldn't hear to Tundra. His mother nodded, hurrying back inside the palace. Glacier didn't move though. Instead, she turned back to the wall, looking the names up and down as though appraising her choices. She began to glance up at the windows around the courtyard, in what Winter guess was their positions on the wall. Before he had time to react she was looking in at his window. They made eye contact and Winter jumped back quickly twisting off his moon-globe and lying back down on his ice shelf. His heart hammered in his ears, and he hid under his rug like a spooked dragonet. He was terrified the Queen would appear at his door to berate him for spying on her, and he realised if she found him huddling under a blanket he would likely be in more trouble, so he kicked it to the floor.
He lay there panicking for what felt like a lifetime, but as the hours droned on and no one came to visit him he began to calm down. His tiredness began to get the better of him, and he crossed his arms, laying his head on them and drifting into sleep