Chapter 55

Sasha sighs, sitting on the dirt floor of the all too familiar cell. She did not know how many days had passed since Samuel's death, but she was sure that the day another ship from Marley would come was close. She wondered what would happen then; would new people interrogate her, forcing her to explain the same thing again and again? They still kept asking questions, sometimes several times a day, or at least so she assumed, even though she'd already told them everything! …Well, everything except the part that included Nikolo. She would not put him in danger, and since she hadn't been asked about him, Jean and Hanji must've not said anything, either. She was grateful for that, and she wasn't too worried of them changing their minds; if they did so now, it'd lead to even more trouble due to them keeping quiet so far. And if she was smart enough to understand that, so were they.

…What were they doing now, she wonders. Were they out giving orders to their subordinates? Planning something to her and Daz's, also still a prisoner of the Marleyans as far as she knew, aid? Negotiating for their release? Or were they focusing on smoking out whatever allies Daz and Samuel had had? She knew they'd already caught some, but she also knew there were those Daz hadn't known of and couldn't rat out. Samuel probably hadn't known of everyone, either. What if they caused even more trouble?

…That probably wouldn't happen any time soon; everyone was on high alert. If someone tried something now, the chances of being caught were high. Plus, with their numbers falling, they'd probably take some time to regroup. And Sasha supposed there was even a chance that they'd choose to cut their losses and quit before more of their own died, but that was unlikely. Still, she could hope, right? It was better than her mind cooking up different worst-case scenarios, which it had been doing a lot lately.

Thankfully, the sound of footsteps distracts the woman just as her mind is about to trail down a dangerous path. Frowning, she wonders what it could be about. It certainly wasn't time for her second meal of the day, and it had only been a few hours since she'd been allowed to use the toilet. Interrogation, then? But for that, there were usually three, sometimes more, people, and now she was certain she heard only two pairs of footsteps. Usually, when that happened, she was taken somewhere else for the talk. She didn't mind that; a small change in scenery was always welcome these days.

Knowing that the Marleyans tended to get sour about having to deal with her, Sasha stands up just as the door opens, not wanting to anger them by "wasting their time", as she'd been accused of before. Of course, she makes sure to not move forward and to keep her hands in their line of sight. She knows the drill by now and, fortunately, these two were ones she clearly remembered having escorted her before; she knew that scar on the slim man's cheek and the other guy, standing easily at least at two meters, was hard to mix up with anyone else. They knew she hadn't caused them trouble so far, so they wouldn't be overly rough like some of their comrades. In fact, these two tended to be pretty civil, actually. Not civil as in will answer if she tries to start a conversation, she did test that, but civil as in not make nasty comments as long as she kept her mouth shut.

…It was rather depressing that something like that was her idea of civil now.

Sasha didn't resist as they cuffed her hands, nor did she bother asking where they were going, assuming it was just the usual, but she grew nervous, if not curious, when she realized they were leaving the Marleyan settlement and, as far as she could tell, they were heading south, towards the coastline.

"…Where exactly are we going?" she couldn't help but ask. The big man simply glanced at her from the corner of his eye, but didn't bother answering. The scarred one did, but that wasn't any better as all he said was that she'd see. At least she got the hint and didn't ask again, even though she really wanted to when a Marleyan warship came in to her direct line of sight, and it became likelier and likelier that it was their destination. Surely not, right? This was some kind of scare tactic; Jean and Hanji wouldn't let them ship her off to Marley! Even if the Marleyans tried that, they'd come up with a defense that allowed her to stay here, even if she still had to stay locked up.

She was well aware of the glares she got from the people around her, but ignored them with what she hoped was a crackles poker face, keeping her gaze set straight ahead, though that was getting difficult as well. She was itching to look around, to see a familiar, friendly face past these hostile people that would assure her things would be fine. But no such luck; the closest thing she got to it was assuming that she saw a glimpse of Eric, but she was actually glad to not getting to confirm it. Ignoring the hostile looks of strangers was one thing, but with someone who'd once been a friend, she knew it to be much harder.

The two soldiers by her side stop, and she follows their lead before either one has a chance to make her. The men salute, and Sasha can see both captain Frank and Richter. Not the most pleasant sight, but since it wasn't just Richter, she should be alright, especially since Frank was of higher rank. She was left with the two of them and, as she feared, led inside the ship. She didn't want to follow them, but what choice did she have?

