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Hope your all well, here's the next chapter! Thank you all for the reviews, they're greatly appreciated! Enjoy!

Chapter 17.0

'What-what's going on with Jessie?' Cindy asked as she looked through the window out to the drive where Lisa and Jessie were standing. 'What's wrong?'

Jack gently placed his hand on her shoulder as he guided her away from the window and to the living room. He motioned for her to sit down and took a chair in front of her, trying to think of a way to explain it to her as gently as he possibly could. 'Cindy, Jessie's going to be okay but it's going to be a long journey for her to get better and maybe she won't. '

'What's wrong with her?' She asked, her bottom lip quivering. 'Is she sick? Is she dying?'

'No, no honey. It's nothing like that.' He was quick to reassure her as he gently took her small hand in his. 'Jessie saw-' He paused, trying to think of how to tell her what he knew of Jessie's past. 'Some things that make her have bad dreams and act like that from time to time.'

'What kind of things? She said it was worse than the foster home, that she didn't want me to know what happened in her past. What is she hiding?'

'It's not that she's got things to hide sweetie by not telling you, it's that she wants to protect you.'

'What from?'

Jack sighed, running his fingers through his hair. How was he going to tell her without breaking Jessie's trust? 'Cindy, your parents loved you and you loved them right?'

Cindy nodded. 'What's that got to do with Jessie though?'

'Jessie didn't have that Cindy. She's never had people love and look after you the way your parents and your grandma do.'

'So that's why she doesn't want to talk of her parents.'

'I'm afraid so. Jessie hasn't had what you've had. She doesn't have people to help her when she is struggling or just needs reassurance. She's only ever had herself to rely on and now she is having problems dealing with that. That's why she has been so upset today, it's not her fault. It's just that she can't control and hold her emotions in anymore.'

'That's why she was so scared of going to be a foster child.' It made sense now how she had been when she had seen her for the first time. Jessie had been scared and unhappy, she could tell, even if she had tried to hide it. 'All the foster kids know they're only looking after them for the money, they never really find a home they can call home. They never find a family they can call family.' She glanced back towards the window, her face sober. 'Poor Jessie. She's been trying to hide how she's feeling the whole time and yet I didn't have the faintest clue.'

'Jessie's like that.' He sighed heavily. 'She bottles everything up inside so that she doesn't hurt anyone by then knowing of her past, yet she's hurting herself by trying to pretend that she is fine.'

Jessie slowly became aware of the arms encircling her and sniffed back her tears as she looked up at Lisa.' Why- why are you still here when all I do is hurt and push you away? Why haven't you left me? Why do you think I'm worth something? Look at me. All I ever do is cry and make an idiot of myself.' Rivers of tears stained her cheeks as her eyes glistened, a haunted, clouded look that was a window into the torment of her soul. 'I'm broken. I'm nothing. I'm worthless.'

'Your not worthless to me honey.' Lisa wiped a tear from the corner of the girl's eye with her thumb as she looked deep into the girl's gaze. Behind the haunted look and brokenness she could see a girl just wanting to be loved, wanted, valued. Looking into her eyes, her mind was made up in a split second. There was no way she was going to let her go again. She didn't know how the joint guardianship would work, but by God, she was going to make it happen. Jessie deserved people who loved and wanted her, and heaven knew she wanted her more than anything. 'Nothing you can do could ever push me away. I'm always going to be here for you, and that's a promise.' She could see the girl was on the verge of tears again and pulled her tightly into another embrace. Jessie lay her head on her chest, sobbing quietly as she closed her eyes, feeling safe in her arms. She kissed her head gently as she held her. 'Your not worthless, your priceless.'

