Hi guys! Update time!

I'll be leaving you all on another cliff-hanger this chapter. *chuckles* so sorry (not sorry) in advance. Things are going to get interesting, trust me... Three words of spoilers for the next chapter... Sadness, anger, fight. In that order. It's going to be quite a plot-twist... Care to try and guess what's going to happen?

I'm hoping to finish uploading this story, Old Demons, Uncertain Futures soon, its 37 chapters long from memory so we have about 11 (?) chapters left to go. I am continuing writing the next story (no, no hints about what its called yet) and would like to finish it before I start to upload it but we'll have to see what happens...

Anyway, enjoy and as usual I'd love for you guys to leave a review!

Chapter 26

The week passed by slowly after Cindy had left, an unusual feeling of silence and her absence settling over the people at Heartland. Her presence was greatly missed, even Caleb was surprised to a degree that he missed seeing her cheery face each morning. Cindy called the evening she got home to let them know that she had arrived safely and Jessie had been happy to hear from her but after the call she had been unusually quiet. It was hard, they had been inseparable for the two months since they had escaped and Jessie was missing her most dreadfully.

Lisa and Jack watched Jessie closely, concerned about the girl. Jessie had started to crawl back into her shell, no longer did she laugh or smile. It was almost like Cindy leaving had taken a part of Jessie with her. Jessie would sit by herself for hours, just staring into the distance at nothing. She didn't want to talk, didn't seem to even notice their presence. Getting her to eat was nearly impossible and Lisa, even with their connection, didn't seem to be able to get through to her. It was like she was back to square one, right back where she began after she came to Heartland. To say they were concerned about her was an understatement. They were dreadfully worried about her.

The psychologist came to visit a couple days after Cindy had left, neither of them knew what had been said or what the results of her assessment were but if Jessie's behaviour was anything to go by, all it had done was make it worse. She had completely withdrawn from them, even just by looking at her it was like she wasn't inside her body anymore. Her brown eyes would stare sadly at them, saying a thousand words in just one look. Lisa wished to heaven to know what was going on in her mind, wished that she knew someway to help her. She hated seeing Jessie like this. Lost, scared, hopeless. The girl didn't even want to go see her horse, she had completely blocked everyone and everything out. She would sit on the floor in front of the fireplace for hours, staring at the flames. There was nothing they could do. Jessie wouldn't talk to them. She acted like they were strangers.

Lisa was supposed to be back in France but she cancelled her trip, Jessie being her first and most important priority. The things over there could wait. She needed to be here, needed to be with Jessie. Lou had given her her room, bunking down with Amy so Lisa didn't have to drive home every night and so she was close by to look after the girl. Jessie was having nightmares again and they were worse then before, sometimes she would be lucky to have two hours sleep in a row. The girl wouldn't say what they were, instead just looking at her with the blank, emotionless look in her eyes as she would hold her and tell her that she was okay, she was safe. Jessie didn't seem to take notice of anything, sometimes it seemed like she did for a moment but then she was back to the way she was. The sleepless nights were starting to have an effect on the girl, combined with her refusing to eat. She was going backwards and she had no idea what to do to help her. Both Jack and her were powerless to do anything.

They told Clint of their concerns, of Jessie's behaviour and that if she were taken to the foster home as planned it was only going to get worse. There was nothing he could do either really, he wasn't the one who decided what happened to the girl, he was only the messenger from people who had never met the girl. To them, Jessie was just another number, another case file but to them Jessie meant way more. They had seen her at her worst, they'd seen her at her best. They had been with her for nearly four months, they were the ones who understood her. Knew to a degree what she was like, her personality and triggers. She had trusted them but now it was like she didn't trust anyone. It was almost like she didn't even care what happened to her, almost going to the extent that she didn't care if she died. They could see her wasting away, physically and emotionally. In five days of refusing to eat, the girl had lost nearly a sixth of her body weight. She just would not eat, no matter how hard they tried they were lucky if they could convince her to take a bite. They were at their wits end, at a loss to know what to do.

Jessie stared blankly into the fire, the minutes slipping by as she sat alone with her thoughts. She was missing Cindy, missing her dreadfully. She had spoken with her on the phone but it was different. Way different. Speaking to her over the phone was nothing compared to her being there with her. When she had arrived at the foster home, Cindy had given her something to live for, a reason to get up in the morning. That reason was to protect her, to look after her. Now, she had nothing. She was going to this new place, leaving her horse, her puma and above everything, Jack and Lisa. Especially Lisa. What did she have left? Nothing. Nothing at all. She was angry, she was furious. They were taking everything from her for the second time. Everything she knew, everything she loved and dumping her with a couple strangers in a city. What reason did she have to live anymore?