"It's fine; everything's fine as long as the ship's not moving, and it didn't look like it'd be ready to set sail any time soon" Sasha assured herself as she followed behind Frank with Richter walking behind her. She would've preferred it the other way around; having the man who'd been proven to be aggressive right behind her and out of her sight was way too unnerving. Not that she could've done much about anything even if he'd walked ahead of her and decided to do something, but at least then she'd have a small window of opportunity to react to whatever would happen.

Wanting to think about something else than things she couldn't change, Sasha took in her surroundings, not that there was much to look at. The walls were grey and bare, as was the floor. They passed by quite a few doors, but most of them were closed, and from the few that weren't Sasha could only get small glimpses in before they were out of her sight. She knew they'd walked past at least two store rooms and some sort of office, but that was about it. It didn't help explain why she was taken here now, but as she was led up a set of creaky stairs, her mind eased up a bit. If she was taken to a cell within the ship, wouldn't that likely be at the bottom? And yet, they were going up, perhaps to meet someone who had just arrived with the ship? That idea made her nervous too and she swallowed, but she assured herself that she'd be fine. She'd just have to tell what she'd already told them. Again.

They reached a door at the end of the hall, and the captain knocked twice before opening it, not waiting for an answer from the inside. He held it open for Sasha to step through first, and she complied, steeling herself. She had not expected to see Jean and Hanji there, standing in front of a grand desk in the rather tiny office.

"You have fifteen minutes"

"Thank you, captain" Hanji replies, and Sasha hears the door close behind her. She can hear the pair of Marleyans walking away, but she pushes them out of her mind for now; she had other things to think about.

"What's the situation, commander?" she goes straight to the point. Hanji sighs, and Sasha takes notice of the bags under her eyes. It looked like she hadn't been sleeping much lately. Moving her gaze, she realizes that Jean didn't look much better. His face was grim, too. That meant nothing good for her, for sure "…How bad?"

"Bad" Hanji confirms "The Marleyans are convinced that you're hiding something, for in their eyes, there is no way that you and the dead soldier were simply talking, hanging out as friends. We believe it's true, but out assurances didn't convince them. They want answers, and are getting impatient. They want to take you along to Marley when this ship leaves for further questioning in there. We've tried to change their minds, to have them interrogate you here, but they're convinced you'd be likelier to talk when out of our territory."

Hanji takes a small break, likely waiting for Sasha's reaction, but the younger woman says nothing. She had known they might try something like that, but she'd thought they could talk her out of it… but guess not. Guess she dug herself a deeper hole than she could handle. She opens and closes her mouth a few times before finding her voice.

"So… there's nothing you can do for me anymore?" she confirms.

"Not unless we want to risk really angering the Marleyans. We could put our foot down and say that no citizen of Eldia will be taken out of here and that that's final, but the amount of backlash we'd get… we can't do that. We've come too far with the peace to take a risk like that. I'm sorry, Sasha, I really am."

Sasha closes her eyes, unable to look at Hanji. Not because she'd be angry at her, for she isn't; she knows the commander is doing her all, for both her and for their people. If anything, she's angry at herself for getting in to this mess and causing her friends all those sleepless nights, for causing them to feel the pity and fear for her that she can see from their eyes. If only she'd somehow acted smarter that night…

"I know" she says as she opens her eyes. If nothing else, she has to make sure Hanji knows she means it "I know. It can't be helped, then; guess I'm going to Marley. I have kind of been wanting to visit again, since last time ended the way, it did and all. Surely, this can't go worse than that."

It could, she knew, and considering that she was going to be alone, it probably would. She didn't know why she'd said that, she'd just felt the need to keep talking, the need to ramble. She forces a smile, wanting to assure them that she was alright.

Judging from their faces, it wasn't working.

"Maybe there's still something we could do" Jean speaks for the first time, surprising Sasha and, by the looks of it, Hanji too. Had the man just thought of something? He walks up to Sasha, putting his hands on her shoulders, looking her in the eye.

"Have you told us everything? For sure? There was nothing about you and that soldier that you left out?" he asks, confusing her. Jean knows there wasn't; what was he trying to do? She casts a helpless look at Hanji over Jean's shoulder, seeing an unreadable look on the woman's face. Did she understand what Jean was getting at?