Jessie leant into her hold, letting out all the emotions she kept inside for so long. Her anger, her hurt, her grief. She let it go till there were no tears left inside her to cry. She couldn't understand why Lisa was still here for her, no matter how many times she pushed her away Lisa was still there. She hadn't had that before. She had never had a person treat her with such love and care and gentleness that Lisa showed towards her. Finally, after what seemed to her to be an eternity, she stopped crying and wiped her eyes on her sleeve. Looking up at Lisa, the woman smiled at her as she brushed one last stay tear off her cheek. 'Lisa, I don't understand you at all. You're nothing like the people I've had in my life before.'

Lisa chuckled softly, trying to lighten the mood. 'Goodness Jessie, I hope I'm nothing like the people you used to know.' The girl smiled a little. 'There, that's the look I like seeing on your pretty face. You look beautiful when you smile.'

'I don't know about beautiful.' She blushed a little as she looked down at her feet. 'I'm sorry for breaking down again, I seem to be crying all the time.'

'Honey, there is nothing for you to be sorry about.' Lisa gently assured her. 'It's going to take you a long time to heal, to work through what you have to. There's going to be good days and there's going to be bad days but you have to keep going. I promise you it will get better, it just takes time.'

'Why are you doing this for me Lisa?' Jessie replied quietly, still not quite ready to look at her again. What did the woman really think of her? What was keeping her here, for her? 'Why?'

'Because honey, you're worth something to me.' She touched the girls chin gently, lifting her head. 'I know how hard it can be at your age when you think you have no one, I've been there. I understand. I wouldn't be here where I am now if it wasn't for another woman who took an interest in me. She saw something in me that I couldn't see in myself, and I see that same quality in you.'

The girl nodded, her eyes searching Lisa's face as she tried to read her. 'Lisa, what-' Her voice broke a little, but she forced herself to continue. She needed to know the truth. 'What do you see when you look at me?'

'I see a girl who is strong, courageous. A girl who just needs someone to help and guide her.'

'You don't see my scars? My past? My brokenness? What people say about me?'

'No honey.' Lisa replied gently. 'None of that matters to me. When I look at you, I see you. Not your past, not your scars, not what has happened to you. I see you. I see a girl that has tried to be too strong for too long, tried to hide how she was feeling from everyone around her because she was ashamed for them to think she was weak and a coward. Your trauma and your past and how it has affected you and will continue too doesn't make you a coward honey, and don't ever think you are. Never be ashamed of being broken Jessie, because strength is nothing but pain that has been repaired. True strength is not hiding your feelings because you are scared of what people might think of you, it's letting them be shown. You can't keep it inside you forever, or how your feeling now is just going to keep on happening.'

'But-' She faulted for a moment. 'But I've been hurt by trusting people before. I'm trying to protect myself.'

'I know you are, I know you are honey but you're only hurting yourself more. I'm not saying for you to trust every single person that comes into your life, but I am saying that when you feel that you trust someone, that you'll be able to talk to them when your problems get too much for you to handle on your own. It always helps to talk to someone.'

'The only people I trust are you and Jack, I can't trust anyone else. What am I expected to do though when I get thrown from pillar to post. These foster parents, they're not going to be you or Jack. I'm trying to keep an open mind about my future, of the people that will be taking care of me but how I know they're not going to be like you two. You know what my first foster care experience was like.'

'They're not all going to be like that honey.'

'You don't know that.' She replied quietly. 'You say you understand me, but were you ever a foster child?'

Lisa shook her head. 'No, I wasn't.'

'Then you can't know what it's really like.'

'No Jessie, I guess I can't know exactly what you're going through right now to that extent.' She placed her hand on the girl's shoulder. 'But I can try to understand you. Some things I can relate better to you than you think, but others I can't. No one's experience is exactly the same, but we all go through hard times to help those we meet down the road. Things that have happened in my life help me now understand what you've gone through better than you would know.' She glanced at her watch. 'I want to take you to get checked out by the doctor honey, Jack told me you went riding this morning.'

'Yeah. I'm sorry.' Her eyes went down again. 'I know I shouldn't have, but I wasn't thinking straight. Please, don't be mad with me.'

