Do you guys know what you've done to me, sending me all those reviews telling me to do another chapter? You should have seen the look on my face when I saw the reviews- a combination of happiness and horror. Then Legolas came up behind me. Let me give you a glimpse of that unpleasant conversation.

Legolas: Wow, lots of reviews.
Kalayna, looking more than a bit bleary-eyed: Yeah.
Legolas: Well, get started on another chapter already!
Kalayna: yawns Not now, it's 12:30 in the morning!
Legolas: Draws bow and points Get to it, or I won't speak to you forever!
Kalayna: Wonders how in the world he manages to mix an absolutely adorable expression with an heart-rending threat OK, OK!

Once again, enjoy my suffering. Legolas is loving it, of course.


Here we go again, but the less introduction, the better. Let's get down to the matter at hand. My miserable journey to the stone horribleness that's waiting for me.

Stinky guy falls off a cliff

OK, so maybe my fortunes are improving! I'm getting really good at pretending I'm sad about the death of my 'comrades.' Except that the darn bossy people won't stay dead! As I think in disgust of Gandalf. But at least Stinky's dead now. No way he survived that 'little tumble off the cliff,' as that dying thing called it. I wish I coulda killed him before he died himself. The Orc, I mean, not Stinky. I don't hate him quite that much.

So off we go again, and get to that Helm's Rock thing.

This is so worse than I thought. It's crowded, and full of people whose smell reminds me of Aragorn, and it's a big thing made out of rock like a cave, and there's not a tree in sight. Curses! Oh well. May as well make the best of it. Think of Stinky and smile, that's it, Leggy. Woo-hoo! Oh yeah, and Gandalf's gone, forgot to mention that part. That makes me happy for a while, except that he actually plans to come back. Hopefully he won't.

HE'S BACK! NO!

I command you to get away, evil ghost from the abyss! But no. All I can say is "You're late. You look terrible," and hand him his stupid necklace, because I have to keep up this noble act. I'm gettin' about tired of reappearing, bossy dead people and having to keep my good reputation going. But all in the name of the Quest, right? Right, the Quest I could care less about as long as I get to hurt something along the way. I'm mean like that.

What are you TALKING about, 10,000 Uruks!

Whoah, man, you know, a few hundred, that I could do. But 10,000? NO WAY! I mean, we have to draw limits here, man. A little kid with a sword? A grizzled, scary old guy with a bow? We are so doomed. And for once, I stand up for myself, forget the noble act, and tell reincarnated Stinky so. What did he have to get so mad about? He knows it's true! Oh, well, there's no reasoning with a guy like that.

Decide to go tell Stink-o I'm sorry.

Let me give you an evaluation on that (un)pleasant conversation.

Me, as I grit my teeth and hand him his sword: "Forgive me," because I'm going to go hide behind a wall while you go off and command troops, "I was wrong to despair," since YOU'RE the one who's gonna get his head cut off anyway.

Stinky: "There is nothing to forgive."

Blech! If Stinks knew what I was thinking, he'd be singing a different tune. Not that he can carry the tune he's singing now very well. Oh, well. Off to battle! We're all gonna die, we're all gonna die. I'm so encouraging.

And now it starts raining.

How positively dismal. I'm proud of myself! "Positively" and "dismal" are some of the vocabulary words Ada makes me memorize. Yipe! It's raining on my hair- I might get wet- MY BRAIDS MIGHT COME OUT! Valar save me! Oh yeah, and while you're at it, Manwe dude, curse Stinks to the Void. 'Kays? And you might save my life, too.

Haha! I'm winning!

"I'm on seventeen!" Do you know how great it felt to say that? He's on two. Oh, yeah, like he could ever hope to compare with me, the great prince with sparkling blue eyes, perfectly combed blond hair, and flawless skin. Oh yeah, and a killer aim with a bow, that helps when fighting a hopeless battle. At least I'll have the glory of having beaten this imbecilic (another vocabulary word) shrimp before I die. (A/N: Doesn't he wish!)

Gandalf just came back and saved our butts.

Yeah, OK, so I have to be a little grateful, I guess. Smile and nod, that's it. But guess what? He brought Eomer with him! Remember him? The guy whose name I learned because he gave us horses. I could still be his slave for eternity, just because he saved my poor, perfect, exhausted legs.

I gloatingly announce my total kills to the Dwarf and- WHAT?

No way. No way. Stagger, gag, retch, stumble, be horrified. He did not say what I think he just said! LIAR! But it would be unlordly (blech!) to say that, so instead I try to regain my shattered honor by attacking the wounded, helpless orc pinned beneath this shrimp's far-too-padded bottom. Wait, the wounded, helpless thing doesn't look great on my record, so make it "ferocious but slightly battle impaired." This diary- whoops, journal- is going to need some major editing before I sell it as "Leggy's Fabulous Memoirs on the Big Killing Spree (Lesser Known as the Quest of the Ring)", as which it will of course become a national- no, international- atmospherical- galactical- universal- there we go, universal bestseller!

Yes, I know, I know, short chapter! But I had to cut it off with the end of The Two Towers, right? Actually that's just an excuse for the fact that I am totally creative humored-out for the time being (and the last few weeks, which is why this has been so slow in coming). I think Legolas is satisfied with this. Actually, he'd better be, because this is the best he's getting out of me for a while.

Legolas: I'm appeased... for now. glaring at Kalayna and fingering bow
Kalayna: gulps Come on, can't you let me rest from this slave labor for at least a little bit?
Legolas: grins wickedly Never, never.