"Sasha, we ask one last time, just in case: is there something you'd like to add to what you told us about that night? Perhaps some detail you left out?" the commander asks. Sasha furrows her brows, her eyes moving from serious faced Hanji to anxious looking Jean and back again. And then to Jean again. What were they- oh.

The answer came to Sasha at once, though she had no idea why it had hit her all of a sudden. Perhaps it was Jean's pleading gaze, perhaps it was the unreadable one on Hanji's face, the looks that felt like they were waiting for an answer, a decision. They made her aware of what they wanted.

"No, there is nothing" she says, and knows she'd been right when she sees how Jean's face falls even more. Hanji averts her eyes, resigned, like accepting defeat "I've told both you and them all there is to tell."

Sasha was grateful, truly. She felt touched, and fought to keep the tears at bay. They'd tried to get her to change her mind, to get her to talk about Nikolo after all, and then likely pretend that they'd heard of it for the first time as well. Pretending they hadn't known until now would've kept them from being caught of a lie, and it could've bought Sasha more time on the island or, at the very last, given the Marleyans another direction to look at things from, a direction that might make it easier for Sasha in the end. But she couldn't do it, couldn't put him in even more danger. She was glad that Hanji and Jean understood that, and respected her wish, giving her the final call like this. They were both smart; if they truly wanted to, she was sure they could've told the Marleyans about her and Jonas' common connection to Nikolo without giving away exactly how much they'd really known from the start. But they hadn't done that, despite certainly being tempted to. Nikolo was their friend, but she knew that she mattered more to the two of them that he ever would.

"Thank you, commander" she says when Jean removes his hands "For everything."

"Don't say it like you're going to your death" Jean says, annoyed as he swipes his hair back "It's just a trip to Marley, not the gallows. We'll keep reasoning with them, and we'll get you back home, eventually. Your job is to be ready to return when that happens."

Sasha had no doubt that they'd keep trying, but she didn't want to get her hopes up. While she wasn't smart the way they were, she did have some understanding of politics. How could she not, after all these years? She knew that she was now simply an unfortunate part of the bigger picture. Both Samuel's execution and taking her to Marley were Marley's ways of setting an example, of showing that while they were willing work with them, they were not taking orders. That they still had power over them, enough of it that they could use it to cause disarray in their troops by taking some of them down. They knew that executing a rebel leader and taking away another soldier suspected of something that is yet to be named would cause a divided distrust in Eldia's troops. Both sides knew that the divide could have been stopped from forming had Eldia's military immediately backed up their own, but the Marleyans had correctly assumed that they wouldn't do that, wouldn't risk setting the peace back even more. And thus, they had no choice but to let Marley take the points home in this complicated show of power.

"Yeah, I know" she says. Having a sudden urge to lighten the mood, she says: "But that might take a while, so don't hold your breath. Your face already looks like that of a horse. If it gets even weirder due to being blue from the lack of oxygen, Hitch might say no when you finally get the guts to pop the question!"

Jean and Hanji stare at her, eyes wide, not saying a thing. Sasha sweat drops. Maybe that was too out of nowhere? Too forced? But it was the only jab she could think of at the moment.

"…To hell with you, Potato girl" Jean finally sighs, sounding like he couldn't be more done with her "Why have I bothered to put up with you all these years? Why do I bother to have your back?"

Everyone in the room knew it wasn't a real question. Sasha answers it anyway, cheekily.

"'Cause you can't imagine your life without me?"

Jean chuckles, but it turns in to a sob rather fast. He covers his face with his hand quickly, attempting to hide it, but it's a lost cause. Hanji must've noticed too, though she chose not to interrupt.

"True, I can't" he admits, pulling Sasha in to a surprise hug faster than she can register. At that moment, she's bitter at the guards for cuffing her hands, for she can't hug the man back "I've avoided it on purpose, really. Imagining life without you, or Connie or Mikasa, the captain and the commander, I mean. I got used to the idea of living without that suicidal bastard before he kicked the bucket because I knew he was on borrowed time, the same with Armin eventually, and I'm getting used to the idea of us eventually losing Historia. But the rest of you… I probably should prepare, somehow, but I can't. I want to live with the delusion that rest of us still left can grow old together as long as I can."