'I'm not mad with you sweetheart.' Lisa was quick to assure her. 'But I do wish that you would look after yourself a little more. Part of that is not bottling things up till you explode and go do things that you do.'

'I know Lisa, I'm trying.'

'But you're trying on your own, and you can't do it by yourself.'

'Yeah.' Her eyes were still fixed on a pebble on the ground. 'I guess old habits die hard. When you've had to rely on yourself and only yourself your entire life you don't like asking for help much.' She sighed. 'I kinda guessed a meeting with the doc was in order as soon as you showed up.'

Lisa chuckled. 'I hope you don't associate me with seeing the doctor every time you see me.'

'Not every time, only when I know I've broken the limit again.'

'It's a bad habit you need to break. You have got to rest when your body tells you you need it.' She grabbed her phone from her pocket, her other arm around the girl as they walked over to her car. Taking Jessie in to see the doc. Jessie's alright now, I will talk to you later. Tell Cindy Jessie is okay, I don't want her worrying about her the whole time. Slipping her phone back into her pocket as she opened the passenger door for the girl, she grabbed out her keys. 'Do you want to grab a milkshake after we finish?'

'Um, sure?' Jessie sat down on the leather seat like she was worried she was going to break it as Lisa closed the door. Her eyebrows raised as she saw the interior of the vehicle, it was nothing like Jack's truck at all. She was still looking around as Lisa hoped in and started the engine, wondering what the screen in the middle of the dash was, trying to figure it out.

'Seatbelt on Jessie.'

'Oh, sorry.' The girl hurriedly found her seatbelt. 'I forgot.'

'Not everyday you get to ride in a car like this hey?'

'Yeah.' She chuckled nervously. 'You must think I'm silly or something. There weren't many cars I've been in, I can honestly say I've been on a horse more than I've been in a car.'

'No, I don't.' Lisa checked the road both ways before she pulled into her lane. It had long since stopped surprising her what the girl didn't know, but it wasn't her fault. There were a lot of things she had missed out on learning, and even something like a car like hers (which she didn't even consider really flash, there were a lot more expensive cars then hers) was something new for her. It saddened her really, too think of how much the girl had missed out on. Simple things. Little things. 'It's a lot different from Jack's truck.'

'Yeah, this actually runs.' She grinned cheekily, looking at her. 'But don't tell him I said that. Ty was having a dig about his truck ages ago.'

'Your secret is safe with me. Hey, do you want to listen to some music?'

Jessie raised her eyebrows again. 'I don't know. What kind?'

'What kind do you like?'

'I don't have anything I like. I don't remember any songs from when I was little.' That wasn't entirely true, she could still remember some of the obscene music that her mother had played around her but there was no way she wanted to listen to that even if she knew what it was. 'And the only music I had with Robert and Lillian was what we made ourselves. You know I can play violin and piano?'

'You can?'

She nodded. 'Yeah, Lillian taught me a bit. I don't think I'm very good at it though.'

'I'm sure you are. I used to play piano too, when I was your age.' Lisa chuckled. 'Maybe we could play together sometime?'

'Sure, I'd like that.'

'Good, I'd like that too.' She turned the dial on the volume a little, turning up the music that she had been playing before. 'I'm into country, I think you'll like it.'

'What about that song you sang to me? Can you play that?'

'I think it's on the CD.' She flicked through the tracks until she found the one that she had sung to the girl. 'Yes, it's on here.'

Jessie looked out the window as the words from the song poured into her soul. The scenery flashed by as she quietly sat, Lisa placing her hand on hers once or twice. A tear slipped down her cheek. The song was all about holding on, that it was going to be okay, but would it really? She was almost ready to let go, to not hold on any longer but if she let go what did she have left to hold on too? Would it really be okay for her? Everyone said to keep going, that it was going to be okay, but they weren't her. They weren't dealing with what she had to deal with, what she had to live with. Lisa said she understood, but did she really? Did she understand the real root of everything she was struggling with? The feeling that she had no place, that she didn't belong anywhere? Would she ever belong anywhere?