She laid down on the rug, her body consumed in total exhaustion. The nightmares, they were back and worse than before. She couldn't sleep, she was afraid to sleep. Afraid of her dreams. Even Lisa, sitting up with her, holding her, did nothing. She was powerless against her dreams. Too weak to fight against them anymore. In her dreams she could see her father, reliving again and again how she was the one who killed him. He would come back to life in those dreams, haunting her, laughing at her. Telling her how hopeless, useless, worthless she was. She would wake in terror just before he killed her, having watched him murder both Jack and Lisa before her went for her. It was exhausting, sometimes she would have the same nightmare three times in a row.

The other nightmares were the foster homes, past and future. In the past she relieved every detail of Howard's abuse to her, ever lash of his belt, every punch. The cold, dark celler she was trapped in. Again and again she relieved it, getting hurt, their escape but getting caught again by him. She always woke up just as Howard caught them, utterly terrified. What if he had caught them? What then?

The dreams of the future foster home were worse than the ones of her past. Nothing in them made sense, it was like it was a different dream every time. One thing always stayed the same though. She was beaten, abused, starved, dying alone trapped somewhere, hoping that Lisa or Jack would come rescue her. They never came, never came for her.

She heard softly approaching footsteps behind her, interrupting her thoughts. It was Lisa, she knew what her footsteps sounded like a mile away. She heard them stop beside her, a breeze drifting over her from the woman's movements of sitting down behind her. She felt Lisa's hand in her shoulder, still staring into the fireplace.

'Jessie, Jessie honey.' Lisa whispered gently, trying desperately hard not to cry. She could feel the girls bones under her hand, the girl was rapidly loosing weight. God, please, help me. She prayed, touching the girls hollow cheek. Please, you have got to help me get through to her. Please, please, help me know what to do, what to say. Please, help me help her.

'Jessie sweetie, are you listening?' Are you even in there? Her mind continued as the girl made no acknowledgement of knowing that she was there. She closed her eyes, trying to gather herself together. She had tried the soft, kind way for long enough but it hadn't done anything. Somehow Jessie had to snap out of it. 'Jessie, I know your hurting and your going through a lot but lying here feeling sorry for yourself isn't going to help you at all. You can't lie here forever.'

Watch me. She replied in her mind. What reason have I got? What reason have I got huh Lisa? It's my choice. I haven't got a reason anymore. Maybe once I would have continued to fight but what's the point anymore? I don't have anything. They're even taking Warrior from me.

'Jack and I are worried about you Sweetheart.' She continued, hoping that she would finally get through to the girl. Sometimes you had to be cruel to be kind. 'You need to woman up and get up. Life just doesn't end because things aren't going the way you want.'

'How dare you!' Jessie snapped as she sat up, her eyes flaming as she yelled at her. 'How dare you! You have no idea what I'm going through. You have no idea what it's like. I have no reason to live, they have taken everything from me. Everything that has ever meant anything to me. Cindy left, they're taking me from Warrior and throwing me into a home with goodness knows who and you tell me to woman up? You don't know what it's like, seeing someone else being loved the only way you could ever dream about. To watch them have what you want and know that you'll never have it because to everyone you're just another number. Another washed up basket case in the foster care system. All I want is to belong somewhere, to belong to someone. It'll never happen. I know as soon as this couple tires of me I'll be moved onto the next place I won't belong. I won't belong anywhere, I'll never belong anywhere.' Tears were streaming down her cheeks now but she continued, letting go of everything she had been keeping inside her. 'How would you feel having nightmares every night of the man who killed you mother about to murder you? How would you feel knowing that your father never wanted you in the first place? How would you feel to be a mistake? How would you feel to be unwanted, unloved? You don't know what I have to deal with every. Single. Day. I'm sick of fighting, I'm sick of trying to be strong. I'm sick of pretending that I'm alright, hiding behind a fake smile so people don't know what I'm really feeling. I'm sick of saying I'm fine when people ask me how I'm doing. How do they think I'm doing? Like my life is perfect? All I want is to belong somewhere, to someone. A place to call home with people I can call my family. People who care enough about me to accept me for what I am and who I am. All my life all I have ever wanted is to be loved. When I saw Cindy and her grandmother, I couldn't help but be jealous. She has everything I only dream about and she doesn't know how lucky she is. I just want to be not okay. I just want to not be strong anymore. I just want this pain to go away. I want to be happy.'