Sasha leans her forehead on Jean's shoulder, closing her eyes. That was an unexpected confession, though one that she could fully relate to. It would be nice if they could all grow old together. Still, Jean might need to start preparing for the idea of losing her. Not that she had the heart to be the one to say it. She was too afraid to say it, too afraid to face the chance that it might become reality. And thus, they just stand there for who knows how long, right until Hanji lets out a fake cough. Sasha had almost forgotten the commander was also there. She moves away from Jean, looking at the older woman over his shoulder again.

"Is there something specific you want us to tell someone? To Connie, or your family?"

Sasha wished she wouldn't have asked that, and at the same time, wished she would've thought of something beforehand, just in case. But she hadn't.

"Just… tell them not to worry. Whatever happens, happens."

Perhaps she could've given some speech about how she was a soldier, about how she was prepared, about how she was doing her duty, but she knew if she'd tried that, it would've ended up sounding like she was preparing for her death. And she didn't want that, didn't want them to think she'd given up. Because she hadn't; she'd keep on convincing Marley that she wasn't a threat to them, even if the odds were against her.

"Fat chance at that" Jean blurts out "But sure, we'll tell them. Connie's at the harbor, we would've brought him along if we could, but only Hanji and I were allowed on the ship. We'll have him pass on the message to your family."

If she did eventually get back, Connie would let her have it for her carelessness, wasn't he?

"Right" she bites her lip, not sure what else to say, but feeling like she had to add something "…Commander?"

"Yes?"

"Don't let this go to waste" Sasha says, her voice breaking at the end as her tears finally start to fall "Please!"

"I won't" Hanji says, firm, like it's a fact. She walks over, pushing Jean out of the way, not that the man even tries to protest, and pulls Sasha in to a hug "I won't, none of us will. We'll keep up this fragile peace no matter what."

Sasha sobs in to the older woman's shoulder, letting herself be held so gently, perhaps for the last time. It's a scary thought, but honestly, she does not know what awaits her at Marley, other than it's highly unlikely she'd get any kindness in there. All kinds of horrible scenarios of what might happen in the very near future flashed through her head, but she was able to push them back for now, thanks to Hanji's warm arms around her. The effect wouldn't last long, but at the very least, it kept her from completely breaking down in front her friends, and right now that was enough. It had to be.

Distraught as she was, Sasha was the first one to hear the approaching footsteps. She pulls away from Hanji, who looks confused for a small moment before realizing that they were out of time, though if it was because she too heard the footsteps or not, she didn't know. Sasha blinks a few times, knowing that she can't do anything about her certainly red and buffy eyes, but at least it'll help her clear her blurry sight. She meets Jean's eyes, which are a little red too, and manages a sad little smile. Jean smiles back, but to Sasha, it looks even more forced than hers feels, though that might have been just her imagination.

"Take care of yourself" Hanji says, squeezing Sasha's shoulders before letting go just as two knocks sound on the door. Again, no answer is waited for before the door opens. Sasha turns to look, seeing the two who'd escorted her here in the first place, as well as two people completely new to her as far as she knew. They'd probably come on the ship recently.

"I hope you got everything done in time, and I take it there are no complaints?" captain Frank asks, and it takes Sasha a moment to realize that the question is directed at her.

"No, sir"

What else could she say?

"Good" at that, Richter steps past the man and pulls Sasha along by the arm rather harshly. She tries not to wince from the sudden pain, but fails and immediately hears how a sudden step is taken forward behind her. Jean, no doubt, but since there seems to be no further trouble, he either controlled himself or Hanji stopped him.

Sasha doesn't look back even once as she's led out of the office and away from her friends. Partly it's to not annoy her handler any further, but mostly it's because she doesn't trust herself to not cry again if she looks at them. And she doesn't want to cry yet; she doesn't want to make her friends feel even worse by having to see it, and she doesn't want to give the Marleyans the satisfaction of seeing her tears. At the very least, she'd hold on to them until she was alone in whatever cell they'd throw her in to.

She walks through the hallways of the ship with clear eyes, but can't focus on taking in her surroundings, all her attention going in to not breaking down. She barely registers the turns they take, the stairs they go down, the doors they go through as she chants in her mind to stay calm. They pass some people, but she doesn't count how many, nor does she register who any of them are. She doesn't even try, just focusing on breathing and putting one foot in front of the other until she feels Richter let go, just to push her deeper in to a small room which must be her cell. She stumbles a little, but manages not to fall down. Looking behind her, Sasha catches a small glimpse of light from the hallway before the man closes the door to her face, leaving her in complete darkness.