'They're back!' Cindy exclaimed in excitement as she heard Lisa's car pulling up out front, jumping up and knocking the chess game Jack and her had been playing off the table. The pieces clattered on the ground as she gasped, torn between cleaning up the mess she had made and seeing Jessie. 'Sorry Jack.'

Jack quickly saved the board from falling off the table too in the girl's haste to go outside. 'Just when I had you in checkmate too. What a shame.' He saw the look in her face and motioned for her that she could leave, knowing how much she wanted to get out to the older girl. 'Go on Cindy, I'll pick it up.'

'Thanks Jack.' She hurried out the front door, the screen slamming shut as she ran out to the car. Jessie was just getting out as she ran up to her, throwing her arms around her. 'Jessie! Are you okay?'

'Cindy!' Jessie gasped in surprise, not quite sure what to make of her behaviour, then it dawned on her. She'd seen her meltdown. She kicked herself inwardly. She hadn't wanted Cindy to ever see that side of her. Her vulnerable, weak side. Lisa said that it wasn't a weakness, that she wasn't a coward but she had always been taught showing emotion was the sign of a coward. Cindy shouldn't have had to see that. 'I'm fine Cindy.' She pushed her away slightly, trying to break the girls grip without hurting her feelings. 'But you're going to re-crack my ribs if you keep holding me this tight!'

'Sorry!' Cindy immediately let go, taking a couple steps back. 'I didn't mean to hurt you.'

'It's okay, no harm done.'

'What did the doctor say?'

'Got a clean bill of health and she took my stitches out too.'

'Your still not supposed to go riding for a few more days.' Lisa added as she came around the back of the car, holding a bag from Maggie's. 'Hi Cindy.'

'Hi Lisa.' Cindy sniffed the air as she smelt an aroma coming from the bag she was holding. 'That blueberry muffins you got in there?'

'Hey, you can't have them right now.' She chuckled, holding the bag out of the girl's reach. She smiled as Cindy pretended to pout, noting that Jessie was quite amused with the girls' antics. 'You can have a couple when you go inside, Jessie thought the two of you could share them.'

'So I was right, they are blueberry muffins.'

'Yes.' Jessie rolled her eyes. 'You guessed right. We've got strawberry milkshakes too.'

'Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go inside.'

'Woah, you only just made one mess by rushing around.' Jack laughed as he heard what she'd said, joining them beside Lisa's car. Cindy had almost ran into him as he'd come out the gate. 'Slow down.'

'Sorry Jack.' She apologised, only stopping long enough for a quick glance back. 'Coming Jessie? I'm starving!'

Jessie rolled her eyes as Lisa handed her the bag, a small smile on her face. 'I guess I've been told.' Then she turned serious as she looked at her. 'Lisa, thank you. For everything.'

'Its okay honey, I'm just glad I was able to help.' She placed her hand on the girl's shoulder, then nodded in the direction of the house. 'Go on, Cindy's waiting for you. I'll come see you before I have to go.'

Jack watched as Jessie went into the house, looking down at Lisa as he slipped his arms around her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. 'Hey.'

'Hey.' Lisa smiled. 'How was Cindy?'

'Alright, once I managed to get her calmed down. It got her pretty upset, seeing Jessie like that.'

'I can imagine.' She sighed. 'Jessie's got a lot to deal with. Barbra spoke with me while Jessie wasn't around and she wants to get her mentally assessed. I think depending on what that comes back as, it's going to make it a lot harder for us to get guardianship of her.'

'So, you've decided your in?'

She nodded. 'I don't know how we're going to make it work, but somehow we will. Jack, I love that girl, honestly. It breaks my heart seeing her like this. Sad, scared, broken. I don't want to see her going to another foster home. She needs people that understand her, that care for her. She needs a place where she belongs. People she trusts. She won't find that being pushed from foster home to foster home. She trusts us both, she gets along with everyone here. Her staying here, I think-' She paused, trying to think of what to say. 'I think we can make this work, I really do.'

