Chapter Nine: Teach

"And so-yes, Elizabeth?"

Elizabeth put her raised tiny hand down. "Um, I was just wondering... will you two stop fighting so that we can get on with the story?"

"I think our arguing," Aphrodite defended. "Brings a certain charm to the story, a certain... what's the word I'm looking for?"

"Charisma," Jack put in wisely.

"Yes, charis-"

She cut herself off, and the whole table stared at Jack.

"Jack," 'Dite asked in a shaky voice. "Where did you learn big words like that?"

"Well," Jack answered in his best educated tone. "Ana taught me-well, tried. I can spell it too."

"You can?" Will's eyes were huge.

"Yes I can. K-A-"

"Moment's over," Elizabeth sighed. Aphrodited was just shocked that Jack got the 'A' right. Will was crushed.

"I really thought he would be able to do it..."

"Sometimes," Elizabeth muttered. "Things just lift you up, and send you crashing down..."

And Jack? The incredible man who knew what charisma was? He was wondering how much this was going to cost him, and how much of the puppy eyes he needed to employ in order for Aphrodite to pay. Then again, she would shoot her version of the puppy eyes to him, and that had gotten her into several affairs...

"So," He began. "As we were saying-"

"Excuse me."

They all turned to see a tall man with a very long black beard staring at them. There was a long, awkward silence. The man took in the fact that two women, one dressed as a man, were causing lots of issues.

"Now, I hope you don't mind me asking," Aphrodite started politely. "But when was the last time you got a shave?"

The man glared at her, and continued stiffly. "Teach," He said, introducing himself by last name.

Unfortunately, a few people who have not seen 'Teach' on the Discovery Channel had no idea what was going on.

"Teach what?" Will asked. "Because Jack has limited intelligence."

"Teach-" Teach started over again, but...

"Yes, we've already clarified that you want us to teach you something," Jack said kindly. "But what?"

"I meant-"

"We know what you mean," Elizabeth assured him gently. The Golden Trio was really starting to think that this man was confused.

"MY NAME IS TEACH, DARN IT!" Teach yelled. All looked very angry at this.

"No need to get touchy," Jack muttered. And so it started again, 'Dite snickering in the background. After a while, Teach was able to get a word in, since Jack was being offered cheese.

Yes, our brave pirate was lactose intolerant.

"I'm a privateer-" He began again, but this time, it was a couple of pistols he was facing. "I'm guessing you don't like them," He continued slowly.

"Not really," Will grinned.

"Nah," Jack agreed.

Aphrodite suddenly had an idea. The three others watched as she whispered something in Jack's ear, Jack whispered something back, she slapped him, and he shut up and listened. Finally, he turned to Teach.

"Teach," Jack chuckled. "Have you ever thought of being a pirate?"

"Not really," Teach answered. "What with my poetry-"

Stares.

"-I mean, swordfighting lessons, I can barely get a moment in!" He then took out a little book.

"Teach invented the day planner," 'Dite explained.

"Well..." Teach looked confused. "How about this? I can be a Pirate Tuesdays through Fridays from ten thirty a.m. to five p.m."

"Perfect," Aphrodite grinned.

"I'll be a pirate!" Teach grinned.

"You'll be a pirate!" Aphrodite agreed.

"I'll sail the seven seas!"

"You'll stay away from my ship," Jack put in.

"I'll be a free man!"

"You'll get decapitated and have your head hung to the ship!"

More stares, this time at 'Dite.

"I mean... kill things!"

"AYE!" The room chorused.

"So," Jack said. "'Dite here thinks you should have a name. A 'special name'. So. Let's think of it."

Jack, who had been playing with his pistol, accidently pulled the trigger. Luckily, only a few flames went off. But they caught Teach's beard on fire.

Aphrodite whispered something else in Jack's ear. He nodded.

"Aye!" He cried. "You look like you have Satan's beard!" He sounded as if he were reading from a script.

"Really?"

Teach was a gullible man.

"Aye!"

"Can we get him a name and get it done with?" Liz sighed. At that moment, Teach's entire beard was engulfed by flames. He got a strange look in his eyes.

"FIRE!"

That's when they started to think of names.

"Firebeard!" Elizabeth cried.

"Badshotbeard!" Will yelled. Jack thumped him on the back of the head.

"Pyrobeard!" Jack slurred.

Aphrodite banged her head against the table. Teach began to run around and bump into things in his insane pyro-ness.

"What color is his beard, people?" Aphrodite asked tiredly.

"Right now, fire colored."

"What was it like before?"

Teach halted. "I like to call it a midnight raven colo-"

"Shut up, Teach."

He resumed the running.

"Oh! PICK ME!" Jack yelled.

"Yes?"

"Black. His beard was black."

"I like midnight raven better," Elizabeth muttered.

"So," Aphrodite sighed. "What do we call him?"

"Blackbeard!"

"Riiight..."

Being a goddess was a tough job. After Teach ran screaming out of the area, they were about to start the story again, when a busty blond bartender named Mary-Sue started to flirt with Jack and Will.

"Maybe I don't have to make my decision," Elizabeth grumbled.

"Don't worry," 'Dite smirked. "They'll be running off in five. Four. Three. Two. One..."

Jack and Will were back, looking very scared.

"She said that her mother was a mermaid, and her dad was pirate hunter," Jack mumbled.

"That would be a Sue!"

xxx

R and R!