"Enjoy your stay" she hears him say from the other side, his voice muffled by the door. Sasha blinks a few times, trying to get her eyes to adjust to the darkness, but it really is pitch black in here. The hallways had had electric lights, or at least she was pretty sure they had, she hadn't exactly paid attention to where the light came from, so maybe there was one here, too? She just had to find the light switch… with her hands stuck behind her back. Richter, that jerk, could've at least uncuffed her.

Fortunately, she wasn't afraid of the dark. And it's not like she needed to do anything, so she could just sit down and wait, light or no light. No big deal. That decided, she takes a few steps in to the room, slowly in order to not pump in to anything, and carefully feels around the closer wall with a raised foot to see if there'd be a bench or the like. For once, luck is on her side as she finds one and sits down.

A minute, two. Perhaps three, but definitely not four before Sasha breaks in to sobs. Now what? Just sit here, on this cold seat, in this dark cell and wait? Wait for what? She could probably count on not being manhandled too badly while on the ship, but what about when it would reach Marley? What would happen then? Would she be tortured in order to get information? Would she be tortured just for the sake of torture? Would she be killed? Would it be fast, or would it hurt a lot? If she wasn't killed, would they eventually tire of hurting her and just leave her somewhere to rot, all alone, for who knows how long?

Would death be better than that?

Sasha takes a deep breath, forcefully shaking her head. No. No. She couldn't let her mind go there, especially not this soon! No matter what they had planned for her, killing her off right after they'd get to Marley would be a waste, right? They wouldn't do that, and while they were doing whatever it was, they were going to do, Jean and the others would be working on getting her back. Even if the chances were small, as long as she remained alive, she did have a chance, so she had to hold on. She was being too emotional and irrational, the stress was getting to her… sleep, she needed sleep. During her time in that other cell, her dark thoughts always tended to clear away a little after she had rested. Rest would help now, too; it would help her to think clearly-

But what was there to think about in this empty darkness?

Sasha closes her eyes and bangs her head against the wall behind her, a bit harder than she intended. It hurt.

Good.

"Focus on the pain. Focus. Focus."

"Are you done crying in there?"

…Huh?

Sasha opens her eyes. She still couldn't see anything, but she'd heard something, someone, she definitely did. And the voice was familiar.

She hears a small clack, and then sees light appear from the corner of her eye. Very little of it, but in the darkness, she's been in, it feels blinding for a moment and it takes a while for her eyes to adjust to it after she's turned to face the door again. The door that had a small hatch at eye level, one that was now open. She could see the well-lit hallway through it.

"…Is someone there?" it was a stupid question to ask; the hatch couldn't have opened itself. But she didn't know what else to say.

"I'm actually tempted to answer no and see how you'll react to that."

The voice was annoyed; someone clearly didn't like her. Something like that would've normally annoyed Sasha, but now, she found herself chuckling without intending to. It was a little funny, and she'd take any distraction she could right now. Whoever it was, their timing was great… though it would've been even better if they'd made themselves known before she broke down. The person had heard, so they might've even been there then!

"Well, too late for that" she says back, wracking her brain to recognize the voice she knew she'd heard before "…Horst?"

"What?"

She was right, then. Good; it would've been awkward to be wrong… actually, knowing it was him made things a bit awkward, too; she hadn't seen him since the night Jonas died. And that reminded her-

"Are you doing alright? I mean, after everything that happened that night and with Jonas dead, since he was- "

"Are you saying it's my fault?" he cuts her off harshly, and Sasha quickly shakes her head, surprised, before realizing he can't see her.

"No!" she denies, and it's the truth. She'd blamed herself, she'd blamed Samuel, and on some fleeting occasions, Jonas himself for coming out of hiding, but she'd never considered what happened to be Horst's fault "I just… he was your friend, t- "Sasha bites her tongue before she can say "too", afraid that it'd just set him off like it had done with Eric. She hadn't seen him in a while, either "It's just that I know it's hard, losing a friend that is, so…" she trails off. She'd lost two, perhaps three, now that she thought of it; she wasn't sure what had happened to Daz, she hadn't asked. But this wasn't about her.

"Death is a risk that comes with the job" Horst answers from the other side, surprising Sasha. She had thought he wouldn't answer "But of course, it always stings to lose someone."