'I'm glad you came to a decision Lisa, I really didn't doubt for a second what you would choose.' He kissed her hair gently. 'I guess the next step is talking to Lou and Amy and letting them know, they deserve a say in if she stays or not. It's their house as much as it is mine.'

'Do you think they'll have a problem with her staying?'

'No, I don't think so. Lou and Amy both like Jessie, and if Lou is worried that she'd have to look after her it's going to be me who is responsible for her.'

'What about Mallory? How do you think she'd react to you being Jessie's guardian? She might get jealous of you spending time with her.'

'I'll speak with Mallory too. I know how much she thinks of me.' Jack replied. 'Jessie and Mallory seem to get along quite well, even if they are very very different.'

'So, after that, what do we do next?'

'I guess after we find out if they're okay with it we organise a meeting with Clint. Without Jessie's knowledge. I don't want to get her hopes up. Clint spoke with me before about getting Jessie assessed, he's got to have a psychologist come out and speak with her before she goes to this new foster home as they had planned anyway. Like you said, depending on what he says, it could affect getting her guardianship.'

'Do you think Jessie's mental state is going to be a problem?' Lisa asked worriedly. 'I mean, if they don't think we are prepared to take care of her there is no way they're going to give us guardianship of her.'

'I don't know to be honest Lis.' He sighed. 'It's probably the only real problem we're going to have. Everything we can have under our control I think we've figured out, but Jessie herself is something we have no hold over. There's nothing we can do about that.'

'And there's one other thing we haven't quite figured out yet either.'

'What's that?'

'Us.' She looked up at him. 'God forbid, but if 'whatever this is' ever were to not be enough anymore and we broke up, Jessie would be devastated. What would we do then?'

'I've thought about that too, Lis. If I didn't think 'whatever this is' was strong enough to bring Jessie into it, I would never have suggested we take guardianship over her.' He looked down into her blue eyes, those gorgeous eyes of hers that showed so much of her thoughts. 'Lisa, if something were to happen with our relationship, if we both felt like we wanted a clean break we still wouldn't be able to do that with Jessie. Jessie would still need us both, we would find a way that she'd be able to spend time with both of us.'

'I guess it would still be the same as it would be now. You looking after her while I'm away and her coming for sleepovers when I'm here. Will that be good enough for the authorities though, I don't know.'

'Neither do I, I just pray that it will be enough.' He glanced towards the house as the sound of girls laughing reached them. 'Jessie deserves to be happy.'

'She does.' Lisa replied, getting that faraway look in her eye that she did when she thought of a girl she had known not that long ago.

Jack noticed her silence, noticed the look on her face. 'Lisa, is everything okay?'

'Yeah, fine.' She quickly returned to the present, pushing her flashbacks to the back of her mind. 'Let's go see what they're up to, it's getting chilly out here.'

'I agree.'

'Took you long enough to come in.' Jessie exclaimed as they walked in and placed their coats on the rack. 'I managed to save you a muffin each from someone.' She motioned at Cindy. 'You can thank me later.'

Lisa chuckled as she walked in, taking a place with them at the table as Jack put his hat up and grabbed himself a coffee. 'Thanks Jessie.' She looked down at the chessboard between the two girls. 'So, who's winning?'

'Jessie.' Cindy replied, between bites of her last muffin. 'She's got me cornered.'

'Well, if you move this one.' She prompted, pointing to the knight and where to move it. 'Then you take out her queen.'

'Hey!' Jessie protested with a laugh as Cindy captured her queen with Lisa's help. 'Your supposed to be on my side!'

'I'll help you Jessie.' Jack placed his cup down as he took a seat beside her. He winked at Lisa and Lisa chuckled. 'I guess chess can be played by four.'

'Oh, you're on.' Lisa teased back. 'Let's win this Cindy.'