Wow, I was so amazed by how many reviews I got that I had to write another chapter! Besides, Legolas was so thrilled (even though I'm making fun of him) that he threatened to hurt me if I didn't do this. He forced me to sit down and write. I put review responses at the end because there were so many... XD XD WARNING: Lots of character-bashing in this. Sorry, guys!

Kalayna: Legolas, you can put the bow away now, I'm writing it!
Legolas: Of course you are, Kalayna. I shall put it away. For now. This Are-and-Are thing really works!
Kalayna: Ooog. You guys better enjoy this, you don't know what I'm going through.

Here is continued the continuation of- wait, that doesn't make sense. This is the next part of my incredibly wonderful adventure about things I can kill! OK, so everybody else thinks it's about the thingamajig that shrimpy guy has, but they're just all sadly mistaken. Everything revolves around me! But of course, since they don't know that, they pay me no attention at all. Buggers.

We get to that rocky spot thingy where we get to rest

Not that I need to rest or anything. I'm an Elf, for Valar's sake, I don't need rest. Ha-ha. Therefore the reason I see the crowy thingies first. For once, the other peoples actually pay attention to me, and thank goodness gracious they listened! Under the bushes, and hidden away. No way they saw us. Or maybe they did, thanks to the Dwarf's bushy flamin' red beard. I wish I could have shot them. Roast crowy things for lunch!

Once they're gone we head up Caradhras

Of course no one bothers to ask O incredibly wise me where we should go. Doesn't matter that I would have chosen mountain to cave any day of the week anyway. Caves are scary... never mind, forget I said that. So up over the mountain, and of course I get to show off my wonderfullness again by walking on the snow. Stars, I'm gonna kill that Sour Manny guy, he messed up my beautiful hair when he dropped that snow on us! But then again, he gave me another chance to show off the greatness of me when I saved Gandalf and came up from that nasty cold white stuff first.

Shrimpy Thing-Wearer says we're going through those danged caves

And I don't mention that I'd really like to leave this quest right about now. But since Gandalf seems so freaked about trying to go in there, there must be something worth fighting somewhere in it. So I decide I'll stay. But that could change quickly! Don't forget that. Ugh, why did I ever do this to begin with? Oh yeah, 'cuz I wanted to kill stuff. That's looking to be less and less fun.

I killed that Watcher thing!

I'm the hero, I'm the hero, I'm the hero, yeah, yeah... Uh-huh! This is getting better with every arrow I shoot. And now I get to tease the Dwarf. Nah-nah, your house is a tomb, nany-nany-boo-boo! And of course I also get to identify the arrows. Goblinesque, of course. Anybody who knew the least thing about arrows would know that. It helps that they say "Goblin arrow" on them- oops! No, I didn't say a thing, Aragorn. Whew, that was close!

Drums in the deep...

Oh, give me a break. "They have a cave-troll," says Bora-weird, as I have come to not-so-affectionately call him. No, really? I couldn't tell that by the noise the thing's making. Oh, well. Kill, kill, kill! And of course I'm the one to finally get rid of the troll, nasty thing that it is, and showing off my tightrope (or chain) walking, too. Elves are wonderful balancers, we are. Is balancers a word? I dunno. Who cares.

"Ai! Ai! A Balrog!"

Oh, that has got to be one of my most embarrassing moments... And then, "Run, run, run, as fast as you can, you can't help me, I'm an old fat man!" Or at least I think that was what Gandalf said before he fell. At least he got rid of that Balrog before he kicked the bucket. Because of that, I'll pretend I'm sad he's gone. He was too bossy for me anyway.

And we meet Haldir in the Golden Wood

Whoah! I remembered the name of the place AND the person! I'm on a roll. Oh, and Hal, buddy, I totally agree with you about the Dwarf. I wish I had shot him, in the dark or light, I don't care which. Man, he's got a foul mouth on him! That jumble of sounds was NOT so nice! At least, that's what I saw from Aragorn's reaction. He said it too fast for me to process what he said. I mean, that's only because I like to soak in information slowly, it's not like I'm dense, or anything... whatever. Let's go meet this Lady Whoever.

Meet freaky Lady with scary big eyes

What was her name? Glad-you're-real, or something like that? Yeah, I'm glad I'm real, too. It would be so sad if wonderful Leggy were just a dream... Hey, get out of my mind, you crazy woman! Yeah, you! Fine, be that way, missy grumpy-pants. Ask before you go yelling at somebody in their head next time. And by the way, I'm not the prideful snit, you are!

Have lots of fun wandering around in pretty forest

Lots different than the place back home, really it is. Do we have to leave? Oh, that's right, Aragorn's in charge now, la-di-dah. I shoulda been the one to take over when Gandalf decided to fall off the cliff. I am quite a few years older than that wierdo, anyhow. Wait, the Gondorian's the weirdo, the Ranger is the stinky one. I hadn't mentioned that before, had I? You'd never guess that guy actually grew up around us beautiful, wonderful-smelling Elves! He smells (and looks) more like he grew up with... trolls or something. I hope he doesn't read this. His sword's longer than my knife and he has a thing for sneaking up on me.