"…I'm sorry for your loss" she tells him, and means it. She still couldn't see the man through the hatch, but the light shifting in the light coming through told her he must've moved. Then, she heard the lock click, and the door opened. Sasha had to blink a few times to adjust her sight again, but once she could keep her eyes open properly, she saw Horst standing at the doorway, hand still on the outside handle.

"I wonder, is it really my loss you're feeling sorry for, or if you're feeling sorry about losing someone who could actually stand you?"

Sasha frowns before even remembering she shouldn't show hostility. Horst seemed to be in a mood to pick a fight, but she couldn't take the bait. It was too dangerous. Instead, she asks: "It can be both, can't it?"

Horst stares at her in silence. She stares right back. Maybe it would've been better to not meet his eyes in the first place, to not provoke him, but it was too late for that. He sighs, letting go of the doorhandle.

"I suppose it can" he says before taking the few steps forward that he needs to take in order to reach Sasha. She tenses, but otherwise doesn't react as he stops right in front of her.

"Get up and turn around" he says, and for a beat, Sasha just stares at him in confusion, until he takes out a key from his pocket, dangling it in front of her face "Three seconds, or I'm throwing this away."

Sasha wasn't sure if he'd actually do it, but she wasn't about to test it. Hastily standing up and turning around as she'd been told, she soon hears the click of the lock as the handcuffs around her wrists come loose, and Horst pulls them off. She draws her hands to her front, slowly in order to not alert the man, and rubs the place where the cuffs had been. Not that it hurt, they hadn't been left on for that long this time, but it had become a habit.

She looks over her shoulder, slowly, not wanting to alert Horst with too fast movements, just in time to see him reach up and pull a string hanging from the ceiling, putting the small lamp in the cell on. The light is bright enough that it makes it easy to see, but dim enough that Sasha doesn't need time to get used to it now after having her eyes accustomed to the light coming from the hallway. In that light, she can see there's also a bench coming out of the opposite wall, exactly like the one she'd been sitting on. They seem to be big enough to lie on if she bends her legs a bit. Quick look around the cell tells her that the only other thing there is a toilet seat directly across from the door. In her opinion, they should've put it in a corner.

Movement catches Sasha's eye, and she sees Horst leaving, giving her mixed feelings. On one hand, that meant her distraction, which felt highly needed, would be gone, but on the other, no one would harm her if no one was here with her. The problem was that she couldn't decide what was worse at the moment: the fear of being left alone with her thoughts, or the fear of what could happen if she wasn't alone.

"I have no idea what went through your head that night" Horst suddenly says when he's already at the doorway, hand on the handle again with his back to her "But you saved my life. And tried to save Jonas, too, even if that ended the way it did. So, for those things, I suppose I need to thank you."

He left, closing the door behind himself before Sasha could think of anything to say, so she was left to listen his withdrawing footsteps. He had said "I suppose I need to thank you" not "thank you", so did that mean that, technically, she hadn't been thanked? Was it a subtle jab, one that said "I know I should but I won't" or was it not a jab at all, but simply the closest thing to thanking an island devil that Horst would do? Sasha went it over in her head and, despite herself, chuckled. Here she was, having completely lost it what, a few minutes ago, then somewhat gotten herself under control and now she was… doing what exactly? Laughing about one rude man? She sighs, sitting down on the bench again. Then, she pinches her cheeks until they hurt.

She was not going to give up. She had had a moment of insanity, like the time she failed to kill that one titan in Trost and then apologized to it as a result, later freaking out about that. Or the time she'd sunk as low as to bow to Eren when he'd saved them all in the collapsing cave; that one was embarrassing too though not quite as much as what happened in Trost. But the point was, she did stupid things when scared and then got herself together later one way or the other. This was just one of those times; she just needed a moment to gather herself and then she'd be fine.

Sasha lets her eyes roam over the cell again, but aside from the two benches, the lamp in the ceiling and the toilet across the door, there's literally nothing there. Not even a window, which made sense considering the circumstances, but it would've still been nice; watching the scenery would've given her at least something to distract herself with. Oh well, at least the place was clean… not up to captain Levi's standards kind of clean, but clean enough that she wouldn't complain even after her years under the captain's command. Which probably wasn't saying much; she was one of the messiest members, the other being Connie, or so everyone always insisted. But to her defense, she kept her space tidier than Commander Hanji did hers. She smiles to herself. Positive, normal, everyday thoughts. Those would help her through this. She'd just have to keep them going.