'Oh honey.' Tears ran down Lisa's cheeks as the girl finished pouring her heart out to her in a broken whisper. Oh my girl, my darling girl. She wrapped her arms around her as Jessie held tightly onto her, crying into her shoulder. I want to take away your pain. I want you to find your home and happy place with me. I love you so much, I want you. You don't know how much I want you, how much I need you. You belong here, with me. You have a home, you have a family, in me. She held onto her tighter as her tears dripped onto the girls hair. 'It's okay. It's going to be okay.'

'No it's not.' Jessie's voice broke between sobs. 'It's never going to be okay.'

What could she say to her? What could she say that would ease the girls broken heart? They had no idea yet if Jessie could even stay with them. There was nothing she could say. No reply that would heal her pain. She kissed her head gently, letting her cry. She needed to let it out, the girl having held it inside her for so long. It was no surprise why she had been acting the way she had. The poor girl was trying to hold herself together and no one had really any idea what she was going through. It was more than just Cindy leaving, it went way, way deeper.

Lisa and the girl sat on the floor, holding each other as they cried. Jessie for everything she was losing and could never have and Lisa for the fact that there was nothing she could do to help her. She had no idea what Jessie had been struggling with, the girl had revealed little bits and pieces but she had never spilled everything in a way that she had just then. It was her cry of wanting to be loved, to belong that really had torn at her heart. She could remember well too wanting exactly the same thing.

Jessie's body went limp in Lisa's arms as she succumbed to her exhaustion, her head resting on the woman's shoulder as she leant against her. She closed her eyes, trying to remember the feeling of Lisa holding her. She felt Lisa kiss her head gently and she whimpered as she relaxed in her hold. 'I'm sorry for yelling at you.'

'It's okay honey, it's alright.' She quickly assured her. 'You don't need to apologise. I shouldn't have made you snap like that but there wasn't anything else I could do. You've had me so worried Sweetheart. Both Jack and I have been so worried. I didn't know what to do.' She brushed the tears gently from the girls eyes. 'Why didn't you tell me that you were feeling like this?'

'I don't know.' She whispered. 'I don't know.'

'It's alright, you don't have to have an answer.' Lisa grabbed a handkerchief from her pocket. 'Do you feel better now?' The girl nodded as she blew her nose. 'I'm glad. You know, there's someone else who's been worried about you and off his tucker.'

'Warrior?'

'Yes.' She nodded. 'Why don't you get yourself cleaned up and go say hello?'

'Alright.'

'Good girl.'

Lisa got to her feet as the girl headed to the bathroom, taking a seat on the couch. More and more the idea of her going to the foster home was getting to be despicable. How could putting a child through this be for her best interest? The poor child had enough to deal with without having to be shoved from home to home. Jack and her could give her the love and care she so desperately craved, the kind of life that she deserved. How couldn't they see that this was what was best for her? Jessie belonged here, she belonged with them.

'Okay, I'm ready.' Jessie said timidly as she walked out, her cheeks dried and her hair brushed. 'Can you come with me?'

'Of course darling.' She got up, following her to the door and handing her her coat. 'It's getting cold outside, they say it's going to snow soon.'

She put her jacket on as Lisa did hers up, the thought of snow bringing a sparkle to her eyes for a split second. 'Could we have a snowball fight if it does snow?'

'Sure.' She agreed, opening the door to let the girl out. 'I used to love making snow angels when I was little.'

'Me too.' She was about to say more when she noticed a car pulling up in the drive, recognising it instantly. Instinctively she pressed closer to Lisa, the woman putting her arm around her. 'What's he doing here?'

'I don't know.' Lisa replied as Clint stepped from the car and they started to head over to him. As far as she knew they still had three days before he picked Jessie up. If, that was, they rejected their application for her guardianship. 'It's okay, let's just see what he wants.'

'Lisa, Jessie.' Clint acknowledged as they approached him, Jack joining them from the barn. 'Morning Jack.'

'Morning.' Jack replied, as equally surprised as Lisa was to see him here. 'What are you doing here?'

'Didn't you get my messages? I've been trying to get hold of you all morning.' Jack shook his head. Clint continued, turning to Lisa and the girl. 'I'm here to get Jessie early.'