Park the boats and sit around for a while

Oh yeah, and the Thing-wearer is missing. Big deal, who cares! He may be stupid, but he's got enough brains in his head to find his way down a hill back to us. Or maybe I'm thinking too highly of him. Oh, boy. Uruks, that's trouble, there. But guess what? More killing! I think I'm beginning to enjoy this. Fighting really is so much fun!

Kill most of the things

But somehow Bora-weird manages to get himself killed and the shrimpy guys manage to get carried offnot the Thing-wearer and his little slave, they left in the boats and deserted us, the little bugger. Let's hear it for brains! But I'm pretending I'm sad (I do this a lot really) because I have to keep up appearances, so Ada always says. So anyhoo, we shove Bora-weird over a big waterfall (we shoulda done that a long time ago) and get on our way. For once I agree with you, Stinky. Let's hunt some Orc.

Boo-hoo, the Dwarf's tired

But of course I'm not. It's only been three days of running, after all, and who needs water, or food, or whatever? Ugh, I'm gonna die. But it'd be humiliating at this point, so I'll have to keep it up until I find a place where I can collapse and die without anyone seeing me. Yeah, sounds like a good plan. Maybe once I show off my nobility by almost killing this horse-dude I can find a nice, quiet place to die.

Horse-dude gives us horses

Oh my Valar. I totally take back what I said about killing Éomer. I even learned his name, and I will be forever grateful to him. Horses! No more running! What I don't understand is why we can't just go with him and his buddies. They look much more inviting than tracking a bunch of Uruks. I mean, two shrimps aren't that big a deal! They're probably evil creature chow by now anyway. I tell you, if I were in charge, there's be some changes around here! But for now I'll be happy with horses.

Whole bunch of walking through a freaky old forest, and something's coming

Gah! Don't hurt me! Wait... Gandalf? Oh no, why him? He has got to be indestructible. Grrr. At least now he's in charge and not the Stinkbomb. But bossy as ever, I see. Ah, what good is it anyway? They never listen to me.

Yeah, Rohan, save a king, all that

OK, so I didn't save the king. But I kept the soldiers away while Gandalf saved the king. But did I get any credit? Nooooo. At least we get a real bed for like the first time in forever.

What do you mean we're leaving?

Just when I get all comfortable here, we have to leave again. No respect at all, I tell you. This place- Helm's Deep, right? Yay, I remembered!- sounds much too cave-like for its own good. And mine. Oh, well, nothing for it. At least it sounds like there might be more fighting. That's always fun. As long as I don't get hurt. So, off we go again, and at least the shrimpy guys are gone. Most of them, as I give the Dwarf the evil eye.

Wow. That took forever to come up with. I don't have to do another one, do I? Vote yes/no, and I'll see what I can do. Personally, I don't think this one is as funny as the last, but hey... if you like it, it works for me!

Kalayna: Happy, Legolas?
Legolas: You forgot something...
Kalayna: rolls eyes Oh, yeah. Sorry. R&R, people! He's become obsessed with that...
Legolas: Grins widely Yay.

Avalon Estel: It's so much easier to write in slang than proper grammar! Thanks, and here's a second helping!

crazyfrasier: I am writing more! See, see?

Deana: Yeah, that was one of my fave lines too. Glad you like it!

ginnyweasel108: Ha, I know how she feels. I can't believe I wrote it! I LOVE Leggy!
Legolas in background: Awww, you do? How sweet...
Oh, and ginnyweasel says hi, Leggy.
Legolas: Hi ginnyweasel!

Laiquendi: I'm so glad you like my poems and stuff! Boromir went bad, that's what he did! Incredibly insightful Legolas could see that coming a mile off. I like Borry, too, though.

Mystic-Fae: How could I resist those puppy-dog eyes? Though I would like it much better coming from Leggy... heehee. Well, have a happy, bright day!

Tartan: Ta-da! Here's your award! I hereby present this award to Tartan for giving me my first-ever flame! Congratulations! (BTW, if you hadn't figured it out, I'm not quitting.)

Legolas' Girl 9: Awww... I hope you're not dead. I want your review. :) Leggy, Legolas' Girl 9 sends her love.
Legolas: How sweet- but I still love Kalayna more!

the7bells: Ewww. Keep the peas and carrots. I'll give you another chapter for free.

person who likes gettin critical:You're so kind. Yes, I am dissin' Aragorn. But I'm dissin' everybody, especially the characters I love! So feel good, that means I LOVE Aragorn!

Crazy Hyper Lady: Thank you! Hopefully this one is as good.

Eclypse: Thank you!

Kiana: You are my best buddy forever! I love people who add me to their favorite authors/stories list- huggles Avie, who has done both!